Fandom: Gravitation
Title: It's Just…
Pairing: Hiro + Shuichi
Rating: PG
Description: Hiro thinks how much Yuki has hurt Shuichi...only to find that he may have hurt him just as badly. If not worse.
Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami, Sony and whomever holds rights to this awesome and cute series.
It's Just...
by Yui Miyamoto
I sighed again as I frustratingly sat there in the room with the rest of the usual lot. And for what?
The usual slump.
And why? Yuki and Shuichi had another one of their "lover's quarrels". Okay, okay, so they had a fight to put it plainly.
If I seemed apprehensive, it was because I was so close to just blowing up since this had been the
umpteenth time this had happened...in one week! One whole week!
And here was Shuichi sitting on a desk in the middle of the room while hugging his knees unable to know what to do or write. He wasn't ever good at handling emotional stuff like this anyway. When it hit, it really hit.
Ever since I met Shuichi, in my mind, his heart was like a roller coaster. He loved so many things and he hated so many things too. His moods could change in the blink of an eye. I guess for any other seemingly 'normal' person would think our friendship was strange if we could stand each other.
To him, I had always been silent. I say stuff, but then I never really tell him something that would hurt him. I laugh as I think that I let him take his 'falls' for his stupidity. But anything beyond that...rrr...
Then, it comes to Yuki. Yuki and I are okay...in a way. We only have one thing in common and that one thing is Shuichi. Other than that, I don't think we'd like to cross each other's paths. He keeps his distance, I keep mine.
Again, I looked at Shuichi sitting down on the desk and so I ruffled his hair. "Just calm down. Think about it again. I think the lyrics won't be that bad if you're not as tense."
He turned his head to look at me and sniffled. "But I don't know what to start with!"
Everyone, including myself, facefaulted.
"You mean you've been sitting here for a week and you don't know what you're going to write about?!" I shouted.
Fujisaki-san calmly took a deep breath. "I'll be back. I'll get a breath of fresh air."
"Shindou-kun!" Sakano the tornado man was once again freaking out and wailed on the floor mumbling to himself as he always did when he had reached his 'I'm-going-to-have-a-breakdown-but-not-quite-there-but-will-be' point.
"Shuichi!" K screamed and hyperventilated while quickly trying to take out his gun. (Guns...but we'll not go there. ^^;;;)
Luckily, Sakano and I stopped him.
We again dispersed for the night. But as I was going to turn off the light, Shuichi again sat on the lonely desk in the middle of the room.
I frowned and instead closed the door after saying goodbye to everyone. Well, that wasn't without the fact that I would promise to try to get Bad Luck's singer out of his slump or rather his "Yuki-and-I-are-upset-with-each-other-so-I-can't-think-of-anything-else" mode.
Shaking my head, I went over to him. This time he had resorted to crying silently. I took his head with my arm. With that, he began to cry even more.
I couldn't understand his relationship with Yuki. It only hurt him. Okay, so my analysis is a bit one-sided, but that's all I saw in Shuichi. His love for Yuki made him even more unpredictable than he had ever been.
Yuki...I don't know if you could ever understand him as well as I do...
Shuichi grabbed onto my shirt. I had already heard the story and so all I could do was just stand there.
"Hiro..." he wailed and sobbed loudly.
I sighed in annoyance. And it wasn't at him. And so, I ended up putting my arms around him.
Just stop being with him and go with me Shuichi.
"Huh?" Shuichi stopped crying and looked up at me.
"Be with you?"
I looked around alarmed. Had I said that aloud this time without knowing it? I did it at home all the time, but not around other people. But even being with Shuichi so much, I sometimes slipped something I shouldn't have...and I had a bad feeling this was one of them...
I stood there silent. I couldn't deny or counter it.
"Is that true, Hiro?" He began to poke my cheeks for me to answer.
I actually was holding my guard and finally going to deny it as mumbling when he gave me that LOOK. That LOOK that just made me say yes to every crazy thing he wanted to do but knew I'd protest to.
Yes, that look...
"Hiro?"
Again, there I was closing my eyes to not be tempted.
At that moment, all the resolve I had kept through these years went through the door and I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him.
When I finished, he stared at me blankly. I stared at him with a more than surprised face.
"Hiro, you idiot!" I thought to myself as I looked at him.
"Maybe..." he said as placed his right hand on my cheek.
"...this..." With his other hand, he brought my face closer to his.
"...once." And there I was kissing Shuichi again...and I began kissing his neck while unbuttoning
his shirt.
"This is wrong, Hiro." I shouted inside my head. "But this was my only chance..."
Shuichi looked up at me with a calm face. "Just this once, Hiro. It's okay..."
Then, he put his hands around my neck as his legs wrapped his bare legs around my body...
As we looked each other on the floor, we smiled and laughed. Then, I hit him on the head as I shook his head. "Come on, Shuichi. I've gotta take you home now."
He grabbed my waist and began to cry.
"What? Why are you crying?" If there was one thing I hated the most in the world, it was seeing my best friend cry.
And this time it was my fault.
"You should have-"
"Stop!"
I don't want to hear it...
I got up and began dressing up. "I don't want to hear it!"
Again, he sat up listless while crying. With another sigh, I began to grumble and started dressing him.
But as I did so, Shuichi had given me a look he'd never given to me before. In fact, I don't think he ever had that kind of look...well, not as long as I've known him.
I hugged him and patted his back. "You can stop crying now."
He rubbed his hands on his eyes, but he wouldn't get up. Then, once again, I picked him up and brought him to my motorcycle.
As we rode through the dark streets of Tokyo, he kept silent and held onto me as if he were dying.
I knew I had done something definitely wrong...
Throughout the ride home, we were silent. No wailing or crying like the usual occurrence.
As I dropped him off in front of their apartment, Shuichi pulled me to a corner and began kissing me
passionately. Then, he pushed me away.
He turned around, and started to walk inside the building, but he stopped to whisper into my ear. "You should have told me earlier, Hiro."
Shuichi leaned even closer to me that I could again feel his breath on my neck. In the moonlight, he again began to cry and I saw a tear fall down. "I loved you too, Hiro."
There I stood even more shocked than I had ever been in my whole life. I turned around and walked to my motorcycle.
As I put on my helmet, I had finally figured out why I felt so guilty... So much guiltier than making him cry...
...why he gave me that kind of look that I had never seen...
...for the first time in his life, Shuichi had something to regret. And it was all my fault.
Riding away, I began to cry and grip the handles with my shaking hands.
The next day, we all gathered in the same room as Shuichi once again became frustrated on what to write. But then, he looked at me and I glanced back at him while no one else was looking.
He took up his pen and began writing lyrics. When he did this, everyone gave me a quiet thumbs up for getting him out of his slump. And I felt even worse.
Shuichi smiled at me and I smiled back. "You're doing well," I commented as he was writing away.
We acted as if nothing happened, but like actors in a Noh play whose masks hide the true face of emotions, inside we were crying...
For the person I loved the most in the world...
...The person whom I hated his lover for giving him more pain than he could handle.
It would be me…
It was I...
…I had hurt him more than Yuki ever could…
Owari.
-
Author's note: Yes, I really really really love Hiro.
And I wanted something like this. Heh.
Hope you liked it!
June 2001