Author's Notes at Bottom - Enjoy!
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Flee to Destiny
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
Rated: PG
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Chapter Six - Dreamscape
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Hazy white, thick fog surrounded me. It was the same vision, or dream,
I had had before. Everything seemed to be slowed down, every noise louder.
Each breath I drew echoed around me, magnified thousands of times to
to fill my mind completely. I moved, my arm seemingly viewed in each stage
of air it passed.
I waited, but the girl never appeared before me. I moved around, but
it seemed I hadn't moved at all. Then, like before, the mist gave way to
a white light. Dim at first, it grew larger. But still I didn't see the girl
from my first vision. Instead I found myself watching what appeared to
be a scene from someone's life.
"Mother?" a girl called, her long flowing white dress moved in the
air behind her slim figure. She rushed into a large room. She stopped short
of a throne, one hand on her heart while she attempted to catch her breath.
"What is it that you wanted to see me about so urgently? Is everything alright?"
"Serenity," a woman, whom I recognized as my mother, said calmly as
she stood. "It has come to my attention that you have been sneaking off
to Earth again."
Princess Serenity's eyes widen slightly before she caught herself. "I..
I don't know what you are talking about," she said, her eyes betraying her
lie as they skipped around the room. "Has my guardians came to you with tales
as such?" Her nervous demur disappeared as she tried to find out who had
been spying on her.
"They have not," Queen Serenity snapped, stepping down from her throne
and before her daughter. "Serenity, what have I told you about Earth? They
are hostile at this time, threatening to attack us. I know you believe yourself
in love with the young Earth Prince, but I wish you would chose among your
suitors. Someone like yourself."
It seemed I was a part of their world, but they had no knowledge of my
existence. I moved around the two talking, however, they didn't seem to
notice me. Slowly I approached the Queen and her daughter - myself in my past
life. From where I stood beside her, I could see the tears filling her blue
eyes.
"What do you know?" she cried, those crystal tears falling down her face
despite her attempt to wipe them away. "I do love Endymion, with all my heart.
And I care not the danger seeing him imposes, he would never let any harm come
to me!"
"And how do you know that, Serenity? You're young and lust makes you see
no lies. He is the Prince of those who plan to cause war; those who seek to
destroy our world and take the Silver Crystal. Do you think he would abandon
them when they fight us? I think not," she concluded, not allowing Serenity to
get a word in edgewise.
Princess Serenity stomped her foot in frustration and fled from the room.
I followed her, running as fast as she. It wasn't long before she stopped,
looked around cautiously, and we entered a room that held a tall chamber made
of steel. She stepped into the room and shut the door. The room around us
disappeared, only to be replaced a second later with a garden of lush green.
The stars twinkled madly above, surrounding the Moon.
Serenity moved carefully through the garden and to a balcony. A tall man
stood, looking out into the darkness as if he were waiting for her. He lifted
her up over the small stonewall, leaving me - unknown to them - to climb over
and follow.
When I reached the inside room, Serenity was standing next to the man whom
had helped her in. The fire light from the small flame in the fireplace danced
over the couple, sending shadows moving along the walls.
The past self of Mamoru - the Prince Endymion that Serenity had spoken
of - his arms tightly around my past self. She cried of the cruelties that
life had presented them with while he soothed her.
Realization loomed before me and I felt for the wall to steady myself
with. The answers to questions I had been asking for days were being answered
before my eyes. Mamoru was the man from my past - the past love that Serenity
said I had forgotten. That would be why I was so strongly attracted to him.
And perhaps what he had been hoping I would remember. Endymion was the Prince
from Earth that Luna had spoken of - the one who lost his life in my place. And
whom I had committed suicide for. So many things were coming together, but they
left more questions in their place.
Why was I being shown this now? And why was I being shown this way? Was
Princess Serenity wanting me to see this or am I dreaming it? How could I find
out?
Instead of dwelling on the questions, I walked toward the couple. Endymion
looked as much like Mamoru as I do Princess Serenity. The way he held her, the
way he breathed in her ear as he spoke reminded me so much of Mamoru that my
chest hurt. I longed to be in Mamoru's arms as my past self was in Endymion's.
"What are we to do, Endymion? With the upcoming war, and soon I won't be
able to hide it from my mother any more..." she sobbed against his chest.
Hide what from mother? I wondered, stepping closer. I was as curious about
the answer as I was fearful.
"Shhhh," Endymion whispered, trying to reassure her. "We'll find a way.
I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to you, and I'm a man of my word.
You do believe me, don't you?" he asked, lifting her face with the tip of his
fingers.
Princess Serenity nodded her head and leaned against his broad chest.
I found myself drawn to the couple the longer they stood, holding each other.
It was like a moth drawn to a flame, I couldn't help myself.
Serenity's eyes locked on my own and I felt my breath catch. She can see
me. I thought frantically about what that could mean, but words refused to form.
Her small hand reached up and captured Endymion's, bringing it towards her stomach
to lie there softly.
I began to shake my head, back and forth, stepping backwards as I did so.
This couldn't be happening. I must be dreaming! my mind screamed frantically.
But this illusion, or dream, would not end. "No," I whispered, tears forming in
my eyes. "You can't do this to me! I'm not you!" I screamed this time, clutching
my own stomach.
Endymion smiled, not seeming to see me. When his hand pressed through the
layers of her dress, I could see how her stomach was slightly swollen. "Serenity,"
he breathed. "No matter what happens, the three of us will be together... I promise.."
The words echoed in my head, over and over again, like a drum with a steady
beat. "..the three of us..." I shook my head in denial, running from the haunting
image I had just witnessed. Running from Serenity, and her life she had lost. And
now she was trying to lay claim to mine. "No!" I screamed back at her, and then
stopped short.
There was nothing behind me. Nothing in front of me. The empty space I had
began in was back, and soothed my body as I came to a halt. Sobs clutched at my
throat, blocking my air passage. Tears ran down my face as I gasped and bent over
in pain. "NO!" I screamed.
Serenity appeared in front of me, not taking her time and making an entrance
as usual. She stepped closer to me, but I pulled away. Afraid of her, that her touch
would somehow harm me. My glare was full of hate as I faced her. "You..." I wheezed,
trying to clear my voice. "What are you doing to me? Am I... Am I going to have his
baby?" The words came crystal clear, but my mind screamed denial as my body knew the
truth.
Serenity no longer seemed to stand proud. She didn't meet my eyes, but from
where I stood I could see the pain and tears in hers. "I thought you would be happy,"
she began, twisting her hands in front of her. "Endymion and I knew it was wrong,
but we couldn't help but be happy about our baby." She looked desperate when she
approached me this time. "We had this all planned out. We were going to tell his
parents first, and then my mother. And they would see how much we loved each other,
and let us be wed. It would have worked out, but one of the guards over heard us
and told the people of Earth that the baby would have eternal life and take over
the Earth kingdom. They said I put a spell over Endymion, seducing him for my own
motives. That news began the war my mother had been fighting off for years."
"You're crazy," I accused in a near whisper. "Do you think that it would
have all turned out like you planned? This was no fairy tale, Serenity," I spat,
the words harder than I intended. "Good doesn't always win! Hell, we're proof of
that! Happily ever after hardly happens!"
"But you're wrong!" Serenity insisted, down on her knees in front of me.
Her tears flowed freely down her face. "When..when Endymion died, I made a wish.
I wanted to be with him, with everyone - and I wanted everyone to survive. My
mother-our mother," she emphasized. "Used the Silver Crystal to send everyone
to the future." Our eyes met, and I knew without a doubt what she would say next.
"Everyone."
My tear filled eyes danced around the empty space, looking anywhere but
at Serenity. Silence filled the void between us. It was done. She had set out
to become me, and had succeeded. I was carrying Endymion's baby, because of her.
I sat down hard on the ground in front of her, all the events I had just seen
flashing before me.
Serenity looked at her clasped hands for what seemed an eternity. When
finally she looked up, I felt a pang of pity in my heart for this girl. In her
life, as well as my own, I had learned what she realized too late. The life of
a Princess isn't all that grand and dazzling. In fact, there was hardly anything
grand at all. The situation I'm in is done, I thought. Perhaps I should think
less of myself and more about someone else.
"It was a few months after my seventeenth birthday when I found out. It
wasn't something either Endymion or I had planned - it just happened. There was
not a thought about getting rid of it, even if I could have passed myself off as
a peasant girl to a healer. Endymion was so supportive, just as I'm sure Mamoru
will be."
I didn't have time for the meaning of her words to settle in my mind before
I found myself being pulled abruptly from there. I awoke in my bed, small drops of
sweat falling down my face and neck. I sat up, my breath coming in quick gasps and
my eyes so wide that they hurt. I looked around, disoriented, at my bedroom, until
memories cleared away the haziness. The sun was barely peeking over the edge of
the mountains, blinding me as I gazed into it. Everything I seen took on an
unreal quality. I couldn't believe that my dream was reality. I just couldn't.
Not yet.
Pushing the covers back, I stood up and went to the dresser. I didn't even
brush my hair before I left, I just quietly slipped out the door and into the lit
hallway beyond. I could see the sun rising ever higher in the sky as I rushed down
the streets of Tokyo. The chilly morning air blew against my face and arms, but
somehow I couldn't feel it. And it wouldn't stop me.
I debated on waiting for a bus, but decided I needed the walk. There was
very little traffic this early in the morning, but the few people that were out
looked to be in a hurry to get some place. I blended into the crowds until I
came upon the large apartment complex where Ami lived.
Biting numbly on my bottom lip, I knocked on her door. It was quite a few
minutes before she came to the door, and I almost gave up. It was stupid to be
here this early in the morning, I knew. But I also had to know if my dream had
any face value. I lifted my fist to knock again when the door creaked open slowly.
"Usagi-chan?" Ami asked, surprised, as she opened the door further and
motioned me inside. "Is there anything wrong? A youma attack?"
I just stared at her a moment, feeling stupid for disturbing her so early
in the morning. And speechless to ask what was sitting on my mind. Ami smiled
softly, putting her small hand on my shoulder. "Usagi-chan, what is it? You can
tell me."
I ran my tongue over my parched lips. My eyes were so dry they felt hollow.
I knew I didn't have any tears left in my body, so instead my eyes seemed to widen
with pain. Ami guided me to the living room, sitting me down in a chair. I knew
what I had come to ask. It was finding the words to begin that were so hard.
Finally, I decided to just say it and get it over with. "Ami-chan, I need you
to test me for something..." Just say it! my mind screamed, but my lips refused
to listen.
Ami crossed her legs, studying me closely. "For what?" she nearly whispered.
"I think.... well, I think I may be pregnant." The words surprised me as
well as her, though I had been thinking it since I woke up. Hearing them aloud,
and out of my mouth, was a different thing completely. What in the world would
I do with a baby? The darkness of doom and uncertainty pulled at my mind.
"Pregnant?" Ami finally repeated, searching my gaze. "Usagi-chan,
didn't you just tell us that Shingo wasn't yours and you were a vir--" as
she fumbled over words, she reached for her glasses and placed them on her
face carefully.
"Please don't ask any questions, yet, Ami. Just do it." This conversation
isn't happening, surely. I'm not demanding anything from one of my guardians.
And to be asking this, of all things. Pregnant? I was a virgin for crying out
loud! Impossible, right? That is what I was here to find out.
Ami reached for her computer, snapping it open. Instantly it replied to
her commands; a small red light flashing was barely visible from where I sat.
Small fingers, topped with pastel blue nail polish, typed along the keys skillfully
for what seemed an eternity. Ami wore the serious mask of a future doctor when
she pushed her glasses up to sit in her hair and closed her computer. The words
I hoped she would say was the opposite of what my heart told me.
"As far as I can see, Usagi-chan, though I can't explain it.." Those words
made my heart jump from my chest to my throat in an instant. "..you are somewhere
around five weeks pregnant." She stood up, coming to sit in the floor in front
of me. She looked as puzzled as I was devastated.
So it was true. Not a dream. Not my imagination playing tricks on me.
Reality. Hard, scientifically impossible, reality. I once more felt my mind
pulling from that well of tears, but I had none. So I sat, staring into space
at my own thoughts and fears. Pregnant. Not only that, but I was a virgin. And
how would I tell Mamoru that it's his?
"Usagi-chan, you don't look so surprised," Ami accused, staring oddly at
me. "Do you know whose it is?"
"Mamo-chan," I answered dumbly, still not looking at her. I felt like I
was going to be sick again.
If Ami was surprised, she didn't show it. Of course, I had only been in
Tokyo for two weeks, and had known Mamoru less than that. Instead of dwelling
on how this happened, I was thankful when she began asking other questions.
It was sometime later when Ami finished poking and prodding at me, and
when I finally finished telling her about Serenity and what I had seen in my
vision last night. For such a scientific person, she was open to unexplainable
things. Perhaps you learn not to question reincarnation when you're living
proof of it.
What did set my mind at ease was that it was no abnormal event for me
to be so tired all the time, or to go around fainting. And that didn't bother
me as much as the statement; "You'll be sick for another couple of weeks." Ugh,
that sounded like a ton of fun, let me tell you.
Was life not hard enough right now? My parents still fresh in their graves,
finding out that just about my whole life had been a series of events that lead
me up to... what? Standing here, across the world from where I wanted to be -
pregnant with what would be the biggest news on Earth if it were found out. I
am a Princess who is supposed to be defeating an enemy that wants to destroy
Earth - yeah, right.
"Oh, could you please keep the noise level on your attacks down? You'll
wake the baby." I could see it now.
On a more serious note, though. What if I hurt the baby while fighting? I
may not have wanted this baby, but let's face it - it isn't going anywhere. And
I definitely don't want him or her hurt while I fight. And what about my job?
And school? Too many questions and too few answers haunted my mind all the way home.
When I arrived I was surprised to find Haruka's car sitting in front of
the apartment complex. Michiru sat in the passenger seat, and motioned to me as
I passed. Both stepped from the car, following me inside the building. When at
last I was out of the chilly wind, I turned and smiled as brightly as my worn
out features would allow. "Konnichi'wa, Michiru-san, Haruka-san."
"Morning neko-chan*," Haruka replied, winking. She stopped short in what
she was going to say, suddenly studying my face. "Usagi, you've been crying,"
she stated, pulling out a handkerchief and handing it to me. "Tears do not
suit you at all. What's wrong?"
Michiru stood beside her, smiling softly at me. I'm sure that it would
have done a load of good to get everything off my chest, but now was not the
time. And these were not the people. Ami was a great friend, but she seemed
to want to focus on how the baby would change my health physically rather than
emotionally. And emotionally, I felt drained enough to sleep for a week. "I
eh," I began, fumbling for an excuse for the horrible way I'm sure I looked.
"It's nothing."
Michiru placed her arm around my shoulders, squeezing lightly. "It's
okay if you want to talk about it. We'll listen. Is it about your parents?"
With the window of opportunity wide open, I jumped on the chance Michiru
had just unknowingly given me. "Hai," I answered quickly. "But I'll be okay."
I sniffed back my tears, trying to not think of the dull aching beginning in
my head. I wondered, then, what they would think of me if they knew I was
pregnant. Seventeen, unmarried, new to the town, and carrying the baby of a
man I had known less than a week. I felt like I should somehow be ashamed. And
for the first time since my parent's death I was actually glad they weren't
here to see me - what a disappointment I would be. "I was just going to go
and get Shingo ready for school, so I need to be going."
"Oh, gomen," Haruka said, smiling. "Don't let us hold you up. Actually,
we just came over here to see if you wanted us to pick Shingo up for school.
Hotaru goes to the same school, so it wouldn't be out of the way."
"Hotaru has been going on for days about how cute Shingo is, perhaps
they could be friends," Michiru added. She stood so meek and withdrawn
standing next to Haruka. She reminded me of someone who sat back and studied
a situation before actually placing herself in it. I wish I had that luxury.
Two things came to mind - how I wanted to be the one to take Shingo
to school; and how much easier it would be to not have to rush like crazy
to get to my classes every morning. In the end, I thought better that Shingo
make some friends - so I let go of my selfishness. "I would love that, Haruka-san.
And I'm sure Shingo would too. What time do you want him ready?"
Haruka looked at her wristwatch, but for some reason I had the feeling
she already knew what time it was. "Well, in the next ten minutes or so."
I was dumbfounded. Had I actually spent that much time over at Ami's?
I was going to be late, Shingo was going to be late - and I'm sure that both
Shingo and Makoto are wondering where in the world I am.
My face must have registered some shock, because Michiru laughed softly.
"Didn't you know what time it was?"
"Eh, actually, I guess I lost track," I answered, stumbling over my words
as I pointed to the elevator. "Come on up and I'll get him ready."
The two women (I was still having a hard time coming to grips with
remembering that Haruka is female.) followed me up to Makoto's apartment.
They sat patiently in the living room while I rushed towards the bedroom
looking for Mako-chan and Shingo. I found them laughing in the bathroom,
Makoto spiking Shingo's hair. Stifling a giggled, I pushed the door open
further. "As strikingly handsome as you are like that, you need to brush
it down. Haruka-san and Michiru-san are going to take you to school and
they are waiting."
Shingo rushed passed me, saying something about finding his school bag
and Makoto put her hand on her hip. "Where have you been?" I thought she would
be mad at me, but instead she appeared to have been more worried.
I twisted a piece of my hair between my fingers nervously and turned to
go out of the room. "I'll explain after Shingo leaves, when everyone gets here."
Makoto looked somewhat puzzled, but followed me out of the room. As I
went through the motions of getting Shingo out the door to school, I worried
about how I would tell them I was pregnant - and worried more about their
reactions.
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I looked at the package set before me. Ami nodded her head, pushing them
closer to me, even as I shrank away. "Demo..." I mumbled. "They taste like...
like... cardboard!"
"I won't ask how you know what cardboard tastes like," Rei pointed out,
looking slightly amused at my reaction. Relief came over me, since we had been
sitting here it was the first time Rei had showed any emotion whatsoever.
Minako leaned forward, her elbows supporting her weight as she did so.
"Don't worry about school, just get everything you can get done while you still
can and then enroll in night school or something."
A wan smiled tugged on my lips. I had been so scared to come here this
afternoon, and tell them what had happened last night and Ami's findings this
morning. But oddly enough, everyone was being so supportive. I felt myself
relax some, until Ami pushed the package of saltine crackers even closer to
me. "Can't I eat Ritz or something like that?"
Ami shook her head, smiling at me with sympathy. "Saltines help calm your
stomach by absorbing some of the acids that cause you to become nauseated. It's
probably the one food you'll be able to keep down until you are out of your first
trimester. Of course, you'll need to get on prenatal vitimins so that you don't
become anemic or anything, that would be rather bad for the baby," she advised,
still eyeing me and my reluctance towards the crackers.
I stared at that hateful package, looking so innocent on the table. Finally,
with the urging of Ami, I took it and placed it next to me on the floor. "I, eh,
don't feel sick now. But I'll eat them later." Everyone looked at me doubtfully.
"When I'm hungry," I supplied, trying to smile.
The room fell quiet for a moment, the peacefulness of the temple allowing
only the songs of birds to be heard. I knew what the next question on everyone's
mind was, it was just seeing who would be the one to say it. It turned out to be
Makoto.
"Eh, Usagi-chan, when are you going to tell Mamoru-san?"
An even hush went around the room, every one of my guardians leaning forward
while they waited for my answer. It was then that my well of tears had restored
itself, and I felt tears begin to fill my eyes. "I don't know how to tell him. I
know he won't believe me. Would you all have believed me if Ami hadn't said it true?"
Each of the Senshi looked at me, the truth in their eyes. Who would have
believed it, without proof? Even I had denied it until it couldn't be any longer.
Rei, who was sitting beside me, placed her hand on my shoulder. "Just tell
him everything you've told us. You know, Mamoru-san has back more of his memories
than any of us. He may already remember all of this."
"And if he doesn't, he might think that I'm just a little slut that wants
to make him the father of a mistake I made in the States!" I replied back, harsher
than I meant to. Everyone except Rei seemed to recoil from my outburst.
Instead of looking at me in sympathy like the others, her eyes glowed
with anger. She stood up, her hands on her hips. "So what do you plan to do,
Usagi? Not tell him, try to raise a baby on your own? Even with our help, you
need Mamoru's emotional support and I don't need to be as smart as Ami to know
it! I see the way you two look at each other, like there is no one else in the
world. Are you going to sit there and tell me that you can cut that off, and not
be heartbroken? Would you do that to yourself, as well as Mamoru?" Her posture,
her tone, reminded me of the Fire Princess I had known on the Moon. Behind it all,
she was always my best friend. And I knew that even though she was angry, my best
interest was in her heart. When I said nothing, she sat back down, still staring
at me. "Usagi, we aren't on the Moon anymore. You and Mamoru are on the same
planet-the same city. There's nothing to keep you apart like there used to be."
"I don't know how to tell him..." I said, but as the words left my mouth
I realized I was whining. And I knew that whining and crying didn't change anything.
This was going to be hard, but nothing in my life would be easy again. I had to face
that, learn to live with it. And this was relatively small compared to what I might
face in the future.
Minako laid her head down on her folded arms, looking straight at me. "Just
tell him what you told us, Usagi-chan. I know it will be hard, but we are here for
you. The worst he can do is not believe you."
"And then the worst I can do is kill him," Rei said, smiling at me.
Giggling and shaking my head, I stood up and grabbed my backpack. "I have
to be heading to work now. Mamo-chan is going to bring Shingo to the arcade,
so he will be with me tonight."
"You know I don't mind babysitting," Makoto pointed out, her finger stuck
out to indicate my stomach. "All of us will be happy to help out with Shingo
or this new addition."
"Thank you," I grinned, patting my stomach. "I may have to take you up on
that offer. But while I can still care fully for Shingo, I want to make the best
of it I can. I'm afraid it won't be too long until I won't feel like playing with
him until after the baby is born."
Everyone nodded their understanding and bid me goodbye. I walked down the
temple steps rather slowly, thoughts clouding my mind. Telling Mamo-chan was a
lot harder than it sounded, my hands actually shook I was so scared of the
concept. But like Minako said, the worst he can do is not believe me. I have to
think positively about the situation I'm in, since there is no way out of it.
I walked into the arcade and fruit parlor and headed straight for the
bathroom to change clothes. Leaving my bag in my locker, I clocked in and
headed for Motoki.
"Hey Usagi-chan!" he greeted, smiling as always. "You have tables one
thru ten tonight. It's a Monday night and we are usually pretty slow, so do
you want to go home early if it gets too slow? Or do you want me to let Naru
go and you stay?"
"I'll stay," I replied immediately, knowing I needed the money no matter
how bad I wanted to go home early.
"Great," Motoki reached in his pocket and produced a nametag. My name
was typed out, beside it a small picture of a bunny. "I thought it suited you,
if you don't like it you can peel it off."
"Oh no, it's cute!" I assured him. "Well, I better get to work."
Motoki was right, the store was extremely slow. A few teenagers hung out
in the arcade room, but my only customers were an elderly couple and a younger
woman with long emerald hair. She sat alone near the windows over looking the
streets and sipped green tea. With no work to do, I found myself wiping clean
counter tops over and over again and sighing often. At least I'm getting paid
to stand here and do practically nothing, I thought.
Putting my rag down, I picked up the pot of tea and started towards the
woman again when I felt a small pang in my stomach. The lady looked up, as if
she somehow knew what I felt and our eyes meet. Her magenta colored eyes were
intense, studying me like she could sense what I was thinking. The now familiar
sweet taste fled up my throat, drowning my mouth and I practically dropped the
pot of tea in my hurry to the restroom.
After my close encounter with the toilet - one I was beginning to hate -
I filled my hands with cool water and splashed it on my face. My cheeks were
flushed and I felt feverish. Closing my eyes, I waited for my beating heart
to calm down so that I could return to work. My eyes snapped open when the
restroom door opened and the woman with the long green haired came through it.
"Feeling better?" she asked, her long arms crossed in front of her
casually.
She leaned against the doorframe, preventing me from exiting without
asking her to move. For some reason, I had the feeling of being trapped. I
took a step back, wary of her motives. "Eh, hai. I'm okay."
She nodded her head, her eyes locked on mine again. She seemed to be
searching my soul, looking for something, perhaps. When finally I could break
the contact, I felt strange, almost light headed. "I need to return to work
now," I said, placing my paper towel in the trash and taking a step towards
her.
Her eyes darted to my nametag, and a small smile tugged on her lips.
"Usagi, that is your name?" I nodded. "What is your last name? If I may ask."
Well you already have asked, I thought. What the use in asking if you
can now? Biting my bottom lip, I meet her gaze again. "Tsukino. Tsukino Usagi."
"Moon Bunny?" she said in perfect English, not a hint of her Japanese
accent coming through. "That's an odd translation, ne?"
"Gomen ne, but I have some customers I need to attend to..." I said,
making an excuse as I reached for the door handle.
Her hand grabbed mine and I looked up in fear. When our eyes meet, I
tried to hide my anxiety from her and made my gaze steady. Instead of the
intense stare she had meet me with moments before, her eyes appeared softer
now - almost lovingly. "How far along are you, Usagi?"
So much for my control over my emotions. Shock made me stutter as I
stepped back from her. "N..Nani? How did you know?" And then, her intense
stare, the way she seemed to search my soul. It was like a light bulb turned
on in my head - and then suddenly shattered into a million pieces. "Who
are you?" I asked, trying to sound as much and in control and demanding
as I once did on the Moon. Pride for who I was - Princess Serenity and Sailor
Moon - made my spine turn to steel and my eyes bore harder into the woman
in front of me.
"Ah, so there is the Princess I was searching for," she said, looking
slightly amused. "I was wondering when you would come out of hiding. You never
did tolerate ignorance to any situation. I also see your memory has not
returned in full yet, or you wouldn't be asking who I was."
She looked so familiar, but I couldn't pin it. Confused, I hoped she was
a friend - and not an enemy. "Can we take this to your table?" I asked, holding
my hand on the counter. "I feel slightly light headed." And if you are an enemy,
Mamo-chan will be here any minute with Shingo and kill you for touching me.
"Of course," she smiled, moving out of the way and holding the door open
for me. We went to her table, sitting across from each other. I waited for
her to sip her tea before talking.
"My name is Setsuna, but before you try, you won't remember me by that
name. I have known you in both your life times, from the moment you were born
on the Moon until this very second. I know how you used to sneak off to Earth
to be with Endymion, I know that you were pregnant - and that the last wish
you made on the Moon was for everyone, including your baby, to be restored in
this life. And your mother, granting that wish, had no idea you were with
child." She stopped, sipping from her cup again and looking at me over the
rim of her glass. "You never answered my question earlier."
"Which was that?" I asked, amazed at this woman's knowledge of things I
had only just discovered - but determined not to let her know that. My stomach
felt weak again, and with about as much enthusiasm as a man walking the plank,
I pulled a saltine cracker from my pocket and began nibbling on it.
"How far along are you?"
The bits of salt flavored sandpaper moved around in my mouth as I chewed,
touching my tongue and making me want to gag. I'm sure Ami doesn't know what she
is talking about on this one, saltines are more likely to make me vomit than the
baby. "About five weeks," I answered, putting the rest of the cracker down and
reaching for the glass of water I had brought to the table with me. The cool
liquid rushed down my throat, taking the soggy pieces of cardboard with it as
I swallowed. "Excuse me for a moment." Quickly I stood up and went to the only
other occupied table in the room. The elderly couple said they didn't need
anything else, gave me a handsome tip, and left.
When I returned to the table, Setsuna laughed softly, like I had never
gotten up. "Not crazy about saltines, ne? Can't say as I blame you." Her casual
conversation seemed forced, an intentional change of subject.
I put the glass of water back on the table and looked her straight
in the eyes. The smiled dropped off her face, replaced by a serious look
that made me wish for her cheerfulness back. I leaned forward, still
looking her in the eyes. "Who are you? Why don't I remember you when it
is obvious you know both my life histories?"
"I am--"
"Setsuna, what are you doing here?" Mamoru asked, coming up to the
table, Shingo in his arms. He put my brother down, eyeing the woman in front
of me strangely.
Setsuna looked shocked, in a way, at his words. But I had the feeling
that her shocked exterior was only a facade. She seemed to have already
known what he was going to say before he showed up. "Mamoru," she greeted,
now back to her cool calmness she had shown me. "How nice to see you here."
Mamo-chan handed Shingo some quarters, instructing him to go downstairs.
He stood for a moment, uneasily, and sat down next to me. Setsuna watched
him, a blank stare on her face, then looked at me a little guiltily.
I smiled when Mamo-chan placed his arm around me, and snuggled into his
embrace. But the second his hand slightly came in contact with my stomach
I remembered about the conversation Setsuna and I were having before Mamo-chan
came in. I prayed she didn't say anything to him. Trying to clear away the
fears clouding my mind, I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "I didn't
know you two knew each other."
"I could say the same," Setsuna said quietly, sipping her tea again.
"Usako," Mamo-chan began, facing me. "What time do you get off work? I
was hoping I could take the love of my life out to dinner tonight."
"Mamo-chan," I replied, taking no notice of Setsuna's attention on
us. "You know I have school tomorrow and some homework to catch up--" I
stopped, knowing that he would talk me into it anyways. This was my chance,
to be alone with him. To try to explain how it was I was having his baby.
"Nani?" he urged, still waiting for me to complete the sentence I
left off in the middle of.
"I think that is a wonderful idea, but I don't want to go out. Can't
we order in? I get off work in thirty minutes, and Makoto said she would
watch Shingo if I needed her to tonight."
My enthusiasm and my change in attitude confused Mamo-chan. For a
moment at least - he looked a little like questioning it. "Okay, we can
order in, if you want."
I left him and Setsuna sitting at the table, wondering if I should
or not. It had nothing to do with trusting Mamo-chan, but I had the feeling
that Setsuna and Mamo-chan weren't just old friends. There seemed to be
something a little more business like under the surface. Shrugging it off,
I picked up the phone and called Makoto to see if she would baby-sit Shingo
for me.
@------
I stepped out of the shower, picking the towel up off the counter.
In the full length mirror across from me, I stopped to stare at my
reflection. I hadn't paid much attention to it before today, but I felt
different somehow. I placed my hand on my flat stomach and tried to
picture myself pregnant. The idea of my body swelling up didn't appeal
to me.
"Can I love this child that I don't want?" I asked my reflection,
putting both hands on my stomach. "Will Mamo-chan want it? Want me, my
little brother and a baby?" I just stared into my own blue eyes, and
thought about Mamoru's. The bottomless well of feelings for me that I
seen there every time our eyes meet.
"Usagi-chan, Mamoru-san is here to pick you up!" Makoto shouted
through the door, knocking slightly on it.
"Hai!" I replied, putting the towel around me and cracking the
door open. "Tell him to give me a minute. Well," I said to myself, once
the door was closed. "There's no time like the present."
---End Chapter 6.
Okay, the answer to one of everyone's questions - yes, she is pregnant.
But what I want to know is what you all think of the way I presented it,
because I love this idea--I'd just like to have everyone else's opinion ^_^
As always, HUGE thanks to everyone who emails me about this story, and
my others - and to everyone who reads and reviews on Fanfiction.net *hugs*
Thanks to my wonderful editor, Meara, who makes my writing a little less
complicated and a lot more humorous with her remarks and editing skills =)
Chapter 7 - The Truth Within, won't be released until after the New Year
so until then - Merry Christmas everyone, and if you drink New Year's night,
don't drive, ne? ^_^
@------
Flee to Destiny
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
Rated: PG
@------
Chapter Six - Dreamscape
@------
Hazy white, thick fog surrounded me. It was the same vision, or dream,
I had had before. Everything seemed to be slowed down, every noise louder.
Each breath I drew echoed around me, magnified thousands of times to
to fill my mind completely. I moved, my arm seemingly viewed in each stage
of air it passed.
I waited, but the girl never appeared before me. I moved around, but
it seemed I hadn't moved at all. Then, like before, the mist gave way to
a white light. Dim at first, it grew larger. But still I didn't see the girl
from my first vision. Instead I found myself watching what appeared to
be a scene from someone's life.
"Mother?" a girl called, her long flowing white dress moved in the
air behind her slim figure. She rushed into a large room. She stopped short
of a throne, one hand on her heart while she attempted to catch her breath.
"What is it that you wanted to see me about so urgently? Is everything alright?"
"Serenity," a woman, whom I recognized as my mother, said calmly as
she stood. "It has come to my attention that you have been sneaking off
to Earth again."
Princess Serenity's eyes widen slightly before she caught herself. "I..
I don't know what you are talking about," she said, her eyes betraying her
lie as they skipped around the room. "Has my guardians came to you with tales
as such?" Her nervous demur disappeared as she tried to find out who had
been spying on her.
"They have not," Queen Serenity snapped, stepping down from her throne
and before her daughter. "Serenity, what have I told you about Earth? They
are hostile at this time, threatening to attack us. I know you believe yourself
in love with the young Earth Prince, but I wish you would chose among your
suitors. Someone like yourself."
It seemed I was a part of their world, but they had no knowledge of my
existence. I moved around the two talking, however, they didn't seem to
notice me. Slowly I approached the Queen and her daughter - myself in my past
life. From where I stood beside her, I could see the tears filling her blue
eyes.
"What do you know?" she cried, those crystal tears falling down her face
despite her attempt to wipe them away. "I do love Endymion, with all my heart.
And I care not the danger seeing him imposes, he would never let any harm come
to me!"
"And how do you know that, Serenity? You're young and lust makes you see
no lies. He is the Prince of those who plan to cause war; those who seek to
destroy our world and take the Silver Crystal. Do you think he would abandon
them when they fight us? I think not," she concluded, not allowing Serenity to
get a word in edgewise.
Princess Serenity stomped her foot in frustration and fled from the room.
I followed her, running as fast as she. It wasn't long before she stopped,
looked around cautiously, and we entered a room that held a tall chamber made
of steel. She stepped into the room and shut the door. The room around us
disappeared, only to be replaced a second later with a garden of lush green.
The stars twinkled madly above, surrounding the Moon.
Serenity moved carefully through the garden and to a balcony. A tall man
stood, looking out into the darkness as if he were waiting for her. He lifted
her up over the small stonewall, leaving me - unknown to them - to climb over
and follow.
When I reached the inside room, Serenity was standing next to the man whom
had helped her in. The fire light from the small flame in the fireplace danced
over the couple, sending shadows moving along the walls.
The past self of Mamoru - the Prince Endymion that Serenity had spoken
of - his arms tightly around my past self. She cried of the cruelties that
life had presented them with while he soothed her.
Realization loomed before me and I felt for the wall to steady myself
with. The answers to questions I had been asking for days were being answered
before my eyes. Mamoru was the man from my past - the past love that Serenity
said I had forgotten. That would be why I was so strongly attracted to him.
And perhaps what he had been hoping I would remember. Endymion was the Prince
from Earth that Luna had spoken of - the one who lost his life in my place. And
whom I had committed suicide for. So many things were coming together, but they
left more questions in their place.
Why was I being shown this now? And why was I being shown this way? Was
Princess Serenity wanting me to see this or am I dreaming it? How could I find
out?
Instead of dwelling on the questions, I walked toward the couple. Endymion
looked as much like Mamoru as I do Princess Serenity. The way he held her, the
way he breathed in her ear as he spoke reminded me so much of Mamoru that my
chest hurt. I longed to be in Mamoru's arms as my past self was in Endymion's.
"What are we to do, Endymion? With the upcoming war, and soon I won't be
able to hide it from my mother any more..." she sobbed against his chest.
Hide what from mother? I wondered, stepping closer. I was as curious about
the answer as I was fearful.
"Shhhh," Endymion whispered, trying to reassure her. "We'll find a way.
I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to you, and I'm a man of my word.
You do believe me, don't you?" he asked, lifting her face with the tip of his
fingers.
Princess Serenity nodded her head and leaned against his broad chest.
I found myself drawn to the couple the longer they stood, holding each other.
It was like a moth drawn to a flame, I couldn't help myself.
Serenity's eyes locked on my own and I felt my breath catch. She can see
me. I thought frantically about what that could mean, but words refused to form.
Her small hand reached up and captured Endymion's, bringing it towards her stomach
to lie there softly.
I began to shake my head, back and forth, stepping backwards as I did so.
This couldn't be happening. I must be dreaming! my mind screamed frantically.
But this illusion, or dream, would not end. "No," I whispered, tears forming in
my eyes. "You can't do this to me! I'm not you!" I screamed this time, clutching
my own stomach.
Endymion smiled, not seeming to see me. When his hand pressed through the
layers of her dress, I could see how her stomach was slightly swollen. "Serenity,"
he breathed. "No matter what happens, the three of us will be together... I promise.."
The words echoed in my head, over and over again, like a drum with a steady
beat. "..the three of us..." I shook my head in denial, running from the haunting
image I had just witnessed. Running from Serenity, and her life she had lost. And
now she was trying to lay claim to mine. "No!" I screamed back at her, and then
stopped short.
There was nothing behind me. Nothing in front of me. The empty space I had
began in was back, and soothed my body as I came to a halt. Sobs clutched at my
throat, blocking my air passage. Tears ran down my face as I gasped and bent over
in pain. "NO!" I screamed.
Serenity appeared in front of me, not taking her time and making an entrance
as usual. She stepped closer to me, but I pulled away. Afraid of her, that her touch
would somehow harm me. My glare was full of hate as I faced her. "You..." I wheezed,
trying to clear my voice. "What are you doing to me? Am I... Am I going to have his
baby?" The words came crystal clear, but my mind screamed denial as my body knew the
truth.
Serenity no longer seemed to stand proud. She didn't meet my eyes, but from
where I stood I could see the pain and tears in hers. "I thought you would be happy,"
she began, twisting her hands in front of her. "Endymion and I knew it was wrong,
but we couldn't help but be happy about our baby." She looked desperate when she
approached me this time. "We had this all planned out. We were going to tell his
parents first, and then my mother. And they would see how much we loved each other,
and let us be wed. It would have worked out, but one of the guards over heard us
and told the people of Earth that the baby would have eternal life and take over
the Earth kingdom. They said I put a spell over Endymion, seducing him for my own
motives. That news began the war my mother had been fighting off for years."
"You're crazy," I accused in a near whisper. "Do you think that it would
have all turned out like you planned? This was no fairy tale, Serenity," I spat,
the words harder than I intended. "Good doesn't always win! Hell, we're proof of
that! Happily ever after hardly happens!"
"But you're wrong!" Serenity insisted, down on her knees in front of me.
Her tears flowed freely down her face. "When..when Endymion died, I made a wish.
I wanted to be with him, with everyone - and I wanted everyone to survive. My
mother-our mother," she emphasized. "Used the Silver Crystal to send everyone
to the future." Our eyes met, and I knew without a doubt what she would say next.
"Everyone."
My tear filled eyes danced around the empty space, looking anywhere but
at Serenity. Silence filled the void between us. It was done. She had set out
to become me, and had succeeded. I was carrying Endymion's baby, because of her.
I sat down hard on the ground in front of her, all the events I had just seen
flashing before me.
Serenity looked at her clasped hands for what seemed an eternity. When
finally she looked up, I felt a pang of pity in my heart for this girl. In her
life, as well as my own, I had learned what she realized too late. The life of
a Princess isn't all that grand and dazzling. In fact, there was hardly anything
grand at all. The situation I'm in is done, I thought. Perhaps I should think
less of myself and more about someone else.
"It was a few months after my seventeenth birthday when I found out. It
wasn't something either Endymion or I had planned - it just happened. There was
not a thought about getting rid of it, even if I could have passed myself off as
a peasant girl to a healer. Endymion was so supportive, just as I'm sure Mamoru
will be."
I didn't have time for the meaning of her words to settle in my mind before
I found myself being pulled abruptly from there. I awoke in my bed, small drops of
sweat falling down my face and neck. I sat up, my breath coming in quick gasps and
my eyes so wide that they hurt. I looked around, disoriented, at my bedroom, until
memories cleared away the haziness. The sun was barely peeking over the edge of
the mountains, blinding me as I gazed into it. Everything I seen took on an
unreal quality. I couldn't believe that my dream was reality. I just couldn't.
Not yet.
Pushing the covers back, I stood up and went to the dresser. I didn't even
brush my hair before I left, I just quietly slipped out the door and into the lit
hallway beyond. I could see the sun rising ever higher in the sky as I rushed down
the streets of Tokyo. The chilly morning air blew against my face and arms, but
somehow I couldn't feel it. And it wouldn't stop me.
I debated on waiting for a bus, but decided I needed the walk. There was
very little traffic this early in the morning, but the few people that were out
looked to be in a hurry to get some place. I blended into the crowds until I
came upon the large apartment complex where Ami lived.
Biting numbly on my bottom lip, I knocked on her door. It was quite a few
minutes before she came to the door, and I almost gave up. It was stupid to be
here this early in the morning, I knew. But I also had to know if my dream had
any face value. I lifted my fist to knock again when the door creaked open slowly.
"Usagi-chan?" Ami asked, surprised, as she opened the door further and
motioned me inside. "Is there anything wrong? A youma attack?"
I just stared at her a moment, feeling stupid for disturbing her so early
in the morning. And speechless to ask what was sitting on my mind. Ami smiled
softly, putting her small hand on my shoulder. "Usagi-chan, what is it? You can
tell me."
I ran my tongue over my parched lips. My eyes were so dry they felt hollow.
I knew I didn't have any tears left in my body, so instead my eyes seemed to widen
with pain. Ami guided me to the living room, sitting me down in a chair. I knew
what I had come to ask. It was finding the words to begin that were so hard.
Finally, I decided to just say it and get it over with. "Ami-chan, I need you
to test me for something..." Just say it! my mind screamed, but my lips refused
to listen.
Ami crossed her legs, studying me closely. "For what?" she nearly whispered.
"I think.... well, I think I may be pregnant." The words surprised me as
well as her, though I had been thinking it since I woke up. Hearing them aloud,
and out of my mouth, was a different thing completely. What in the world would
I do with a baby? The darkness of doom and uncertainty pulled at my mind.
"Pregnant?" Ami finally repeated, searching my gaze. "Usagi-chan,
didn't you just tell us that Shingo wasn't yours and you were a vir--" as
she fumbled over words, she reached for her glasses and placed them on her
face carefully.
"Please don't ask any questions, yet, Ami. Just do it." This conversation
isn't happening, surely. I'm not demanding anything from one of my guardians.
And to be asking this, of all things. Pregnant? I was a virgin for crying out
loud! Impossible, right? That is what I was here to find out.
Ami reached for her computer, snapping it open. Instantly it replied to
her commands; a small red light flashing was barely visible from where I sat.
Small fingers, topped with pastel blue nail polish, typed along the keys skillfully
for what seemed an eternity. Ami wore the serious mask of a future doctor when
she pushed her glasses up to sit in her hair and closed her computer. The words
I hoped she would say was the opposite of what my heart told me.
"As far as I can see, Usagi-chan, though I can't explain it.." Those words
made my heart jump from my chest to my throat in an instant. "..you are somewhere
around five weeks pregnant." She stood up, coming to sit in the floor in front
of me. She looked as puzzled as I was devastated.
So it was true. Not a dream. Not my imagination playing tricks on me.
Reality. Hard, scientifically impossible, reality. I once more felt my mind
pulling from that well of tears, but I had none. So I sat, staring into space
at my own thoughts and fears. Pregnant. Not only that, but I was a virgin. And
how would I tell Mamoru that it's his?
"Usagi-chan, you don't look so surprised," Ami accused, staring oddly at
me. "Do you know whose it is?"
"Mamo-chan," I answered dumbly, still not looking at her. I felt like I
was going to be sick again.
If Ami was surprised, she didn't show it. Of course, I had only been in
Tokyo for two weeks, and had known Mamoru less than that. Instead of dwelling
on how this happened, I was thankful when she began asking other questions.
It was sometime later when Ami finished poking and prodding at me, and
when I finally finished telling her about Serenity and what I had seen in my
vision last night. For such a scientific person, she was open to unexplainable
things. Perhaps you learn not to question reincarnation when you're living
proof of it.
What did set my mind at ease was that it was no abnormal event for me
to be so tired all the time, or to go around fainting. And that didn't bother
me as much as the statement; "You'll be sick for another couple of weeks." Ugh,
that sounded like a ton of fun, let me tell you.
Was life not hard enough right now? My parents still fresh in their graves,
finding out that just about my whole life had been a series of events that lead
me up to... what? Standing here, across the world from where I wanted to be -
pregnant with what would be the biggest news on Earth if it were found out. I
am a Princess who is supposed to be defeating an enemy that wants to destroy
Earth - yeah, right.
"Oh, could you please keep the noise level on your attacks down? You'll
wake the baby." I could see it now.
On a more serious note, though. What if I hurt the baby while fighting? I
may not have wanted this baby, but let's face it - it isn't going anywhere. And
I definitely don't want him or her hurt while I fight. And what about my job?
And school? Too many questions and too few answers haunted my mind all the way home.
When I arrived I was surprised to find Haruka's car sitting in front of
the apartment complex. Michiru sat in the passenger seat, and motioned to me as
I passed. Both stepped from the car, following me inside the building. When at
last I was out of the chilly wind, I turned and smiled as brightly as my worn
out features would allow. "Konnichi'wa, Michiru-san, Haruka-san."
"Morning neko-chan*," Haruka replied, winking. She stopped short in what
she was going to say, suddenly studying my face. "Usagi, you've been crying,"
she stated, pulling out a handkerchief and handing it to me. "Tears do not
suit you at all. What's wrong?"
Michiru stood beside her, smiling softly at me. I'm sure that it would
have done a load of good to get everything off my chest, but now was not the
time. And these were not the people. Ami was a great friend, but she seemed
to want to focus on how the baby would change my health physically rather than
emotionally. And emotionally, I felt drained enough to sleep for a week. "I
eh," I began, fumbling for an excuse for the horrible way I'm sure I looked.
"It's nothing."
Michiru placed her arm around my shoulders, squeezing lightly. "It's
okay if you want to talk about it. We'll listen. Is it about your parents?"
With the window of opportunity wide open, I jumped on the chance Michiru
had just unknowingly given me. "Hai," I answered quickly. "But I'll be okay."
I sniffed back my tears, trying to not think of the dull aching beginning in
my head. I wondered, then, what they would think of me if they knew I was
pregnant. Seventeen, unmarried, new to the town, and carrying the baby of a
man I had known less than a week. I felt like I should somehow be ashamed. And
for the first time since my parent's death I was actually glad they weren't
here to see me - what a disappointment I would be. "I was just going to go
and get Shingo ready for school, so I need to be going."
"Oh, gomen," Haruka said, smiling. "Don't let us hold you up. Actually,
we just came over here to see if you wanted us to pick Shingo up for school.
Hotaru goes to the same school, so it wouldn't be out of the way."
"Hotaru has been going on for days about how cute Shingo is, perhaps
they could be friends," Michiru added. She stood so meek and withdrawn
standing next to Haruka. She reminded me of someone who sat back and studied
a situation before actually placing herself in it. I wish I had that luxury.
Two things came to mind - how I wanted to be the one to take Shingo
to school; and how much easier it would be to not have to rush like crazy
to get to my classes every morning. In the end, I thought better that Shingo
make some friends - so I let go of my selfishness. "I would love that, Haruka-san.
And I'm sure Shingo would too. What time do you want him ready?"
Haruka looked at her wristwatch, but for some reason I had the feeling
she already knew what time it was. "Well, in the next ten minutes or so."
I was dumbfounded. Had I actually spent that much time over at Ami's?
I was going to be late, Shingo was going to be late - and I'm sure that both
Shingo and Makoto are wondering where in the world I am.
My face must have registered some shock, because Michiru laughed softly.
"Didn't you know what time it was?"
"Eh, actually, I guess I lost track," I answered, stumbling over my words
as I pointed to the elevator. "Come on up and I'll get him ready."
The two women (I was still having a hard time coming to grips with
remembering that Haruka is female.) followed me up to Makoto's apartment.
They sat patiently in the living room while I rushed towards the bedroom
looking for Mako-chan and Shingo. I found them laughing in the bathroom,
Makoto spiking Shingo's hair. Stifling a giggled, I pushed the door open
further. "As strikingly handsome as you are like that, you need to brush
it down. Haruka-san and Michiru-san are going to take you to school and
they are waiting."
Shingo rushed passed me, saying something about finding his school bag
and Makoto put her hand on her hip. "Where have you been?" I thought she would
be mad at me, but instead she appeared to have been more worried.
I twisted a piece of my hair between my fingers nervously and turned to
go out of the room. "I'll explain after Shingo leaves, when everyone gets here."
Makoto looked somewhat puzzled, but followed me out of the room. As I
went through the motions of getting Shingo out the door to school, I worried
about how I would tell them I was pregnant - and worried more about their
reactions.
@------
I looked at the package set before me. Ami nodded her head, pushing them
closer to me, even as I shrank away. "Demo..." I mumbled. "They taste like...
like... cardboard!"
"I won't ask how you know what cardboard tastes like," Rei pointed out,
looking slightly amused at my reaction. Relief came over me, since we had been
sitting here it was the first time Rei had showed any emotion whatsoever.
Minako leaned forward, her elbows supporting her weight as she did so.
"Don't worry about school, just get everything you can get done while you still
can and then enroll in night school or something."
A wan smiled tugged on my lips. I had been so scared to come here this
afternoon, and tell them what had happened last night and Ami's findings this
morning. But oddly enough, everyone was being so supportive. I felt myself
relax some, until Ami pushed the package of saltine crackers even closer to
me. "Can't I eat Ritz or something like that?"
Ami shook her head, smiling at me with sympathy. "Saltines help calm your
stomach by absorbing some of the acids that cause you to become nauseated. It's
probably the one food you'll be able to keep down until you are out of your first
trimester. Of course, you'll need to get on prenatal vitimins so that you don't
become anemic or anything, that would be rather bad for the baby," she advised,
still eyeing me and my reluctance towards the crackers.
I stared at that hateful package, looking so innocent on the table. Finally,
with the urging of Ami, I took it and placed it next to me on the floor. "I, eh,
don't feel sick now. But I'll eat them later." Everyone looked at me doubtfully.
"When I'm hungry," I supplied, trying to smile.
The room fell quiet for a moment, the peacefulness of the temple allowing
only the songs of birds to be heard. I knew what the next question on everyone's
mind was, it was just seeing who would be the one to say it. It turned out to be
Makoto.
"Eh, Usagi-chan, when are you going to tell Mamoru-san?"
An even hush went around the room, every one of my guardians leaning forward
while they waited for my answer. It was then that my well of tears had restored
itself, and I felt tears begin to fill my eyes. "I don't know how to tell him. I
know he won't believe me. Would you all have believed me if Ami hadn't said it true?"
Each of the Senshi looked at me, the truth in their eyes. Who would have
believed it, without proof? Even I had denied it until it couldn't be any longer.
Rei, who was sitting beside me, placed her hand on my shoulder. "Just tell
him everything you've told us. You know, Mamoru-san has back more of his memories
than any of us. He may already remember all of this."
"And if he doesn't, he might think that I'm just a little slut that wants
to make him the father of a mistake I made in the States!" I replied back, harsher
than I meant to. Everyone except Rei seemed to recoil from my outburst.
Instead of looking at me in sympathy like the others, her eyes glowed
with anger. She stood up, her hands on her hips. "So what do you plan to do,
Usagi? Not tell him, try to raise a baby on your own? Even with our help, you
need Mamoru's emotional support and I don't need to be as smart as Ami to know
it! I see the way you two look at each other, like there is no one else in the
world. Are you going to sit there and tell me that you can cut that off, and not
be heartbroken? Would you do that to yourself, as well as Mamoru?" Her posture,
her tone, reminded me of the Fire Princess I had known on the Moon. Behind it all,
she was always my best friend. And I knew that even though she was angry, my best
interest was in her heart. When I said nothing, she sat back down, still staring
at me. "Usagi, we aren't on the Moon anymore. You and Mamoru are on the same
planet-the same city. There's nothing to keep you apart like there used to be."
"I don't know how to tell him..." I said, but as the words left my mouth
I realized I was whining. And I knew that whining and crying didn't change anything.
This was going to be hard, but nothing in my life would be easy again. I had to face
that, learn to live with it. And this was relatively small compared to what I might
face in the future.
Minako laid her head down on her folded arms, looking straight at me. "Just
tell him what you told us, Usagi-chan. I know it will be hard, but we are here for
you. The worst he can do is not believe you."
"And then the worst I can do is kill him," Rei said, smiling at me.
Giggling and shaking my head, I stood up and grabbed my backpack. "I have
to be heading to work now. Mamo-chan is going to bring Shingo to the arcade,
so he will be with me tonight."
"You know I don't mind babysitting," Makoto pointed out, her finger stuck
out to indicate my stomach. "All of us will be happy to help out with Shingo
or this new addition."
"Thank you," I grinned, patting my stomach. "I may have to take you up on
that offer. But while I can still care fully for Shingo, I want to make the best
of it I can. I'm afraid it won't be too long until I won't feel like playing with
him until after the baby is born."
Everyone nodded their understanding and bid me goodbye. I walked down the
temple steps rather slowly, thoughts clouding my mind. Telling Mamo-chan was a
lot harder than it sounded, my hands actually shook I was so scared of the
concept. But like Minako said, the worst he can do is not believe me. I have to
think positively about the situation I'm in, since there is no way out of it.
I walked into the arcade and fruit parlor and headed straight for the
bathroom to change clothes. Leaving my bag in my locker, I clocked in and
headed for Motoki.
"Hey Usagi-chan!" he greeted, smiling as always. "You have tables one
thru ten tonight. It's a Monday night and we are usually pretty slow, so do
you want to go home early if it gets too slow? Or do you want me to let Naru
go and you stay?"
"I'll stay," I replied immediately, knowing I needed the money no matter
how bad I wanted to go home early.
"Great," Motoki reached in his pocket and produced a nametag. My name
was typed out, beside it a small picture of a bunny. "I thought it suited you,
if you don't like it you can peel it off."
"Oh no, it's cute!" I assured him. "Well, I better get to work."
Motoki was right, the store was extremely slow. A few teenagers hung out
in the arcade room, but my only customers were an elderly couple and a younger
woman with long emerald hair. She sat alone near the windows over looking the
streets and sipped green tea. With no work to do, I found myself wiping clean
counter tops over and over again and sighing often. At least I'm getting paid
to stand here and do practically nothing, I thought.
Putting my rag down, I picked up the pot of tea and started towards the
woman again when I felt a small pang in my stomach. The lady looked up, as if
she somehow knew what I felt and our eyes meet. Her magenta colored eyes were
intense, studying me like she could sense what I was thinking. The now familiar
sweet taste fled up my throat, drowning my mouth and I practically dropped the
pot of tea in my hurry to the restroom.
After my close encounter with the toilet - one I was beginning to hate -
I filled my hands with cool water and splashed it on my face. My cheeks were
flushed and I felt feverish. Closing my eyes, I waited for my beating heart
to calm down so that I could return to work. My eyes snapped open when the
restroom door opened and the woman with the long green haired came through it.
"Feeling better?" she asked, her long arms crossed in front of her
casually.
She leaned against the doorframe, preventing me from exiting without
asking her to move. For some reason, I had the feeling of being trapped. I
took a step back, wary of her motives. "Eh, hai. I'm okay."
She nodded her head, her eyes locked on mine again. She seemed to be
searching my soul, looking for something, perhaps. When finally I could break
the contact, I felt strange, almost light headed. "I need to return to work
now," I said, placing my paper towel in the trash and taking a step towards
her.
Her eyes darted to my nametag, and a small smile tugged on her lips.
"Usagi, that is your name?" I nodded. "What is your last name? If I may ask."
Well you already have asked, I thought. What the use in asking if you
can now? Biting my bottom lip, I meet her gaze again. "Tsukino. Tsukino Usagi."
"Moon Bunny?" she said in perfect English, not a hint of her Japanese
accent coming through. "That's an odd translation, ne?"
"Gomen ne, but I have some customers I need to attend to..." I said,
making an excuse as I reached for the door handle.
Her hand grabbed mine and I looked up in fear. When our eyes meet, I
tried to hide my anxiety from her and made my gaze steady. Instead of the
intense stare she had meet me with moments before, her eyes appeared softer
now - almost lovingly. "How far along are you, Usagi?"
So much for my control over my emotions. Shock made me stutter as I
stepped back from her. "N..Nani? How did you know?" And then, her intense
stare, the way she seemed to search my soul. It was like a light bulb turned
on in my head - and then suddenly shattered into a million pieces. "Who
are you?" I asked, trying to sound as much and in control and demanding
as I once did on the Moon. Pride for who I was - Princess Serenity and Sailor
Moon - made my spine turn to steel and my eyes bore harder into the woman
in front of me.
"Ah, so there is the Princess I was searching for," she said, looking
slightly amused. "I was wondering when you would come out of hiding. You never
did tolerate ignorance to any situation. I also see your memory has not
returned in full yet, or you wouldn't be asking who I was."
She looked so familiar, but I couldn't pin it. Confused, I hoped she was
a friend - and not an enemy. "Can we take this to your table?" I asked, holding
my hand on the counter. "I feel slightly light headed." And if you are an enemy,
Mamo-chan will be here any minute with Shingo and kill you for touching me.
"Of course," she smiled, moving out of the way and holding the door open
for me. We went to her table, sitting across from each other. I waited for
her to sip her tea before talking.
"My name is Setsuna, but before you try, you won't remember me by that
name. I have known you in both your life times, from the moment you were born
on the Moon until this very second. I know how you used to sneak off to Earth
to be with Endymion, I know that you were pregnant - and that the last wish
you made on the Moon was for everyone, including your baby, to be restored in
this life. And your mother, granting that wish, had no idea you were with
child." She stopped, sipping from her cup again and looking at me over the
rim of her glass. "You never answered my question earlier."
"Which was that?" I asked, amazed at this woman's knowledge of things I
had only just discovered - but determined not to let her know that. My stomach
felt weak again, and with about as much enthusiasm as a man walking the plank,
I pulled a saltine cracker from my pocket and began nibbling on it.
"How far along are you?"
The bits of salt flavored sandpaper moved around in my mouth as I chewed,
touching my tongue and making me want to gag. I'm sure Ami doesn't know what she
is talking about on this one, saltines are more likely to make me vomit than the
baby. "About five weeks," I answered, putting the rest of the cracker down and
reaching for the glass of water I had brought to the table with me. The cool
liquid rushed down my throat, taking the soggy pieces of cardboard with it as
I swallowed. "Excuse me for a moment." Quickly I stood up and went to the only
other occupied table in the room. The elderly couple said they didn't need
anything else, gave me a handsome tip, and left.
When I returned to the table, Setsuna laughed softly, like I had never
gotten up. "Not crazy about saltines, ne? Can't say as I blame you." Her casual
conversation seemed forced, an intentional change of subject.
I put the glass of water back on the table and looked her straight
in the eyes. The smiled dropped off her face, replaced by a serious look
that made me wish for her cheerfulness back. I leaned forward, still
looking her in the eyes. "Who are you? Why don't I remember you when it
is obvious you know both my life histories?"
"I am--"
"Setsuna, what are you doing here?" Mamoru asked, coming up to the
table, Shingo in his arms. He put my brother down, eyeing the woman in front
of me strangely.
Setsuna looked shocked, in a way, at his words. But I had the feeling
that her shocked exterior was only a facade. She seemed to have already
known what he was going to say before he showed up. "Mamoru," she greeted,
now back to her cool calmness she had shown me. "How nice to see you here."
Mamo-chan handed Shingo some quarters, instructing him to go downstairs.
He stood for a moment, uneasily, and sat down next to me. Setsuna watched
him, a blank stare on her face, then looked at me a little guiltily.
I smiled when Mamo-chan placed his arm around me, and snuggled into his
embrace. But the second his hand slightly came in contact with my stomach
I remembered about the conversation Setsuna and I were having before Mamo-chan
came in. I prayed she didn't say anything to him. Trying to clear away the
fears clouding my mind, I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "I didn't
know you two knew each other."
"I could say the same," Setsuna said quietly, sipping her tea again.
"Usako," Mamo-chan began, facing me. "What time do you get off work? I
was hoping I could take the love of my life out to dinner tonight."
"Mamo-chan," I replied, taking no notice of Setsuna's attention on
us. "You know I have school tomorrow and some homework to catch up--" I
stopped, knowing that he would talk me into it anyways. This was my chance,
to be alone with him. To try to explain how it was I was having his baby.
"Nani?" he urged, still waiting for me to complete the sentence I
left off in the middle of.
"I think that is a wonderful idea, but I don't want to go out. Can't
we order in? I get off work in thirty minutes, and Makoto said she would
watch Shingo if I needed her to tonight."
My enthusiasm and my change in attitude confused Mamo-chan. For a
moment at least - he looked a little like questioning it. "Okay, we can
order in, if you want."
I left him and Setsuna sitting at the table, wondering if I should
or not. It had nothing to do with trusting Mamo-chan, but I had the feeling
that Setsuna and Mamo-chan weren't just old friends. There seemed to be
something a little more business like under the surface. Shrugging it off,
I picked up the phone and called Makoto to see if she would baby-sit Shingo
for me.
@------
I stepped out of the shower, picking the towel up off the counter.
In the full length mirror across from me, I stopped to stare at my
reflection. I hadn't paid much attention to it before today, but I felt
different somehow. I placed my hand on my flat stomach and tried to
picture myself pregnant. The idea of my body swelling up didn't appeal
to me.
"Can I love this child that I don't want?" I asked my reflection,
putting both hands on my stomach. "Will Mamo-chan want it? Want me, my
little brother and a baby?" I just stared into my own blue eyes, and
thought about Mamoru's. The bottomless well of feelings for me that I
seen there every time our eyes meet.
"Usagi-chan, Mamoru-san is here to pick you up!" Makoto shouted
through the door, knocking slightly on it.
"Hai!" I replied, putting the towel around me and cracking the
door open. "Tell him to give me a minute. Well," I said to myself, once
the door was closed. "There's no time like the present."
---End Chapter 6.
Okay, the answer to one of everyone's questions - yes, she is pregnant.
But what I want to know is what you all think of the way I presented it,
because I love this idea--I'd just like to have everyone else's opinion ^_^
As always, HUGE thanks to everyone who emails me about this story, and
my others - and to everyone who reads and reviews on Fanfiction.net *hugs*
Thanks to my wonderful editor, Meara, who makes my writing a little less
complicated and a lot more humorous with her remarks and editing skills =)
Chapter 7 - The Truth Within, won't be released until after the New Year
so until then - Merry Christmas everyone, and if you drink New Year's night,
don't drive, ne? ^_^