Disclaimer: Maki Murakami owns this wonderful series and I'm really honored to share my thoughts with fanfics.
The Difference Between Need and Want.
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 5 - Kanashimi.
I walked to Seguchi-san's door and knocked. When I opened the door, there was Sakano sitting at his usual chair as Seguchi-san was at his desk with folded hands.
The calm and composed. He never failed to amaze me.
Sakano got up and bowed. "Goodbye Sachou. I will relay all the messages to K-san."
We walked out and Sakano pulled out his handkerchief as we were walking down the hall.
"You look like you have a fever."
Alarmed, he shook his head that he didn't.
"Is it something bad again?" I asked. I remembered the last time this happened. Shuichi was in a slump a couple of hours before a concert...
He then told me the itinerary for Bad Luck and I sighed in relief and didn't grab the gun out of my pocket again.
I left Sakano to go home. It was already 9 at night and I was not fond of the night life. It was fun to be the life of the party, but even people like that get tired.
I was very tired.
Running this group was fun, but it took lots of hard work and dedication along with much patience. I think that's why I took guns to scare everyone, but most of all, it was a control.
My footsteps echo in the quietness of my apt...
I am reminded that there is no one in my apartment. I am reminded that my wife and my son are not with me.
They are in America. Or when they come to visit, it's not too long either. I treasure those moments when I can hold my son in my arms and not let go...
At night, when he comes, I go to his room and hold him in my arms. I end up sleeping that way because I've missed him so much. And my pride just won't let me cry.
My pride won't let me cry...
I walked through my apartment and put my gun on the counter. With a sly smile while looking at it, I say, "Heh."
That gun was a reminder to me.
It was a constant memo to myself that loneliness was only a moment away. I had gone crazy the first few times that I had to go on trips abroad or around with Nittle Grasper.
It was a personal ordeal that I had to keep up with a smile and not bring people down with.
It was my war, not theirs. So, I never shared my inner most feelings of this whole situation.
I think only my wife knows how much I feel about this whole thing, and I thank her for being understanding. Hey, she hasn't left me yet and she even gave me a son, who is my Michael.
In a time when I lost my mind, I took a gun, but then I thought of my angel baby, my son Micheal.
And so then on, it was an ongoing joke to myself about this gun or other ones that I mess around with.
My constant want for peace came with an enduring need to be whole.
How would my family survive without me?
Simple,
I can't survive with them.
They are what I want to be with. They are the life energy I need to live. They are intertwined in my mind that you cannot tear either one from me lest you wish to kill me in the process.
I took up the picture frame and went outside to lean on the balcony while undoing my tie. While drinking a can of beer, I watched the city lights glimmer brightly.
As long as I am under the same sky,
I know they are with me.
They are looking at the same moon,
as I am now.
---
Author's note: K...different, ne?
The Difference Between Need and Want.
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 5 - Kanashimi.
I walked to Seguchi-san's door and knocked. When I opened the door, there was Sakano sitting at his usual chair as Seguchi-san was at his desk with folded hands.
The calm and composed. He never failed to amaze me.
Sakano got up and bowed. "Goodbye Sachou. I will relay all the messages to K-san."
We walked out and Sakano pulled out his handkerchief as we were walking down the hall.
"You look like you have a fever."
Alarmed, he shook his head that he didn't.
"Is it something bad again?" I asked. I remembered the last time this happened. Shuichi was in a slump a couple of hours before a concert...
He then told me the itinerary for Bad Luck and I sighed in relief and didn't grab the gun out of my pocket again.
I left Sakano to go home. It was already 9 at night and I was not fond of the night life. It was fun to be the life of the party, but even people like that get tired.
I was very tired.
Running this group was fun, but it took lots of hard work and dedication along with much patience. I think that's why I took guns to scare everyone, but most of all, it was a control.
My footsteps echo in the quietness of my apt...
I am reminded that there is no one in my apartment. I am reminded that my wife and my son are not with me.
They are in America. Or when they come to visit, it's not too long either. I treasure those moments when I can hold my son in my arms and not let go...
At night, when he comes, I go to his room and hold him in my arms. I end up sleeping that way because I've missed him so much. And my pride just won't let me cry.
My pride won't let me cry...
I walked through my apartment and put my gun on the counter. With a sly smile while looking at it, I say, "Heh."
That gun was a reminder to me.
It was a constant memo to myself that loneliness was only a moment away. I had gone crazy the first few times that I had to go on trips abroad or around with Nittle Grasper.
It was a personal ordeal that I had to keep up with a smile and not bring people down with.
It was my war, not theirs. So, I never shared my inner most feelings of this whole situation.
I think only my wife knows how much I feel about this whole thing, and I thank her for being understanding. Hey, she hasn't left me yet and she even gave me a son, who is my Michael.
In a time when I lost my mind, I took a gun, but then I thought of my angel baby, my son Micheal.
And so then on, it was an ongoing joke to myself about this gun or other ones that I mess around with.
My constant want for peace came with an enduring need to be whole.
How would my family survive without me?
Simple,
I can't survive with them.
They are what I want to be with. They are the life energy I need to live. They are intertwined in my mind that you cannot tear either one from me lest you wish to kill me in the process.
I took up the picture frame and went outside to lean on the balcony while undoing my tie. While drinking a can of beer, I watched the city lights glimmer brightly.
As long as I am under the same sky,
I know they are with me.
They are looking at the same moon,
as I am now.
---
Author's note: K...different, ne?