Hermione's laughter died as the other two occupants of the room looked at her, each with something less than charity in their eyes. "Uh... something wrong, Mum?" she asked innocently.
"Young lady, I think you know very well that something's wrong. I would like you to explain this!" She pointed one slender and well-manicured finger at Severus.
"It's a him, Mum, not a 'this'." Hermione was trying very hard to remain perfectly calm and not cringe or giggle or get annoyed. She felt quite ready to do all three at once. Her eyes caught the twitch of Severus' hand, and the sudden appearance of his wand in it. She shook her head slightly.
Mum was a sight more observant than given credit and noticed it. Eyes narrowed, she looked back at the mysterious man in her daughter's bedroom, wearing a pair of her daughter's very indecent underwear on his head. "Don't you dare try any of your magic on me; I'll call the police."
"Mum!"
"Don't you Mum me, Hermione. I want an explanation." Her eyes didn't leave Severus. "First I find all these horrible clothes in your suitcase, and then a snake--a snake!--in there, and it turns into this man! What in the devil is going on?"
That urge to laugh again that Hermione put her mental foot on the neck of and twisted. "Mum, settle down. There's nothing to be afraid of. This is... is..."
"Tell her, Hermione," Severus said, and he arched one eyebrow at the shocked Mrs. Granger as one corner of his mouth curled into a smirk.
"Rose? Hermione?"
"Dad, I--"
"Roger--"
"Obliviate!"
It was little more than a hiss of breath, but Hermione's father had proved to be the distraction needed.
"Severus!" Hermione hissed, and glared at him as her mother stood there. Her eyes were very distant, and she swayed dangerously. "I told you not to do that!"
"She's unharmed. Don't concern yourself it. Remember who the bad guy is here."
"Stop smirking at me. I'm not happy." Hermione pursed her lips and put on her best 'I'm not happy' look.
His smirk didn't move an inch. "I can change that."
"Rose? What's with all the shouting." At the top of the stairs now.
With the grace of a dancer, Hermione slid to Severus' side and put her arm around him. "Fine, leave it to me to fix everything. Change." In an instant, the man next to her was replaced by a snake draped carelessly over her arm. With her right hand, she plucked the underwear fluttering to the floor out of the air and tossed it across the room and out of sight. "It's nothing, Dad," Hermione said loudly. "Mum just got a bit of a scare. I should have warned her."
Her father appeared in the doorway, looking confused and slightly concerned. "Warned her of what?"
"This." Holding out her arm, Hermione displayed her snake.
"Dear God! Hermione, that's--"
"Completely harmless. Don't worry. Mum just found him in my suitcase and had a bit of a scare. He's non-venomous, and completely tame." She smiled sweetly at her father. Unless your name is Harry Potter.
Her father looked unconvinced. "That is a snake, Hermione."
"Yes, I know, Dad. He's very gentle; there's nothing to worry about." She ran her fingers over the head and down the body.
"Oh." Still not convinced, her father stood next to her mother and took her arm gently. "You should have told us, brought it in a cage, Hermione."
"I couldn't keep him in a cage! That would be worse than keeping Crookshanks in a cage!"
The utter horror of such a notion must have been very clear on her face, as her father relented immediately. "Yes, but you should have told us, Hermione. Look at your mother; she's in shock." He put the back of his hand to his wife's cheek. "Rose? Rose, speak to me. It was just Hermione's pet snake."
It took incredible control to not grin widely. Pet snake indeed.
"Roger? I'm... not feeling so well," she answered faintly, and clutched at his arm.
"Come along, love. I'll get you some tea." Roger Granger--a name he never liked and never forgave his parents for--started to lead his wife out. "Don't let your mother see that thing again, Hermione," he warned and gave her a very stern look.
"Of course." Hermione waited until she heard the sound of her parents going slowly down the stairs, and held the snake up to eye level. "Just fantastic. Did you see his face? He thinks I'm crazy now."
The snake stretched out and flickered its tongue, just barely touching the end of her nose.
"Being cute's not going to get you out of this so easily. I'll have a lot of patching up to do." Hermione often thought that, with Crookshanks and the things Severus tried to get away with as a snake, she was being prepared for motherhood. She grinned. "Oh, I see now what you're doing," she said suddenly. This would get him good.
The snake flickered its tongue again and actually cocked its head to one side.
"Yes, very clever, but you know I'm on to your tricks now. I'm sure you can see that I'm more than capable, so if you want children, you just have to say so. No need to test my mothering abilities with this childish behavior of yours." Hermione had never seen a snake look stunned until that moment. "And now," she continued, very pleased with herself, "let's get you tucked away. Don't want any more shoes to come crashing down on you."
Hermione retrieved the underwear she had tossed away, and tucked it away in the bottom drawer of the dresser. "You should be safe in there. I'll leave it open. Just don't get caught." She allowed the reptile to slide gracelessly from her arm and land in a tangled heap on the clothing in the drawer. "Stay," she said sternly, but with a smirk.
Lunch was something of a terse affair, but as no real harm had been done--aside from altering her mother's memory, dammit, Severus--her parents were willing to get over this little snake problem.
"I'm really sorry I didn't say anything. I had forgotten he was even there, and I really didn't expect anyone to be going through my suitcase." Hermione cast a gently accusing look at her mother.
"I wasn't going through your suitcase, dear. I was putting away your clothes. Don't be tetchy; it's not flattering," Mum said glibly. She was no worse for wear from her encounter with Severus.
Hermione's patience resembled a fuse now. A quickly burning fuse. "I wouldn't need to get tetchy if you treated me like an adult," she replied, and vaguely noted she had adopted Severus' style with the absolute minimal movement of her mouth when she was annoyed.
Looking shocked, as if she had merely eaten the last piece of cake, Mum blinked. "But that was a snake. Why would you ever want a snake?"
That might have been a question eight years ago she wouldn't have been able to answer, but now, she knew. She sighed to release the tension that would make her words come out indignant and overly aggressive. "He's very intelligent, more so than Crookshanks, and you know how smart he is. Actually, he's very much like Crookshanks... once you get past the fact that he's a sn--a serpent." Her parents weren't convinced at all.
"He's not slimy at all; he's very... silky, and sleek. Quiet, doesn't make a mess... I'd even say he's rather protective; he certainly doesn't like to be separated from me for too long, which is why I brought him."
They stared at her, and Hermione thought she might have gone overboard, though it was certainly all true. It wasn't her fault she wasn't speaking about just any snake.
Mum was first to recover. She heaped a spoonful of potatoes on her plate, looking very put-upon. "Well a snake is no replacement for a husband."
The heat crawled up Hermione's neck, and she knew she was in the middle of turning beet red.
Mum didn't notice this development. "What you need to do is go and find yourself a nice accountant, or an insurances salesman. You need stability in your life, away from that... war."
That drew an exasperated sigh from Hermione, and she shook her head. "No, that's not what I need."
On the middle stair, its whip-like body wrapped carefully around on the of banister supports, the snake listened as best it could. The hearing of snakes was a weakness, but it could mostly make out what was being said. When Hermione spoke, its tongue flickered rapidly. It was almost possible to taste her in the air itself.
Hermione's parents, on the other hand, roused only suspicion. The mother was loud and violent, two things a snake did not appreciate. The father was unsupportive and thickheaded. Those were two things Severus Snape did not appreciate. The declaration that Hermione needed to chain herself to a dull Muggle simply sealed it.
Tail quivering with annoyance, and wishing there was a rattle attached to the end, along with some fangs and poison glands for fun, the snake started down the stairs.
Hermione appeared at the bottom though, and scooped the snake up. "I know you're mad," she whispered as she headed up the stairs. "I'm not too happy myself, but charging down there and confronting them won't help at all."
She kept a firm grip on the snake until she was in her room and the door was closed. She turned the latch and locked it. "You have to understand my parents. They always were a little dubious about magic, and with the war, they're--"
"Ignorant and offensive! Hermione, suggesting you waste your talents on an--" Severus made a face even more sour than usual. "Accountant... That is an insult!"
"Keep your voice down! Getting upset won't do any good! My life is separating from what they're comfortable with more and more every day. I think... they're scared." Frowning, Hermione looked at the floor, noting the little scuffs on the toes of Severus' shoes. "Please don't make this more difficult by getting upset." With tears threatening to fall, her eyes met his.
His sigh of resignation changed to a drawn out hiss as his body changed from man to snake.
"Thank you," she said softly, watching as the snake disappeared into the bottom dresser drawer. He was angry she knew that, but there was little she could do apart from leaving the house. Even if he did not understand what her parents felt, Hermione did, and she wouldn't run from their worries. "I love you."
With one hand poised to knock on the door of his daughter's room, Roger Granger--how he loathed ever hearing or speaking or even thinking his full name--lowered his arm. Hermione's voice, and that of a man. Not a young man. Fingering his thin beard thoughtfully, he headed back down to his wife.
The house was utterly silent. It was a familiar thing to the head of the household. He liked it to be quiet and calm. It resonated harmony, even with Hermione's return. As much as he didn't like to admit it, she had disrupted the peace and tranquility that had been established after she had moved out.
At night though, with the silver moon lighting the hall through the gauzy curtain, the house completely silent, he could appreciate the tranquility once more. But not quite at the moment.
Years of walking that floor led his feet along the path that was the most silent. Under his weight, not a single board even groaned as he went to Hermione's door once again. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and paused.
Still silence.
The window was open, and the room was bathed in moonlight and a cool breeze. Clearly, under the gently waving curtain, he could see two people in Hermione's small bed. Controlling the clenching of his heart at seeing the man holding his daughter tightly to his chest, Roger Granger--and he was too busy staring at the man to contemplate how much he disliked his name--watched the two.
They appeared, above all, content, and though the man looked old enough to be her father, if this was what made Hermione happy, then he... A grimace crossed his face. The man was old enough to be her father! But... her happiness was more important to him than the age of this man... even though he certainly was old enough to be her father.
That was one mystery solved, and a pretty big clue to another. His eyes picked apart the room. He was familiar with every detail in it, and he quickly focused on the one thing that was out of place: the open dresser drawer.
Tip-toeing and feeling foolish for it, he went to the dresser and crouched down. The drawer slid open noiselessly, and he looked carefully through the clothing. No sign of any snake. Mystery two solved, and that just about covered it.
He replaced the clothing as it had been, closed the drawer as it had been, and then returned to bed.
Breakfast was awkward. "Rose, weren't you talking about going out for a bit of shopping?"
"Well..." She looked at Hermione with a trace of guilt in her eyes. "I had been, but..." The rest didn't need to be said.
"Why don't the two of you make a day of it?" His eyes didn't stray from the paper as he made his suggestion.
"Oh, well, you know Hermione doesn't care for shopping. She never did." Maybe some resentment in that last statement.
The paper lowered, and his eyes took in the strained face of his wife and the nearly-ill countenance of his daughter. Ill... He hoped that didn't mean... "You can't just sit around the house all day, listening to me talk about the Claymores."
Both women winced. The man's interest in football had been bad enough. His interest in American football was even worse.
"I'm not the bookworm I used to be," Hermione said quickly, definitely wanting to get away after the mention of football--country of origin didn't matter. "I haven't really been shopping in non-wizarding shops in a while. All the wizarding shops are good for is a laugh when it comes to anything outside of robes." She stood, abandoning her breakfast.
"They shut out the Fire over the weekend. They're in good position to go to the World Bowl again. It's been eleven years since they won it, though they were close in 2000. I know I should be more supportive of London, but that quarterback is just..." He smiled as he heard the latch of the front door. That trick always worked.
Now to get to the serious business.
Up the stairs and straight into Hermione's room. The bottom drawer was open an inch again, and he opened it the rest of the way. Removing the clothing slowly, he went through what he wanted to say very carefully. He lifted a shirt, and there it was, curled up at the very bottom. "You there," he said loudly, giving the snake his sternest look.
The tip of the tail began to vibrate, and it lifted its head to look at him.
"You understand me, don't you?"
It just looked at him.
"I know a little about what you magical types can do. Now, were you the man in my daughter's bed last night or not?" He smiled when the snake reared back. "As I thought. Now, I want you to listen to me very closely, because I may be only a dentist, but you don't want to see a dentist angry. Understand?"
A small nod and flicker of the tongue.
"Good. Now, from what she's said, you obviously mean quite a bit to her. And from what I saw, I can understand why she didn't want to introduce us. So, you take care of her and treat her right, and we won't have any trouble." His eyes narrowed suddenly. "You're not married, are you?"
A small shake.
"Good because I would be angry if you were and we hadn't been there. I fully intend to give away my daughter's hand to whoever she might choose. If you do decide to marry her, we will receive an invitation, won't we?"
Small nod.
"I'm glad we understand one another."
"...in a cage. He gets along famously with Crookshanks."
"How did the shopping go? Successful?"
"Fine, Dad."
"Well enough, dear."
"That's good to hear." He was summarily dismissed as the two returned to the conversation they had been involved in as they walked in.
"I don't see how a cat and a snake can get along together. I don't understand why you have a snake--"
"Rose, if Hermione wants a snake, she can have a snake. She's an adult now," Roger Granger--not pleased with his own name, but he had always thought Hermione Granger had its own charm--said, sounding almost condescending to his wife.
Both women stopped in their tracks. They stared.
"What?" they said in unison.
He shrugged. "It's a snake. It's harmless. If she likes it, what difference does it make?"
"It's not lady-like, Roger."
"So?"
"She'll never get a proper husband with a pet snake!"
"I'm sure Hermione will do fine, pet snake or no. Give the girl some breathing space, Rose."
Hermione stared. Was this actually her father? She was starting to wonder if this was someone with a dose of Polyjuice.
"After all, where would we be if you had settled for an accountant or insurances salesman? Not together as a family, I know that." He smiled at the two. "Now why don't you take care of your things? Those bags look heavy."
As if she had been hit once again by the Obliviate spell, Hermione's mother nodded faintly, looking dazed, and headed for the stairs.
Hermione remained rooted to the spot.
"Something wrong, Hermione?"
"I... I'm not sure. Did you mean what you said?"
"Of course. Or aren't you happy with your snake?" He smiled and winked, then went into the kitchen.
"Happy with my...? Dad, what...?" Having trouble putting it all together, she followed him. "What was that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing at all. Just that if you're happy with your snake, then that's your decision. Of course, if something should happen to it, we'll be here to support you." A kindly, innocent smile.
He was saying more than what his words said. "Dad, I don't--"
"I should take care of these dishes. Go on. Take your things upstairs."
Mouth open, Hermione was about to say something foolish and hot-headed, but all the words rushed away in the tide of confusion that swept over her when she saw her father put two plates in the sink. This was followed by two glasses, and two sets of silver. "That's... two..."
"Hm? Something wrong?" Kindly, innocent, scheming smile.
"So... you're OK about... my snake?" Hermione asked, her brows furrowing with this game.
"I suppose. He wouldn't be my first choice for you, but if he makes you happy... You are an adult now, and can make your own choices."
"So you know that he's--"
"Very protective of you, yes. And very attached. I wouldn't say harmless though."
"Are dentists really that bad when they're angry?"
Hermione smiled. "Depends if you're in the chair or not."
"Chair?"
"You should see him use his drill."
"Drill?"
"A little too much gas, and..." She mimed passing out.
"Gas?"
"Shut up and kiss me, my sleek and silky pet snake."
"Pet snake?"
Hermione sighed and shook her head. "Do I have to do all of this myself? Come here." She took him by the chin and kissed him.
TBC