Slow and Perfect
Prologue
"God! I just wish today would end!" I thought, not paying attention to the incessant babbling of the meaningless people in my life. I was at yet another peace meeting discussing how the world should recoup so that it will return to some semblance of normalcy. Yeah, that's what they want you to think. Really, all their doing is to find a way to keep their jobs as long as possible, so that they don't have to get real jobs like the rest of us. Well, except maybe me. Anyways, these stupid assholes have been ranting about pacifism crap and how it will help the earth and colonies attain true peace.
Yeah.
Whatever.
All I do at these meetings is nod my head every once in awhile, so that they would think I was giving them my utmost attention. I have a knack for that. Foolish morons don't even know that I'm not paying attention. Heh. I've got them wrapped about my little finger…and they don't even know it! God, it's good to be Queen. And I know that's conceited. I meant it in a conceited way. I am the worlds most sought after woman! It's happened on numerous occasions that people at these meetings will ask me to sleep with them, and I've politely declined them all. With all that, why shouldn't I be conceited? *chuckles*
"And with that final statement, our meeting is finished. I thank you all for coming. We will meet again next week." Said some bald guy who has headed these meetings since the war started and I still don't know his name. Frankly, I couldn't give a care what his name is. Walking out of the meeting hall, one of the idiots that had given a speech today stops me and says; "I just know that we can finally attain peace with you here, Queen Releena. I just know we can." The idiot then proceeded to grin adoringly at me. "Bastard." I think as I walk past him, not even responding.
Walking out the huge main doors and into the warm sunshine, my heart rises. Well okay, maybe rises isn't the right word. Lightly flies then returns to its normal, slow beat is better. A slow beat. That's what I like. Just keep it slow and perfect, slow and perfect. I enter a sleek black limo, sliding into the slightly oily leather seats with perfect grace. Slow and perfect. I remain silent while the driver babbles on, trying to get me to talk about the meeting. No doubt it's some hotshot reporter who thinks that he can trick me. Hah. I give him the silent treatment and he still continues to rant.
Does everyone in this damn world have to rant?
It gets so annoying. There's no flow, no rhythm to babbling. It rakes on my mind like nails to a blackboard. I just want to scream
"Shut up! No one gives a damn what you have to say!" to the driver, but I can't. Even though I'm queen of the world there's a lot of shit I just can't do. The driver rounds a corner and pulls up to the gate of my home. Oh, home isn't the right word, more like mansion! HA! Who else lives by themselves in a place that could rival the Taj Mahal? After passing security, the limo reaches the door to my mansion. A servant rushes to the car door, opening it without grace. I step out, a look of slight disapproval aimed at the cowering servant, my pale pink skirt ruffling just so as I walk into the house.
"Good day Miss Releena." The servants chorus cheerily. I wave them aside with a flick of my hand, the signal to, basically, leave me alone. Walking into my room, I sink down into the goose-down comforter on my bed. For some reason, I always ask to be alone but if I stay alone, I know where my thoughts will eventually lead me. Into the dark place of my mind, doubt. I don't want to go there, but I know once I am alone, there is no stopping it. Thinking about the meeting, I wonder when my idiot secretary will bring me the minutes so that I'll know at least a little about what happened.
"But," I think with scorn. "What would happen if I didn't know what happened at the meeting? If I showed up and said 'Fuck all of you, I don't want to be your damned leader!' what would they do?"
I know I'm skirting dangerous territory when I think about doing things I know I can't.
My heart begins to race slightly above normal as I think about all those faces, and what they would think if I said that. If I said I didn't want to be Queen…but, I want to be Queen! Don't I?
"Oh god, here it comes." I think with a slight tremor in my voice. Dwelling on the fact that I don't know if I want to be Queen or not, my mind begins to waver. My heartbeat rises rapidly and I begin to pant as if I've been running track and am sorely out of shape and practice.
"Shit." I mutter, trying to focus on an image in my mind. The one thing that keeps me from going over the edge. Normally, I can stop myself from falling if I just focus on that image. That lovely, steadying image. But I knew I was too far-gone. There was only one way to stop myself now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My heartbeat steadily rising, I rushed into the bathroom adjacent to my room. Kneeling, I reach behind the toilet, pulling a tiny black leather pouch out from behind it. My hands shaking, I unzipped the pouch, revealing tiny black handled knife, suitable for cutting cheese. I stared intensely at it, pushing my left sleeve up to the elbow. My arm was criss-crossed with tiny white and red scars. Choosing an empty spot about an inch away from my wrist. Slowly, meticulously, I made a tiny slit and continued to make a thin line across my arm.
A slow and perfect cut across my arm.
Gazing at the scarlet trickles of blood that welled up out of the cut, my heartbeat slowly began to decrease, my whole body sinking into a total relaxation that could not be achieved any other way. My worries left me, as they always did when I had to do this. I sank into a comforting haze and did not resist its effects. ~~
~~ How long I had sat on the floor I don't know, but, as I rose (not forgetting to wash my knife and return it to it's hiding place) and went back to my room, the sky was a deep purple through the open window. It had been late afternoon when the meeting ended. After gazing out at the sunset until the night came, I felt gripped by the urge to sleep that I only felt after keeping myself from falling. Putting my pajama's on *t-shirt and shorts with pink clouds on them*, I pulled back the comforter and climbed in. Just before I fell asleep, I thought, "My life will stay perfect. Slow and perfect."
~~~~~~~
So, what do you think? Morbid, eh? Don't say I didn't warn you. Well, if you did enjoy this please review because I do not know whether I should continue with this story or devote my time to The Mission, my other Gundam fic. Questions? Comments? Nags? Email me: cobaltempress@yahoo.com Until next time! Sayonara!