Author's Notes at bottom - Enjoy!
@------
Flee to Destiny
Chapter 7 - The Truth Within
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
@------
Mamoru embraced me as soon as I came into the living room.
From the way he held me, one would never know we parted less than
an hour before. Makoto grinned, holding her hand over her mouth to
suppress her giggle as she backed into the kitchen to fix dinner.
I watched her go over Mamoru's shoulder. A wonderful sense
of comfort and security wrapped around me with his strong arms.
"Hello beautiful," he whispered in my ear. The time we had spent
together was so wonderful that I feared tonight. Afraid that the
news of my condition would turn him away from me. How would I cope
with my pregnancy without him?
I pushed the thoughts away and walked into the kitchen where
Makoto and Shingo were eating their dinner. "Shingo, you be a good
boy for Mako-chan, ne?" I told him, kissing his cheek.
"Hai, Mama," he answered, a piece of carrot falling out of
his mouth as he spoke. "Mako-chan and me is going to make cookies!"
"Mako-chan and I," I corrected, wiping his mouth.
"Don't be so nervous," Makoto whispered. "Everything will be
fine. By the way," she eyed Shingo as we walked to the door. "Ami-chan
is coming over later to examine the bruises on Shingo. But they are
looking better today...." She stopped talking, the expression on my
face telling her that not too much was going to make me feel better
about the blue splotches on my younger brother. Even though they
seemed to be getting better, they were also covering a larger portion
of his body.
I gave one last worried look at Shingo and hugged Makoto. "Wish
me luck," I whispered. I bit my bottom lip so hard I feared it would
bleed as I stepped back and eyed the door as if it were going to jump
off it's hinges and talk.
"You won't need it, Usagi-chan. He loves you." Mako-chan smiled
at me as I pushed the swinging door open and left with Mamoru. However,
her assurance did nothing for my pounding heart.
@------
It may have been because I was so nervous, but the ride to
Mamoru's apartment seemed to take forever. Every light seemed to
turn red on us and the car was filled with an uneasy silence. Mamoru
reached over and squeezed my hand tightly, throwing me an adorable
grin. "Why are you so quiet? Are you that afraid of my cooking?"
"Cooking?" I asked absentmindedly, fingering a button on my
blouse. "You cook?"
"Don't act so thrilled," he remarked, then laughed. "We can order
something if you don't like it."
"Oh!" I inhaled; the meaning finally cleared my preoccupied mind
to make sense. "I didn't mean that." I looked over to meet his eyes just
as he let go of my hand. We pulled into the parking garage and he cut
the engine. "Mamo-chan," I whined, placing my hand on his cheek. "Gomen
nasai, I really didn't mean to imply that you can't cook."
He turned towards me, his bottom lip puckered out before he busted
out laughing. "Usako, you are so cute when you start whining like that."
Gently he reached over and kissed my nose. "I love you."
Against my will, the first smile I had managed today broke across
my face. "You are silly, Mamo-chan."
"What, you don't love me, too?" he asked, pouting with his bottom
lip again.
"Of course I do," I giggled, slapping his chest lightly.
"There's the wonderful sound you've been hiding from me today," he
said seriously, opening his car door. I waited as he ran to my side of
the car and opened the door. When I stepped out, he pulled me to his
chest to hug me before we went inside.
@------
"Wow, Mamo-chan! I didn't know you could cook like this!" I
exclaimed, putting my napkin down and thinking about my overly stuffed
tummy. "We better not do this too often, or I'll look like the broad
side of a barn!" Which I probably will anyways, I thought drearily.
The picture of my stomach sticking out, demanding that everyone see
it before me wasn't too appealing. Which brought my thoughts back to
telling Mamo-chan that I'm pregnant.
"I did learn a trick or two, living by myself the better half of
my life." He stopped for a moment, studying me. "What are you thinking
about with such a serious look on your face?" Mamo-chan asked, bringing
me out of my daze. He started to pick my dish up to take into the
kitchen, when I pulled him down next to me pressing my lips to his
eagerly. When we finally broke, I wrapped my arms around him tightly.
"Usako," he mumbled, feeling my shivering body. "What's wrong?"
I pressed my face to his chest, fearing that I was inhaling his
cologne - feeling his embrace - for the last time. My heart pounded
madly in my chest, feeling like it would burst out. "Mamo-chan, I've
got something to tell you. And... and, please promise me that even if
we are not together anymore that you will still love me a little. And..
and Iwon't bother you anymore. I will live on that for the rest of my
life."
"Usa," his deep voice seemed to radiate with as much fear as that
I held in my heart. "What are you talking about? There is nothing that
is so bad that I would leave you. What are you saying?" Pressed against
his chest, I could feel him placing his hands on my shoulders to move
me back.
Our eyes meet, but I couldn't find the words. Just said it, Usagi,
I told myself. You can't keep it a secret forever, you know. "Well, I.."
Come on chicken, just say it. "Mamo-chan, I'm p--"
*BEEP*
Both of our gazes fell on the communicator that Ami had given me
just the day before. We just sat, staring at it as if we expected it to
leap up and dance. I looked over at Mamo-chan, lost my nerve to tell
him, and flipped my compact open. "Hai?"
The static on the line cleared slowly, Minako's face coming across
the screen. She looked to be running, her hair blowing behind her rather
than laying on her shoulders as usual and she spoke between taking deep
breathes. "Usagi-chan, there is a youma attack at the concert hall," she
said hastily. "We are on our way there now."
"Mamo-chan and I will meet you there," I replied, shutting the
compact closed with one hand while reached for my broach with the other.
I opened my eyes, seeing Mamo-chan's serious expression as he stared
into my eyes.
"Usako, what where you going to tell me?" Mamo-chan asked, holding
his hand over my broach to keep me from transforming. I didn't know, but
I had the feeling it wouldn't be much good if I tried to transform with
someone else's hand also on my broach.I tried to meet Mamoru's eyes,
silently pleading for him to let it alone, but he wouldn't back down.
"We'll talk about it later," I finally said, not leaving much
room for a breath, let alone an arguement. I pulled the broach over
my head and prayed for our baby's health as I said: "Moon Crystal Power,
Make-UP!" When my transformation was complete, I smiled to myself.
Under my fuku I could feel the magical barrier around my stomach. I
looked at Mamo-chan as he turned to Tuxedo Kamen, but he didn't seem
to notice anything different about my appearance.
"Let's go," I said, turning towards the door.
"Let's go my way," Tuxedo Kamen instructed, opening the balcony
door. I followed him to the doorway, looking out at the city below.
As he picked me up and jumped from twelve stories up, I gasped and
grinned at him. "I forgot how you like to make an entrance."
My beloved kissed my nose before jumping to the next rooftop. "You
were right about one thing."
"What's that?" I asked.
"I'm going to have to limit how often I cook." He jumped from that
roof top to the next before I had time to process his comment.
Oh great, I thought, when it finally hit me. I'm gaining weight
already.
@------
"Supreme Thunder!"
We landed on the roof of the concert hall just as Jupiter's attack
went flying towards the youma. The beast looked like a violin that had
grown legs, arms, head and had a voice that could shatter glass. The
thing jumped just in time so that Jupiter's attack hit the building
instead.
"Watch it, Jupiter!" Ami advised, pulling her palmtop out.
"There's still people in the building."
Jumping from the roof, Tuxedo Kamen placed me on the ground and
headed the opposite direction. I ran up to where Mercury was standing.
"So what's the deal?" I looked over at the fight where Venus was using
her cresent beam to try and hit the youma. It moved skillfully (or
luckily) out of the way, laughing at her attempts to trap it.
Without looking up from her calculations, Ami began talking. "The
youma attacked everyone inside, draining their engery. She seems to be
striking us by shooting the gathered engery at us through the notes she
plays on the violin strings."
"Deep Submerge!"
"Oh look," she noted without much interest, again not bothering to
look up. "The Outer Senshi have shown up. By the way, did you tell
Mamoru?"
I blinked, trying to keep up with the fast change of subject. "Eh,
no. This Youma's timing kind of interrupted us before I could get to it.
By the way, I--" Before I could finish, I saw the youma turn towards
Sailor Neptune and draw it's bow across the strings. She seemed to be
preoccupied, not noticing it's attention. "Neptune, look out!" I
screamed, running towards her.
When she turned, fear nailed her to her spot, helplessly
watching the attack fly towards her. With a leap and a prayer for
good aim, I took a running jump - knocking both Neptune and myself out
of harm's way. As we rolled to a stop I heard Uranus mumbling under her
breath: "Damn you!" And then; "World Shaking!" The ball of energy the
Senshi of the Sky pounded into the ground disappeared for about two
seconds. It appeared only feet in front of the stunned youma, hitting it
dead on. "How do you like it when someone fights back?" she spat.
"Are you okay?" I asked, sitting up painfully.
Neptune turned over, looking at the sky for a moment. A small
trickle of blood ran from a scrape on her right cheek. She sat up,
flinching slightly. "A little sore, but it could have been worse. Thank
you..." She looked dead into my eyes. "...Princess."
Well, I thought, as I stood to go fight. If there was any doubt
they knew about who I am, it's gone now.
Tuxedo Kamen threw a handful of roses at the youma, stunning it
for a moment. Taking advantage of the timing, Venus jumped in. "Venus
Love-Me Chain!" The chain of gilded hearts wrapped around the youma,
causing her to scream. Windows all around broke, shattering glass
falling everywhere.
More than anything, I heard the sound in my heart. Over and over
again the memory of that sound resounded - a painful sight coming with
it. "No," I whispered, remembering Mamo-chan dying in my arms. Without
thinking, I said the words that would end this creature's destruction,
before it hurt someone I loved again. "Moon Princess - Halation!"
The wand in my hand grew bright with power. Instead of feeling the
energy run out of my body as usual, I felt a sense of strength in my
bones. My every vein from the tips of my fingers to the bottom of my
toes seemed to come alive with the surge. My body sang with the
sensations; like a rush of adrenaline, the pleasure was thrilling and
invigorating. I could think of nothing but the energy radiating through
and all around me.
"Usako," I heard in my head. I tried to block it out, savoring the
upcoming moment of full power. But Mamo-chan came up beside me,
demanding my attention. "Don't over do it, ne? You can stop, it's over
now." His voice was deep and luring and reluctantly I found myself
listening to him. With his urging, I let the wonderful feeling of the
power drain from my body. With it, however, came exhaustion. The
tiredness set in, though not nearly as bad as before.
Even though I didn't feel faint, or worse, like I normally did -
Mamo-chan still wrapped his strong arms around my waist. His additional
support helped my weaken muscles hold up my weight. My guardians
surrounded me, looking at the broken violin on the ground.
Across from us; Neptune, Uranus and Saturn stood staring our
direction. As they approached us, I heard the faint mumbling of my
guardians wondering what they were wanting. "Shhh," I reprimanded,
giving a look to Jupiter to stop.
The outers stopped merely feet from us, Uranus stepping forward.
"I want to thank you," she said, shifting her weight from one foot to
the other. "For saving Neptune. We don't usually place ourselves in
harm's way in order to save each other." She stopped and looked at
Neptune, and look I couldn't identify the message that seemed to pass
between them.
A moment of silence stretched between us. I began to say something
- anything to break the uneasiness - when Saturn stepped up beside
Uranus.
"I think what Sailor Uranus is trying to say is that we all seem
to be working towards a common goal - so there is no reason for us to be
strangers. We are all Sailor Senshi."
I looked at the petite senshi and felt an understanding. She was
like me, in a way. Responsibility had made her grow up long before her
time, but she was proud of who she had to become. I stepped forward,
holding my hand out to Uranus. She looked at me curiously for a moment,
and I feared she may change her mind. "Friends?" I asked, hoping it
wasn't said nearly as timidly as I felt it was.
"Allies," Uranus answered, shaking my hand like she was closing a
business deal. I looked to Sailor Saturn and Neptune - hoping one of
them would step forward and say something, anything. But both looked
relieved that Uranus had gotten that far. Perhaps I should be, too.
"Okay then," I said, not showing my disappointment in neither my
face or my voice. "Allies. But the friendship is always open if you so
choose."
"We do not," Uranus replied, taking her hand from my grip and
stepping back. "We take care of our own, more than that becomes
distracting. Our mission is to take care of you, Princess - and destroy
this enemy." She stepped back, eyeing my guardians. "And that is all."
In the blink of an eye, all three senshi disappeared from sight.
I felt Venus place her hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly.
"Gomen, Usagi-chan," she whispered. "They have always been this
distant."
I turned to her, smiling. "Why are you sorry? Allies is better
than nothing, ne? And in time, I'm sure we can all be friends." I
walked towards Mamo-chan, the effort to be cheerful becoming tiring.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, waving to the other senshi
as we parted. We barely made it around the corner of a building when he
engulfed me in his arms, hugging me so tightly that I was silently glad
I was still transformed to protect the baby. "Usako, you scare me when
you do things like that."
"What?" I mumbled, somehow connecting his state to the truce
between us and the Outer Senshi. He didn't seem to hear my question,
however. I stared at his profile in the darkness, but his eyes were
hidden from my angle. He turned, simply wrapping one arm around my
shoulders as we headed back to his apartment. Instead of questioning
him more now, though I wanted to, I let it slide. My thoughts settling
back on my situation.
As if on cue, I felt the familiar feeling in my stomach, rising to
my throat faster than I could think. Shoving away from Mamo-chan, I ran
towards the nearest alley way, vomiting everything that I had eaten
since leaving work. When at last it subsided - and believe me, I thought
it would last forever - I leaned against the side of building, breathing
heavily. It wasn't until I heard Mamo-chan clear his throat, that I
remembered he was there.
Peeking one eye open, I looked at the face he was making. Oh no,
how will I explain this? The truth, I told myself. But I couldn't, I
didn't know how to begin. I felt so tired, my body ached. Tell him,
don't tell him. Tell him, don't tell him. Over and over again the
voices battled in my mind, screaming out what I should or shouldn't
do. If I tell him, and he never speaks to me again, what will I do?
How will I cope with this baby? You will, another voice instructed.
You will do what you have to do just like you always have.
The battle in my mind, without notice, stopped adruptly. There
was a peaceful calmness invading my mind, and out of the corner of my
eye I seen Mamo-chan rush towards me. How nice for him to catch me; I
thought, before I fainted - again.
@------
The sickeningly sweet scent of smelling salts lured me awake.
Okay, so I woke up shoving the stuff away from my face. The very trace
left in my nose made me want to gag. Blinking my eyes open, I was
greeted with the amused look on Rei's face, plus Ami's worried one on
the other side of the bed. Which, by the way, was not my own. "Where
am I?"
"Nice to see you awake," Rei said, instead of answering me. She
glanced at the clock. "This is a new record time for you."
Ami cracked a small smile, but continued to type on her computer.
"Everything seems alright," she answered, finally. "Usagi-chan, you
can't go around getting stressed out. Your body is producing extra
hormones right now and you'll get overly excited about the smallest
thing - and ended up laying on the ground."
"And then Mamoru-san calls us, afraid that something is really
wrong with you that you're not telling him - which, there is - and we
have to come over to save the day," Rei went on, her hands fluttering
around her as she spoke. She turned to Ami then, her hands still in
mid air. "What do you want me to tell Mamoru-san?"
"Nothing."
I looked back and forth between my two guardians, the expression
on Ami's face lost on both me and Rei. The Senshi of Ice clicked her
computer closed and ran of fingers through her hair. "Usagi-chan, you
are going to continue to stress out about telling Mamoru until you just
get it over with. He knows something is up, and that we know about it.
I'm not saying anything to him, good or bad. This is up to you."
Biting my bottom lip, I laid back on Mamoru's bed (finally
realizing where I was) and pressed the tips of my fingers together in
thought. There has to be a trick to this, some manual somewhere that
explains how to tell your boyfriend that you're pregnant. Perhaps I
should check the library.
In my continuing thoughts on the subject, I paid no notice to Rei
and Ami going out the door. They were just gone. A few minutes later the
shadow of the figure in the doorway was not one I was ready to see just
yet.
The Prince of Earth walked towards me slowly, a blank expression
hiding his feelings from me. As he sat down on the edge of the bed, I
sank back into the blankets and pillows - hoping I could just disappear
all together. That wish, as well as many others, wasn't to be granted
today.
"Usako," he began, the tone of his voice falling hard on me
emotionally. He sounded so drained, so worried and even scared. "Please,
talk to me. Please." Gesturing towards the living room, he made a
disgusted face. "They... Rei and Ami won't tell me what's wrong with
you, but I can tell it's something important. Maybe even bad. And,
if we can't talk, then I don't know what to do. Hell, I don't know
what to do now."
I stared at him, guilt for bringing him this low nagging at
my heart. This man, whom I have known so short a time - yet he looks
at his lowest. So out of ideas on what to do. I turned away from the
pain on his face, looking out at the night sky. In the distance the
faintest hint of clouds lined the air, blocking the stars from my view.
"Please tell me, Usa," he urged, gripping my hands and meeting
my unsure eyes. But I couldn't. And that was the worst feeling I had
felt in my life. I couldn't tell him, couldn't find the words to start.
Feeling lower than pond scum, I sat up on the edge of the bed.
My eyes downcast, I pulled my hands from his grasp and walked towards
the door. "Gomen, Mamo-chan. I can't tell you now. I just can't find
the words. It hurts me to know that, maybe as much as it hurts you."
Opening the door, I went out it, throwing one last longing glance into
the bedroom at Mamo-chan. He was still looking at me, and the hurt
there would haunt me for a lifetime.
I pulled the door to, the click echoing in my heart like a shot
in the night.
That night was the longest in my life. I laid awake, one hand
on my stomach, looking at the ceiling. Beside me, Shingo snored softly
and occasionally the heater would turn on and off - otherwise there
was no sound. Thoughts clouded my mind, decisions demanded to be made.
But there was only so much I could handle, I thought. I had to face my
parent's death, I faced moving to Tokyo, and I can finally get used to
being Sailor Moon - but this, this was a little too much.
Somewhere around the early morning, I finally slipped into
an uneasy sleep that was full of nightmares - and sounds of crying
babies.
@------
@------
The days went by slowly for me. Like someone in a trance, I
got myself and Shingo to school, went to work and came home. The
dullness of my routine set into my mind, and it became where I didn't
have to think in order to follow my routine.
The youma attacks never increased, as Ami feared they might,
but usually we had one every other night or so. Every time we fought
the enemy, I came home to cry in my bed for hours. Mamoru was always
there, just in the shadows. Watching me, protecting me if I should
slip up. And every time our eyes meet, I could feel his pain dig
deeper into my soul.
The morning sickness - to my eternal relief - faded along my
eighth week of pregnancy. Other than my occasional need to sit and
cry like a baby for a couple of hours - I could forget that I was
with child all together.
Of course, just because I could forget the problem, didn't
make it go away. And like most things in my life, I had to find
out the hard way.
It all began one Sunday morning in the late January. I had
promised Shingo that we would spend the day at the park and have
a picnic. About eight o'clock that morning (as if I could ever
sleep late again) Shingo came bouncing into the bedroom where he
had already been watching television for about an hour. "Wake UP!
Get up Mama!" he called, climbing onto the bed and standing up. He
was about to begin jumping when I reached out and grabbed his legs
out from under him.
The six year old fell flat down on the bed, his giggles filling
the room. After a few moments of him begging for me to stop, I decided
to let him loose to put some clothes on. Unraveling myself from the
mass of blankets on the bed, I stumbled into the bathroom to shower.
As I dried off I stopped to look in the mirror, as if noticing
myself for the first time in months. My stomach had a rather large
hard area, in fact my entire stomach seemed to be rounded out. Over
the past couple of weeks I had shrugged off the fact that my jeans no
longer fit, and I had been hiding my stomach with my apron at work.
But was I really so insistent on ignoring my pregnancy that I hadn't
noticed this? Biting my bottom lip, I slipped my pants on, but they
were so tight it cut into my waist.
Sighing, I pushed my pants below my stomach and picked up my
shirt. Which, to my horror, didn't cover the fact I was four months
pregnant. You knew this would happen, Usagi, I scolded my reflection.
You can't keep something like this a secret for long. But what to do
about it? I had to work, and go to school. And as long as I left the
house, there was always a chance Mamoru would see me.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I slid down the wall to
sit on the floor. Staring at the evidence of my pregnancy with hatred,
I buried my face in my palms. "And it's only going to get worse," I
cried openly, burning tears of self pity running down my face and neck.
The bathroom door - which I had failed to close completely - was
pushed open slowly. I looked up, putting the towel on my lap in case it
was Shingo. Instead I saw the gentle brown eyes of Mako-chan, biting
her bottom lip as she entered and shut the door behind her. "What's
wrong, Usagi-chan?" she asked, sitting beside me on the floor and
wrapping one arm around my shoulders gently.
Pulling the towel off my lap, I pointed to my stomach. "This
is what's wrong. I can't hide it now, it will only get worse. And
then Mamo-chan will start asking questions..."
"Usagi-chan," Mako-chan said, her voice half amused and half
worried. "You just now noticed you're showing? The rest of us have
noticed for at least a couple of weeks now." She looked at the horror
on my face, just realizing that indeed I had been so occupied trying
to ignore my state that I hadn't noticed at all. "Usagi-chan, that's
not good. You can't ignore this child. It's not healthy for you or
the baby. You need to get help."
"Help?" I mumbled, not understanding at the moment. What kind
of help was there for a virgin four months pregnant? "No one can help
me."
"You have two options, Usagi-chan. You can get emotional help
to deal with this. Or.." she hesitated here, almost like she didn't
want to keep going. Or wishing she had never brought it up to begin
with.
"Or what?"
An expression of guilt crossed her face, though at the moment
I couldn't understand why. It was soon to become too clear. She pushed
her hands through her hair, biting her bottom lip again. "Well, there
are some doctors that will.. will.. take the baby from you."
I looked at her, puzzled for a minute, until I finally grasped
what she meant with horror. "...even if I could have passed myself off
to a healer.." The words of Princess Serenity rang in my head, and
suddenly a great deal of fear gathered inside of me for my unborn child.
"No!" I gasped, looking at Makoto as if she were an alien with three
heads. "I.. I.. No, I wouldn't even consider it! I may not want this
baby, but I don't want any harm to come to it. It's not my baby's fault
whose it's parents are..." I wrapped my arms around my midsection,
realization finally dawning on me. No, I couldn't deny the fact that I
was pregnant - not any longer. And the words I just said to Makoto,
should have been said a long time before now - to me.
It wasn't by any choose of this child's who it's parents were.
And I was being selfish for blaming it, hiding it, and in that sense -
harming it. Fresh tears filled my eyes, but they were not of sorrow
like they had been as of late. They were of relief. And suddenly, I
knew what I had to do.
"Usagi-chan?" Mako-chan asked, after I had said nothing else.
I looked over at her, a smile tugging at my lips. Without warning
I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Thank you Mako-chan,
you just helped me more than you'll ever know!" I jumped up, running to
my bedroom to put on a sweatshirt that would at least reach to the
bottom of my stomach. Makoto watched me, a look of confusion on her
face.
"I smile because I have no idea what is going on," she said,
following me back into the bathroom while I brushed my hair out and
put it up.
"Can you watch Shingo for me? Just for about an hour or so?"
I begged, knowing fully well that she would.
"Sure.." she stumbled, backing out of my way. "But Usagi-chan,
where are you going!?" she called, but I was too far away to stop
and answer her. The elevator door closed and I leaned against the
back wall.
The wind that blew had a bit of a chill to it, but nothing that
stopped me from walking the four blocks to Mamo-chan's apartment
rather than riding the bus. I felt free, more alive than I had in as
long as I could remember. The wind and sun on my face made a smile
come to my lips. I could tell him, face my fears and leave them
behind. Everything would be okay, and it started with clearing up
everything with the man I loved.
I feared that once I actually got to his apartment door, that I
would lose my newfound nerve. But that was not to be. I felt a presence
with me, someone helping me along. Closing my eyes, I pictured my
mother's beautiful face. She was with me, helping me in everything I
do. I pushed the buzzer.
The man that greeted me that early January morning was not the
man I thought I knew - so much that I gasped and actually stepped
backwards. He was unshaven, his shirt unbuttoned half way down,
revealing the small patch of dark hair that trailed to his stomach.
His blood shot eyes meet mine and faintly registered shock.
"Usa..eh, Usagi," he acknowledged me, bowing at the same time.
"What do I owe this honor?" His voice was sluggish, his eyes unfocused.
What was wrong with him? I took a step forward, and he stepped back.
Suddenly he looked like a deer caught in headlights, and he blocked
the doorway. "What do you want?"
"I... I need to talk to you," I managed, fear clutching my chest.
The strong odor of alcohol stretched towards me, turning my stomach. I
glared at him, one hand on my hip. "Chiba Mamoru, you've been drinking!"
I accused, no longer feeling as fearful as I did moments before.
"What it any of your concern?" he spat, squinted at me strangely.
"I'm a big boy, can do what I want..." His hand clutched the door frame
so hard I thought it would snap. "Leave me alone." Before I had time to
react, the door slammed in my face.
For a second I seriously considered leaving. But something inside
me refused to allow me to leave. I reached forward, finding, to my
surprise, the door wasn't locked. Opening it cautiously, I stepped in.
Mamoru was sitting on the couch, staring oddly at the bottle of snake in
his hand. He looked up at me, down at the bottle, and back again. "I
told you to leave," he stated plainly.
I crossed the living room floor quickly, grabbing the half empty
bottle out of his hands before he had time to react. "You don't need
this for what I have to say to you."
Glaring at me, he sat back. "Say it and then leave."
This was not the way I had planned on telling him. I looked around
the apartment, trying to figure out just how I was going to start since
my plan was not going to work at all. The living room that was usually
so neat and orderly was trashed. Through the bedroom doorway, I could
tell his bed hadn't been slept in all night. "Have you been up all
night drinking?" I asked as calmly as I could.
"So?" he replied lowly. His hand raised, one finger pointing
towards me. His glare was full of ice, but something lurked under
the surface of his rage - something that caused me to wonder was
I was doing standing here. "You don't mind having your ton of fun,
do you?"
His accusing finger frightened me to the very bone. I felt a
shiver of fear go up my spine. Try as I might, I couldn't keep my
voice was cracking when I spoke: "What are you talking about?"
His still out-stretched finger shook slightly as he gestured
towards me. But not at my face, instead towards my midsection. "Do
you think I'm stupid? I came to see you last night at the fruit
parlor, to ask you if we could try again. But you know, suddenly
it all became clear why you had broken up with me." Shaking his head,
as if to convince himself what he was saying was correct, he sat
forward to the edge of the couch. "What's the matter? Didn't think I
would make a good father for your... your... bastard child?"
His words were blows, each punch directed at my soul and they
hit their mark head on. I stepped backwards, this time hitting my
head slightly on the wall. I didn't just hear those words out of his
mouth. This isn't happening, I told myself. Before I could even have
thoughts as to stopping them, the tears began running down my face.
Burying my face in my palms, I sat on Mamoru's floor silently crying.
He was silent. I expected words of rage or hate. I expected for
him to bring me to my lowest before kicking me out. But there was
nothing. When I finally got up the nerve to look at him, I was more
than a little surprised to find him looking at me, his face oddly
sober. Our gazes meet - my red, swollen eyes and his ocean blue ones.
When he rose from the sofa, walking towards me - I didn't know
what to expect. Perhaps somewhere in the back of my mind, I even
expected him to physically remove me from his sight. So it came as
a shock when he knelt before me, brushing the edge of his fingers
across my forehead gently. "Usa, please don't cry," his smooth, deep
voice whispered. I felt the pounding in my heart subside slightly,
but not altogether. "Please," he repeated, getting on his knees. "I'm
sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was just so jealous, and I've
never felt this way and I didn't know how to handle it. But-But that
don't make it right."
Even in the heat of the last few moments, some questions were
answered that made what I had to say to Mamoru even harder than it
would have been. I wanted to ask him how much he remembered of our
past lives, hoping that he remembered Serenity pregnant with his
child. The words we exchanged said he didn't remember that. Wiping
the tears from my face, I looked up into his sincere eyes.
"Mamo-chan..."
Before I could finish speaking, Mamoru laid his finger over my
lips, stopping me from continuing. "Wait, Usako. Let me finish. I
should have paid more attention. When you left me that day, sitting
here wondering what had happened. I should have followed you. And
instead of filling with rage last night, I should have been telling
you that it was okay. That I love you so much that I would always be
with you, and father this child an--"
I don't know where it came from, the words rose to my lips
before I even knew what I was saying. Cutting him off in mid-sentence,
I blurted out the truth.
"Mamo-chan, this baby is yours."
--End Chapter 7.
*passes around plate of cheese cubes* ^^;; It's what I'm eating right
now, what can I say?
Anyways - Not to much to say about this chapter, as you can see it's
pretty self explanitory ^_^ *hopes she spelled that right* I'm thinking
I should probably write my author's notes before I send this to my
wonderful editor, Meara, so that I don't make ten thousand spelling
and grammer mistakes in these few sentences, huh? ^^;;
Huge thanks to everyone who reads and reviews on Fanfiction.net and to
everyone who emails me ^_^!!! I love emails (cept those virus', I can
take the hint that you don't like me with one virus - I don't need
more, k?)
Email me your thoughts, comments, suggestions and stuff like that. Send
all complaints to the complaint department - which is under construction,
so I couldn't tell you when your complaint will be processed ;)
See you in a couple of weeks for chapter eight (have no idea what to name
the chapter yet, or I'd tell you)
@------
Flee to Destiny
Chapter 7 - The Truth Within
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
@------
Mamoru embraced me as soon as I came into the living room.
From the way he held me, one would never know we parted less than
an hour before. Makoto grinned, holding her hand over her mouth to
suppress her giggle as she backed into the kitchen to fix dinner.
I watched her go over Mamoru's shoulder. A wonderful sense
of comfort and security wrapped around me with his strong arms.
"Hello beautiful," he whispered in my ear. The time we had spent
together was so wonderful that I feared tonight. Afraid that the
news of my condition would turn him away from me. How would I cope
with my pregnancy without him?
I pushed the thoughts away and walked into the kitchen where
Makoto and Shingo were eating their dinner. "Shingo, you be a good
boy for Mako-chan, ne?" I told him, kissing his cheek.
"Hai, Mama," he answered, a piece of carrot falling out of
his mouth as he spoke. "Mako-chan and me is going to make cookies!"
"Mako-chan and I," I corrected, wiping his mouth.
"Don't be so nervous," Makoto whispered. "Everything will be
fine. By the way," she eyed Shingo as we walked to the door. "Ami-chan
is coming over later to examine the bruises on Shingo. But they are
looking better today...." She stopped talking, the expression on my
face telling her that not too much was going to make me feel better
about the blue splotches on my younger brother. Even though they
seemed to be getting better, they were also covering a larger portion
of his body.
I gave one last worried look at Shingo and hugged Makoto. "Wish
me luck," I whispered. I bit my bottom lip so hard I feared it would
bleed as I stepped back and eyed the door as if it were going to jump
off it's hinges and talk.
"You won't need it, Usagi-chan. He loves you." Mako-chan smiled
at me as I pushed the swinging door open and left with Mamoru. However,
her assurance did nothing for my pounding heart.
@------
It may have been because I was so nervous, but the ride to
Mamoru's apartment seemed to take forever. Every light seemed to
turn red on us and the car was filled with an uneasy silence. Mamoru
reached over and squeezed my hand tightly, throwing me an adorable
grin. "Why are you so quiet? Are you that afraid of my cooking?"
"Cooking?" I asked absentmindedly, fingering a button on my
blouse. "You cook?"
"Don't act so thrilled," he remarked, then laughed. "We can order
something if you don't like it."
"Oh!" I inhaled; the meaning finally cleared my preoccupied mind
to make sense. "I didn't mean that." I looked over to meet his eyes just
as he let go of my hand. We pulled into the parking garage and he cut
the engine. "Mamo-chan," I whined, placing my hand on his cheek. "Gomen
nasai, I really didn't mean to imply that you can't cook."
He turned towards me, his bottom lip puckered out before he busted
out laughing. "Usako, you are so cute when you start whining like that."
Gently he reached over and kissed my nose. "I love you."
Against my will, the first smile I had managed today broke across
my face. "You are silly, Mamo-chan."
"What, you don't love me, too?" he asked, pouting with his bottom
lip again.
"Of course I do," I giggled, slapping his chest lightly.
"There's the wonderful sound you've been hiding from me today," he
said seriously, opening his car door. I waited as he ran to my side of
the car and opened the door. When I stepped out, he pulled me to his
chest to hug me before we went inside.
@------
"Wow, Mamo-chan! I didn't know you could cook like this!" I
exclaimed, putting my napkin down and thinking about my overly stuffed
tummy. "We better not do this too often, or I'll look like the broad
side of a barn!" Which I probably will anyways, I thought drearily.
The picture of my stomach sticking out, demanding that everyone see
it before me wasn't too appealing. Which brought my thoughts back to
telling Mamo-chan that I'm pregnant.
"I did learn a trick or two, living by myself the better half of
my life." He stopped for a moment, studying me. "What are you thinking
about with such a serious look on your face?" Mamo-chan asked, bringing
me out of my daze. He started to pick my dish up to take into the
kitchen, when I pulled him down next to me pressing my lips to his
eagerly. When we finally broke, I wrapped my arms around him tightly.
"Usako," he mumbled, feeling my shivering body. "What's wrong?"
I pressed my face to his chest, fearing that I was inhaling his
cologne - feeling his embrace - for the last time. My heart pounded
madly in my chest, feeling like it would burst out. "Mamo-chan, I've
got something to tell you. And... and, please promise me that even if
we are not together anymore that you will still love me a little. And..
and Iwon't bother you anymore. I will live on that for the rest of my
life."
"Usa," his deep voice seemed to radiate with as much fear as that
I held in my heart. "What are you talking about? There is nothing that
is so bad that I would leave you. What are you saying?" Pressed against
his chest, I could feel him placing his hands on my shoulders to move
me back.
Our eyes meet, but I couldn't find the words. Just said it, Usagi,
I told myself. You can't keep it a secret forever, you know. "Well, I.."
Come on chicken, just say it. "Mamo-chan, I'm p--"
*BEEP*
Both of our gazes fell on the communicator that Ami had given me
just the day before. We just sat, staring at it as if we expected it to
leap up and dance. I looked over at Mamo-chan, lost my nerve to tell
him, and flipped my compact open. "Hai?"
The static on the line cleared slowly, Minako's face coming across
the screen. She looked to be running, her hair blowing behind her rather
than laying on her shoulders as usual and she spoke between taking deep
breathes. "Usagi-chan, there is a youma attack at the concert hall," she
said hastily. "We are on our way there now."
"Mamo-chan and I will meet you there," I replied, shutting the
compact closed with one hand while reached for my broach with the other.
I opened my eyes, seeing Mamo-chan's serious expression as he stared
into my eyes.
"Usako, what where you going to tell me?" Mamo-chan asked, holding
his hand over my broach to keep me from transforming. I didn't know, but
I had the feeling it wouldn't be much good if I tried to transform with
someone else's hand also on my broach.I tried to meet Mamoru's eyes,
silently pleading for him to let it alone, but he wouldn't back down.
"We'll talk about it later," I finally said, not leaving much
room for a breath, let alone an arguement. I pulled the broach over
my head and prayed for our baby's health as I said: "Moon Crystal Power,
Make-UP!" When my transformation was complete, I smiled to myself.
Under my fuku I could feel the magical barrier around my stomach. I
looked at Mamo-chan as he turned to Tuxedo Kamen, but he didn't seem
to notice anything different about my appearance.
"Let's go," I said, turning towards the door.
"Let's go my way," Tuxedo Kamen instructed, opening the balcony
door. I followed him to the doorway, looking out at the city below.
As he picked me up and jumped from twelve stories up, I gasped and
grinned at him. "I forgot how you like to make an entrance."
My beloved kissed my nose before jumping to the next rooftop. "You
were right about one thing."
"What's that?" I asked.
"I'm going to have to limit how often I cook." He jumped from that
roof top to the next before I had time to process his comment.
Oh great, I thought, when it finally hit me. I'm gaining weight
already.
@------
"Supreme Thunder!"
We landed on the roof of the concert hall just as Jupiter's attack
went flying towards the youma. The beast looked like a violin that had
grown legs, arms, head and had a voice that could shatter glass. The
thing jumped just in time so that Jupiter's attack hit the building
instead.
"Watch it, Jupiter!" Ami advised, pulling her palmtop out.
"There's still people in the building."
Jumping from the roof, Tuxedo Kamen placed me on the ground and
headed the opposite direction. I ran up to where Mercury was standing.
"So what's the deal?" I looked over at the fight where Venus was using
her cresent beam to try and hit the youma. It moved skillfully (or
luckily) out of the way, laughing at her attempts to trap it.
Without looking up from her calculations, Ami began talking. "The
youma attacked everyone inside, draining their engery. She seems to be
striking us by shooting the gathered engery at us through the notes she
plays on the violin strings."
"Deep Submerge!"
"Oh look," she noted without much interest, again not bothering to
look up. "The Outer Senshi have shown up. By the way, did you tell
Mamoru?"
I blinked, trying to keep up with the fast change of subject. "Eh,
no. This Youma's timing kind of interrupted us before I could get to it.
By the way, I--" Before I could finish, I saw the youma turn towards
Sailor Neptune and draw it's bow across the strings. She seemed to be
preoccupied, not noticing it's attention. "Neptune, look out!" I
screamed, running towards her.
When she turned, fear nailed her to her spot, helplessly
watching the attack fly towards her. With a leap and a prayer for
good aim, I took a running jump - knocking both Neptune and myself out
of harm's way. As we rolled to a stop I heard Uranus mumbling under her
breath: "Damn you!" And then; "World Shaking!" The ball of energy the
Senshi of the Sky pounded into the ground disappeared for about two
seconds. It appeared only feet in front of the stunned youma, hitting it
dead on. "How do you like it when someone fights back?" she spat.
"Are you okay?" I asked, sitting up painfully.
Neptune turned over, looking at the sky for a moment. A small
trickle of blood ran from a scrape on her right cheek. She sat up,
flinching slightly. "A little sore, but it could have been worse. Thank
you..." She looked dead into my eyes. "...Princess."
Well, I thought, as I stood to go fight. If there was any doubt
they knew about who I am, it's gone now.
Tuxedo Kamen threw a handful of roses at the youma, stunning it
for a moment. Taking advantage of the timing, Venus jumped in. "Venus
Love-Me Chain!" The chain of gilded hearts wrapped around the youma,
causing her to scream. Windows all around broke, shattering glass
falling everywhere.
More than anything, I heard the sound in my heart. Over and over
again the memory of that sound resounded - a painful sight coming with
it. "No," I whispered, remembering Mamo-chan dying in my arms. Without
thinking, I said the words that would end this creature's destruction,
before it hurt someone I loved again. "Moon Princess - Halation!"
The wand in my hand grew bright with power. Instead of feeling the
energy run out of my body as usual, I felt a sense of strength in my
bones. My every vein from the tips of my fingers to the bottom of my
toes seemed to come alive with the surge. My body sang with the
sensations; like a rush of adrenaline, the pleasure was thrilling and
invigorating. I could think of nothing but the energy radiating through
and all around me.
"Usako," I heard in my head. I tried to block it out, savoring the
upcoming moment of full power. But Mamo-chan came up beside me,
demanding my attention. "Don't over do it, ne? You can stop, it's over
now." His voice was deep and luring and reluctantly I found myself
listening to him. With his urging, I let the wonderful feeling of the
power drain from my body. With it, however, came exhaustion. The
tiredness set in, though not nearly as bad as before.
Even though I didn't feel faint, or worse, like I normally did -
Mamo-chan still wrapped his strong arms around my waist. His additional
support helped my weaken muscles hold up my weight. My guardians
surrounded me, looking at the broken violin on the ground.
Across from us; Neptune, Uranus and Saturn stood staring our
direction. As they approached us, I heard the faint mumbling of my
guardians wondering what they were wanting. "Shhh," I reprimanded,
giving a look to Jupiter to stop.
The outers stopped merely feet from us, Uranus stepping forward.
"I want to thank you," she said, shifting her weight from one foot to
the other. "For saving Neptune. We don't usually place ourselves in
harm's way in order to save each other." She stopped and looked at
Neptune, and look I couldn't identify the message that seemed to pass
between them.
A moment of silence stretched between us. I began to say something
- anything to break the uneasiness - when Saturn stepped up beside
Uranus.
"I think what Sailor Uranus is trying to say is that we all seem
to be working towards a common goal - so there is no reason for us to be
strangers. We are all Sailor Senshi."
I looked at the petite senshi and felt an understanding. She was
like me, in a way. Responsibility had made her grow up long before her
time, but she was proud of who she had to become. I stepped forward,
holding my hand out to Uranus. She looked at me curiously for a moment,
and I feared she may change her mind. "Friends?" I asked, hoping it
wasn't said nearly as timidly as I felt it was.
"Allies," Uranus answered, shaking my hand like she was closing a
business deal. I looked to Sailor Saturn and Neptune - hoping one of
them would step forward and say something, anything. But both looked
relieved that Uranus had gotten that far. Perhaps I should be, too.
"Okay then," I said, not showing my disappointment in neither my
face or my voice. "Allies. But the friendship is always open if you so
choose."
"We do not," Uranus replied, taking her hand from my grip and
stepping back. "We take care of our own, more than that becomes
distracting. Our mission is to take care of you, Princess - and destroy
this enemy." She stepped back, eyeing my guardians. "And that is all."
In the blink of an eye, all three senshi disappeared from sight.
I felt Venus place her hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly.
"Gomen, Usagi-chan," she whispered. "They have always been this
distant."
I turned to her, smiling. "Why are you sorry? Allies is better
than nothing, ne? And in time, I'm sure we can all be friends." I
walked towards Mamo-chan, the effort to be cheerful becoming tiring.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, waving to the other senshi
as we parted. We barely made it around the corner of a building when he
engulfed me in his arms, hugging me so tightly that I was silently glad
I was still transformed to protect the baby. "Usako, you scare me when
you do things like that."
"What?" I mumbled, somehow connecting his state to the truce
between us and the Outer Senshi. He didn't seem to hear my question,
however. I stared at his profile in the darkness, but his eyes were
hidden from my angle. He turned, simply wrapping one arm around my
shoulders as we headed back to his apartment. Instead of questioning
him more now, though I wanted to, I let it slide. My thoughts settling
back on my situation.
As if on cue, I felt the familiar feeling in my stomach, rising to
my throat faster than I could think. Shoving away from Mamo-chan, I ran
towards the nearest alley way, vomiting everything that I had eaten
since leaving work. When at last it subsided - and believe me, I thought
it would last forever - I leaned against the side of building, breathing
heavily. It wasn't until I heard Mamo-chan clear his throat, that I
remembered he was there.
Peeking one eye open, I looked at the face he was making. Oh no,
how will I explain this? The truth, I told myself. But I couldn't, I
didn't know how to begin. I felt so tired, my body ached. Tell him,
don't tell him. Tell him, don't tell him. Over and over again the
voices battled in my mind, screaming out what I should or shouldn't
do. If I tell him, and he never speaks to me again, what will I do?
How will I cope with this baby? You will, another voice instructed.
You will do what you have to do just like you always have.
The battle in my mind, without notice, stopped adruptly. There
was a peaceful calmness invading my mind, and out of the corner of my
eye I seen Mamo-chan rush towards me. How nice for him to catch me; I
thought, before I fainted - again.
@------
The sickeningly sweet scent of smelling salts lured me awake.
Okay, so I woke up shoving the stuff away from my face. The very trace
left in my nose made me want to gag. Blinking my eyes open, I was
greeted with the amused look on Rei's face, plus Ami's worried one on
the other side of the bed. Which, by the way, was not my own. "Where
am I?"
"Nice to see you awake," Rei said, instead of answering me. She
glanced at the clock. "This is a new record time for you."
Ami cracked a small smile, but continued to type on her computer.
"Everything seems alright," she answered, finally. "Usagi-chan, you
can't go around getting stressed out. Your body is producing extra
hormones right now and you'll get overly excited about the smallest
thing - and ended up laying on the ground."
"And then Mamoru-san calls us, afraid that something is really
wrong with you that you're not telling him - which, there is - and we
have to come over to save the day," Rei went on, her hands fluttering
around her as she spoke. She turned to Ami then, her hands still in
mid air. "What do you want me to tell Mamoru-san?"
"Nothing."
I looked back and forth between my two guardians, the expression
on Ami's face lost on both me and Rei. The Senshi of Ice clicked her
computer closed and ran of fingers through her hair. "Usagi-chan, you
are going to continue to stress out about telling Mamoru until you just
get it over with. He knows something is up, and that we know about it.
I'm not saying anything to him, good or bad. This is up to you."
Biting my bottom lip, I laid back on Mamoru's bed (finally
realizing where I was) and pressed the tips of my fingers together in
thought. There has to be a trick to this, some manual somewhere that
explains how to tell your boyfriend that you're pregnant. Perhaps I
should check the library.
In my continuing thoughts on the subject, I paid no notice to Rei
and Ami going out the door. They were just gone. A few minutes later the
shadow of the figure in the doorway was not one I was ready to see just
yet.
The Prince of Earth walked towards me slowly, a blank expression
hiding his feelings from me. As he sat down on the edge of the bed, I
sank back into the blankets and pillows - hoping I could just disappear
all together. That wish, as well as many others, wasn't to be granted
today.
"Usako," he began, the tone of his voice falling hard on me
emotionally. He sounded so drained, so worried and even scared. "Please,
talk to me. Please." Gesturing towards the living room, he made a
disgusted face. "They... Rei and Ami won't tell me what's wrong with
you, but I can tell it's something important. Maybe even bad. And,
if we can't talk, then I don't know what to do. Hell, I don't know
what to do now."
I stared at him, guilt for bringing him this low nagging at
my heart. This man, whom I have known so short a time - yet he looks
at his lowest. So out of ideas on what to do. I turned away from the
pain on his face, looking out at the night sky. In the distance the
faintest hint of clouds lined the air, blocking the stars from my view.
"Please tell me, Usa," he urged, gripping my hands and meeting
my unsure eyes. But I couldn't. And that was the worst feeling I had
felt in my life. I couldn't tell him, couldn't find the words to start.
Feeling lower than pond scum, I sat up on the edge of the bed.
My eyes downcast, I pulled my hands from his grasp and walked towards
the door. "Gomen, Mamo-chan. I can't tell you now. I just can't find
the words. It hurts me to know that, maybe as much as it hurts you."
Opening the door, I went out it, throwing one last longing glance into
the bedroom at Mamo-chan. He was still looking at me, and the hurt
there would haunt me for a lifetime.
I pulled the door to, the click echoing in my heart like a shot
in the night.
That night was the longest in my life. I laid awake, one hand
on my stomach, looking at the ceiling. Beside me, Shingo snored softly
and occasionally the heater would turn on and off - otherwise there
was no sound. Thoughts clouded my mind, decisions demanded to be made.
But there was only so much I could handle, I thought. I had to face my
parent's death, I faced moving to Tokyo, and I can finally get used to
being Sailor Moon - but this, this was a little too much.
Somewhere around the early morning, I finally slipped into
an uneasy sleep that was full of nightmares - and sounds of crying
babies.
@------
@------
The days went by slowly for me. Like someone in a trance, I
got myself and Shingo to school, went to work and came home. The
dullness of my routine set into my mind, and it became where I didn't
have to think in order to follow my routine.
The youma attacks never increased, as Ami feared they might,
but usually we had one every other night or so. Every time we fought
the enemy, I came home to cry in my bed for hours. Mamoru was always
there, just in the shadows. Watching me, protecting me if I should
slip up. And every time our eyes meet, I could feel his pain dig
deeper into my soul.
The morning sickness - to my eternal relief - faded along my
eighth week of pregnancy. Other than my occasional need to sit and
cry like a baby for a couple of hours - I could forget that I was
with child all together.
Of course, just because I could forget the problem, didn't
make it go away. And like most things in my life, I had to find
out the hard way.
It all began one Sunday morning in the late January. I had
promised Shingo that we would spend the day at the park and have
a picnic. About eight o'clock that morning (as if I could ever
sleep late again) Shingo came bouncing into the bedroom where he
had already been watching television for about an hour. "Wake UP!
Get up Mama!" he called, climbing onto the bed and standing up. He
was about to begin jumping when I reached out and grabbed his legs
out from under him.
The six year old fell flat down on the bed, his giggles filling
the room. After a few moments of him begging for me to stop, I decided
to let him loose to put some clothes on. Unraveling myself from the
mass of blankets on the bed, I stumbled into the bathroom to shower.
As I dried off I stopped to look in the mirror, as if noticing
myself for the first time in months. My stomach had a rather large
hard area, in fact my entire stomach seemed to be rounded out. Over
the past couple of weeks I had shrugged off the fact that my jeans no
longer fit, and I had been hiding my stomach with my apron at work.
But was I really so insistent on ignoring my pregnancy that I hadn't
noticed this? Biting my bottom lip, I slipped my pants on, but they
were so tight it cut into my waist.
Sighing, I pushed my pants below my stomach and picked up my
shirt. Which, to my horror, didn't cover the fact I was four months
pregnant. You knew this would happen, Usagi, I scolded my reflection.
You can't keep something like this a secret for long. But what to do
about it? I had to work, and go to school. And as long as I left the
house, there was always a chance Mamoru would see me.
I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I slid down the wall to
sit on the floor. Staring at the evidence of my pregnancy with hatred,
I buried my face in my palms. "And it's only going to get worse," I
cried openly, burning tears of self pity running down my face and neck.
The bathroom door - which I had failed to close completely - was
pushed open slowly. I looked up, putting the towel on my lap in case it
was Shingo. Instead I saw the gentle brown eyes of Mako-chan, biting
her bottom lip as she entered and shut the door behind her. "What's
wrong, Usagi-chan?" she asked, sitting beside me on the floor and
wrapping one arm around my shoulders gently.
Pulling the towel off my lap, I pointed to my stomach. "This
is what's wrong. I can't hide it now, it will only get worse. And
then Mamo-chan will start asking questions..."
"Usagi-chan," Mako-chan said, her voice half amused and half
worried. "You just now noticed you're showing? The rest of us have
noticed for at least a couple of weeks now." She looked at the horror
on my face, just realizing that indeed I had been so occupied trying
to ignore my state that I hadn't noticed at all. "Usagi-chan, that's
not good. You can't ignore this child. It's not healthy for you or
the baby. You need to get help."
"Help?" I mumbled, not understanding at the moment. What kind
of help was there for a virgin four months pregnant? "No one can help
me."
"You have two options, Usagi-chan. You can get emotional help
to deal with this. Or.." she hesitated here, almost like she didn't
want to keep going. Or wishing she had never brought it up to begin
with.
"Or what?"
An expression of guilt crossed her face, though at the moment
I couldn't understand why. It was soon to become too clear. She pushed
her hands through her hair, biting her bottom lip again. "Well, there
are some doctors that will.. will.. take the baby from you."
I looked at her, puzzled for a minute, until I finally grasped
what she meant with horror. "...even if I could have passed myself off
to a healer.." The words of Princess Serenity rang in my head, and
suddenly a great deal of fear gathered inside of me for my unborn child.
"No!" I gasped, looking at Makoto as if she were an alien with three
heads. "I.. I.. No, I wouldn't even consider it! I may not want this
baby, but I don't want any harm to come to it. It's not my baby's fault
whose it's parents are..." I wrapped my arms around my midsection,
realization finally dawning on me. No, I couldn't deny the fact that I
was pregnant - not any longer. And the words I just said to Makoto,
should have been said a long time before now - to me.
It wasn't by any choose of this child's who it's parents were.
And I was being selfish for blaming it, hiding it, and in that sense -
harming it. Fresh tears filled my eyes, but they were not of sorrow
like they had been as of late. They were of relief. And suddenly, I
knew what I had to do.
"Usagi-chan?" Mako-chan asked, after I had said nothing else.
I looked over at her, a smile tugging at my lips. Without warning
I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Thank you Mako-chan,
you just helped me more than you'll ever know!" I jumped up, running to
my bedroom to put on a sweatshirt that would at least reach to the
bottom of my stomach. Makoto watched me, a look of confusion on her
face.
"I smile because I have no idea what is going on," she said,
following me back into the bathroom while I brushed my hair out and
put it up.
"Can you watch Shingo for me? Just for about an hour or so?"
I begged, knowing fully well that she would.
"Sure.." she stumbled, backing out of my way. "But Usagi-chan,
where are you going!?" she called, but I was too far away to stop
and answer her. The elevator door closed and I leaned against the
back wall.
The wind that blew had a bit of a chill to it, but nothing that
stopped me from walking the four blocks to Mamo-chan's apartment
rather than riding the bus. I felt free, more alive than I had in as
long as I could remember. The wind and sun on my face made a smile
come to my lips. I could tell him, face my fears and leave them
behind. Everything would be okay, and it started with clearing up
everything with the man I loved.
I feared that once I actually got to his apartment door, that I
would lose my newfound nerve. But that was not to be. I felt a presence
with me, someone helping me along. Closing my eyes, I pictured my
mother's beautiful face. She was with me, helping me in everything I
do. I pushed the buzzer.
The man that greeted me that early January morning was not the
man I thought I knew - so much that I gasped and actually stepped
backwards. He was unshaven, his shirt unbuttoned half way down,
revealing the small patch of dark hair that trailed to his stomach.
His blood shot eyes meet mine and faintly registered shock.
"Usa..eh, Usagi," he acknowledged me, bowing at the same time.
"What do I owe this honor?" His voice was sluggish, his eyes unfocused.
What was wrong with him? I took a step forward, and he stepped back.
Suddenly he looked like a deer caught in headlights, and he blocked
the doorway. "What do you want?"
"I... I need to talk to you," I managed, fear clutching my chest.
The strong odor of alcohol stretched towards me, turning my stomach. I
glared at him, one hand on my hip. "Chiba Mamoru, you've been drinking!"
I accused, no longer feeling as fearful as I did moments before.
"What it any of your concern?" he spat, squinted at me strangely.
"I'm a big boy, can do what I want..." His hand clutched the door frame
so hard I thought it would snap. "Leave me alone." Before I had time to
react, the door slammed in my face.
For a second I seriously considered leaving. But something inside
me refused to allow me to leave. I reached forward, finding, to my
surprise, the door wasn't locked. Opening it cautiously, I stepped in.
Mamoru was sitting on the couch, staring oddly at the bottle of snake in
his hand. He looked up at me, down at the bottle, and back again. "I
told you to leave," he stated plainly.
I crossed the living room floor quickly, grabbing the half empty
bottle out of his hands before he had time to react. "You don't need
this for what I have to say to you."
Glaring at me, he sat back. "Say it and then leave."
This was not the way I had planned on telling him. I looked around
the apartment, trying to figure out just how I was going to start since
my plan was not going to work at all. The living room that was usually
so neat and orderly was trashed. Through the bedroom doorway, I could
tell his bed hadn't been slept in all night. "Have you been up all
night drinking?" I asked as calmly as I could.
"So?" he replied lowly. His hand raised, one finger pointing
towards me. His glare was full of ice, but something lurked under
the surface of his rage - something that caused me to wonder was
I was doing standing here. "You don't mind having your ton of fun,
do you?"
His accusing finger frightened me to the very bone. I felt a
shiver of fear go up my spine. Try as I might, I couldn't keep my
voice was cracking when I spoke: "What are you talking about?"
His still out-stretched finger shook slightly as he gestured
towards me. But not at my face, instead towards my midsection. "Do
you think I'm stupid? I came to see you last night at the fruit
parlor, to ask you if we could try again. But you know, suddenly
it all became clear why you had broken up with me." Shaking his head,
as if to convince himself what he was saying was correct, he sat
forward to the edge of the couch. "What's the matter? Didn't think I
would make a good father for your... your... bastard child?"
His words were blows, each punch directed at my soul and they
hit their mark head on. I stepped backwards, this time hitting my
head slightly on the wall. I didn't just hear those words out of his
mouth. This isn't happening, I told myself. Before I could even have
thoughts as to stopping them, the tears began running down my face.
Burying my face in my palms, I sat on Mamoru's floor silently crying.
He was silent. I expected words of rage or hate. I expected for
him to bring me to my lowest before kicking me out. But there was
nothing. When I finally got up the nerve to look at him, I was more
than a little surprised to find him looking at me, his face oddly
sober. Our gazes meet - my red, swollen eyes and his ocean blue ones.
When he rose from the sofa, walking towards me - I didn't know
what to expect. Perhaps somewhere in the back of my mind, I even
expected him to physically remove me from his sight. So it came as
a shock when he knelt before me, brushing the edge of his fingers
across my forehead gently. "Usa, please don't cry," his smooth, deep
voice whispered. I felt the pounding in my heart subside slightly,
but not altogether. "Please," he repeated, getting on his knees. "I'm
sorry. I don't know what came over me. I was just so jealous, and I've
never felt this way and I didn't know how to handle it. But-But that
don't make it right."
Even in the heat of the last few moments, some questions were
answered that made what I had to say to Mamoru even harder than it
would have been. I wanted to ask him how much he remembered of our
past lives, hoping that he remembered Serenity pregnant with his
child. The words we exchanged said he didn't remember that. Wiping
the tears from my face, I looked up into his sincere eyes.
"Mamo-chan..."
Before I could finish speaking, Mamoru laid his finger over my
lips, stopping me from continuing. "Wait, Usako. Let me finish. I
should have paid more attention. When you left me that day, sitting
here wondering what had happened. I should have followed you. And
instead of filling with rage last night, I should have been telling
you that it was okay. That I love you so much that I would always be
with you, and father this child an--"
I don't know where it came from, the words rose to my lips
before I even knew what I was saying. Cutting him off in mid-sentence,
I blurted out the truth.
"Mamo-chan, this baby is yours."
--End Chapter 7.
*passes around plate of cheese cubes* ^^;; It's what I'm eating right
now, what can I say?
Anyways - Not to much to say about this chapter, as you can see it's
pretty self explanitory ^_^ *hopes she spelled that right* I'm thinking
I should probably write my author's notes before I send this to my
wonderful editor, Meara, so that I don't make ten thousand spelling
and grammer mistakes in these few sentences, huh? ^^;;
Huge thanks to everyone who reads and reviews on Fanfiction.net and to
everyone who emails me ^_^!!! I love emails (cept those virus', I can
take the hint that you don't like me with one virus - I don't need
more, k?)
Email me your thoughts, comments, suggestions and stuff like that. Send
all complaints to the complaint department - which is under construction,
so I couldn't tell you when your complaint will be processed ;)
See you in a couple of weeks for chapter eight (have no idea what to name
the chapter yet, or I'd tell you)