Perfect
Song by Alanis Morissette
Story by Soulfull Ishida
Author's Notes and Notations: OMG!!! Okay, back up a tad…I was plotting a Daiken about two weeks ago; in fact it was about halfway done. Only one problem- it wasn't flowing. It was choppy, and I just wasn't getting it to work. So, I decided I would take a break from the romance section of ff.net and write a Ken-angst. AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS! I END UP WRITING A DAIKEN! Oh well, I guess it's pretty cool for a songfic…it's an abrupt ending though, just to give you a heads up. Thoughts=^, lyrics=*. Rated PG for minor cussing, yaoi, and small, barely noticeable yet really big hints at suicide.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ken Ichijouji or the rest of the Ichijouji family, Daisuke Motomiya, or anything else from Digimon 02 (or 01, for that matter). Do you think I would be writing this if I did? No seriously, do you?
*~*~*~*~*
*Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love.
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face…*
(Mrs. Ichijouji POV)
Osamu was the perfect son. There was- and still is- no question about that. He was the athlete, the genius, and the prim and proper son any mother could ever wish for. He always had a smile on his face; it could make any girl's heart melt in a second. I loved him so much…no mother could ever come close to how much I cared for my perfect Osamu.
But, I don't think he loved me.
Osamu cared about his younger brother more than Hiroko and I ever could, even though he wasn't very good at expressing his feelings. He treated Ken like his favorite toy that he had outgrown. Whenever someone attempted to become acquaintances with his 'Kenny-boy,' he would get mad at the person, but even madder at his ottoto. And when Osamu got mad…you just didn't want to be near him.
*Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder…*
(Mr. Ichijouji's POV)
Then the accident happened.
Gods, if there was ever a day I cried, that was it.
Rina, Osamu, and Ken were heading to the food store. Ken had been asking Osamu if he could have an ice cream cone, and every time he said no, it made Ken ask even more. Soon, Osamu became very irritated, and he pushed Ken, causing the young boy to cry and run off- into oncoming traffic. Before Ken could react, Osamu pushed him again that day- out of the way a car.
Osamu didn't have time to move.
It was all over the newspapers the next day. It was as if everyone in Japan knew about Osamu's death. Rina was sobbing all day, and I was still in shock, too stunned to cry. Ken had locked himself in his room, and he didn't leave it for three days.
But, when he did leave his room, it showed how much everything had changed.
I don't think I will EVER forget the day that Ken went into Osamu's room.
*How long before you screw it up?
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?
With everything I do for you,
The least you could do is keep quiet…*
(Third Person)
^Flashback- 4 years ago ^
The young blunette tiptoed across the apartment, clutching his stuffed tiger in his young arms. Nobody noticed when he quietly walked to the other end of his home. Nobody noticed as he stood before his brother's room, looking at the door with both growing intrigue and fear. His blue-violet eyes quickly scanned the area he was in, then settled them on the doorknob. He reached up and let his fingers, still slightly chubby from baby fat, rest on the handle. Without thinking, he placed his tiger on the ground, turned the handle, and slowly pushed open the door, entering the tomb of his forever-lost brother.
"Sam?" the boy asked, peering in through the crack he had made. "Sam, are you in here? I had a bad dream again." The eight-year-old pushed the door open all the way and entered, wrinkling his sensitive nose as the stale air reached it. As if he was on autopilot, he walked past the closet, the desk with the computer, the bookshelf, the chest-of-drawers…finally he reached his brother's elevated bed.
"Sam, will you sing to me? I'm scared, Sam," Ken Ichijouji whispered, a tear falling down his cheek. Silence greeted him with no reply. Ken kicked the ladder leading up to the bed, his anger and frustration making his ignore the pain that shot through his foot.
"I need you, Sam! Why won't you answer me?! I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm scared! TALK TO ME! PLEASE!" he screamed, scampering up the ladder. He reached the top, and looked in, tears pouring down his face.
No one was in the bed.
And no one would ever be there again.
^End Flashback ^
*I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to his, compared to her*
(Osamu Ichijouji)
Kenny-boy…
What have I done to you?
Oh God, Ken, I never knew I was hurting you. I thought I was helping. But now, when I watch you every day, never smiling, never being happy, only the perfect Ken Ichijouji, I finally realized.
I wasn't making you a better person.
I was turning you into me.
Kenny-boy, you don't have to be me. You don't have to fulfill my destiny as well as well as yours. My destiny was destroyed four years ago, when that car hit me. You don't have to be the best, no matter what anyone else says. You can just be you.
Lord, Ken, you have FRIENDS, and because you aren't perfect, you won't accept them. All I ever had was Ryo, but he was just an acquaintance. I would have loved to have friends like Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, Takeru, Hikari, and all the others, from Taichi to Jyou. You can't change the past, I know you know that, but you can alter your ways in order to have a brighter future.
I love you Kenny-boy. You were the best thing to ever happen to me, and, as I have already proved, I would do anything for you. If I had to relive that moment, with you in front of the car, I wouldn't change a thing.
If it's too heavy, Kenny-boy, just put it down.
*I'm doing this for your won damn good.
You'll make up for what I blew,
What's the problem?
Why are you crying? *
(Third person)
^Flashback- 6 years ago ^
"Ken, I told you, I'm studying! Don't you ever listen to me?"
"But Sam, you PROMISED you would take me to the park today! You said we could blow bubbles, and swing, and eat ice-"
"IN A LITTLE BIT! All right, Ken? You have to learn some patience. Everything comes in its own time, and right now it's time for my homework, NOT THE PARK!" Osamu yelled, glaring at his little brother with violet eyes. Ken's eyes slowly changed to a dull blue as his bottom lip began to quiver. He tediously backed out of Osamu's room and ran down the hall to his own.
^I'm going to learn patience, if it will make Onnichan happy. I'll learn how, I promise!^ Ken shouted in his own mind. ^Why can't I be perfect for him? Maybe it would be easier if…^
Ken, out of breath, ran into his room, closing and locking the door behind him. He then collapsed on his Power Rangers bed, letting his tears soak his pillow.
^…Sam would just disappear!^
^End Flashback^
*Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy…*
(Ken Ichijouji)
"Ken, sweetie, it's time for dinner!" my mother called with her cheerful voice that made me sick. How could a mother, with one son dead and the other depressed and imperfect, be so…happy all the time? I suppose that's just another mystery of life that I'll never figure out.
I got out of bed and went over to my desk, picking up the test that I had gotten back that day. Father was going to be so upset…
"I'm coming, Mother," I said as I exited my room, holding the C in my hand. Stupid language class…how was I supposed to learn five languages, not including Japanese? Well, at least no one knew about Daisuke and I yet. That would be the end of me…
Five minutes later, I was sitting at my dinner table, slowly picking at my onions and liver. The test was in my pocket; I decided to wait for Father to bring up the subject.
"So, Ken," Hiroko, my father, began, "how did you do on your language test? You studied hard, so you must have done well!" My mother beamed at me as I dipped my head down, then pulled out my test. I swear, my hand was quivering as I handed it to him.
A silence fell over the table as Father stared at the cursed test.
"Ken, how do you say, 'I am taking a trip to France,' in French?"
"I don't know."
"How do you say, 'I like your blue shirt,' in English?"
"I don't know."
"How do you say, 'That goes in the trash,' in German?"
"I don't know."
My father stared at the test for a few more seconds (they felt like eons), then quietly stood from the table.
"Ken. I try and try to understand why you aren't as smart as you used to be. Can you give me an answer?"
"No, sir."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know ANYTHING anymore, Ichijouji Ken!" What happened to computer programming? And balancing the world's largest checkbook?! And teaching college professors in their own subject?!? You were a genius, Ken. Your IQ was twice the number of average people! WHY DID YOU CHANGE?!"
I glared at my father, with millions of words about ready to explode inside of me. This was it. This was the last straw. If he said anything else…
"Why can't you be like your brother before you?"
That was it.
"You want me to be like him?!?" I screamed, leaping to my feet and flipping over the table. My mother was crying, yelling at us to stop, but I didn't care. "Fine! I'll BE like him! I'll have no friends! I'll despise of my family! I'll be straight, for GOD'S sake, until I realized that I AM a God! Will that make you HAPPY? Fine! I'll be straight, I'll be smart, I'll be cold, and…" I paused, tears forming in my eyes.
"I won't care."
Hiroko and Rina, my father and mother, they stared at me with horror in their eyes, one set brown, the other blue.
"Straight?" Father asked quietly. "What do you mean by 'straight'?"
So. That was all they heard. I glanced at my mother, who was lying on the floor. All that could be heard was her sobs echoing throughout the room.
"By 'straight', I mean not gay. I am not straight, Hiroko."
A pause.
"Who is it?"
"Motomiya Daisuke."
"Does he love you back?"
"Yes. We've been together for three months."
Hiroko took in deep breaths, trying to calm down. I could see the wheels turning in his head. Ken is not straight, Ken is not smart, Ken is not patient…
H slowly walked over to me, picking his way across the spilled food and broken dishes. He then stood before me, staring into my eyes. I was scared- no, terrified- of him, but I didn't break off the gaze until I just couldn't look at him anymore, couldn't bear to see the wounded pride and growing anger that I had caused.
The moment I looked away, Father's hand came swooping down towards my face. I lifted my hands to block the blow, but it was too late.
My father slapped me.
*We'll love you
Just the way you are…*
(Third Person)
Rina's sobs immediately stopped the moment Hiroko's hand reached Ken's face. The teenager fell to the ground like a rag doll, clutching his face in pain. The father stood there, hand still in the air. Ken slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Hiroko with fear.
"Oh, God…"Hiroko gasped as he approached his wounded son. The blunette quickly sat up and scampered away in the opposite direction. When Hiroko held out his hand, Ken winced. When Hiroko went towards him, Ken backed away. "Ken, I…I didn't mean…it was an accident…I'm…sorry…"
Before Hiroko could pull himself together, Ken was at his feet, proving that his inhuman speed was not left at the soccer field. Before either parent could react, The Rocket was in his room, setting up on of his nastier booby traps. Once it was done, he slowly sank to the floor, tears flowing down his bruised face.
"Sam, can you hear me? I had a bad day again," the child murmured, repeating what he had said three nights after his precious Onnichan died. "Sam, will you sing to me? I'm scared, Sam."
Nothing but silence answered him. Ken clutched his hair and started to yell and scream, cursing his parents, his brother, his whole damn life…
"I need you, Sam! Why won't you answer me?" Ken inhaled deeply, trying to control his sobs unsuccessfully. "I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm scared! TALK TO ME!"
There was no answer.
And after that day, there was no Ken Ichijouji.
*If you're perfect…*
Ending Author's Notes and Notations: Well, I hope that didn't suck too badly...review and tell me, please! ALSO, I have a Daiyako/Kenkari contest! Write a one-chapter, angst and/or drama songfic with Daiyako (Daisuke and Miyako) and/or Kenkari, and the one that I like best wins! It's as easy as that! Winner gets to request a story written by me with one of the following couples: Taiora, Taito, Jyora, Koumi, Jyomi, Takari, Daikari, Daiyako, Kenako, Kenkari, Kensuke. Need any more info? Email me at kate1011@aol.com! Peace out!
Song by Alanis Morissette
Story by Soulfull Ishida
Author's Notes and Notations: OMG!!! Okay, back up a tad…I was plotting a Daiken about two weeks ago; in fact it was about halfway done. Only one problem- it wasn't flowing. It was choppy, and I just wasn't getting it to work. So, I decided I would take a break from the romance section of ff.net and write a Ken-angst. AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENS! I END UP WRITING A DAIKEN! Oh well, I guess it's pretty cool for a songfic…it's an abrupt ending though, just to give you a heads up. Thoughts=^, lyrics=*. Rated PG for minor cussing, yaoi, and small, barely noticeable yet really big hints at suicide.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ken Ichijouji or the rest of the Ichijouji family, Daisuke Motomiya, or anything else from Digimon 02 (or 01, for that matter). Do you think I would be writing this if I did? No seriously, do you?
*~*~*~*~*
*Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love.
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face…*
(Mrs. Ichijouji POV)
Osamu was the perfect son. There was- and still is- no question about that. He was the athlete, the genius, and the prim and proper son any mother could ever wish for. He always had a smile on his face; it could make any girl's heart melt in a second. I loved him so much…no mother could ever come close to how much I cared for my perfect Osamu.
But, I don't think he loved me.
Osamu cared about his younger brother more than Hiroko and I ever could, even though he wasn't very good at expressing his feelings. He treated Ken like his favorite toy that he had outgrown. Whenever someone attempted to become acquaintances with his 'Kenny-boy,' he would get mad at the person, but even madder at his ottoto. And when Osamu got mad…you just didn't want to be near him.
*Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder…*
(Mr. Ichijouji's POV)
Then the accident happened.
Gods, if there was ever a day I cried, that was it.
Rina, Osamu, and Ken were heading to the food store. Ken had been asking Osamu if he could have an ice cream cone, and every time he said no, it made Ken ask even more. Soon, Osamu became very irritated, and he pushed Ken, causing the young boy to cry and run off- into oncoming traffic. Before Ken could react, Osamu pushed him again that day- out of the way a car.
Osamu didn't have time to move.
It was all over the newspapers the next day. It was as if everyone in Japan knew about Osamu's death. Rina was sobbing all day, and I was still in shock, too stunned to cry. Ken had locked himself in his room, and he didn't leave it for three days.
But, when he did leave his room, it showed how much everything had changed.
I don't think I will EVER forget the day that Ken went into Osamu's room.
*How long before you screw it up?
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up?
With everything I do for you,
The least you could do is keep quiet…*
(Third Person)
^Flashback- 4 years ago ^
The young blunette tiptoed across the apartment, clutching his stuffed tiger in his young arms. Nobody noticed when he quietly walked to the other end of his home. Nobody noticed as he stood before his brother's room, looking at the door with both growing intrigue and fear. His blue-violet eyes quickly scanned the area he was in, then settled them on the doorknob. He reached up and let his fingers, still slightly chubby from baby fat, rest on the handle. Without thinking, he placed his tiger on the ground, turned the handle, and slowly pushed open the door, entering the tomb of his forever-lost brother.
"Sam?" the boy asked, peering in through the crack he had made. "Sam, are you in here? I had a bad dream again." The eight-year-old pushed the door open all the way and entered, wrinkling his sensitive nose as the stale air reached it. As if he was on autopilot, he walked past the closet, the desk with the computer, the bookshelf, the chest-of-drawers…finally he reached his brother's elevated bed.
"Sam, will you sing to me? I'm scared, Sam," Ken Ichijouji whispered, a tear falling down his cheek. Silence greeted him with no reply. Ken kicked the ladder leading up to the bed, his anger and frustration making his ignore the pain that shot through his foot.
"I need you, Sam! Why won't you answer me?! I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm scared! TALK TO ME! PLEASE!" he screamed, scampering up the ladder. He reached the top, and looked in, tears pouring down his face.
No one was in the bed.
And no one would ever be there again.
^End Flashback ^
*I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to his, compared to her*
(Osamu Ichijouji)
Kenny-boy…
What have I done to you?
Oh God, Ken, I never knew I was hurting you. I thought I was helping. But now, when I watch you every day, never smiling, never being happy, only the perfect Ken Ichijouji, I finally realized.
I wasn't making you a better person.
I was turning you into me.
Kenny-boy, you don't have to be me. You don't have to fulfill my destiny as well as well as yours. My destiny was destroyed four years ago, when that car hit me. You don't have to be the best, no matter what anyone else says. You can just be you.
Lord, Ken, you have FRIENDS, and because you aren't perfect, you won't accept them. All I ever had was Ryo, but he was just an acquaintance. I would have loved to have friends like Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, Takeru, Hikari, and all the others, from Taichi to Jyou. You can't change the past, I know you know that, but you can alter your ways in order to have a brighter future.
I love you Kenny-boy. You were the best thing to ever happen to me, and, as I have already proved, I would do anything for you. If I had to relive that moment, with you in front of the car, I wouldn't change a thing.
If it's too heavy, Kenny-boy, just put it down.
*I'm doing this for your won damn good.
You'll make up for what I blew,
What's the problem?
Why are you crying? *
(Third person)
^Flashback- 6 years ago ^
"Ken, I told you, I'm studying! Don't you ever listen to me?"
"But Sam, you PROMISED you would take me to the park today! You said we could blow bubbles, and swing, and eat ice-"
"IN A LITTLE BIT! All right, Ken? You have to learn some patience. Everything comes in its own time, and right now it's time for my homework, NOT THE PARK!" Osamu yelled, glaring at his little brother with violet eyes. Ken's eyes slowly changed to a dull blue as his bottom lip began to quiver. He tediously backed out of Osamu's room and ran down the hall to his own.
^I'm going to learn patience, if it will make Onnichan happy. I'll learn how, I promise!^ Ken shouted in his own mind. ^Why can't I be perfect for him? Maybe it would be easier if…^
Ken, out of breath, ran into his room, closing and locking the door behind him. He then collapsed on his Power Rangers bed, letting his tears soak his pillow.
^…Sam would just disappear!^
^End Flashback^
*Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy…*
(Ken Ichijouji)
"Ken, sweetie, it's time for dinner!" my mother called with her cheerful voice that made me sick. How could a mother, with one son dead and the other depressed and imperfect, be so…happy all the time? I suppose that's just another mystery of life that I'll never figure out.
I got out of bed and went over to my desk, picking up the test that I had gotten back that day. Father was going to be so upset…
"I'm coming, Mother," I said as I exited my room, holding the C in my hand. Stupid language class…how was I supposed to learn five languages, not including Japanese? Well, at least no one knew about Daisuke and I yet. That would be the end of me…
Five minutes later, I was sitting at my dinner table, slowly picking at my onions and liver. The test was in my pocket; I decided to wait for Father to bring up the subject.
"So, Ken," Hiroko, my father, began, "how did you do on your language test? You studied hard, so you must have done well!" My mother beamed at me as I dipped my head down, then pulled out my test. I swear, my hand was quivering as I handed it to him.
A silence fell over the table as Father stared at the cursed test.
"Ken, how do you say, 'I am taking a trip to France,' in French?"
"I don't know."
"How do you say, 'I like your blue shirt,' in English?"
"I don't know."
"How do you say, 'That goes in the trash,' in German?"
"I don't know."
My father stared at the test for a few more seconds (they felt like eons), then quietly stood from the table.
"Ken. I try and try to understand why you aren't as smart as you used to be. Can you give me an answer?"
"No, sir."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know ANYTHING anymore, Ichijouji Ken!" What happened to computer programming? And balancing the world's largest checkbook?! And teaching college professors in their own subject?!? You were a genius, Ken. Your IQ was twice the number of average people! WHY DID YOU CHANGE?!"
I glared at my father, with millions of words about ready to explode inside of me. This was it. This was the last straw. If he said anything else…
"Why can't you be like your brother before you?"
That was it.
"You want me to be like him?!?" I screamed, leaping to my feet and flipping over the table. My mother was crying, yelling at us to stop, but I didn't care. "Fine! I'll BE like him! I'll have no friends! I'll despise of my family! I'll be straight, for GOD'S sake, until I realized that I AM a God! Will that make you HAPPY? Fine! I'll be straight, I'll be smart, I'll be cold, and…" I paused, tears forming in my eyes.
"I won't care."
Hiroko and Rina, my father and mother, they stared at me with horror in their eyes, one set brown, the other blue.
"Straight?" Father asked quietly. "What do you mean by 'straight'?"
So. That was all they heard. I glanced at my mother, who was lying on the floor. All that could be heard was her sobs echoing throughout the room.
"By 'straight', I mean not gay. I am not straight, Hiroko."
A pause.
"Who is it?"
"Motomiya Daisuke."
"Does he love you back?"
"Yes. We've been together for three months."
Hiroko took in deep breaths, trying to calm down. I could see the wheels turning in his head. Ken is not straight, Ken is not smart, Ken is not patient…
H slowly walked over to me, picking his way across the spilled food and broken dishes. He then stood before me, staring into my eyes. I was scared- no, terrified- of him, but I didn't break off the gaze until I just couldn't look at him anymore, couldn't bear to see the wounded pride and growing anger that I had caused.
The moment I looked away, Father's hand came swooping down towards my face. I lifted my hands to block the blow, but it was too late.
My father slapped me.
*We'll love you
Just the way you are…*
(Third Person)
Rina's sobs immediately stopped the moment Hiroko's hand reached Ken's face. The teenager fell to the ground like a rag doll, clutching his face in pain. The father stood there, hand still in the air. Ken slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Hiroko with fear.
"Oh, God…"Hiroko gasped as he approached his wounded son. The blunette quickly sat up and scampered away in the opposite direction. When Hiroko held out his hand, Ken winced. When Hiroko went towards him, Ken backed away. "Ken, I…I didn't mean…it was an accident…I'm…sorry…"
Before Hiroko could pull himself together, Ken was at his feet, proving that his inhuman speed was not left at the soccer field. Before either parent could react, The Rocket was in his room, setting up on of his nastier booby traps. Once it was done, he slowly sank to the floor, tears flowing down his bruised face.
"Sam, can you hear me? I had a bad day again," the child murmured, repeating what he had said three nights after his precious Onnichan died. "Sam, will you sing to me? I'm scared, Sam."
Nothing but silence answered him. Ken clutched his hair and started to yell and scream, cursing his parents, his brother, his whole damn life…
"I need you, Sam! Why won't you answer me?" Ken inhaled deeply, trying to control his sobs unsuccessfully. "I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm scared! TALK TO ME!"
There was no answer.
And after that day, there was no Ken Ichijouji.
*If you're perfect…*
Ending Author's Notes and Notations: Well, I hope that didn't suck too badly...review and tell me, please! ALSO, I have a Daiyako/Kenkari contest! Write a one-chapter, angst and/or drama songfic with Daiyako (Daisuke and Miyako) and/or Kenkari, and the one that I like best wins! It's as easy as that! Winner gets to request a story written by me with one of the following couples: Taiora, Taito, Jyora, Koumi, Jyomi, Takari, Daikari, Daiyako, Kenako, Kenkari, Kensuke. Need any more info? Email me at kate1011@aol.com! Peace out!