Disclaimer: This title is by Murakami Maki, but I present this fanfic as a form of deep appreciation for all the moments shared because of this series. ^_^v
The Difference Between Need and Want
by Miyamoto Yui
(Conclusion)
Chapter 13 - Boku no... (My...)
"I choose you, Hiro." I heard again in my mind as I sat on the side of the bed with Shuichi still sleeping in bed. Patting his head, I smiled and got up.
But I knew better.
This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.
Yuki hasn't even picked up the phone to call him nor give his stuff to me. Hey, I don't blame the guy...
As Shuichi awoke, he turned over and smiled. "Good morning, Hiro."
Oh, how I love that smile so much...
A smile meant only for me...
But I knew this was wrong.
Shuichi got up and went to the balcony to breathe in the morning air as he usually did. And here I would come in back of him to wrap my arms around him.
He sighed.
And it reminded me of the way I had made him cry. I had been the one to make him choose.
I had broken his heart more than anyone could...even Yuki...
It wasn't guilt...this was more than love...
Still embracing him, I sang softly to his ear,
"I am always quiet
can't you see this isn't
good for you and me?
It's the distance that hurts me
but how come you are so near...
still cannot teach you.
Still cannot reach you.
There is no difference between
Want and Need
When it comes to you...
I want to become more
Than you think I am to you
To be more than I think
I should be,
but I'll just smile like always
hurting away behind the fence
I've built between us
as I look at you from afar.
But why are you so near
when I think you're so far?
Aching beyond belief,
I keep on reaching for you
though I know you won't understand
this concept of
reaching back.
There is no difference between
Want and Need
when it comes to you."
Closing my eyes and trying to hold back my tears because of the song that I had dedicated to him for years but could never show to him, I just held him tighter.
I want to be always with you, Shuichi.
And I will always be, but not this way. I don't think we're meant to be in this way...
Yes...
"I've been so happy living in a dream for about ten days, Shuichi." I quivered a bit, but kept my resolve as I usually did. "But you should go home."
Then, I whispered most painfully,
"Go back to Yuki. He's waiting for you."
Geez, I can't even look at him as I say this...
"Hiro..." Shaking his head, he tried to protest. "But I like it here."
"No. You're unhappy here." I kept on holding him without watching his face. "I know you too well."
"Why all of a sudden-" his lip began to quiver and I tried much harder to become more cold.
"Don't you like me here?" His began to shake and cry as he turned himself away from me.
When I gave him a look, he became quiet. That was the one thing I could never lie about...
"How can you ask that, Shuichi?"
Then, he turned around to face me and began to blink his eyes as he smiled at me. "Always...Hiro. It's always you..."
"You couldn't make a decision. I'll make it for you, Shuichi." I pushed him away. "Now go! Go back to Yuki!"
I wish I could tear my arms off...
He took up his things and packed them quickly. Walking out the door, he gave me a hug. "Why are you always the one saving me from being hurt too much?"
Damn, you're making this so much harder...like you always do, Shuichi...
But that's so you...
Holding him with one arm and burying my face in his hair, I gravely whispered, "Because no one else will."
No one but me...
"Thanks for the dream, Shuichi. But you've got to go back to reality." Finally, I cried in front of him. Then, in frustration and last ounce of courage I could conjure inside of myself, I pushed him out of the threshold. "Go back before I change my mind, Shuichi!"
Slamming the door, I heard the shuffling of feet running far away from me.
We'll see each other tomorrow and forget about today.
And that's the way it should be.
Now, I understand you Yuki...
Now I can see why you're so cold to him...
You just can't show everything...or else you'll...
For I myself can't...
I can't describe it anymore...
Not when it comes to Shuichi...
Turning around, I went to the balcony and began to smoke a cigarette.
"Want is something you just can live without but think you can't." I leaned my arms on the ledge. "Need is something you must possess no matter the consequences, or else you'll die."
There is no real difference between need and want. Well, not anymore.
Living with Shuichi for a few days taught me that you can't be selfish with your needs and wants. When you pass the line between these two things, you might suffocate and kill them and their own happiness.
So I learned that because you truly love them to death...
...you've to learn to let them go.
Smiling to myself and taking another puff of smoke, I looked down because I couldn't stand looking out at the moment.
But as to who has the greater need for Shuichi, we'll never know, won't we, Yuki?
He may be your blind game, but he's my...
My...
...
Unable to describe my greatest need and want anymore unlike Yuki, I tried to convince myself,
"My best friend.
As the way it should be...
And nothing else."
--
Author's note: finished. finished. finished...
Wow, it turned into a real drama but that's okay. I loved doing this regardless of the twists, turns, and sappiness...
Yeah, I know. I hate doing that too, but I just did the whole Clamp vol. 16 'whisper thing' from Subaru to Seishirou because I'm being cruel...
you fill in the blank.
So, what do you think?
The Difference Between Need and Want
by Miyamoto Yui
(Conclusion)
Chapter 13 - Boku no... (My...)
"I choose you, Hiro." I heard again in my mind as I sat on the side of the bed with Shuichi still sleeping in bed. Patting his head, I smiled and got up.
But I knew better.
This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.
Yuki hasn't even picked up the phone to call him nor give his stuff to me. Hey, I don't blame the guy...
As Shuichi awoke, he turned over and smiled. "Good morning, Hiro."
Oh, how I love that smile so much...
A smile meant only for me...
But I knew this was wrong.
Shuichi got up and went to the balcony to breathe in the morning air as he usually did. And here I would come in back of him to wrap my arms around him.
He sighed.
And it reminded me of the way I had made him cry. I had been the one to make him choose.
I had broken his heart more than anyone could...even Yuki...
It wasn't guilt...this was more than love...
Still embracing him, I sang softly to his ear,
"I am always quiet
can't you see this isn't
good for you and me?
It's the distance that hurts me
but how come you are so near...
still cannot teach you.
Still cannot reach you.
There is no difference between
Want and Need
When it comes to you...
I want to become more
Than you think I am to you
To be more than I think
I should be,
but I'll just smile like always
hurting away behind the fence
I've built between us
as I look at you from afar.
But why are you so near
when I think you're so far?
Aching beyond belief,
I keep on reaching for you
though I know you won't understand
this concept of
reaching back.
There is no difference between
Want and Need
when it comes to you."
Closing my eyes and trying to hold back my tears because of the song that I had dedicated to him for years but could never show to him, I just held him tighter.
I want to be always with you, Shuichi.
And I will always be, but not this way. I don't think we're meant to be in this way...
Yes...
"I've been so happy living in a dream for about ten days, Shuichi." I quivered a bit, but kept my resolve as I usually did. "But you should go home."
Then, I whispered most painfully,
"Go back to Yuki. He's waiting for you."
Geez, I can't even look at him as I say this...
"Hiro..." Shaking his head, he tried to protest. "But I like it here."
"No. You're unhappy here." I kept on holding him without watching his face. "I know you too well."
"Why all of a sudden-" his lip began to quiver and I tried much harder to become more cold.
"Don't you like me here?" His began to shake and cry as he turned himself away from me.
When I gave him a look, he became quiet. That was the one thing I could never lie about...
"How can you ask that, Shuichi?"
Then, he turned around to face me and began to blink his eyes as he smiled at me. "Always...Hiro. It's always you..."
"You couldn't make a decision. I'll make it for you, Shuichi." I pushed him away. "Now go! Go back to Yuki!"
I wish I could tear my arms off...
He took up his things and packed them quickly. Walking out the door, he gave me a hug. "Why are you always the one saving me from being hurt too much?"
Damn, you're making this so much harder...like you always do, Shuichi...
But that's so you...
Holding him with one arm and burying my face in his hair, I gravely whispered, "Because no one else will."
No one but me...
"Thanks for the dream, Shuichi. But you've got to go back to reality." Finally, I cried in front of him. Then, in frustration and last ounce of courage I could conjure inside of myself, I pushed him out of the threshold. "Go back before I change my mind, Shuichi!"
Slamming the door, I heard the shuffling of feet running far away from me.
We'll see each other tomorrow and forget about today.
And that's the way it should be.
Now, I understand you Yuki...
Now I can see why you're so cold to him...
You just can't show everything...or else you'll...
For I myself can't...
I can't describe it anymore...
Not when it comes to Shuichi...
Turning around, I went to the balcony and began to smoke a cigarette.
"Want is something you just can live without but think you can't." I leaned my arms on the ledge. "Need is something you must possess no matter the consequences, or else you'll die."
There is no real difference between need and want. Well, not anymore.
Living with Shuichi for a few days taught me that you can't be selfish with your needs and wants. When you pass the line between these two things, you might suffocate and kill them and their own happiness.
So I learned that because you truly love them to death...
...you've to learn to let them go.
Smiling to myself and taking another puff of smoke, I looked down because I couldn't stand looking out at the moment.
But as to who has the greater need for Shuichi, we'll never know, won't we, Yuki?
He may be your blind game, but he's my...
My...
...
Unable to describe my greatest need and want anymore unlike Yuki, I tried to convince myself,
"My best friend.
As the way it should be...
And nothing else."
--
Author's note: finished. finished. finished...
Wow, it turned into a real drama but that's okay. I loved doing this regardless of the twists, turns, and sappiness...
Yeah, I know. I hate doing that too, but I just did the whole Clamp vol. 16 'whisper thing' from Subaru to Seishirou because I'm being cruel...
you fill in the blank.
So, what do you think?