Author's Notes at bottom - Enjoy!
@------
Flee to Destiny
Chapter 10 - Like Mother, Like Daughter
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
Rated: PG
@------
There was a hard reality that I had to face
in the hours to come. Somewhere in the last four
months I had come to rely on Tuxedo Kamen. Always
--even when we weren't speaking--he was there, in
the shadows. Continuously waiting to help me if
the need should arise.
So in the first couple of hours I just knew
that Mamo-chan would find me. I waited anxiously to
see his face, watch him burst through the door and
sweep me off to safety like so many times before.
The hours ticked by like years to me. I stared
for so long at the door--at the guard that forever
stood like a statue next to it--that a couple of times
I imagined Mamo-chan coming through it. But when I
blinked, the guard stood again and nothing had changed.
Five hours into my imprisonment, I became worried.
Surely Beryl must have captured him--nothing else would
keep him from me. I feverishly prayed he was alright.
When a man came into my cell to bring my dinner, I picked
at it thoughtlessly. He said nothing for a while, just
stood beside my other guard in the shadows of my prison
and watched me stare at my own thoughts. When I had
forgotten to take a bite for several minutes, he approached
me nervously. "Miss, if you don't eat the Queen will be
very upset. It isn't good for the child for you to not have
anything in your stomach."
Blankly I looked at him, tears caught him my eyelashes
that made everything appear hazy. Depression nagged at my
soul. The blind optimism I had placed in my dashing hero
was failing. I was never so frightened in my life. My body
began trembling uncontrollably and I felt cold, a deep cold
that invaded my body down to my bones. Please hurry, I repeated
over and over again in my mind. Please Mamo-chan.
At roughly eight o'clock the door to my cell flew open.
Expectantly, my eyes full of hope; I looked to see who was
entering. Queen Beryl stepped through, her heels clicking
like gunshots as she stepped to the bed. "Good evening,
Princess. Still waiting for your Prince to save you?" She
gave a thin, silly laugh and I rolled my eyes.
But it occurred to me then that I had been so sure--
so confident that Mamo-chan would save me that I hadn't even
thought of what would happen if he didn't. Roughly the guard
who had stood in the corner of my prison yanked me off the
bed and we started out of the room. The halls were damp and
cold. Occasionally we passed a torch on the wall; otherwise
the walls were bare stone. A chill ran up my spine as a draft
from ahead of us pulled down the hall, going to whatever
destination it had. We seemed to walk forever. My lower back
start aching so that I had a hard time standing up, let alone
walking. I imagined complaining wouldn't go over too well, so
I went forward in pain.
Abruptly we stopped in front of a set of double doors.
Beryl motioned to the soldier next to her and he stepped
forward to open the doors. The wooden doors were obviously
heavy and the hinges groaned in protest, squeaking loudly.
The room beyond was massive. There was barrels of fire in
each corner, providing the only light in the room. The
shadows of the flames danced along the ceiling, each moving
together in such unison that it seemed like one huge party.
In the middle of the room was a long flat stone bed that
seemed to rise out of the floor.
In desperation I tried to pull my arms free from the
man holding me, but failed. I wanted to run, far from here;
Anywhere to protect my baby. But Beryl's servant was strong
and prevented me from making an escape. Forcefully I was
laid on the stone table and strapped down.
Everyone in the room grew deathly quiet. My entire body
began to tremble, and tears poured unnoticed down my face.
"Onegai," I begged, but no one here would answer my plea.
Beryl lifted her hands above her and began reciting verses
from a book in a language I couldn't understand. Above me a
black mist appeared, whirling around in circles, becoming
larger with every passing moment. When it came closer to me,
I tried to squirm free. But the straps that held me wouldn't
budge. Closing my eyes shut tight, I screamed.
The baby in my womb began moving frantically. I could
feel her, in a panic, try to fight the invading force. Newfound
terror exploded in my mind and spirit. I fought against the
straps; crying, screaming in fear and need. The more I moved
the tighter my binds seemed. "MAMO-CHAN!!" My shrill voice
echoed throughout the stone room.
Through all the pain, all the terror of the moment--nothing
prepared me for when I felt my baby stop moving. Suddenly, it
was as if she gave up the fight for her life. My screams stopped,
my heart breaking. "No," I whispered--new, hot tears of a pain
deeper than physical falling down my face. I felt my souls
agony--over and over I begged my baby to keep fighting. Nothing.
My body was numb and unmoving save for the dull drumming of my
heart. "Please baby," I begged, gasping for each breath like it
was my last. "Please don't give up. I need you. *We* need you,
sweetie. Mama and Papa love you so much."
The being above me grew darker until I couldn't make out
the ceiling any longer. My eyes took in everything I could see
from the stone bed I laid on. But the most dominant force in
the room was not the evil. In my eyes it was the pain and
heartache. Let them kill me, I thought. It doesn't matter
now. In the back of my mind I heard Beryl still chanting--
now in Japanese. The ghostly vision of red eyes appeared in
the mist above me--a long hand reaching towards my stomach.
I closed my eyes, giving up. There was nothing left to fight
for now.
"RISE!" Beryl screamed, her voice so loud it blocked
out my every thought. Her eyes were completely black and
glassy as she spoke, her hands above her head. "Take the
offered body of the child and be born again, my Queen! Rise
oh great an--" Her voice suddenly was cut off sharply, ending
in a gargle and then, silence.
Weeping still, I waited for the physical pain to begin.
It never did. When I reopened my eyes the only thing above me
was the stone ceiling, the flames still dancing frantically.
They seem to be mocking me, reminding me of my loss. In agony
I moaned, shutting my eyes to block out the reality that was
facing me.
"Usako!"
I felt a slight smile tug at my cracked, dry lips. There
was no pain in my body, not even the dull ache of my heart. I
was dead, I concluded. And in death I could hear Mamo-chan's
sweet voice call for me. Maybe I will be with my baby now. My
beautiful baby who never had a chance at life on either the
Moon Kingdom or Earth.
"Usako!" I heard Mamo-chan call again. "Onegai, Usako,
come back to me. Come on!" I smiled, opening my eyes. But
instead of Heaven, or a beautiful dream that would last
forever--I seen Mamo-chan. Just beyond him I could see the
stone ceiling of the cave. Above me, so close our foreheads
were touching was Mamo-chan's face. His eyes were looking
into mine, his hands cupping my face. "Usako," he whispered
in a relieved tone. "Oh baby, you scared me. I thought you
had left me."
"Mamo-chan?" His words dropped the blanket of reality
over me again. I didn't think I could hurt more than I had
already. But looking into Mamo-chan's eyes made the pieces
of my heart that was left crumble into dust. I began sobbing
again. Finding my arms free, I weakly wrapped them around
Mamo-chan and sobbed against him.
"Shhhh," he whispered into my ear. "You're okay now.
I'm here, nothing is going to hurt you." His soothing words
couldn't stop the pain in my heart, however. And it hurt
even more knowing I had to tell him.
"I'm not okay Mamo-chan. She-she... that devil... she
killed our baby." The words, said out loud from my very own
lips, drove me into even more heartache. It made them final,
and I don't know how, but it hurt more. I wanted to curl up
and die. But even that escape had been denied to me. I cried
harder, my chest heaving.
Mamo-chan's eyes reflected the same heartbreak I felt.
A tear traveled down his face, but I could see he wasn't going
to drown in his sorrow like I was. Not yet. I felt him slide
one arm under my knees and the other behind my back. His voice
was low and sad when he spoke. "Put your arms around my neck.
That's a girl," he whispered as I numbly obeyed. Emotional
exhaustion set in my bones. Even though I fought to stay awake-
-I felt myself fall into a deep sleep.
@------
When I next awoke it was dark. For a terrifying moment I
thought I was still in Beryl's prison. But here there were
windows, and the moon playing peak-a-boo with the clouds assured
me I was at least not still trapped. My bones ached, as did my
eyes and chest. It took a moment for my memories to fully return
--when they did, I suddenly wished they hadn't. I sat up on the
bed. My chest was hollow, out of tears to cry. For now.
I stood on shaking feet and went into the living room of
Mamo-chan's apartment. The clock on the mantel ticked softly,
the time 4:38 a.m. The sofa couch was pulled out--Minako, Rei,
Luna and Artemis asleep on it. I tiptoed past and found Ami
and Makoto asleep on an air mattress in the floor.
My burning eyes looked up, noticing the balcony door was
open. Slowly I stepped outside and into the soft drizzle of
rain. At first I didn't see anyone, but on second glance I
found Mamo-chan sitting in the corner, his knees drawn up to
his chest. He was staring towards me, but didn't seem to see me.
The light in his eyes was gone. Bleak and careless he stared
forward. I shivered, scared of what it might mean.
"Mamo-chan?" I called, my voice quivering despite my
attempts to steady it.
He blinked, looking up at me like he had seen a ghost.
I walked to him, kneeling down to place my hand on his. Inside
his tight fist was a crumbled piece of paper. He didn't say
anything when I took it, only stared at me as I began reading
it out loud. "This letter is to inform one Chiba Mamoru,
citizen of Tokyo, Japan, of the results of the paternity
test..." My eyes watered and my voice left me. Scanning on
through the letter, I found the words I was looking for.
"...in conclusion to such tests, the child of one Tsukino
Usagi, also a citizen of Tokyo, Japan, is 99.99999% positive
that you are said child's natural father..." I let the paper
slip from my fingers as I fell to my knees in front of Mamo-chan
and burst into tears. I felt Mamo-chan pull me to him, his tears
falling in my hair as we both wept for our baby.
The light drizzle soon lead way for larger drops of rain,
and soon the wind gusts followed that made the steady drops
sting against our skin. I lay still in Mamo-chan's arms,
allowing the rain to wash away my tears and the wind to
carry them away. Mamo-chan gently picked me up and carried
me inside, past the sleeping Senshi and into his bedroom.
My Prince laid me down on the bed, staring at me intently.
Getting on his knees, I watched as he leaned over and kissed my
hair. His lips traveled over my forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks,
chin and neck. I closed my eyes, letting his kisses smooth my
pain. His confident fingers unbuttoned my blouse, leaving a
trail of heated, urgent kisses down my chest.
Suddenly he stopped. Confused, I opened my eyes and saw
him staring at my bare stomach. Tears began falling down his
face--splashing onto my skin. His shaking hands were held
over my still swollen stomach for what seemed an eternity.
Abruptly a sob left his throat, his tearful, grieving voice
mumbling as he laid his face on my stomach. "No, no, no, no,"
he cried, over and over, gripping the sheet with one hand and
rubbing my stomach with the other.
I felt my own tears return, and placed the pillow over
my face to cover the sound of my grief.
"Onegai," I heard Mamo-chan beg in the voice of a man
whose heart had been broken. "Please, don't leave your Papa
and Mama..." It was the last words I heard before sleep
thankfully took over--giving me a few hours of relief from
a world I didn't care to be in.
@------
Rei called into work for me the next day. I was scared
to talk to Motoki myself. If he was to start asking questions
I knew I would break down again. With heavy steps the Senshi
of Mars came back into the bedroom and sat down on the side
of the bed next to me. "Motoki told me to tell you he hopes
you feel better soon," she mumbled.
"What did you tell him?" I asked, still not looking at
her. The hollowness in my heart felt stronger in the daylight.
The sun was bright, but still I stared towards it. No matter
how bright and cheerful the day seemed, all I seen was gray
skies and gloom.
"I just said you weren't feeling well," her voice faded
off and she grabbed my hands, forcing me to meet her eyes.
"Usagi, are you sure you lost the baby?" Her voice flickered
with hope, but her eyes were full of tears.
I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't have the strength. My
face void of emotion, I meet her gaze. "Rei-chan, I could feel
the baby moving--fighting the evil. And then, then she stopped.
I-I just knew that she was gone then."
"You know you've got to go to the doctor, right?" Rei
whispered. A few tears fell down her face as she spoke. "It's
not... not healthy for you to continue to carry," her voice
broke off--unable to continue. She wrapped her arms around me,
hugging me with all her might. "We're here for you, Usagi. We
are all here for both you and Mamoru-san." She let go, looking
slightly embarrassed by her show of emotion. "Anything you need,
just ask, ne?"
"Rei-chan, what happened yesterday? What took you all so
long?"
The Soldier of Fire clasped and unclasped her hands in her
lap, then wiped her face free of tears. She acted as if that
was the last thing she expected me to ask. I realized it
probably was. "Mamoru-san went closest to the building,
searching for that man. Ami-chan... she screamed that she
couldn't find a life force inside and we needed to get out
before we got hurt." She stopped, staring off at her memories.
"We all got out and that's when Mamoru-san noticed you were
gone. We looked everywhere, but couldn't find you. It wasn't
for about half an hour before someone said they had seen a
man grab you and disappear. Mamoru-san went crazy, shaking
the poor man until Uranus pulled him away. Ami-chan worked
for hours to find where the portal had opened. But it wasn't
until evening when she got it right and we could follow the
man who had taken you. It didn't take long to find the room
you were in. Thankfully we had the advantage of a surprise
attack."
As she spoke the memories of waiting, watching for
Mamo-chan; came back to invade my mind. The horror I
experienced when I realized he was too late. "Beryl, what
happened to her? Is... is she dead?"
Rei, to my eternal relief, nodded her head yes.
"Uranus went in ahead of us, saw what was happening and
stabbed Beryl to death before all of us even made it in
the room." She smiled slightly. "No questions asked, just
in her normal manner."
We both looked up as the bedroom door creaked slowly
open. Ami knocked lightly on the door, peeking in at us. Rei
motioned for her to enter and she did so, standing at the
end of the bed. I saw that she had also been crying. It
seemed my pain was everyone's. I felt slightly better knowing
I wasn't alone.
Ami cleared her throat, putting her glasses on her face.
"Usagi-chan, if it's okay I want to do a scan on you before we
head to the hospital. I tried to scan you last night, but
whatever barrier your henshin provided for the baby wouldn't
allow me to get an accurate reading."
I nodded, not letting her words sink into my mind. The
Solider of Water opened her computer and began typing. Behind her,
Mamo-chan came thru the door and watched quietly. I paid her
no attention until she stopped, giving me the same puzzled
expression that I had seen on her four months earlier.
"What's that?" Mamo-chan asked, coming up behind Ami
and pointing to the screen. Ami shook her head, walking
around to the side of the bed and hitting more buttons.
Mamo-chan followed her, looking over her shoulder at the
screen.
Ami clicked the compact closed with a sigh of frustration
and looked at me. "Usagi-chan, it could be my computer picking
up the baby's um... presence. Well, I think it would be best
if you went onto the hospital now."
We all stared at her blankly, Mamo-chan regaining his
voice first. "What are you saying, Ami?"
Ami turned around, biting her bottom lip. "I'm not
saying anything, because I don't know. But I think it would
be a good idea for Usagi to go on to the hospital." The
Genius Senshi didn't look as worried as she did confused.
A mixture of feelings swept through me. I nodded, standing
up. Mamo-chan came over to my side and when our eyes locked
I saw a spark of hope in their blue depths I prayed it
wasn't in vain.
@------
I stared at my entwined hands. Ami had gone after her
mother almost fifteen minutes ago, but it felt more like
hours. Mamo-chan sat beside me in the waiting room--
rubbing the back of my neck reassuringly. It felt like
there was a knot in my throat that I couldn't swallow. My
stomach twitched like a million butterflies were trapped
inside me.
"Usagi-san?"
I blinked, looking up. Dr. Mizuno stood in the doorway,
a chart in her hand. She smiled, walking in and sitting a
couple of chairs down from us. "Ami tells me you think you
lost your baby?" Her voice was soft, her words not pounding
into my broken heart as much as they would have if she hadn't.
I nodded my head. Mamo-chan put his hands on my arms and
squeezed lightly. Dr. Mizuno nodded, folding her arms across
her chest. "Have you had any vaginal bleeding?"
"No," I replied.
"Any pain?"
"No," I replied again. Unless you count what's in my
heart. But I didn't say this aloud for fear I would begin
crying again.
Dr. Mizuno smiled, looking acutely confused. She leaned
forward. "Usagi, what makes you think you've lost the baby,
then?"
I felt tears cloud over my eyes as I remembered Beryl's
words; her plans. The agony of feeling my baby inside me,
fighting for her life and then losing that struggle. And
the knowledge that even though she was there, inside me, I
could do nothing to help her. Breath by breath I tried to
fight my tears from falling--but couldn't. I collapsed into
Mamo-chan's supporting arms and once more drew from the
seemingly endless well of tears in my body.
Dr. Mizuno moved to the seat next to me, rubbing my
back. "Okay. You really seem to think you lost it. So why
don't we go do an ultra-sound and take a look. Then take
things from there?"
I heard Mamo-chan agree and he helped me up. I leaned
against his broad chest for support as we followed Ami's mother
down the hall. The walls were decorated with various posters of
children from the womb up to a couple of years old. I closed
my eyes--burying my face against Mamo-chan's shoulder. The
sight of what might have been nagging at my mind, weighing down
my heart. We finally entered a room on the right and Dr.
Mizuno had me lay on the bed while she washed her hands.
I couldn't bear to look at the equipment that just two short
weeks ago had made me cry in light of the miracle in my body.
Now I wanted to cry for the same loss.
I closed my eyes as Dr. Mizuno applied the cream to my
stomach. The cold didn't even register to my numb body, it was
nothing compared to the feelings that ran through my heart,
veins... soul. She placed the equipment on my stomach and I
waited.
The room was as quiet as the outer regions of space as
Dr. Mizuno searched the ultra sound screen for my baby. I
knew any moment she would confirm that my baby was gone.
Under my closed eyelids I could plainly see Mamo-chan's eyes
--and the hope I had seen in them earlier. I peeked out from
under my lids at Mamo-chan. His eyes were staring at the
screen intently, his hands griping mine.
Dr. Mizuno looked at the screen, puzzled. I closed
my eyes, trying to block out the disappointment, the loss
of hope yet a second time in Mamo-chan's face. "I can't
find the heartbeat," she mumbled, more to herself than to
us. "There's no movement..."
I shut my eyes tighter, my grief opening up again. No,
no, no. Please don't let it be this way, I begged. As I laid
on the bed, tears soaking my face, I began praying.
Please Lord, I begged. Please don't let it end this way.
I know that I done wrong by this soul, but I love her so much..."
"Usako..." I heard Mamo-chan gasp. "What are you doing?"
I didn't open my eyes, couldn't. Faintly I heard Dr.
Mizuno inhale sharply. The speaker of the ultra sound began
a light thumping.
Please God, please!!
Mamo-chan told me later that the light that shone from
my body was even more intense than my henshin--so much that
both he and Dr. Mizuno had to cover their eyes with their
hands.
Ami couldn't explain what had happened, even though
she tried for days. But I could, I knew without a doubt in
my mind what it was.
One minute there was no heartbeat--and then there was.
And nobody would ever tell me it wasn't nothing short of the
Will of God. The miracle of life.
Tears flowed down my face yet again. But these weren't
the hot, burning tears of pain. No. These were as warm as the
sun on a spring day, breaking through the clouds to shine on
me and the restored life inside me.
For the first time in so very long--I was happy to be
alive. To be me.
At that single moment in my confused existence with
Mamo-chan by my side and our baby alive... life was perfect.
--End Chapter 10.
There! As promised, a chapter without a cliffhanger! It
took all I had though, I promise. I wanted so badly to leave it
where Ami's mom said that she couldn't find any movement...
:}~~~
But I did say this would be no cliffhanger. I couldn't do that
to you all anyways, since I can't update for about two weeks. Why?
Well, I am the official (^^!!) wedding coornaditor for my friend's
wedding - and it's this Saturday. And so instead of sitting on a
computer finishing up chapter 11, I will be dressed up in this fancy
(expensive, and definitly not comfortable _
@------
Flee to Destiny
Chapter 10 - Like Mother, Like Daughter
By: Bethany
Editor: Meara
Rated: PG
@------
There was a hard reality that I had to face
in the hours to come. Somewhere in the last four
months I had come to rely on Tuxedo Kamen. Always
--even when we weren't speaking--he was there, in
the shadows. Continuously waiting to help me if
the need should arise.
So in the first couple of hours I just knew
that Mamo-chan would find me. I waited anxiously to
see his face, watch him burst through the door and
sweep me off to safety like so many times before.
The hours ticked by like years to me. I stared
for so long at the door--at the guard that forever
stood like a statue next to it--that a couple of times
I imagined Mamo-chan coming through it. But when I
blinked, the guard stood again and nothing had changed.
Five hours into my imprisonment, I became worried.
Surely Beryl must have captured him--nothing else would
keep him from me. I feverishly prayed he was alright.
When a man came into my cell to bring my dinner, I picked
at it thoughtlessly. He said nothing for a while, just
stood beside my other guard in the shadows of my prison
and watched me stare at my own thoughts. When I had
forgotten to take a bite for several minutes, he approached
me nervously. "Miss, if you don't eat the Queen will be
very upset. It isn't good for the child for you to not have
anything in your stomach."
Blankly I looked at him, tears caught him my eyelashes
that made everything appear hazy. Depression nagged at my
soul. The blind optimism I had placed in my dashing hero
was failing. I was never so frightened in my life. My body
began trembling uncontrollably and I felt cold, a deep cold
that invaded my body down to my bones. Please hurry, I repeated
over and over again in my mind. Please Mamo-chan.
At roughly eight o'clock the door to my cell flew open.
Expectantly, my eyes full of hope; I looked to see who was
entering. Queen Beryl stepped through, her heels clicking
like gunshots as she stepped to the bed. "Good evening,
Princess. Still waiting for your Prince to save you?" She
gave a thin, silly laugh and I rolled my eyes.
But it occurred to me then that I had been so sure--
so confident that Mamo-chan would save me that I hadn't even
thought of what would happen if he didn't. Roughly the guard
who had stood in the corner of my prison yanked me off the
bed and we started out of the room. The halls were damp and
cold. Occasionally we passed a torch on the wall; otherwise
the walls were bare stone. A chill ran up my spine as a draft
from ahead of us pulled down the hall, going to whatever
destination it had. We seemed to walk forever. My lower back
start aching so that I had a hard time standing up, let alone
walking. I imagined complaining wouldn't go over too well, so
I went forward in pain.
Abruptly we stopped in front of a set of double doors.
Beryl motioned to the soldier next to her and he stepped
forward to open the doors. The wooden doors were obviously
heavy and the hinges groaned in protest, squeaking loudly.
The room beyond was massive. There was barrels of fire in
each corner, providing the only light in the room. The
shadows of the flames danced along the ceiling, each moving
together in such unison that it seemed like one huge party.
In the middle of the room was a long flat stone bed that
seemed to rise out of the floor.
In desperation I tried to pull my arms free from the
man holding me, but failed. I wanted to run, far from here;
Anywhere to protect my baby. But Beryl's servant was strong
and prevented me from making an escape. Forcefully I was
laid on the stone table and strapped down.
Everyone in the room grew deathly quiet. My entire body
began to tremble, and tears poured unnoticed down my face.
"Onegai," I begged, but no one here would answer my plea.
Beryl lifted her hands above her and began reciting verses
from a book in a language I couldn't understand. Above me a
black mist appeared, whirling around in circles, becoming
larger with every passing moment. When it came closer to me,
I tried to squirm free. But the straps that held me wouldn't
budge. Closing my eyes shut tight, I screamed.
The baby in my womb began moving frantically. I could
feel her, in a panic, try to fight the invading force. Newfound
terror exploded in my mind and spirit. I fought against the
straps; crying, screaming in fear and need. The more I moved
the tighter my binds seemed. "MAMO-CHAN!!" My shrill voice
echoed throughout the stone room.
Through all the pain, all the terror of the moment--nothing
prepared me for when I felt my baby stop moving. Suddenly, it
was as if she gave up the fight for her life. My screams stopped,
my heart breaking. "No," I whispered--new, hot tears of a pain
deeper than physical falling down my face. I felt my souls
agony--over and over I begged my baby to keep fighting. Nothing.
My body was numb and unmoving save for the dull drumming of my
heart. "Please baby," I begged, gasping for each breath like it
was my last. "Please don't give up. I need you. *We* need you,
sweetie. Mama and Papa love you so much."
The being above me grew darker until I couldn't make out
the ceiling any longer. My eyes took in everything I could see
from the stone bed I laid on. But the most dominant force in
the room was not the evil. In my eyes it was the pain and
heartache. Let them kill me, I thought. It doesn't matter
now. In the back of my mind I heard Beryl still chanting--
now in Japanese. The ghostly vision of red eyes appeared in
the mist above me--a long hand reaching towards my stomach.
I closed my eyes, giving up. There was nothing left to fight
for now.
"RISE!" Beryl screamed, her voice so loud it blocked
out my every thought. Her eyes were completely black and
glassy as she spoke, her hands above her head. "Take the
offered body of the child and be born again, my Queen! Rise
oh great an--" Her voice suddenly was cut off sharply, ending
in a gargle and then, silence.
Weeping still, I waited for the physical pain to begin.
It never did. When I reopened my eyes the only thing above me
was the stone ceiling, the flames still dancing frantically.
They seem to be mocking me, reminding me of my loss. In agony
I moaned, shutting my eyes to block out the reality that was
facing me.
"Usako!"
I felt a slight smile tug at my cracked, dry lips. There
was no pain in my body, not even the dull ache of my heart. I
was dead, I concluded. And in death I could hear Mamo-chan's
sweet voice call for me. Maybe I will be with my baby now. My
beautiful baby who never had a chance at life on either the
Moon Kingdom or Earth.
"Usako!" I heard Mamo-chan call again. "Onegai, Usako,
come back to me. Come on!" I smiled, opening my eyes. But
instead of Heaven, or a beautiful dream that would last
forever--I seen Mamo-chan. Just beyond him I could see the
stone ceiling of the cave. Above me, so close our foreheads
were touching was Mamo-chan's face. His eyes were looking
into mine, his hands cupping my face. "Usako," he whispered
in a relieved tone. "Oh baby, you scared me. I thought you
had left me."
"Mamo-chan?" His words dropped the blanket of reality
over me again. I didn't think I could hurt more than I had
already. But looking into Mamo-chan's eyes made the pieces
of my heart that was left crumble into dust. I began sobbing
again. Finding my arms free, I weakly wrapped them around
Mamo-chan and sobbed against him.
"Shhhh," he whispered into my ear. "You're okay now.
I'm here, nothing is going to hurt you." His soothing words
couldn't stop the pain in my heart, however. And it hurt
even more knowing I had to tell him.
"I'm not okay Mamo-chan. She-she... that devil... she
killed our baby." The words, said out loud from my very own
lips, drove me into even more heartache. It made them final,
and I don't know how, but it hurt more. I wanted to curl up
and die. But even that escape had been denied to me. I cried
harder, my chest heaving.
Mamo-chan's eyes reflected the same heartbreak I felt.
A tear traveled down his face, but I could see he wasn't going
to drown in his sorrow like I was. Not yet. I felt him slide
one arm under my knees and the other behind my back. His voice
was low and sad when he spoke. "Put your arms around my neck.
That's a girl," he whispered as I numbly obeyed. Emotional
exhaustion set in my bones. Even though I fought to stay awake-
-I felt myself fall into a deep sleep.
@------
When I next awoke it was dark. For a terrifying moment I
thought I was still in Beryl's prison. But here there were
windows, and the moon playing peak-a-boo with the clouds assured
me I was at least not still trapped. My bones ached, as did my
eyes and chest. It took a moment for my memories to fully return
--when they did, I suddenly wished they hadn't. I sat up on the
bed. My chest was hollow, out of tears to cry. For now.
I stood on shaking feet and went into the living room of
Mamo-chan's apartment. The clock on the mantel ticked softly,
the time 4:38 a.m. The sofa couch was pulled out--Minako, Rei,
Luna and Artemis asleep on it. I tiptoed past and found Ami
and Makoto asleep on an air mattress in the floor.
My burning eyes looked up, noticing the balcony door was
open. Slowly I stepped outside and into the soft drizzle of
rain. At first I didn't see anyone, but on second glance I
found Mamo-chan sitting in the corner, his knees drawn up to
his chest. He was staring towards me, but didn't seem to see me.
The light in his eyes was gone. Bleak and careless he stared
forward. I shivered, scared of what it might mean.
"Mamo-chan?" I called, my voice quivering despite my
attempts to steady it.
He blinked, looking up at me like he had seen a ghost.
I walked to him, kneeling down to place my hand on his. Inside
his tight fist was a crumbled piece of paper. He didn't say
anything when I took it, only stared at me as I began reading
it out loud. "This letter is to inform one Chiba Mamoru,
citizen of Tokyo, Japan, of the results of the paternity
test..." My eyes watered and my voice left me. Scanning on
through the letter, I found the words I was looking for.
"...in conclusion to such tests, the child of one Tsukino
Usagi, also a citizen of Tokyo, Japan, is 99.99999% positive
that you are said child's natural father..." I let the paper
slip from my fingers as I fell to my knees in front of Mamo-chan
and burst into tears. I felt Mamo-chan pull me to him, his tears
falling in my hair as we both wept for our baby.
The light drizzle soon lead way for larger drops of rain,
and soon the wind gusts followed that made the steady drops
sting against our skin. I lay still in Mamo-chan's arms,
allowing the rain to wash away my tears and the wind to
carry them away. Mamo-chan gently picked me up and carried
me inside, past the sleeping Senshi and into his bedroom.
My Prince laid me down on the bed, staring at me intently.
Getting on his knees, I watched as he leaned over and kissed my
hair. His lips traveled over my forehead, eyelids, nose, cheeks,
chin and neck. I closed my eyes, letting his kisses smooth my
pain. His confident fingers unbuttoned my blouse, leaving a
trail of heated, urgent kisses down my chest.
Suddenly he stopped. Confused, I opened my eyes and saw
him staring at my bare stomach. Tears began falling down his
face--splashing onto my skin. His shaking hands were held
over my still swollen stomach for what seemed an eternity.
Abruptly a sob left his throat, his tearful, grieving voice
mumbling as he laid his face on my stomach. "No, no, no, no,"
he cried, over and over, gripping the sheet with one hand and
rubbing my stomach with the other.
I felt my own tears return, and placed the pillow over
my face to cover the sound of my grief.
"Onegai," I heard Mamo-chan beg in the voice of a man
whose heart had been broken. "Please, don't leave your Papa
and Mama..." It was the last words I heard before sleep
thankfully took over--giving me a few hours of relief from
a world I didn't care to be in.
@------
Rei called into work for me the next day. I was scared
to talk to Motoki myself. If he was to start asking questions
I knew I would break down again. With heavy steps the Senshi
of Mars came back into the bedroom and sat down on the side
of the bed next to me. "Motoki told me to tell you he hopes
you feel better soon," she mumbled.
"What did you tell him?" I asked, still not looking at
her. The hollowness in my heart felt stronger in the daylight.
The sun was bright, but still I stared towards it. No matter
how bright and cheerful the day seemed, all I seen was gray
skies and gloom.
"I just said you weren't feeling well," her voice faded
off and she grabbed my hands, forcing me to meet her eyes.
"Usagi, are you sure you lost the baby?" Her voice flickered
with hope, but her eyes were full of tears.
I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't have the strength. My
face void of emotion, I meet her gaze. "Rei-chan, I could feel
the baby moving--fighting the evil. And then, then she stopped.
I-I just knew that she was gone then."
"You know you've got to go to the doctor, right?" Rei
whispered. A few tears fell down her face as she spoke. "It's
not... not healthy for you to continue to carry," her voice
broke off--unable to continue. She wrapped her arms around me,
hugging me with all her might. "We're here for you, Usagi. We
are all here for both you and Mamoru-san." She let go, looking
slightly embarrassed by her show of emotion. "Anything you need,
just ask, ne?"
"Rei-chan, what happened yesterday? What took you all so
long?"
The Soldier of Fire clasped and unclasped her hands in her
lap, then wiped her face free of tears. She acted as if that
was the last thing she expected me to ask. I realized it
probably was. "Mamoru-san went closest to the building,
searching for that man. Ami-chan... she screamed that she
couldn't find a life force inside and we needed to get out
before we got hurt." She stopped, staring off at her memories.
"We all got out and that's when Mamoru-san noticed you were
gone. We looked everywhere, but couldn't find you. It wasn't
for about half an hour before someone said they had seen a
man grab you and disappear. Mamoru-san went crazy, shaking
the poor man until Uranus pulled him away. Ami-chan worked
for hours to find where the portal had opened. But it wasn't
until evening when she got it right and we could follow the
man who had taken you. It didn't take long to find the room
you were in. Thankfully we had the advantage of a surprise
attack."
As she spoke the memories of waiting, watching for
Mamo-chan; came back to invade my mind. The horror I
experienced when I realized he was too late. "Beryl, what
happened to her? Is... is she dead?"
Rei, to my eternal relief, nodded her head yes.
"Uranus went in ahead of us, saw what was happening and
stabbed Beryl to death before all of us even made it in
the room." She smiled slightly. "No questions asked, just
in her normal manner."
We both looked up as the bedroom door creaked slowly
open. Ami knocked lightly on the door, peeking in at us. Rei
motioned for her to enter and she did so, standing at the
end of the bed. I saw that she had also been crying. It
seemed my pain was everyone's. I felt slightly better knowing
I wasn't alone.
Ami cleared her throat, putting her glasses on her face.
"Usagi-chan, if it's okay I want to do a scan on you before we
head to the hospital. I tried to scan you last night, but
whatever barrier your henshin provided for the baby wouldn't
allow me to get an accurate reading."
I nodded, not letting her words sink into my mind. The
Solider of Water opened her computer and began typing. Behind her,
Mamo-chan came thru the door and watched quietly. I paid her
no attention until she stopped, giving me the same puzzled
expression that I had seen on her four months earlier.
"What's that?" Mamo-chan asked, coming up behind Ami
and pointing to the screen. Ami shook her head, walking
around to the side of the bed and hitting more buttons.
Mamo-chan followed her, looking over her shoulder at the
screen.
Ami clicked the compact closed with a sigh of frustration
and looked at me. "Usagi-chan, it could be my computer picking
up the baby's um... presence. Well, I think it would be best
if you went onto the hospital now."
We all stared at her blankly, Mamo-chan regaining his
voice first. "What are you saying, Ami?"
Ami turned around, biting her bottom lip. "I'm not
saying anything, because I don't know. But I think it would
be a good idea for Usagi to go on to the hospital." The
Genius Senshi didn't look as worried as she did confused.
A mixture of feelings swept through me. I nodded, standing
up. Mamo-chan came over to my side and when our eyes locked
I saw a spark of hope in their blue depths I prayed it
wasn't in vain.
@------
I stared at my entwined hands. Ami had gone after her
mother almost fifteen minutes ago, but it felt more like
hours. Mamo-chan sat beside me in the waiting room--
rubbing the back of my neck reassuringly. It felt like
there was a knot in my throat that I couldn't swallow. My
stomach twitched like a million butterflies were trapped
inside me.
"Usagi-san?"
I blinked, looking up. Dr. Mizuno stood in the doorway,
a chart in her hand. She smiled, walking in and sitting a
couple of chairs down from us. "Ami tells me you think you
lost your baby?" Her voice was soft, her words not pounding
into my broken heart as much as they would have if she hadn't.
I nodded my head. Mamo-chan put his hands on my arms and
squeezed lightly. Dr. Mizuno nodded, folding her arms across
her chest. "Have you had any vaginal bleeding?"
"No," I replied.
"Any pain?"
"No," I replied again. Unless you count what's in my
heart. But I didn't say this aloud for fear I would begin
crying again.
Dr. Mizuno smiled, looking acutely confused. She leaned
forward. "Usagi, what makes you think you've lost the baby,
then?"
I felt tears cloud over my eyes as I remembered Beryl's
words; her plans. The agony of feeling my baby inside me,
fighting for her life and then losing that struggle. And
the knowledge that even though she was there, inside me, I
could do nothing to help her. Breath by breath I tried to
fight my tears from falling--but couldn't. I collapsed into
Mamo-chan's supporting arms and once more drew from the
seemingly endless well of tears in my body.
Dr. Mizuno moved to the seat next to me, rubbing my
back. "Okay. You really seem to think you lost it. So why
don't we go do an ultra-sound and take a look. Then take
things from there?"
I heard Mamo-chan agree and he helped me up. I leaned
against his broad chest for support as we followed Ami's mother
down the hall. The walls were decorated with various posters of
children from the womb up to a couple of years old. I closed
my eyes--burying my face against Mamo-chan's shoulder. The
sight of what might have been nagging at my mind, weighing down
my heart. We finally entered a room on the right and Dr.
Mizuno had me lay on the bed while she washed her hands.
I couldn't bear to look at the equipment that just two short
weeks ago had made me cry in light of the miracle in my body.
Now I wanted to cry for the same loss.
I closed my eyes as Dr. Mizuno applied the cream to my
stomach. The cold didn't even register to my numb body, it was
nothing compared to the feelings that ran through my heart,
veins... soul. She placed the equipment on my stomach and I
waited.
The room was as quiet as the outer regions of space as
Dr. Mizuno searched the ultra sound screen for my baby. I
knew any moment she would confirm that my baby was gone.
Under my closed eyelids I could plainly see Mamo-chan's eyes
--and the hope I had seen in them earlier. I peeked out from
under my lids at Mamo-chan. His eyes were staring at the
screen intently, his hands griping mine.
Dr. Mizuno looked at the screen, puzzled. I closed
my eyes, trying to block out the disappointment, the loss
of hope yet a second time in Mamo-chan's face. "I can't
find the heartbeat," she mumbled, more to herself than to
us. "There's no movement..."
I shut my eyes tighter, my grief opening up again. No,
no, no. Please don't let it be this way, I begged. As I laid
on the bed, tears soaking my face, I began praying.
Please Lord, I begged. Please don't let it end this way.
I know that I done wrong by this soul, but I love her so much..."
"Usako..." I heard Mamo-chan gasp. "What are you doing?"
I didn't open my eyes, couldn't. Faintly I heard Dr.
Mizuno inhale sharply. The speaker of the ultra sound began
a light thumping.
Please God, please!!
Mamo-chan told me later that the light that shone from
my body was even more intense than my henshin--so much that
both he and Dr. Mizuno had to cover their eyes with their
hands.
Ami couldn't explain what had happened, even though
she tried for days. But I could, I knew without a doubt in
my mind what it was.
One minute there was no heartbeat--and then there was.
And nobody would ever tell me it wasn't nothing short of the
Will of God. The miracle of life.
Tears flowed down my face yet again. But these weren't
the hot, burning tears of pain. No. These were as warm as the
sun on a spring day, breaking through the clouds to shine on
me and the restored life inside me.
For the first time in so very long--I was happy to be
alive. To be me.
At that single moment in my confused existence with
Mamo-chan by my side and our baby alive... life was perfect.
--End Chapter 10.
There! As promised, a chapter without a cliffhanger! It
took all I had though, I promise. I wanted so badly to leave it
where Ami's mom said that she couldn't find any movement...
:}~~~
But I did say this would be no cliffhanger. I couldn't do that
to you all anyways, since I can't update for about two weeks. Why?
Well, I am the official (^^!!) wedding coornaditor for my friend's
wedding - and it's this Saturday. And so instead of sitting on a
computer finishing up chapter 11, I will be dressed up in this fancy
(expensive, and definitly not comfortable _