AN: When I first wrote Perfect Blue, it was supposed to be a one-shot fic about one fourth of the size it became. Real short. Of course, I was an idiot and said I would write more if you wanted. I didn't think anyone would, so I thought "hey, what harm could there be in that?" I was wrong, so now I've under gone the task of thinking up Female X's past. *sigh* Which was not easy. Of course, after writing this chapter, I realize that there probably are still some unanswered question, which means I might have to make a chapter 3. Double sigh. -_- You careth not, don't you? On with the story…

This chapter is written differently then chapter one because of two reason: 1) I think this style portrays the emotions of the characters better, and 2) I just got back from Dance Marathon. I danced for 14 hours. I'm tired. Leave me alone.

Do you know how draining it is to be constantly afraid that your best friend/crush is going to hate you? I mean, if the found out that you are madly in love with them? You feel so tired when you wake up in the morning, you can't concentrate on anything, and being in the same room with them is the equivalent of slow torture. And when you find out that they're in love with someone else, well, let's just say that suicide was considered then. Of course, I didn't kill myself then. If I had, I wouldn't be here, would I?

Anyways, that's not the point. The point is that I loved Zero, my best friend, and he didn't know. Not only did he not know, he thought I was a guy.

Yikes.

I would frequently talk to Alia about this. She really didn't know what I should do. "I've never quite experienced that, X." Well, duh. I don't think Alia went parading around as a guy for all of her life. She said that the best probably would be for me to tell Zero about everything. Or at least about me really being a girl. It did make sense, and I swear, I was going to tell him.

But the Repliforce incident happened. And I couldn't tell him in the middle of a war. And then Iris died…

Which, I suppose, was the beginning of everything. I told myself that I couldn't talk to Zero about anything, because it would hurt him too much. In all reality I was probably afraid, and this was the perfect excuse. Everytime I saw him, I would be rather painfully reminded of what I felt, what he didn't know, and what I thought he could never know. So I dug my death hole deeper and deeper without realizing it until I snapped.

I wrote Zero a letter, telling him why I was leaving. I guess I kinda forgot to add in a little detail, that I was a girl, but the message got across anyway.

After I wrote the letter, I spent an entire day in my apartment trying not to throw up. I really did not want to do this. I didn't want to die. Sure, I wouldn't suffer like I was, but I guess even when you're on the brink of death by your own choice, you still want to live. It took a while, but I finally decided to go through with it. I dropped the note off and left for Ishibana River. It's a really nice wildlife preserve, one of the few left in Tokyo.

I guess I probably stood at the river's edge for an hour or so, just staring at it. Zero had a mission today, and even if he managed to get back early, he probably wouldn't find the note. I put it in the one place he never looks: his desk. So I figured I had plenty of time to kill myself.

The Ishibana River was known for being a drowning hazard. Even though it looks calm, under the surface of the water are strong eddies that pull you under real fast. Add to that the weight of a Reploids body, and you have one of the best death traps ever.

All these different thoughts kept on going through my head: I could go back now and destroy the letter, I could just run away, I could even just go back to Hunter Base and talk to Zero. But I really knew I couldn't. Or maybe I thought I knew, I don't know. I now know that I should have gone back, but I'm a baka.

Zero surprised me, he really did. Not only did he get back early and find the letter; he knew where to go. Well, Alia told him, but you gotta give him credit for knowing to ask Alia. Not only that, even though he thought I was, well, not straight, he still was worried about me. I don't have anything against gay people; I'm a girl, and for some strange reason well all seem drawn to them. But that's not the point! The point is that he came after me! And he risked his own life trying to save my scrawny little ass. Dear lord, even if I had died, if Zero had died saving me, I would never be able to forgive myself.

So he brought me back to the land of the living. And I found out that he did think I was a guy. Well, I had expected that, but it was sorta embarrassing. I never want to do that again.

Have you ever read one of those corny romance stories were the romance is only in a couple sentences? Like, the guy is running after the girl, and the girl says "I love you" and they kiss and it's fin? Well, corny romance story meet real life then. He asked me why I killed myself, or why I tried, and then if I really loved him. I didn't answer. How could you answer a question like that? "Oh yes Zero, I do truly love you, like I have since I first saw you." WRONG! Sorry, wrong answer. You are the weakest link, goodbye. I couldn't say anything. So I did something else: I kissed him. And then I did another brilliant thing: I fell asleep. Yes folks, if you're reading this, I tell you no lie. I fell asleep right there and then, just like the baka I am.

Zero was nice enough and didn't say anything. Actually, after waking me and stating clearly that under no circumstances was he carrying back to my apartment, he really didn't say anything. He limped the entire way back to Headquarters; I wonder what he hurt himself on?

So now I'm back here, writing my little brain away. I guess that's all the important crap that should be 'documented' for now. Je na.

With a sigh, X snapped her diary shut. Her body begged to go back to sleep, even for a little bit, but she refused to. "Maybe I should go talk to Alia…" she murmured, slowly getting up. Grabbing a coat, she through it on and opened her door.

Standing in her doorway was a very distressed looking Zero. "Uh… hello?" she said, blinking.

"Hi X," He said. He looked her in the eye for about a moment, then quickly looked down at his feet.

"There any reason for my doorway to be standing in you*? I mean, you to be standing in my doorway?" She shook her head. I'm waaaay too tired, aren't I?

"Huh?" He raised his eyebrows. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you."

"Okay. Yeah, sure. Do you want to come in?" She gestured behind her. He blushed.

"Uh, well, I mean, you're a girl and"

She grabbed his arm and yanked him in. "You've only been here how many times before?" she asked, shutting the door behind her. "And I've always been a girl. And don't you start telling me you've never knowingly been in a girl's apartment before. Unless you brought them all to yours." She looked him squarely in the eye.

"Okay, so I've been in a girl's apartment before. And in yours. But it's different now. 'Cause of what I know." He sat down on one of her chairs. "I really did always think you were a guy, and treated you such. How the hell am I supposed to act around a girl? Who loves me?"

X hung her head. "I knew that was gona come up," she muttered. "Look, Zero, just forget about that. I had just tried to kill myself. I… I wasn't acting normal."

"Sooo… that letter and what you said, they both were lies?"

She sighed and sat down on the floor. "… I really can't answer that right now," she said. "I can't."

"Why?"

She glared at him. "Is that all you came here for? 'Cause you can leave if that is."

He shook his head. "Actually, I wanted to know how the hell you kept this a secret for such a long time."

"You do, huh? Well, not very interesting…"

"Yeah, right."

"Okay… guess I have nothing better to do….

"When Cain first found me, he thought I was male. My armor does that. Neways, when he reported his findings, he said I was male. When he activated me, though, he found out otherwise. Needless to say, he was rather embarrassed at the mistake he had made. He had offered to publicly announce the mistake, but I told him not too."

"Why?" Zero really seemed into the story, so X reluctantly continued.

"If the public had found out that the first ever Reploid was female, they wouldn't have accepted the idea so readily. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't told him not to." Her face darkened momentarily. "Doesn't matter now, does it? So, Cain was the only who know that I was female for a while.

"Alia was the second person to know. When she signed on, I told Cain to tell her. Cain wouldn't be able to repair me forever and, well, it was kinda hard when you couldn't really talk to someone of your same sex. You're the third person to know."

Zero leaned back in the chair. "That's it, huh? Kinda short…"

"Yeah, well, you know everything else!"

He laughed. "Guess you're right…" his voice trailed off. "I… I came here for something else, actually."

X cocked her head. "Oh really, like what?"

"I do want… I… I want to know if you were serious when you wrote that letter."

She jumped up and glared at him. "Why the hell is that so important to you?" she asked. He stood up too.

"It is! Will you answer the question?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

She turned around. "Because what if that answer was no? What if it was yes? What would you do, huh?"

"X?"

"WHAT WOULD YOU DO!" She screamed, whirling around. "The goddamn answer is yes! I meant it, I really did!" Tears slid down her face as she glared at him.

"X?" he said again, backing up.

"Why did you want to know that? Why?" Her angry expression faded to one of hurt and confusion.

"I… I think I love you too…" the words fell out of his mouth.

Time froze then. She stood there, eyes wide, mouth open. "What?" she said, forcing her mouth to move. "What did you just say?"

"I"

SLAP

X slapped him as hard as she could. "Get… out… now…" she hissed, pointing at the door.

"But"

"NOW!" grabbing a book, she hurled it at his head. He caught it with one hand, but took the hint. He ran from her apartment.

As soon as he left, X crumpled onto the floor and cried. I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him!

*o.O I've done this before.

AN: Mwahahahaha! Feeling my wrath! Evil of me to leave it like this, no? *sigh* I couldn't think of anything else… yes yes, I suppose a chapter three is needed… and probably a chapter four… As you could tell, I stopped writing this chapter half way throw it, then started again. So it's different. Hope it doesn't affect it too much… *walks off muttering*