Author's Note: I wrote this because I was thinking about what happened to Snape that could have turned him so...well...cold and nasty. This is my perception of it. Sorry if it jumps around a bit, but sometimes you just have to trust your creative juices. Anyway, all these characters and related indicia are not mine (with the exception of Celestia,) and they belong to J.K. Rowling, the writing goddess herself.
Severus Snape: Prefect and Potions Master
The Masquerade was less than a month away, and for Severus Snape, that was a month to soon. 'Stupid bunch of rubbish,' he thought stormily as he skulked back to the Slytherin common room. He wanted to stay in the common room and study, but he had to go according to Dumbledore. Supposed to be setting a good example if the Prefects go. Sometimes being a Prefect had its' disadvantages, he'd admit that. He slammed his books down on a common room table and began to study, hearing laughter and merry voices all around him. "I'm going with Ursula!" "Oh, I haven't asked anyone yet." "I hear it's going to be a lot of good fun!" "Hey Severus, who are you going with?" came a voice. He turned around slowly, his eyes flashing dangerously, "I. Am. Going. Alone!" And with that he slammed his Transfiguration book shut and stomped upstairs. "Wow, I wonder what's gotten into him," said his friend John Flint. "What are you talking about? He's always in a bad mood; nothing is ever good enough for that big-nosed git," said Sean Pucey. John shook his head, "Whatever."
* * *
The Masquerade was approaching quickly, and Snape was in a far worse mood than usual. "Stupid Potter," he muttered after running into James Potter and his little gang of friends in the hall. "He's so wonderful, so smart, so cool, so popular," he growled. "Maybe someone will hex him at the Masquerade and then it'll be a lot more fun!" He was so preoccupied with coming up with ideas for messing up Potter's face that he didn't realize he was on a collision course with a Slytherin girl. She apparently didn't notice either and they ran right into each other, her books spilling everywhere. He snapped out of his dulled trance, "Oh, sorry," he said as he knelt down to help her. "That's okay," she said breathlessly, "oh, you're a Prefect aren't you?" "Erm, yes, I am; Severus Snape," he said almost absentmindedly, shaking her hand. "Hi, I'm Celestia Parkinson. Listen, this may sound kind of odd since we've only just met but do you think you could help me with my homework in Defense Against the Dark Arts? I mean, if you're a Prefect, you've got to have good grades in all your classes so I figured maybe..." He was a bit startled by such an odd request but he shrugged, "Uh, sure, when?" "Can you meet me in the library today after the last lesson?" she asked politely. "Okay, I'll see you after class then," he said as he walked down the hall. "Bye!" she called back. Snape didn't reply; he was already five minutes late to Potions class.
* * *
After his Charms class, which was last for the day, he said goodbye to his friends and headed off to the library. Celestia was already there, books splayed out on a table. "Hi again!" she said cheerfully. Truthfully he'd never seen someone who sounded so optimistic in Slytherin house before. "Hello," he said as he mustered a smile. Charms hadn't gone too well what with Remus Lupin "accidentally" sending him flying into a cabinet with a Banishing Charm; he wasn't in a good mood. She explained what she was having trouble with until finally he stopped her, "All right, let's start here," and they began on a chapter about Kappas.
They had been working for barely twenty minutes when Snape heard a snickering noise. He looked up to see Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Remus Lupin standing in a huddle by a bookshelf. Lupin was clawing his hands through the air and his eyes bulged as he pretended to throw himself into a bookcase.
He was doing an impression of Snape flying into that cabinet during Charms.
Snape's eyes became slits of fury, "I can see how that's funny Lupin. What's even funnier is the state of your robes all the time; good God man, are you really that poor?" The four turned to look at Snape, "Shut up Severus you big-nosed git," said Black with indignation. "Forget him, let's go," said Potter quickly. They left in a hurry before the irritable librarian Madam Pince caught them and to his surprise Snape realized that Celestia was staring at him. "Er, what?" he said, startled. "I just think that's odd," she said slowly, still staring at him. "Huh? What?" She shrugged, "Oh, how they call you a big-nosed git. I don't think you're a git and I don't think you have a big nose either." Snape felt like someone had slapped him, "What?" She put down her quill, "You're very nice as far as I can tell, what with helping me with my homework and all that. And I wouldn't call your nose big, I'd call it...aquiline." Snape stuttered for a minute, "Look I...I don't see how...that doesn't...let's just get back to work," he said finally.
* * *
Snape threw his books down on a Slytherin common room table and sat down, feeling slightly confused.
Nobody had ever, ever said he was either nice or not big nosed.
'Clearly out of her gourd,' he thought as he flipped open his Arithmancy book. He stared at the rune chart with disgust, "I hate this book," he said dully. Suddenly he heard a familiar voice behind him, "Oh hi Severus! Can I come work with you?" There she was again. "Uh, yeah sure," he said, budging up to make a space. They were a bit squeezed on the table, both of them with their books spread everywhere, and Snape found himself sitting rather close to her. After a few minutes, though, he began to enjoy it somewhat. He doodled casually on his homework as he slowly began to daydream. 'I wonder,' he thought slowly, 'what she'd do if I put my arm around her...' He snapped out of it with a start, 'Gone mad! Barking mad I have!' He looked down at his homework to try to concentrate on Arithmancy when he realized what he'd been doodling on the paper. "S.S. loves C.P." littered half the sheet. He jumped clear out of his chair, knocking it over backward. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Ooh! Have you finished your Arithmancy homework? Let's see, I need help with it." She began to pull the parchment toward her, "NO!" he screamed, yanking it out of her hand and dashing up the stairs with his bag of books.
He stared at himself hard in the mirror, as if checking to see that someone else wasn't lurking behind his face. 'Perhaps I'm sick, just a cold that's turned my senses upside down.' But he didn't feel sick and he felt rather clear-headed. He looked at his Arithmancy work again. "Celestia Snape" was written on part of the page adding a nice touch to his little S.S. loves C.P. inscription earlier. "ARGH!" he screamed when he saw all the nonsense written across the page. He ripped the parchment into little pieces and scattered them across the room. "I...I will not..." he said breathlessly. "I will not fall in love with somebody! NO! I've got too much on my mind right now to be preoccupied with this sort of rubbish!"
But although he thought he'd convinced himself of that idea, when he walked back down to the common room he felt a funny feeling in his stomach when he saw Celestia. Like butterflies almost. He saw Celestia sitting down at the table, a strange look on her face; then she saw Snape and looked up. "Severus, I didn't know you felt so strongly about not cheating..." she said slowly. "Huh? What?" "The way you ran away with your homework after I asked if I could see your Arithmancy paper...sorry, I won't ask again," she said quietly. "Oh that! No! That's not what the problem was, it's just that I...I left my Sneakoscope on upstairs in my trunk and I'd completely forgotten about it. That's all," he said hastily. She let out a sigh of relief, "Oh, good. I thought you weren't going to be my friend anymore or something." 'Friends, that's all. Nothing more than friends,' he thought with some confidence.
* * *
But whatever fragments of confidence he had left had vanished when the night before the Masquerade had arrived. He paced about his room nervously, wondering what to do. He was thinking about perhaps showing up and then heading off to the lake and staying there all night, but he wasn't sure if he could sneak past Dumbledore's watchful gaze. "Prefects have to go because they must set a good example for people," he'd said. How he'd wanted to wring Dumbledore's neck at that instant. It was strange, they usually got along fairly well, but that one time he'd wanted to see Dumbledore hanged for telling him that. He absolutely abhorred parties like masquerades. They were stupid, really. He knew, however, that he'd probably be in a good lot of trouble if he didn't go, so he conjured up a black mask out of thin air. 'Black to match my personality,' he thought with some relish. He'd probably look more sinister than usual, with his black robes and black mask. 'Maybe everyone will stay away from me, I won't have to dance at this stupid thing, and then maybe Dumbledore will let me go back upstairs and study.'
Yeah right.
He spent most of the evening sitting on the side, being a wallflower. No one had asked him to dance yet, and he was beginning to suspect that his overly large nose was giving it away that he was who he was. 'Stupid idea. Whoever came up with the idea of wearing masks to these things is an idiot. As if it covers up my big nose.' Snape sidled over to the door, checked that nobody was watching, and ducked out of the hall, making his way to the large double doors. The night air smelled cool and fresh, and he leaned against a tree, overlooking the lake as it shimmered in the light of the moon. It was a rather pretty scene, and he watched the giant squid swim lazily just beneath the surface until he realized he wasn't the only one out on the lawn. He almost jumped when he saw someone else sitting on the lawn only about fifty feet away from him.
She'd appeared almost as if she'd Apparated there, but he knew you couldn't Apparate on the Hogwarts grounds. She looked up, "Oh hello. What's your name?" Her voice sounded vaguely familiar, and he somewhat recognized her figure. "Who are you?" he asked. "Celestia, Celestia Parkinson," she said slowly. He knew he'd met her before. "Oh hi Celestia," he said as he sat down next to her. "Severus? Is that you under there?" she asked. He lifted up his mask a bit to reveal his eyes, "I hope so." She giggled slightly, "Yes, it is." He put it back down and stared at the lake, and several silent minutes ensued. "Were you bored with the masquerade too?" she asked. "It's so stupid," he grumbled. "Stupid idea, and I don't know why the Prefects have to come. Rubbish, absolute rubbish..." "I thought it was alright for a while, but then it started to get really dismal. Nobody was asking me to dance, and I didn't feel much like it anyway," she said.
He sighed wistfully, "Too bad we can't just go down to Hogsmeade and have a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. Then the night wouldn't have been such a ruddy waste." "You know I hear there are secret passages out of here and into Hogsmeade," she said. "Pity I don't know where they are. I'd be out of here in a heartbeat." He shrugged, "I wouldn't be able to go anyway. I'm a stupid Prefect and I'm not allowed to break rules." "Well they're not exactly broken if nobody knows you broke them." He sighed, "Regardless, we don't know where the passages are and we're not going to find out anytime soon I don't think." Suddenly he felt himself growing warm as he sat there next to Celestia. A warm feeling down in the pit of stomach that felt vaguely like the butterflies that he'd felt not long ago. He thought about the time he'd spent helping Celestia with her homework and the time they'd spent just talking. For once someone had listened to him and for once someone hadn't insulted him. She liked him for being him. He didn't come across that very often, that was for sure. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe this was his one chance at dating someone who actually liked him. He let out a mental sigh of defeat, 'You're whipped this time. Let's find out if she feels the same way and make a complete fool of myself.'
She did feel the same way.
* * *
Snape had fallen in with the "wrong crowd" as they call it, over the next three years at Hogwarts. He wasn't made Head Boy, but that didn't bother him. He wasn't popular, and that didn't bother him either. He was happy being with Celestia and she was happy being with him. However, his friends thought that their relationship was wrong. She's just too good, too loyal to Dumbledore and Hogwarts.
* * *
It was late at night when Lucius Malfoy was traveling through Albania. He'd been out on some very, very dark business when he heard a rustling noise behind him as he walked in the forest. "Lumos," he said, wand tip now alight. He raised an eyebrow, "Ahh, my Lord, so good to see you again," he said slowly, bowing his head low to the ground. "Lucius, my dear friend, I was wondering when you'd return," Voldemort said smoothly as he brushed some invisible dust off of his left shoulder. "I hurried as quickly as I could my Lord. I've brought what you asked." He pulled out a small pouch and handed it to Voldemort. "Mmm, Lucius, you've always pleased me with your never-ending loyalty. Or at least I hope never-ending?" he said as he cast Lucius Malfoy a curious eye. "Always never-ending my Lord, always." He smiled at Malfoy with elation, "We shall see. But let us think of the present, Lucius," he said, putting a friendly arm around him and steering him into a clearing. There, in the middle of the clearing, was an old tire. "Portkey?" asked Malfoy. "Yes indeed, now let's go shall we?" They both seized hold of the tire at the same time and were instantly being transported to an unclear destination.
Malfoy smiled when he heard the screams echo through the air as he and Voldemort walked through the cave. "Mudbloods," Malfoy said slowly. "Disgusting, filthy Mudbloods." "Indeed Lucius, indeed," said Voldemort as he turned to face Malfoy. "But I did not bring you here for more of your spectacular Muggle and Mudblood torturing, Lucius, although it does amuse me so." Malfoy grinned with gratitude, "Thank you sir." "All too welcome, but you see Lucius, we run low on torturers. We need some new...blood. Is there anyone you can think of who would be willing to join us? We need new Death Eaters. My following must increase more before we can take over more of the main wizarding areas. Any ideas?" Lucius smiled slowly, "Yes, a few..."
* * *
"Lucius, what a pleasant surprise," said Snape slowly as he let him into the house. "Yes indeed Severus, very pleasant. There's something I need to discuss with you..."
* * *
Snape had become a Death Eater. He had been tattooed with the Dark Mark on his forearm only days before, and now he was gathering bits of information for Voldemort. He had quickly taken a liking to Snape, even though Snape secretly thought Voldemort was a wretched, horrific figure. He wasn't quite sure why he was doing this. Maybe it was just some internal desire to break the rules and be bad. He was still trying to figure that out. He had just Apparated to the cave where Voldemort tortured the Mudbloods when he heard a struggling noise behind him. "Well well well, look what the cat dragged in," said Voldemort slowly. Two of the Death Eaters were holding a witch between them, who was struggling madly to get away...it was Celestia. Snape's jaw dropped and Celestia stared at him. Voldemort seemed to notice Snape's reaction, "Severus my dear boy, would you like to torture her for me?" Snape's eyes grew wide, "I-I..." "No? I see," said Voldemort slowly. They strapped Celestia down on a table, and she looked at Snape with pleading eyes who could only stare back. 'I'm sorry,' he said with his own eyes.
"Torture her Severus. Now," said Voldemort. He could only stare dumbly, "I-I can't..." Voldemort smiled slowly, "Really? Then I'll do it." "No!" shouted Snape. Voldemort turned his red eyes toward Snape, "What did you say?" "I mean, please, I'll do it." Voldemort licked his lips, a smile playing across his ugly face. "You know," he said, walking around the table that Celestia lay strapped down to. "On second thought, no torture for her." Snape let out an inner sigh of relief, "Yes master." But suddenly Voldemort whipped his wand, "Death instead." A silent tear fell down Celestia's cheek as she shut her eyes, Snape screaming in horror. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort howled. Green light flashed throughout the room as the life of Celestia was sucked right out of her. Snape fell to his knees, and it was then that he understood; what have I done to these people? Is this all that I bring by helping that bastard? Death?
* * *
Snape became a spy the next day. He'd gone to Dumbledore, the only person he knew of that wouldn't instantaneously turn him in. "I can help you, I can become a spy," he'd told him. Dumbledore had agreed to let him become a spy, and tonight would be his first night as a double agent. Over the next few months he told the Ministry of Magic what he could about Voldemort and his whereabouts. They slowly began catching up with Voldemort, and soon Voldemort could not meet his Death Eaters in the cave anymore. He had to be in secret locations, but he still continued to kill people when he felt like it by visiting them in their houses, leaving the Dark Mark floating above the house after he left as a sign of the dead inside. One night, after Snape had gotten home, he had tromped up the steps in his house to go to the bathroom when he stopped in front of the mirror. His skin was sallow and pale, dark circles from stress and fatigue under his eyes. His hair was black and greasy from being too busy to have time to wash it. He leaned in close to the mirror, staring at his reflection, which stared back just as drearily. He rolled up the sleeve on his robe and looked at the Dark Mark tattoo. He wanted to carve it out with a knife, cut it out and never have to think about it ever again. He looked back up at the mirror, "I will never get close to anyone ever again."
* * *
After Voldemort had been destroyed by the Potter boy Snape felt a great weight being lifted from his chest. He got more sleep and the circles under his eyes went away, and he began to feel almost normal...except for Celestia. He wanted to see her again so badly, wanted to tell her how sorry he was. But he would never see her again, and for that he hated himself. He had to start over again, a new life...he went to Dumbledore. "Professor, I need help. I don't know what to do now that Voldemort is gone and...I don't know what to do." Dumbledore sat back, stroking his pet phoenix, Fawkes. He nodded slowly, "Severus, you've always been a bright lad when I was here. How you got mixed up with the Death Eaters is your business, not mine. You became a spy at great personal risk, and for that I'm thankful. I feel I can trust you because of it, and I've never been wrong in placing my trust with people. The Potions job is open here at the school Severus. It is yours for the taking if you want it." Snape had been very grateful to Dumbledore for his job, and he knew as the beginning of the school year was closing in that he'd have to prove himself.
* * *
Snape had been looking over the rosters of his newest class of first years when he noticed the name Harry Potter on one of them. "Potter," he said slowly. He remembered James Potter and Lily Evans from his years at the school. How they'd hated each other. He somewhat regretted part of that now because of what had happened to the Potters. But their son Harry had survived. Had survived the Avada Kedavra curse with only a lightning bolt scar to remember Voldemort by. As he stared down at the parchment upon which Harry Potter's name was written, he felt a feeling in his stomach. Not that same feeling of love he'd felt when he'd looked upon Celestia, now long dead, but one of uneasiness. He sensed something new developing at Hogwarts...something in which Potter would land right in the middle of.
* * *
He'd been a bit suspicious of Professor Quirrell when he'd joined the Hogwarts staff. Something threw Snape off about him. Something he didn't like, not at all. Perhaps it was that mysterious purple turban; it seemed to have a nasty air about it and there was always a funny smell lingering whenever Quirrell was around. Or maybe it was how he stuttered; supposedly he'd had a bad run-in with a hag, and that he was scared out of wits most of the time because of it. But that didn't make any sense though; he was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, he was supposed to be able to handle situations like that without trouble. 'Some Dark Arts teacher,' he thought nastily.
* * *
Snape had been lucky that he'd managed to keep Potter on his broom most of the time during the Quidditch match. He'd almost lost his concentration a few times what with the Chasers and Beaters flying around and blocking his vision of Potter. Luckily when Potter had fallen off he hadn't been the far off the ground. But swallowing the Snitch...or rather, almost swallowing it...nobody expected Gryffindor to win that way. Snape only wished that Slytherin had won that match; that was his only regret about the whole thing.
* * *
After the boy Diggory had died during the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Dumbledore had asked Snape to turn spy again. Snape knew what he was risking; if Voldemort decided that Snape was being untrue to him he'd be dead in a heartbeat...but he had to take that chance. Not only for Dumbledore, whose respect meant everything to him, but also to save as many lives as he could. And yes, even Harry Potter's life despite his utter loathing for the boy and his father. But it wasn't just those two factors; it was also to save Hogwarts. If Hogwarts fell, then there would be no place safe on Earth. If Voldemort could destroy Hogwarts or turn it into a school for the Dark Arts, there would be no hope. And in times like this, when hope was in short supply...he knew he might have to die to protect the school.
He stopped outside the gates of Hogwarts, staring at his forearm where the Dark Mark burned angrily on it. If he touched the tattoo he would instantly Apparate to Voldemort's side. How many were there already? Malfoy probably was, and MacNair was probably there too. His fingers hovered over the Mark as he thought deeply. 'I wish it had been me Celestia, I wish it had been me.'
He touched the Mark.
Severus Snape: Prefect and Potions Master
The Masquerade was less than a month away, and for Severus Snape, that was a month to soon. 'Stupid bunch of rubbish,' he thought stormily as he skulked back to the Slytherin common room. He wanted to stay in the common room and study, but he had to go according to Dumbledore. Supposed to be setting a good example if the Prefects go. Sometimes being a Prefect had its' disadvantages, he'd admit that. He slammed his books down on a common room table and began to study, hearing laughter and merry voices all around him. "I'm going with Ursula!" "Oh, I haven't asked anyone yet." "I hear it's going to be a lot of good fun!" "Hey Severus, who are you going with?" came a voice. He turned around slowly, his eyes flashing dangerously, "I. Am. Going. Alone!" And with that he slammed his Transfiguration book shut and stomped upstairs. "Wow, I wonder what's gotten into him," said his friend John Flint. "What are you talking about? He's always in a bad mood; nothing is ever good enough for that big-nosed git," said Sean Pucey. John shook his head, "Whatever."
* * *
The Masquerade was approaching quickly, and Snape was in a far worse mood than usual. "Stupid Potter," he muttered after running into James Potter and his little gang of friends in the hall. "He's so wonderful, so smart, so cool, so popular," he growled. "Maybe someone will hex him at the Masquerade and then it'll be a lot more fun!" He was so preoccupied with coming up with ideas for messing up Potter's face that he didn't realize he was on a collision course with a Slytherin girl. She apparently didn't notice either and they ran right into each other, her books spilling everywhere. He snapped out of his dulled trance, "Oh, sorry," he said as he knelt down to help her. "That's okay," she said breathlessly, "oh, you're a Prefect aren't you?" "Erm, yes, I am; Severus Snape," he said almost absentmindedly, shaking her hand. "Hi, I'm Celestia Parkinson. Listen, this may sound kind of odd since we've only just met but do you think you could help me with my homework in Defense Against the Dark Arts? I mean, if you're a Prefect, you've got to have good grades in all your classes so I figured maybe..." He was a bit startled by such an odd request but he shrugged, "Uh, sure, when?" "Can you meet me in the library today after the last lesson?" she asked politely. "Okay, I'll see you after class then," he said as he walked down the hall. "Bye!" she called back. Snape didn't reply; he was already five minutes late to Potions class.
* * *
After his Charms class, which was last for the day, he said goodbye to his friends and headed off to the library. Celestia was already there, books splayed out on a table. "Hi again!" she said cheerfully. Truthfully he'd never seen someone who sounded so optimistic in Slytherin house before. "Hello," he said as he mustered a smile. Charms hadn't gone too well what with Remus Lupin "accidentally" sending him flying into a cabinet with a Banishing Charm; he wasn't in a good mood. She explained what she was having trouble with until finally he stopped her, "All right, let's start here," and they began on a chapter about Kappas.
They had been working for barely twenty minutes when Snape heard a snickering noise. He looked up to see Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Remus Lupin standing in a huddle by a bookshelf. Lupin was clawing his hands through the air and his eyes bulged as he pretended to throw himself into a bookcase.
He was doing an impression of Snape flying into that cabinet during Charms.
Snape's eyes became slits of fury, "I can see how that's funny Lupin. What's even funnier is the state of your robes all the time; good God man, are you really that poor?" The four turned to look at Snape, "Shut up Severus you big-nosed git," said Black with indignation. "Forget him, let's go," said Potter quickly. They left in a hurry before the irritable librarian Madam Pince caught them and to his surprise Snape realized that Celestia was staring at him. "Er, what?" he said, startled. "I just think that's odd," she said slowly, still staring at him. "Huh? What?" She shrugged, "Oh, how they call you a big-nosed git. I don't think you're a git and I don't think you have a big nose either." Snape felt like someone had slapped him, "What?" She put down her quill, "You're very nice as far as I can tell, what with helping me with my homework and all that. And I wouldn't call your nose big, I'd call it...aquiline." Snape stuttered for a minute, "Look I...I don't see how...that doesn't...let's just get back to work," he said finally.
* * *
Snape threw his books down on a Slytherin common room table and sat down, feeling slightly confused.
Nobody had ever, ever said he was either nice or not big nosed.
'Clearly out of her gourd,' he thought as he flipped open his Arithmancy book. He stared at the rune chart with disgust, "I hate this book," he said dully. Suddenly he heard a familiar voice behind him, "Oh hi Severus! Can I come work with you?" There she was again. "Uh, yeah sure," he said, budging up to make a space. They were a bit squeezed on the table, both of them with their books spread everywhere, and Snape found himself sitting rather close to her. After a few minutes, though, he began to enjoy it somewhat. He doodled casually on his homework as he slowly began to daydream. 'I wonder,' he thought slowly, 'what she'd do if I put my arm around her...' He snapped out of it with a start, 'Gone mad! Barking mad I have!' He looked down at his homework to try to concentrate on Arithmancy when he realized what he'd been doodling on the paper. "S.S. loves C.P." littered half the sheet. He jumped clear out of his chair, knocking it over backward. "What's wrong?" she asked. "Ooh! Have you finished your Arithmancy homework? Let's see, I need help with it." She began to pull the parchment toward her, "NO!" he screamed, yanking it out of her hand and dashing up the stairs with his bag of books.
He stared at himself hard in the mirror, as if checking to see that someone else wasn't lurking behind his face. 'Perhaps I'm sick, just a cold that's turned my senses upside down.' But he didn't feel sick and he felt rather clear-headed. He looked at his Arithmancy work again. "Celestia Snape" was written on part of the page adding a nice touch to his little S.S. loves C.P. inscription earlier. "ARGH!" he screamed when he saw all the nonsense written across the page. He ripped the parchment into little pieces and scattered them across the room. "I...I will not..." he said breathlessly. "I will not fall in love with somebody! NO! I've got too much on my mind right now to be preoccupied with this sort of rubbish!"
But although he thought he'd convinced himself of that idea, when he walked back down to the common room he felt a funny feeling in his stomach when he saw Celestia. Like butterflies almost. He saw Celestia sitting down at the table, a strange look on her face; then she saw Snape and looked up. "Severus, I didn't know you felt so strongly about not cheating..." she said slowly. "Huh? What?" "The way you ran away with your homework after I asked if I could see your Arithmancy paper...sorry, I won't ask again," she said quietly. "Oh that! No! That's not what the problem was, it's just that I...I left my Sneakoscope on upstairs in my trunk and I'd completely forgotten about it. That's all," he said hastily. She let out a sigh of relief, "Oh, good. I thought you weren't going to be my friend anymore or something." 'Friends, that's all. Nothing more than friends,' he thought with some confidence.
* * *
But whatever fragments of confidence he had left had vanished when the night before the Masquerade had arrived. He paced about his room nervously, wondering what to do. He was thinking about perhaps showing up and then heading off to the lake and staying there all night, but he wasn't sure if he could sneak past Dumbledore's watchful gaze. "Prefects have to go because they must set a good example for people," he'd said. How he'd wanted to wring Dumbledore's neck at that instant. It was strange, they usually got along fairly well, but that one time he'd wanted to see Dumbledore hanged for telling him that. He absolutely abhorred parties like masquerades. They were stupid, really. He knew, however, that he'd probably be in a good lot of trouble if he didn't go, so he conjured up a black mask out of thin air. 'Black to match my personality,' he thought with some relish. He'd probably look more sinister than usual, with his black robes and black mask. 'Maybe everyone will stay away from me, I won't have to dance at this stupid thing, and then maybe Dumbledore will let me go back upstairs and study.'
Yeah right.
He spent most of the evening sitting on the side, being a wallflower. No one had asked him to dance yet, and he was beginning to suspect that his overly large nose was giving it away that he was who he was. 'Stupid idea. Whoever came up with the idea of wearing masks to these things is an idiot. As if it covers up my big nose.' Snape sidled over to the door, checked that nobody was watching, and ducked out of the hall, making his way to the large double doors. The night air smelled cool and fresh, and he leaned against a tree, overlooking the lake as it shimmered in the light of the moon. It was a rather pretty scene, and he watched the giant squid swim lazily just beneath the surface until he realized he wasn't the only one out on the lawn. He almost jumped when he saw someone else sitting on the lawn only about fifty feet away from him.
She'd appeared almost as if she'd Apparated there, but he knew you couldn't Apparate on the Hogwarts grounds. She looked up, "Oh hello. What's your name?" Her voice sounded vaguely familiar, and he somewhat recognized her figure. "Who are you?" he asked. "Celestia, Celestia Parkinson," she said slowly. He knew he'd met her before. "Oh hi Celestia," he said as he sat down next to her. "Severus? Is that you under there?" she asked. He lifted up his mask a bit to reveal his eyes, "I hope so." She giggled slightly, "Yes, it is." He put it back down and stared at the lake, and several silent minutes ensued. "Were you bored with the masquerade too?" she asked. "It's so stupid," he grumbled. "Stupid idea, and I don't know why the Prefects have to come. Rubbish, absolute rubbish..." "I thought it was alright for a while, but then it started to get really dismal. Nobody was asking me to dance, and I didn't feel much like it anyway," she said.
He sighed wistfully, "Too bad we can't just go down to Hogsmeade and have a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. Then the night wouldn't have been such a ruddy waste." "You know I hear there are secret passages out of here and into Hogsmeade," she said. "Pity I don't know where they are. I'd be out of here in a heartbeat." He shrugged, "I wouldn't be able to go anyway. I'm a stupid Prefect and I'm not allowed to break rules." "Well they're not exactly broken if nobody knows you broke them." He sighed, "Regardless, we don't know where the passages are and we're not going to find out anytime soon I don't think." Suddenly he felt himself growing warm as he sat there next to Celestia. A warm feeling down in the pit of stomach that felt vaguely like the butterflies that he'd felt not long ago. He thought about the time he'd spent helping Celestia with her homework and the time they'd spent just talking. For once someone had listened to him and for once someone hadn't insulted him. She liked him for being him. He didn't come across that very often, that was for sure. He couldn't help but wonder if maybe this was his one chance at dating someone who actually liked him. He let out a mental sigh of defeat, 'You're whipped this time. Let's find out if she feels the same way and make a complete fool of myself.'
She did feel the same way.
* * *
Snape had fallen in with the "wrong crowd" as they call it, over the next three years at Hogwarts. He wasn't made Head Boy, but that didn't bother him. He wasn't popular, and that didn't bother him either. He was happy being with Celestia and she was happy being with him. However, his friends thought that their relationship was wrong. She's just too good, too loyal to Dumbledore and Hogwarts.
* * *
It was late at night when Lucius Malfoy was traveling through Albania. He'd been out on some very, very dark business when he heard a rustling noise behind him as he walked in the forest. "Lumos," he said, wand tip now alight. He raised an eyebrow, "Ahh, my Lord, so good to see you again," he said slowly, bowing his head low to the ground. "Lucius, my dear friend, I was wondering when you'd return," Voldemort said smoothly as he brushed some invisible dust off of his left shoulder. "I hurried as quickly as I could my Lord. I've brought what you asked." He pulled out a small pouch and handed it to Voldemort. "Mmm, Lucius, you've always pleased me with your never-ending loyalty. Or at least I hope never-ending?" he said as he cast Lucius Malfoy a curious eye. "Always never-ending my Lord, always." He smiled at Malfoy with elation, "We shall see. But let us think of the present, Lucius," he said, putting a friendly arm around him and steering him into a clearing. There, in the middle of the clearing, was an old tire. "Portkey?" asked Malfoy. "Yes indeed, now let's go shall we?" They both seized hold of the tire at the same time and were instantly being transported to an unclear destination.
Malfoy smiled when he heard the screams echo through the air as he and Voldemort walked through the cave. "Mudbloods," Malfoy said slowly. "Disgusting, filthy Mudbloods." "Indeed Lucius, indeed," said Voldemort as he turned to face Malfoy. "But I did not bring you here for more of your spectacular Muggle and Mudblood torturing, Lucius, although it does amuse me so." Malfoy grinned with gratitude, "Thank you sir." "All too welcome, but you see Lucius, we run low on torturers. We need some new...blood. Is there anyone you can think of who would be willing to join us? We need new Death Eaters. My following must increase more before we can take over more of the main wizarding areas. Any ideas?" Lucius smiled slowly, "Yes, a few..."
* * *
"Lucius, what a pleasant surprise," said Snape slowly as he let him into the house. "Yes indeed Severus, very pleasant. There's something I need to discuss with you..."
* * *
Snape had become a Death Eater. He had been tattooed with the Dark Mark on his forearm only days before, and now he was gathering bits of information for Voldemort. He had quickly taken a liking to Snape, even though Snape secretly thought Voldemort was a wretched, horrific figure. He wasn't quite sure why he was doing this. Maybe it was just some internal desire to break the rules and be bad. He was still trying to figure that out. He had just Apparated to the cave where Voldemort tortured the Mudbloods when he heard a struggling noise behind him. "Well well well, look what the cat dragged in," said Voldemort slowly. Two of the Death Eaters were holding a witch between them, who was struggling madly to get away...it was Celestia. Snape's jaw dropped and Celestia stared at him. Voldemort seemed to notice Snape's reaction, "Severus my dear boy, would you like to torture her for me?" Snape's eyes grew wide, "I-I..." "No? I see," said Voldemort slowly. They strapped Celestia down on a table, and she looked at Snape with pleading eyes who could only stare back. 'I'm sorry,' he said with his own eyes.
"Torture her Severus. Now," said Voldemort. He could only stare dumbly, "I-I can't..." Voldemort smiled slowly, "Really? Then I'll do it." "No!" shouted Snape. Voldemort turned his red eyes toward Snape, "What did you say?" "I mean, please, I'll do it." Voldemort licked his lips, a smile playing across his ugly face. "You know," he said, walking around the table that Celestia lay strapped down to. "On second thought, no torture for her." Snape let out an inner sigh of relief, "Yes master." But suddenly Voldemort whipped his wand, "Death instead." A silent tear fell down Celestia's cheek as she shut her eyes, Snape screaming in horror. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort howled. Green light flashed throughout the room as the life of Celestia was sucked right out of her. Snape fell to his knees, and it was then that he understood; what have I done to these people? Is this all that I bring by helping that bastard? Death?
* * *
Snape became a spy the next day. He'd gone to Dumbledore, the only person he knew of that wouldn't instantaneously turn him in. "I can help you, I can become a spy," he'd told him. Dumbledore had agreed to let him become a spy, and tonight would be his first night as a double agent. Over the next few months he told the Ministry of Magic what he could about Voldemort and his whereabouts. They slowly began catching up with Voldemort, and soon Voldemort could not meet his Death Eaters in the cave anymore. He had to be in secret locations, but he still continued to kill people when he felt like it by visiting them in their houses, leaving the Dark Mark floating above the house after he left as a sign of the dead inside. One night, after Snape had gotten home, he had tromped up the steps in his house to go to the bathroom when he stopped in front of the mirror. His skin was sallow and pale, dark circles from stress and fatigue under his eyes. His hair was black and greasy from being too busy to have time to wash it. He leaned in close to the mirror, staring at his reflection, which stared back just as drearily. He rolled up the sleeve on his robe and looked at the Dark Mark tattoo. He wanted to carve it out with a knife, cut it out and never have to think about it ever again. He looked back up at the mirror, "I will never get close to anyone ever again."
* * *
After Voldemort had been destroyed by the Potter boy Snape felt a great weight being lifted from his chest. He got more sleep and the circles under his eyes went away, and he began to feel almost normal...except for Celestia. He wanted to see her again so badly, wanted to tell her how sorry he was. But he would never see her again, and for that he hated himself. He had to start over again, a new life...he went to Dumbledore. "Professor, I need help. I don't know what to do now that Voldemort is gone and...I don't know what to do." Dumbledore sat back, stroking his pet phoenix, Fawkes. He nodded slowly, "Severus, you've always been a bright lad when I was here. How you got mixed up with the Death Eaters is your business, not mine. You became a spy at great personal risk, and for that I'm thankful. I feel I can trust you because of it, and I've never been wrong in placing my trust with people. The Potions job is open here at the school Severus. It is yours for the taking if you want it." Snape had been very grateful to Dumbledore for his job, and he knew as the beginning of the school year was closing in that he'd have to prove himself.
* * *
Snape had been looking over the rosters of his newest class of first years when he noticed the name Harry Potter on one of them. "Potter," he said slowly. He remembered James Potter and Lily Evans from his years at the school. How they'd hated each other. He somewhat regretted part of that now because of what had happened to the Potters. But their son Harry had survived. Had survived the Avada Kedavra curse with only a lightning bolt scar to remember Voldemort by. As he stared down at the parchment upon which Harry Potter's name was written, he felt a feeling in his stomach. Not that same feeling of love he'd felt when he'd looked upon Celestia, now long dead, but one of uneasiness. He sensed something new developing at Hogwarts...something in which Potter would land right in the middle of.
* * *
He'd been a bit suspicious of Professor Quirrell when he'd joined the Hogwarts staff. Something threw Snape off about him. Something he didn't like, not at all. Perhaps it was that mysterious purple turban; it seemed to have a nasty air about it and there was always a funny smell lingering whenever Quirrell was around. Or maybe it was how he stuttered; supposedly he'd had a bad run-in with a hag, and that he was scared out of wits most of the time because of it. But that didn't make any sense though; he was the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, he was supposed to be able to handle situations like that without trouble. 'Some Dark Arts teacher,' he thought nastily.
* * *
Snape had been lucky that he'd managed to keep Potter on his broom most of the time during the Quidditch match. He'd almost lost his concentration a few times what with the Chasers and Beaters flying around and blocking his vision of Potter. Luckily when Potter had fallen off he hadn't been the far off the ground. But swallowing the Snitch...or rather, almost swallowing it...nobody expected Gryffindor to win that way. Snape only wished that Slytherin had won that match; that was his only regret about the whole thing.
* * *
After the boy Diggory had died during the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Dumbledore had asked Snape to turn spy again. Snape knew what he was risking; if Voldemort decided that Snape was being untrue to him he'd be dead in a heartbeat...but he had to take that chance. Not only for Dumbledore, whose respect meant everything to him, but also to save as many lives as he could. And yes, even Harry Potter's life despite his utter loathing for the boy and his father. But it wasn't just those two factors; it was also to save Hogwarts. If Hogwarts fell, then there would be no place safe on Earth. If Voldemort could destroy Hogwarts or turn it into a school for the Dark Arts, there would be no hope. And in times like this, when hope was in short supply...he knew he might have to die to protect the school.
He stopped outside the gates of Hogwarts, staring at his forearm where the Dark Mark burned angrily on it. If he touched the tattoo he would instantly Apparate to Voldemort's side. How many were there already? Malfoy probably was, and MacNair was probably there too. His fingers hovered over the Mark as he thought deeply. 'I wish it had been me Celestia, I wish it had been me.'
He touched the Mark.