Disclaimer: Gravi isn't mine, but I love it enough to use it as if it were...
The Difference Between Need and Want
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 6 - Kizu. (To cut.)
"What a beautiful night it is!" Looking out the window, I took a deep
breath and waved my arms like the little kid inside my heart.
"Sugee~!"
It never failed to amaze me. The lights of Tokyo were very pretty, but the moon was even prettier. Then, I remembered aloud, "Ah! I forgot to call K today!"
Rushing to the phone before I would forget, I quickly dialed the
memorized number.
"Mushi mushi?" I said to the phone.
"Ah, Ryuichi." K answered on the other end. "I was about to just call
you."
"Sou desu ka?" I smiled happily and then asked, "So, is there anything
I need to be updated about?"
"No, not today." K replied.
"Oh, okay." I nodded knowing he couldn't see me. "I'll see you then. I'm going out."
"Alright. Bye."
"Ja."
The receiver clicked and I stared at the phone for a moment. Then, I
put it on the hook.
Again, I stood there in front the phone with a curious look on my face
and rubbed my fingers on my chin. "Hmm..."
I can't...
Again, for the millionth time that night, I started to pace about the
room looking at that telephone as if it were going to bite me.
I don't think I should...
Maybe I can make an excuse to him-
RING!
"AAH!" I screamed to myself. Grabbing my chest, I breathed deeply.
"Just the phone..."
"Hello?"
"Shuichi-kun~!" I smiled to myself. "So why are you calling me
today?"
"Ah...sou desu ka?" Again, I nodded to a nonexistent person in front
of me. "Go to a party? I don't think that would be too bad."
Doki Doki...
"Everyone's going to be there? Really? Who's coming?"
Smooth, Ryuichi. Really smooth.
"Ah, sou desu ka..." Smiling happily, I replied, "No problem. I'll
see you there. Ja."
Putting the phone down, I grinned more than I usually did.
Tatsuha was going to be there...
* smile *
But so would Touma.
* sigh *
Grabbing my jacket from the closet, I suddenly felt like taking a walk
outside. "Yeah, a cool breeze is always comforting," I convinced
myself.
Putting my hands into my jacket and pulling my cap a bit lower to cover
somewhat of my eyes, I walked around the streets with no particular
place to go. When I stopped, I found myself in front of the recording
studio.
Smiling to myself, I shook my head in disbelief and yet I believed the
irony of it all. "Guess it's a sign."
I walked over to the building and somehow got to the room. Thanks to
Touma, I was able to access the building without any trouble. "That's
Touma for you."
And somehow, that single remark made me sigh. As I opened the door to
the recording booth, I heard the echo of the door penetrate the walls
around me. Closing the door seemed so loud now.
Flicking on the rest of the lights, I adjusted everything to my liking.
I've been through this so much that I know how the systems work. From
people to the music to the stage, I've mastered them all.
Leaning on the switchboard while overlooking the empty recording booth,
I said to myself, "It takes a four minute song on stage about 2 or more
days to be perfected here. And yet, people don't know these things."
That's such a Touma thing to say.
And the more and more I looked at that microphone, I remembered the
prepping and scolding I got from him. He, until now, is such a
professional that it's not even funny anymore. He really is 'intact'.
And yet, he put up with me and my antics. My childish was something
that I couldn't understand how he could stand.
He is cold...and yet so warm also...
Contradictory, but that's how I think of him.
I walked down to speak to the microphone. Putting on the headphones, I
closed my eyes and snapped my fingers to a continuous tempo.
My eyes change whenever I sing...
"When you say that I sleep with
One eye open,
this paper doll exists deep inside you.
I am of no use to you
and yet you love me
To death.
I love to look at you
looking at me
and yet your glare
is something I wonder about
when you're next to me.
My lips are weapons
that speak what shouldn't,
that protest what should be,
and kill what must.
You've however
gotten the best of me.
When you say that I sleep with
One eye open,
this paper doll exists deep inside you.
I am of no use to you
and yet you love me
To death.
Enough to cut me to
little pieces."
I stopped singing and sighed. "The song I never finished, 'Kizu'. The
song I was going to present to Touma in high school."
Then, I leaned on the door. With my back to the wall, I pounded my
fist on it. "Yeah, like I'm going to say, 'Sempai, I made a song for you
because I have a crush on you.'"
And Touma didn't help at all. The more we practiced in our band, we
crossed that line between love and friendship when I kissed him on the
cheek. And he looked at me with blinking eyes and a smile saying that I
was sweet like Mika's brother.
That of whom I now know is novelist Yuki Eiri.
We left it like that.
It doesn't help when you see your first crush more than you really
should. It really isn't healthy.
And then you try to hide it even more by being genki.
No...
When I threw my Kumagorou at Tatsuha, I knew there was something wrong
with him. I, who never let that thing go for all the world, did for
Tatsuha-kun.
Blinking my eyes even at myself (inside I was very shocked), I watched
his every move that night in a daze.
This is how it felt like: A rush of blood flushes to your face and so
you can't stop blushing. You smirk trying so hard not to smile but to
no success.
And because you couldn't reach out and touch him...you make Kumagorou
do it for you.
I whacked myself in the forehead for that many times and I still do it!
Stupid Ryuichi! Why can't you be cool and calm like on stage when
you're with either of them?
Because they're different people.
My liking, my want, my need for them is different.
For Touma, I want him to see more than he wants to see. I need him to
stop looking at me like a kid...
but I don't help that with a pink bunny...
For Tatsuha, I want him to know it's more than a 'you're my fan and
that's all you are to me' type of thing.
And need? I just do.
Don't know why, but he's like Kumagorou. Once you have him, you can't
give it back because you love him too much...
Love...
I opened the door and walked out of the building to find that it was
already morning. "Great, I didn't sleep."
But, being me, I clenched my fists, grinned and consoled myself with,
"It's not too bad."
That night, when I entered the party, I hated Fate.
On the left side of the room, there was Touma at the counter drinking.
To my right, there was Tatsuha leaning on the couch with his arms out
and crossing his legs looking really cute and cool...
With my genki expressions, I came into the room like my sempai:
Calm, collected, and cool.
Walking up to Touma, I wrapped my arm slowly on his shoulders and
smiled to say that I was here. And as always, he smiled back at me.
No matter how much time has passed...
...this love/hate relationship I've had inside myself for this
person...
it will never change.
Then, I made the last lyrics to my song in my head as I passed him:
"I'll throw you away
Like you did to me.
I'm your doll,
but with your cold heart,
you're not even human."
Tatsuha-kun stood up to greet me.
I'll hide it.
Blinking my eyes, I pretended to yawn when I was really crying.
Grabbing his neck with my arm playfully, I brushed my lips softly on his
cheek without making it seemed that I kissed him.
The thing that I unable to say to Touma, I'll say to you...
"I really like you. You're like Kumagorou." Unable to catch myself, I
stood there for a moment in the midst of people talking but pretending
as if no one were there, I finished, "Do I really have to let go of you
now?"
Blushing, Tatsuha smiled cooly and whispered back, "Never. I don't
think I'll let you, Ryuichi-san."
Leaning back up and taking off my arm, he went to sit back down. I
went about the room jumping around and putting my hands on everyone
shoulders. Bouncing around, I then came across Tatsuha after greeting
everyone.
Standing in back of the couch, I leaned down and wrapped my arms over
his shoulders and smiled. Looking around, I whispered very lowly,
"'Ryuichi' is just fine with me."
I then realized the difference between you and Touma.
I've wanted Touma for a long time...
...but I've needed you for much longer. Much more than you can
imagine...
...So much so that it cut so deep inside.
---
Author's note: Damn, damn, damn...why am I such a sucker for
genkiness...doushite...?!
The Difference Between Need and Want
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 6 - Kizu. (To cut.)
"What a beautiful night it is!" Looking out the window, I took a deep
breath and waved my arms like the little kid inside my heart.
"Sugee~!"
It never failed to amaze me. The lights of Tokyo were very pretty, but the moon was even prettier. Then, I remembered aloud, "Ah! I forgot to call K today!"
Rushing to the phone before I would forget, I quickly dialed the
memorized number.
"Mushi mushi?" I said to the phone.
"Ah, Ryuichi." K answered on the other end. "I was about to just call
you."
"Sou desu ka?" I smiled happily and then asked, "So, is there anything
I need to be updated about?"
"No, not today." K replied.
"Oh, okay." I nodded knowing he couldn't see me. "I'll see you then. I'm going out."
"Alright. Bye."
"Ja."
The receiver clicked and I stared at the phone for a moment. Then, I
put it on the hook.
Again, I stood there in front the phone with a curious look on my face
and rubbed my fingers on my chin. "Hmm..."
I can't...
Again, for the millionth time that night, I started to pace about the
room looking at that telephone as if it were going to bite me.
I don't think I should...
Maybe I can make an excuse to him-
RING!
"AAH!" I screamed to myself. Grabbing my chest, I breathed deeply.
"Just the phone..."
"Hello?"
"Shuichi-kun~!" I smiled to myself. "So why are you calling me
today?"
"Ah...sou desu ka?" Again, I nodded to a nonexistent person in front
of me. "Go to a party? I don't think that would be too bad."
Doki Doki...
"Everyone's going to be there? Really? Who's coming?"
Smooth, Ryuichi. Really smooth.
"Ah, sou desu ka..." Smiling happily, I replied, "No problem. I'll
see you there. Ja."
Putting the phone down, I grinned more than I usually did.
Tatsuha was going to be there...
* smile *
But so would Touma.
* sigh *
Grabbing my jacket from the closet, I suddenly felt like taking a walk
outside. "Yeah, a cool breeze is always comforting," I convinced
myself.
Putting my hands into my jacket and pulling my cap a bit lower to cover
somewhat of my eyes, I walked around the streets with no particular
place to go. When I stopped, I found myself in front of the recording
studio.
Smiling to myself, I shook my head in disbelief and yet I believed the
irony of it all. "Guess it's a sign."
I walked over to the building and somehow got to the room. Thanks to
Touma, I was able to access the building without any trouble. "That's
Touma for you."
And somehow, that single remark made me sigh. As I opened the door to
the recording booth, I heard the echo of the door penetrate the walls
around me. Closing the door seemed so loud now.
Flicking on the rest of the lights, I adjusted everything to my liking.
I've been through this so much that I know how the systems work. From
people to the music to the stage, I've mastered them all.
Leaning on the switchboard while overlooking the empty recording booth,
I said to myself, "It takes a four minute song on stage about 2 or more
days to be perfected here. And yet, people don't know these things."
That's such a Touma thing to say.
And the more and more I looked at that microphone, I remembered the
prepping and scolding I got from him. He, until now, is such a
professional that it's not even funny anymore. He really is 'intact'.
And yet, he put up with me and my antics. My childish was something
that I couldn't understand how he could stand.
He is cold...and yet so warm also...
Contradictory, but that's how I think of him.
I walked down to speak to the microphone. Putting on the headphones, I
closed my eyes and snapped my fingers to a continuous tempo.
My eyes change whenever I sing...
"When you say that I sleep with
One eye open,
this paper doll exists deep inside you.
I am of no use to you
and yet you love me
To death.
I love to look at you
looking at me
and yet your glare
is something I wonder about
when you're next to me.
My lips are weapons
that speak what shouldn't,
that protest what should be,
and kill what must.
You've however
gotten the best of me.
When you say that I sleep with
One eye open,
this paper doll exists deep inside you.
I am of no use to you
and yet you love me
To death.
Enough to cut me to
little pieces."
I stopped singing and sighed. "The song I never finished, 'Kizu'. The
song I was going to present to Touma in high school."
Then, I leaned on the door. With my back to the wall, I pounded my
fist on it. "Yeah, like I'm going to say, 'Sempai, I made a song for you
because I have a crush on you.'"
And Touma didn't help at all. The more we practiced in our band, we
crossed that line between love and friendship when I kissed him on the
cheek. And he looked at me with blinking eyes and a smile saying that I
was sweet like Mika's brother.
That of whom I now know is novelist Yuki Eiri.
We left it like that.
It doesn't help when you see your first crush more than you really
should. It really isn't healthy.
And then you try to hide it even more by being genki.
No...
When I threw my Kumagorou at Tatsuha, I knew there was something wrong
with him. I, who never let that thing go for all the world, did for
Tatsuha-kun.
Blinking my eyes even at myself (inside I was very shocked), I watched
his every move that night in a daze.
This is how it felt like: A rush of blood flushes to your face and so
you can't stop blushing. You smirk trying so hard not to smile but to
no success.
And because you couldn't reach out and touch him...you make Kumagorou
do it for you.
I whacked myself in the forehead for that many times and I still do it!
Stupid Ryuichi! Why can't you be cool and calm like on stage when
you're with either of them?
Because they're different people.
My liking, my want, my need for them is different.
For Touma, I want him to see more than he wants to see. I need him to
stop looking at me like a kid...
but I don't help that with a pink bunny...
For Tatsuha, I want him to know it's more than a 'you're my fan and
that's all you are to me' type of thing.
And need? I just do.
Don't know why, but he's like Kumagorou. Once you have him, you can't
give it back because you love him too much...
Love...
I opened the door and walked out of the building to find that it was
already morning. "Great, I didn't sleep."
But, being me, I clenched my fists, grinned and consoled myself with,
"It's not too bad."
That night, when I entered the party, I hated Fate.
On the left side of the room, there was Touma at the counter drinking.
To my right, there was Tatsuha leaning on the couch with his arms out
and crossing his legs looking really cute and cool...
With my genki expressions, I came into the room like my sempai:
Calm, collected, and cool.
Walking up to Touma, I wrapped my arm slowly on his shoulders and
smiled to say that I was here. And as always, he smiled back at me.
No matter how much time has passed...
...this love/hate relationship I've had inside myself for this
person...
it will never change.
Then, I made the last lyrics to my song in my head as I passed him:
"I'll throw you away
Like you did to me.
I'm your doll,
but with your cold heart,
you're not even human."
Tatsuha-kun stood up to greet me.
I'll hide it.
Blinking my eyes, I pretended to yawn when I was really crying.
Grabbing his neck with my arm playfully, I brushed my lips softly on his
cheek without making it seemed that I kissed him.
The thing that I unable to say to Touma, I'll say to you...
"I really like you. You're like Kumagorou." Unable to catch myself, I
stood there for a moment in the midst of people talking but pretending
as if no one were there, I finished, "Do I really have to let go of you
now?"
Blushing, Tatsuha smiled cooly and whispered back, "Never. I don't
think I'll let you, Ryuichi-san."
Leaning back up and taking off my arm, he went to sit back down. I
went about the room jumping around and putting my hands on everyone
shoulders. Bouncing around, I then came across Tatsuha after greeting
everyone.
Standing in back of the couch, I leaned down and wrapped my arms over
his shoulders and smiled. Looking around, I whispered very lowly,
"'Ryuichi' is just fine with me."
I then realized the difference between you and Touma.
I've wanted Touma for a long time...
...but I've needed you for much longer. Much more than you can
imagine...
...So much so that it cut so deep inside.
---
Author's note: Damn, damn, damn...why am I such a sucker for
genkiness...doushite...?!