Disclaimer: Gravitation is the creative product of manga artist Maki Murakami. It was just so tempting to use these characters, but they're obviously not mine!
The Difference between Need and Want
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 8 - Blind Game
"What do think of when someone says the words 'need' and 'want'?" my
brother's question persisted inside my head for a moment.
I would have choked if I didn't know how to control myself...
Then, Shuichi laughed. "Wow, I just asked Hiro something like that
three days ago."
I looked at Shuichi, almost feeling a bit distraught inside for him to
mention his best friend.
I then took the cigarette out of my mouth, and looked straight into
Tatsuha's eyes. "Blind game. Now don't ask me more stupid questions."
Again smoking and wiping the counter, I knew that wasn't a stupid
question at all. It was just something that irritated to me to no end.
I had already asked these questions to myself so many times, and yet
people continued to needle me with their nonsense as if they had never
thought of something like that until now.
"But why a blind game?"
It was Shuichi who had asked this because Tatsuha had known me well
enough to see that I was going to snap if he asked me any more questions that I didn't feel like answering at this time.
Unable to look at him, I answered while concentrating on checking on
what else to clean, "It's a blind game. You think you may know what you may need and want, but then you might need and want something else, but you can't really see that."
I then looked at Shuichi. "Understand?"
He shook his head.
I sighed. "It means that you're blind either way. You don't know what
you want or need until certain situations put you in the position to
make a decision."
"Oh..."
Inside my head, I was relieved that that would occupy him for a while.
For if he would ask anymore, I think I would get angry enough to not
start crying or get soft, which would irritate the hell out of me.
Why did my idiotic brother had to ask, I don't know, but it may have to
do with Sakuma Ryuichi. He was most blind with that man that he loved.
But I am too.
I act so suave, but inside, Shuichi drives me crazy in annoyance and with his childish charm...
"Okay, we're done," Shuichi said and Tatsuha said bye as we locked the
door behind us.
At the parking lot, I watched Shuichi happily go to the car as I
trailed behind with yet another cigarette in my hand being lit.
That boy...that Shuichi...
"Why are you stopping, Yuki?" Shuichi looked at me as I had noticed
that I had stopped walking all together. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Betsuni." I said as I resumed walking again and opened the doors for
us.
While driving, Shuichi fell asleep and his head fell on my shoulder.
Looking at him, I whispered, "Baka."
But then, at a stop, I placed my jacket on him. "You really are a lot
of trouble. You know that?"
And all he could mumble was my name, "Yuukii..."
At the stop before the on ramp to the freeway, I kissed his forehead.
It's when you're quiet that I can be sweet with you. You won't react
as much. You're silence is so strange though...
But why did my stupid brother have to pose such a question to me? He
knows very well that when he does that, I won't stop thinking until I
have a very thorough answer to justify what I said. But this
justification was to myself though I made perfect sense in my answer.
Before, my need, my most significant need was for Yuki to love me. To
see beyond my ways as a child and to look at me. To really look at me
and wait for me.
I wanted him to understand the depth of love...
the unconditional love I gave to him as a child and was willing to give
for the rest of my life.
With tears about to emerge, but my pride not letting them come out, I
just rolled opened the window to get some wind in my face. Flipping the cigarette box flap open, I began to smoke again.
Breathe...
THAT was what need and want were to me, Tatsuha.
My bitterness towards someone like that will never fade.
And as I look at Shuichi, it is no better. This person that I wanted
to leave because he was giving me that unconditional love that I once
gave...
...I don't want him to be consumed by this.
Need.
I need my space. Shuichi is crowding me, and yet I don't mind him
distracting me. I let him do as he pleases because I need to be near him.
I don't know why that's so important to me, but when he's gone, I grope
at the invisible person next to me.
Want.
I am caught between him leaving and staying. I want him to leave me.
He is someone I don't think I can deal with. And yet, I want him to
stay because...
...just because he's being himself.
As I parked my car, I shook my head and knew that Shuichi wouldn't wake
up now. No matter what I would do.
"You ahou," I mumbled softly. I then picked him up and kicked the door shut.
While going up the elevator, I look at your sleeping face.
I don't think I was prepared for you to come to my life, Shuichi...
For you to give that depth of love that I wanted to give, I no longer
know how to show, but I absolutely feel that for you...
For you to be so genki and full of life for a person who likes to be
undisturbed and quiet, but you came with no warning...
That's why I called YOU a blind game, Shuichi.
I always thought I knew what I wanted and what I needed. But no. I was
very mistaken.
When I fell in love with you, I saw my preconceived notions were a
blur.
I walk blindly in a game with my sleeve being tugged by your hands every single day.
And honestly, I don't mind anymore.
---
Author's note: Aww...Isn't Yuki so cute when he's contemplating about Shuichi? Hee hee...
The Difference between Need and Want
by Miyamoto Yui
Chapter 8 - Blind Game
"What do think of when someone says the words 'need' and 'want'?" my
brother's question persisted inside my head for a moment.
I would have choked if I didn't know how to control myself...
Then, Shuichi laughed. "Wow, I just asked Hiro something like that
three days ago."
I looked at Shuichi, almost feeling a bit distraught inside for him to
mention his best friend.
I then took the cigarette out of my mouth, and looked straight into
Tatsuha's eyes. "Blind game. Now don't ask me more stupid questions."
Again smoking and wiping the counter, I knew that wasn't a stupid
question at all. It was just something that irritated to me to no end.
I had already asked these questions to myself so many times, and yet
people continued to needle me with their nonsense as if they had never
thought of something like that until now.
"But why a blind game?"
It was Shuichi who had asked this because Tatsuha had known me well
enough to see that I was going to snap if he asked me any more questions that I didn't feel like answering at this time.
Unable to look at him, I answered while concentrating on checking on
what else to clean, "It's a blind game. You think you may know what you may need and want, but then you might need and want something else, but you can't really see that."
I then looked at Shuichi. "Understand?"
He shook his head.
I sighed. "It means that you're blind either way. You don't know what
you want or need until certain situations put you in the position to
make a decision."
"Oh..."
Inside my head, I was relieved that that would occupy him for a while.
For if he would ask anymore, I think I would get angry enough to not
start crying or get soft, which would irritate the hell out of me.
Why did my idiotic brother had to ask, I don't know, but it may have to
do with Sakuma Ryuichi. He was most blind with that man that he loved.
But I am too.
I act so suave, but inside, Shuichi drives me crazy in annoyance and with his childish charm...
"Okay, we're done," Shuichi said and Tatsuha said bye as we locked the
door behind us.
At the parking lot, I watched Shuichi happily go to the car as I
trailed behind with yet another cigarette in my hand being lit.
That boy...that Shuichi...
"Why are you stopping, Yuki?" Shuichi looked at me as I had noticed
that I had stopped walking all together. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Betsuni." I said as I resumed walking again and opened the doors for
us.
While driving, Shuichi fell asleep and his head fell on my shoulder.
Looking at him, I whispered, "Baka."
But then, at a stop, I placed my jacket on him. "You really are a lot
of trouble. You know that?"
And all he could mumble was my name, "Yuukii..."
At the stop before the on ramp to the freeway, I kissed his forehead.
It's when you're quiet that I can be sweet with you. You won't react
as much. You're silence is so strange though...
But why did my stupid brother have to pose such a question to me? He
knows very well that when he does that, I won't stop thinking until I
have a very thorough answer to justify what I said. But this
justification was to myself though I made perfect sense in my answer.
Before, my need, my most significant need was for Yuki to love me. To
see beyond my ways as a child and to look at me. To really look at me
and wait for me.
I wanted him to understand the depth of love...
the unconditional love I gave to him as a child and was willing to give
for the rest of my life.
With tears about to emerge, but my pride not letting them come out, I
just rolled opened the window to get some wind in my face. Flipping the cigarette box flap open, I began to smoke again.
Breathe...
THAT was what need and want were to me, Tatsuha.
My bitterness towards someone like that will never fade.
And as I look at Shuichi, it is no better. This person that I wanted
to leave because he was giving me that unconditional love that I once
gave...
...I don't want him to be consumed by this.
Need.
I need my space. Shuichi is crowding me, and yet I don't mind him
distracting me. I let him do as he pleases because I need to be near him.
I don't know why that's so important to me, but when he's gone, I grope
at the invisible person next to me.
Want.
I am caught between him leaving and staying. I want him to leave me.
He is someone I don't think I can deal with. And yet, I want him to
stay because...
...just because he's being himself.
As I parked my car, I shook my head and knew that Shuichi wouldn't wake
up now. No matter what I would do.
"You ahou," I mumbled softly. I then picked him up and kicked the door shut.
While going up the elevator, I look at your sleeping face.
I don't think I was prepared for you to come to my life, Shuichi...
For you to give that depth of love that I wanted to give, I no longer
know how to show, but I absolutely feel that for you...
For you to be so genki and full of life for a person who likes to be
undisturbed and quiet, but you came with no warning...
That's why I called YOU a blind game, Shuichi.
I always thought I knew what I wanted and what I needed. But no. I was
very mistaken.
When I fell in love with you, I saw my preconceived notions were a
blur.
I walk blindly in a game with my sleeve being tugged by your hands every single day.
And honestly, I don't mind anymore.
---
Author's note: Aww...Isn't Yuki so cute when he's contemplating about Shuichi? Hee hee...