by me, valerie, with help from our good friend Padfoot :)
disowner: JK Rowling...
a/n you don't have to get to me about the dementors, they were out
sick this day, yep, the whole lot of them...
Sirius sat alone on the dirt floor in his cell. He had a stick in on hand, that he was only momentarily ago pretending was a wand, and cursing Peter. Not much entertainment. More fun though then chasing your tail... He had tried that, too. And playing fetch with himself... The cell was to small to do that... Well, at least he had a stick for entertainment... He probably could win a drum major tournament by now, all those hours of practice. Well, that was if he had a band... He could get all the prinsoners here together and form one... Amusing idea. The dementors might be good at the clarinet... Staring down at the dirt floor, Sirius starred thinking that there had to be worse things to happen to someone then end up here. Right? He took the stick and stared to write.
1. Drown in Moaning Myrtle's toilette ("The horror")
2. Be sorted into Hufflepuff
3. Or worse, Slytherin ("Thank God I was a Gryffie!")
4. Associate with Peter ("Shoot")
5. Be locked in the Astronomy tower with Snape ("He smells worse
then Fang does when he's wet!")
6. Break your nose because you got to close to a flesh eating
flubber worm
7. Fall of the boats while crossing the lake your first year
and be eaten by a baby squid
8. Be married to Snape ("Thank goodness I'm not a girl")
9. Or even remotely related to him ("I pity his poor mother")
10. Have dog breath your whole life ("I wonder what ever happened to
those were-wolf breath mints I got Remus?")
11. Be trampled by a stampeding jack-asses ("The animals! I meant
the animals!")
12. Get into a fight with a house elf and loose ("I got a nasty black
eye from one once...")
13. Have your animagius be a flubber worm ("surprised Peter wasn't...")
14. Be holding your wand backwards when you use Ava kavera ("I could
see Peter doing that one, wasn't exactly the brightest thing the rat!
Well, it would save me the
trouble, then...")
15. Have ever associated with Pettigrew ("Damn It!")
16. Get lost on your way to lunch...
17. Never found out how to get into the kitchens
18. Been named Eugene Florida Black ("I think that was the name
of one of the Hufflepuffs...")
19. Never be kissed ("Snape never was...")
20. Associate with Snape, or for that matter, Peter ("Damn it! DAMN IT!")
Sirus placed down his stick and gave an approving smile as he read over the list he created. Yep, there were a lot worse things that could have happened to him, and really, only two ever did... Now, why won't those dementors go away, or at least bring better food for dinner today... It would be rather humorous to dress one up in pink and flowers... Playing the clarinet.