Disclaimer: Gravitation is the cute shounen ai series made by Maki Murakami. I'm just using the characters because I love them to pieces, so try to sue me for that...
The Difference Between Need and Want
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 9 - Nakitakunai. (I don't want to cry.)
While looking at my half-naked husband sleeping next to me, I couldn't help but think at the oddity of this whole situation. He had fallen asleep and here I was watching him sleep...
...well, maybe it would be weird for him, but not for me.
As I brushed the hair away from his face, he turned towards my direction and mumbled softly, "Mmm...Yuki."
Stab.
I stopped running my fingers through his hair and blinked at him. But I was not surprised anymore. It just pinched my heart every time. And gradually, it began to twist it with all its power every single time he called for my younger brother and not for me...Mika.
His wife, Mika.
Being prideful, I couldn't cry at all. I just resumed looking at him.
Sitting closer to him, I pulled his head to sleep on my lap.
You're so warm, Touma.
And you have always been kind.
I think what I've taught most to Yuki is that no matter how much you may want to show what you feel, you've got to keep it inside and act relaxed through anything. It was something that I had perfected and somehow it permeated to that twisted mind of his.
Hey, we're siblings, what do you expect?
Through the steel exterior, I'm helpless when I look at Touma....
I've held him like this for ages. And I've hugged him at night as he turned unconsciously away from me.
These little rejections are like pricks of a rose. They irritate you, they hurt you, the make you bleed without anything on their part. But because they're so charming and beautiful, you still try to touch them despite the danger.
And so, whenever you call my brother's name, I'm gradually wilting inside.
Smiling at you, I place my head on yours and think of the times we've shared alone. Rare...these kinds of situations are rare for you and me because we're both busy people. But no, I have not forgotten any of them. Not one.
Not with you in them, Touma.
I remember the first time you said hi to me in high school. I looked at you and then passed you as if to say, "Who the hell are you to talk to me?"
But when I left school, I blushed and thought, "He...actually...said hi to me..."
When you first kissed me, I turned my head away, but you caught me off guard and kissed me on the lips by anticipating the side I would turn to. Inside, I wanted to tell you that I had loved you ever since I first saw you in class. But outside, I glared in anger at such a smooth move as if we were already a couple even though we weren't yet.
Then after that...your focus was on Yuki...
But you still asked me to marry you and I was so happy, but I didn't act like it at all. I even went abroad to avoid you, only to find you leaning on my doorstep ready to take me back to Japan saying, "I only came to visit Ryuichi, and I thought I'd see you too..."
Shaking my head, I stare at you even more.
THAT'S the kind of effect you have on me. The way Yuki fell for his tutor doesn't compare with what I've felt for you...
I may act one way, but I mean another. You KNOW this Touma...
Holding him tighter in my arms, I shook lightly as if I would lose him any second.
I...
I want you to look back at me like that...
Blink...blink.
I need you to just look at me Touma. Only at me this time...
In a blur, I see him looking up at me and reach up his hand to my cheek with a smile. Then, he fell back asleep.
And you've twisted me so well because I've let you. Everytime I've thought, I want to leave before I'm consumed in this grief, you do something to keep my hope alive...that hope that you'll feel the way you do for Yuki but for me...
Drip...Drip...
Wiping my face, I got up abruptly while placing my sleeping Touma on a pillow and placing a blanket over his shoulders.
I refuse to cry.
Picking up the phone, I dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello?" I said. "Yuki."
"Ah. Onee-san." he answered with his monotonous tone.
"I've something to honestly ask you." My eyes looked at the ground and I couldn't believe I was doing this and yet my voice was as crisp and sharp as I had presented myself to be.
"Hai."
"Have you ever had an affair with Touma, Yuki?"
Sighing in slight irritation, he answered, "No. Never."
"You sure?" A tinge of my jealous flashed deep inside of me.
"You're my sister, why would I ever do that? Ja."
Click.
Just like that...he hung up on me. I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't.
Closing my eyes tightly, I wanted to shout at myself for acting irrationally and so stupidly.
With tears streaming down my face as I walked down the hall towards our bedroom, I kept on thinking,
"I refuse to cry."
--
Author's note: I didn't really like or dislike Mika, but I always thought she was as cool as her husband, but of course, I'll be worshipping Touma...but Ryuichi even more!!!!
The Difference Between Need and Want
by Yui Miyamoto
Chapter 9 - Nakitakunai. (I don't want to cry.)
While looking at my half-naked husband sleeping next to me, I couldn't help but think at the oddity of this whole situation. He had fallen asleep and here I was watching him sleep...
...well, maybe it would be weird for him, but not for me.
As I brushed the hair away from his face, he turned towards my direction and mumbled softly, "Mmm...Yuki."
Stab.
I stopped running my fingers through his hair and blinked at him. But I was not surprised anymore. It just pinched my heart every time. And gradually, it began to twist it with all its power every single time he called for my younger brother and not for me...Mika.
His wife, Mika.
Being prideful, I couldn't cry at all. I just resumed looking at him.
Sitting closer to him, I pulled his head to sleep on my lap.
You're so warm, Touma.
And you have always been kind.
I think what I've taught most to Yuki is that no matter how much you may want to show what you feel, you've got to keep it inside and act relaxed through anything. It was something that I had perfected and somehow it permeated to that twisted mind of his.
Hey, we're siblings, what do you expect?
Through the steel exterior, I'm helpless when I look at Touma....
I've held him like this for ages. And I've hugged him at night as he turned unconsciously away from me.
These little rejections are like pricks of a rose. They irritate you, they hurt you, the make you bleed without anything on their part. But because they're so charming and beautiful, you still try to touch them despite the danger.
And so, whenever you call my brother's name, I'm gradually wilting inside.
Smiling at you, I place my head on yours and think of the times we've shared alone. Rare...these kinds of situations are rare for you and me because we're both busy people. But no, I have not forgotten any of them. Not one.
Not with you in them, Touma.
I remember the first time you said hi to me in high school. I looked at you and then passed you as if to say, "Who the hell are you to talk to me?"
But when I left school, I blushed and thought, "He...actually...said hi to me..."
When you first kissed me, I turned my head away, but you caught me off guard and kissed me on the lips by anticipating the side I would turn to. Inside, I wanted to tell you that I had loved you ever since I first saw you in class. But outside, I glared in anger at such a smooth move as if we were already a couple even though we weren't yet.
Then after that...your focus was on Yuki...
But you still asked me to marry you and I was so happy, but I didn't act like it at all. I even went abroad to avoid you, only to find you leaning on my doorstep ready to take me back to Japan saying, "I only came to visit Ryuichi, and I thought I'd see you too..."
Shaking my head, I stare at you even more.
THAT'S the kind of effect you have on me. The way Yuki fell for his tutor doesn't compare with what I've felt for you...
I may act one way, but I mean another. You KNOW this Touma...
Holding him tighter in my arms, I shook lightly as if I would lose him any second.
I...
I want you to look back at me like that...
Blink...blink.
I need you to just look at me Touma. Only at me this time...
In a blur, I see him looking up at me and reach up his hand to my cheek with a smile. Then, he fell back asleep.
And you've twisted me so well because I've let you. Everytime I've thought, I want to leave before I'm consumed in this grief, you do something to keep my hope alive...that hope that you'll feel the way you do for Yuki but for me...
Drip...Drip...
Wiping my face, I got up abruptly while placing my sleeping Touma on a pillow and placing a blanket over his shoulders.
I refuse to cry.
Picking up the phone, I dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello?" I said. "Yuki."
"Ah. Onee-san." he answered with his monotonous tone.
"I've something to honestly ask you." My eyes looked at the ground and I couldn't believe I was doing this and yet my voice was as crisp and sharp as I had presented myself to be.
"Hai."
"Have you ever had an affair with Touma, Yuki?"
Sighing in slight irritation, he answered, "No. Never."
"You sure?" A tinge of my jealous flashed deep inside of me.
"You're my sister, why would I ever do that? Ja."
Click.
Just like that...he hung up on me. I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't.
Closing my eyes tightly, I wanted to shout at myself for acting irrationally and so stupidly.
With tears streaming down my face as I walked down the hall towards our bedroom, I kept on thinking,
"I refuse to cry."
--
Author's note: I didn't really like or dislike Mika, but I always thought she was as cool as her husband, but of course, I'll be worshipping Touma...but Ryuichi even more!!!!