EXTRA SPECIAL DISCLAIMER: In addition to not owning Snake, Otacon, or Raiden, who are owned by Konami, I do not own Volkswagen, which is owned by Volkswagen. I do not own -a- Volkswagen, either. They are owned by other people.

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"Okay, okay. How about this: how do you get an elephant into a Volkswagen?"

"Open the door."

"Don't ruin the suspense, Snake. Okay, yes, you open the door. But how do you get –two- elephants into a Volkswagen?"

"Open the back door."

"Snake."

"Yeah?"

"If you don't let me tell my jokes in peace and quiet, I will see to it personally that your private phone number is distributed to telemarketers, fund-raisers, and poll-takers nationwide."

"Suit yourself." Snake had a slice of pie. Blueberry. He'd had a cup of coffee too, but now Otacon had it in addition to his own and, for that matter, Raiden's. All three were empty, and it wasn't for the first time.

"All right. Now. How do you get –three- elephants into a Volkswagen?"

Several seconds of eerie quiet passed before Raiden finished chewing a mouthful of hashbrowns. "Trunk?" he suggested thickly.

"Very good, very good. Excellent. Yes. How do you get four elephants into a Volkswagen?"

More silence. Snake chased a berry around on his plate.

"Ha!" Otacon crowed. "You put one in the –glove box-."

"Glove box," Raiden repeated, more out of habit than anything. He poked another forkful of hashbrowns into his mouth. "Are there any more elephants?"

"No, but get this…"

Snake groaned. Otacon had funny like pigs had income tax forms. It never slowed him down, though.

"Quiet, Snake. Raiden, what did Tarzan say when he saw two elephants coming over the hill?"

"You said there were no more elephants."

"All right, there are just these two more elephants. Thanks." A waitress leaned over the table to refill the coffee cups. All three of them. Raiden gazed longingly across the tabletop at his. It steamed as Otacon raised it. It stopped steaming when he drank most of it in one go.

"What did Tarzan say, Otacon?"

Otacon mimed shading his eyes. "'Look,'" he said, "'There are two elephants coming over the hill!'"

"Oh, God." Snake buried his face in his hands.

"That's all of them. I promise." Grinning, Otacon leaned back in the booth with another cup.

"I've got one," Raiden mumbled hopefully around a mouthful of egg.

"You already –had- your joke tonight," scowled Snake, smearing out on his plate the first lines of a tree. A blueberry tree. With blueberry-shaped birds sitting in it. "One more, and you're walking home. Bitch about it, and you're brachiating."

"It's funny."

Snake sighed. "Make it short."

"Right." Raiden swallowed hastily, and pointed the business end of his fork at Snake in an interview-like attitude. "Snake."

"What?"

"Ask me if I'm a potato."

"You're kidding." It was a flat statement.

"No, no, you have to ask me if I'm a potato."

"You're –not- a goddamned potato. I've seen potatoes."

Otacon blinked through steam-fogged lenses. "Actually, if you peeled one, there –is- a certain res—"

"Fine, Otacon, -you- ask me if I'm a potato."

Otacon shrugged. Hey, it was only fair. "Are you a potato?"

"No," said Raiden, barely suppressing a fit of giggles. "I am not a potato."

The other two stared.

"That's enough," said Snake, sliding out of the booth. "Otacon? I'm going to go pay. If he tries to tell any more, kill him."





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Rather less action-packed, I know, but sometimes you just feel like writing dialogue. : ) At least one more chapter to come, as soon as I figure out what about. Feel free to offer suggestions. Thanks as always for reading!