LoD: The (Not-So) Divine Comedies
by DiamondClaw
Legal Stuff
I do not own LoD, Sony, or most of the jokes in this fic. Please don't sue!
Prologue:
(enter Kongol, again.)
Kongol: Kongol ready to tell more of story. You! (points to a little girl)
Girl: Y...yes?
Kongol: Get Kongol crueller and orange juice or Kongol SMASH!
Girl: Yes, sir. (she exits)
Kongol: And hurry with Kongol's meal! Now Kongol begin.
(When we last left our suave and debonair author, he had his hands full with Dart, Rose, and Albert. Can he actually get a decent play started, or is he doomed to be surrounded by stupidity for all eternity?)
ACT 1, SCENE 2
(DiamondClaw, Dart, Rose, and Albert are on stage. The muzzles and cages that once surrounded most of them have disappeared.)
DC: Okay, people. Welcome back to Round 2 of the freak show...I mean the play. Last time, nothing of signifigance happened.
Rose: Actually, Meru...
DC: Like I said, nothing of signifigance. Hey! Where's Dart? (DC looks across the stage. Dart is backstage, watching Invader Zim.)
Dart: Wowie! (imitating Gir) I love this show...
Rose: Figures...
DC: Dart, you moron! Don't you know that TV rots your...(looks at Dart again)...brain? Oh, forget it.
Albert: He never was one on intellligence.
Rose: Then again, was anybody?
DC: So that's why you're all mercenaries? Didn't pay attention in class and ended up paying the price for it?
Rose: Hey, you drooling fanboy. Let me get something straight.
DC: No...(DC snaps his fingers. A nerdy fanboy appears.) THAT'S A drooling fanboy!
Rose: What the...!?
DC(imitating Zim): FANBOY! ATTACK!
Fanboy: Yes, master. (The fanboy pulls out a pen and book and begins to advance on Rose like a robot.)
Rose: W...what are you doing? Wait! Don't touch that! NOOOOO!
Fanboy: Autograph...must...get...autograph!!
Rose(cheerfully): Here you go. (signs the book) Now go away! (The fanboy trots off.)
DC: The company promised me an invincible FanboyBot. All LIES!!
Albert: Ha! So you don't control everything!
DC: Hey, Al!
Al: What?
DC: Do you have King Albert in a can?
Al: Uh...no?
DC: Well, I do! (zaps Albert with the creepy red-eye beam thing. A can appears, and vacuums Albert into it. The label on the can flashes 'OCCUPIED'.) I love being omnipotent.
Rose: Now all we need is a special guest star to take Al's place.
DC: Well, the budget for this fic was so low that I couldn't foot the bill for someone that somebody actually KNOWS...so I have my friend Darkstorm.
(Darkstorm walks out.)
Darkstorm: Hello, Da...
DC: Shh! Nobody can know my real name. It ruins the atmosphere!
DS: It doesn't matter. It's just like an electric bill to an Amish person!
Rose: And have any of us looked at Dart?
(All turn to Dart. He is playing Final Fantasy 7 on a PSX.)
DC: Oh no! He found my Playstation!
DS: I have an idea. (whispers into DC's ear)
DC: That's good. (DC snaps his fingers. The PSX changes to a Sega Genesis, and the game changes to Zero Wing. [You know what I'm getting at.] The message 'ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US' repeatedly flashes across the screen. Dart bursts out crying, puts his head between his legs, and assumes the fetal position.)
DC: Uh, Rose?
Rose: Yes?
DC: With HIM leading your team, how did you EVER defeat Melbu Frahma?
Rose: I think we ordered an Ultima Weapon over the Internet.
DS: Overkill.
DC: HE's smart enough to use the Internet? Knowing him, he'd just try to look at naughty pictures.
(Miranda walks on stage.)
Miranda: Am I late?
DC: Considering it's the same time yesterday on the other side of the International Date Line, no.
DS: Smooth.
Miranda: Good. Cuz' I was like, no way I'm gonna be late, and I was talkin' to my girlfriends, and...
DS: Miranda with 'girlfriends'? Ooh....
DC: It's alright. I'm lenient, to a point... (points to Dart)
Miranda: What happened to him.
DC: Well, 'All your base'...
Miranda: I see.
DC: Well, almost everybody showed up. Where the hell is Kongol?
DS: Isn't he the one telling this story?
DC: No, he's just serving as an overused plot device to creatively represent the prologue as an innovative paradigm to show just how smart I am.
DS: Smart?
DC: Yes. I am smarter than that which you can comprehend with 100% of your brain.
Rose: Please.
DC: What's that? (presses finger against ear) Oh damn. Well folks, I've been told that my fic was pre-empted by Alan Keyes. Wait till I give those execs at the Fic Channel a piece of my mind!
- ACT 1 SCENE 2 Fin.-
(See authors note in A1 S10
by DiamondClaw
Legal Stuff
I do not own LoD, Sony, or most of the jokes in this fic. Please don't sue!
Prologue:
(enter Kongol, again.)
Kongol: Kongol ready to tell more of story. You! (points to a little girl)
Girl: Y...yes?
Kongol: Get Kongol crueller and orange juice or Kongol SMASH!
Girl: Yes, sir. (she exits)
Kongol: And hurry with Kongol's meal! Now Kongol begin.
(When we last left our suave and debonair author, he had his hands full with Dart, Rose, and Albert. Can he actually get a decent play started, or is he doomed to be surrounded by stupidity for all eternity?)
ACT 1, SCENE 2
(DiamondClaw, Dart, Rose, and Albert are on stage. The muzzles and cages that once surrounded most of them have disappeared.)
DC: Okay, people. Welcome back to Round 2 of the freak show...I mean the play. Last time, nothing of signifigance happened.
Rose: Actually, Meru...
DC: Like I said, nothing of signifigance. Hey! Where's Dart? (DC looks across the stage. Dart is backstage, watching Invader Zim.)
Dart: Wowie! (imitating Gir) I love this show...
Rose: Figures...
DC: Dart, you moron! Don't you know that TV rots your...(looks at Dart again)...brain? Oh, forget it.
Albert: He never was one on intellligence.
Rose: Then again, was anybody?
DC: So that's why you're all mercenaries? Didn't pay attention in class and ended up paying the price for it?
Rose: Hey, you drooling fanboy. Let me get something straight.
DC: No...(DC snaps his fingers. A nerdy fanboy appears.) THAT'S A drooling fanboy!
Rose: What the...!?
DC(imitating Zim): FANBOY! ATTACK!
Fanboy: Yes, master. (The fanboy pulls out a pen and book and begins to advance on Rose like a robot.)
Rose: W...what are you doing? Wait! Don't touch that! NOOOOO!
Fanboy: Autograph...must...get...autograph!!
Rose(cheerfully): Here you go. (signs the book) Now go away! (The fanboy trots off.)
DC: The company promised me an invincible FanboyBot. All LIES!!
Albert: Ha! So you don't control everything!
DC: Hey, Al!
Al: What?
DC: Do you have King Albert in a can?
Al: Uh...no?
DC: Well, I do! (zaps Albert with the creepy red-eye beam thing. A can appears, and vacuums Albert into it. The label on the can flashes 'OCCUPIED'.) I love being omnipotent.
Rose: Now all we need is a special guest star to take Al's place.
DC: Well, the budget for this fic was so low that I couldn't foot the bill for someone that somebody actually KNOWS...so I have my friend Darkstorm.
(Darkstorm walks out.)
Darkstorm: Hello, Da...
DC: Shh! Nobody can know my real name. It ruins the atmosphere!
DS: It doesn't matter. It's just like an electric bill to an Amish person!
Rose: And have any of us looked at Dart?
(All turn to Dart. He is playing Final Fantasy 7 on a PSX.)
DC: Oh no! He found my Playstation!
DS: I have an idea. (whispers into DC's ear)
DC: That's good. (DC snaps his fingers. The PSX changes to a Sega Genesis, and the game changes to Zero Wing. [You know what I'm getting at.] The message 'ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US' repeatedly flashes across the screen. Dart bursts out crying, puts his head between his legs, and assumes the fetal position.)
DC: Uh, Rose?
Rose: Yes?
DC: With HIM leading your team, how did you EVER defeat Melbu Frahma?
Rose: I think we ordered an Ultima Weapon over the Internet.
DS: Overkill.
DC: HE's smart enough to use the Internet? Knowing him, he'd just try to look at naughty pictures.
(Miranda walks on stage.)
Miranda: Am I late?
DC: Considering it's the same time yesterday on the other side of the International Date Line, no.
DS: Smooth.
Miranda: Good. Cuz' I was like, no way I'm gonna be late, and I was talkin' to my girlfriends, and...
DS: Miranda with 'girlfriends'? Ooh....
DC: It's alright. I'm lenient, to a point... (points to Dart)
Miranda: What happened to him.
DC: Well, 'All your base'...
Miranda: I see.
DC: Well, almost everybody showed up. Where the hell is Kongol?
DS: Isn't he the one telling this story?
DC: No, he's just serving as an overused plot device to creatively represent the prologue as an innovative paradigm to show just how smart I am.
DS: Smart?
DC: Yes. I am smarter than that which you can comprehend with 100% of your brain.
Rose: Please.
DC: What's that? (presses finger against ear) Oh damn. Well folks, I've been told that my fic was pre-empted by Alan Keyes. Wait till I give those execs at the Fic Channel a piece of my mind!
- ACT 1 SCENE 2 Fin.-
(See authors note in A1 S10