Disclaimer: I don't own AMYTHING! Hehehe. That why I can do this!
*****
Glorfindel walked into the Rivendell Stables, to get his horse Asfaloth. He looked into the stall and yelled.
"DUDE, WHERE'S MY HORSE??"
Several elves looked towards him. "Oh My God. This is just GREAT. PERFECT!! What the hell. My horse is gone. Who stole my horse? I have to go save Frodo and my horse is GONE!!"
Glorfindel stormed out of the stables and went to Elrond's study.
'ELROND!"
Elrond, "Yes, Glorfindel?"
"What the hell? My horse is GONE!! How am I supposed to find the damned hobbits without my horse?"
Elrond sighed. "Where did you leave him last?"
"If I KNEW I'd go there and GET him!"
"Why don't you know?'
"I was drunk."
"Well that explains everything."
"Dude, that's not nice."
"Neither was you kissing my wife."
"Hey, I was drunk."
"What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Glorfindel stepped back. "Dude, you read too much into things, you know?"
All of the sudden, they hear elvish words.
Elrond jumped up. 'Oh yay! I get to do pretty magic horsies!!"
Glorfindel's eyebrows went up. "Ooookay."
Elrond leaves, and Glorfindel waits for a couple minutes. The he realizes how damned pointless that is, so he goes to the stables, just in time to see Arwen returning to the stables with Asfaloth.
"You damned bitch! What the hell are you doing with my horse??"
"He's fast, and I had to go save Frodo.", scoffed Arwen.
"But that's my job!", whined Glorfindel.
"Not anymore. You got written out of the script."
"Whyyyyy."
"Because they wanted girl power."
Glorfindel's lower lip trembeld. "But I can be a girl if I wanted to. I kinda look like one."
"No."
"Why."
"Because that would be an insult to girls everywhere."
"Nuh-uh!!!'"
"Get over yourself. I am the hero, you don't exist."
"Damn you.", Glorfindel starts to walk away.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"To get stoned. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be out of it for a couple days."
"But what about the council?"
"I'm written out of the script, remember??"
***
Glorfindel was locked up in his room, getting stoned. It was the day of the council.
"How could they write me out of the story? I'm imporrrrrrtannnt. oooooooo. Ah-ha! I knoooooooww. Hehehehe. I WILL be back in the mooooovie...hehehe."
*******
Elrond looked around at the rest of the council. "You shall be The Fellowship of the Ring."
Glorfindel ran past, naked. "MUAHAHAHA!! I am back in story!!!!! MUAHAHA!!"
Elrond's mouth dropped open. "Oh. My. God."
Glorfindel came around again.
Gandalf screamed, "Oh my VIRGIN eyes"
"I NEED TO GO WASH MY EYES!!", wailed Legolas.
The council runs away. Fast.
Glorfindel stopped in the middle of the circle. "Muahahaha! I am in the MOVIE again!!"
*****
And THAT is why Glrofindel isn't in the movie!
*****
Glorfindel walked into the Rivendell Stables, to get his horse Asfaloth. He looked into the stall and yelled.
"DUDE, WHERE'S MY HORSE??"
Several elves looked towards him. "Oh My God. This is just GREAT. PERFECT!! What the hell. My horse is gone. Who stole my horse? I have to go save Frodo and my horse is GONE!!"
Glorfindel stormed out of the stables and went to Elrond's study.
'ELROND!"
Elrond, "Yes, Glorfindel?"
"What the hell? My horse is GONE!! How am I supposed to find the damned hobbits without my horse?"
Elrond sighed. "Where did you leave him last?"
"If I KNEW I'd go there and GET him!"
"Why don't you know?'
"I was drunk."
"Well that explains everything."
"Dude, that's not nice."
"Neither was you kissing my wife."
"Hey, I was drunk."
"What's THAT supposed to mean?"
Glorfindel stepped back. "Dude, you read too much into things, you know?"
All of the sudden, they hear elvish words.
Elrond jumped up. 'Oh yay! I get to do pretty magic horsies!!"
Glorfindel's eyebrows went up. "Ooookay."
Elrond leaves, and Glorfindel waits for a couple minutes. The he realizes how damned pointless that is, so he goes to the stables, just in time to see Arwen returning to the stables with Asfaloth.
"You damned bitch! What the hell are you doing with my horse??"
"He's fast, and I had to go save Frodo.", scoffed Arwen.
"But that's my job!", whined Glorfindel.
"Not anymore. You got written out of the script."
"Whyyyyy."
"Because they wanted girl power."
Glorfindel's lower lip trembeld. "But I can be a girl if I wanted to. I kinda look like one."
"No."
"Why."
"Because that would be an insult to girls everywhere."
"Nuh-uh!!!'"
"Get over yourself. I am the hero, you don't exist."
"Damn you.", Glorfindel starts to walk away.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"To get stoned. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll be out of it for a couple days."
"But what about the council?"
"I'm written out of the script, remember??"
***
Glorfindel was locked up in his room, getting stoned. It was the day of the council.
"How could they write me out of the story? I'm imporrrrrrtannnt. oooooooo. Ah-ha! I knoooooooww. Hehehehe. I WILL be back in the mooooovie...hehehe."
*******
Elrond looked around at the rest of the council. "You shall be The Fellowship of the Ring."
Glorfindel ran past, naked. "MUAHAHAHA!! I am back in story!!!!! MUAHAHA!!"
Elrond's mouth dropped open. "Oh. My. God."
Glorfindel came around again.
Gandalf screamed, "Oh my VIRGIN eyes"
"I NEED TO GO WASH MY EYES!!", wailed Legolas.
The council runs away. Fast.
Glorfindel stopped in the middle of the circle. "Muahahaha! I am in the MOVIE again!!"
*****
And THAT is why Glrofindel isn't in the movie!