Chapter Eleven
"Tell me what's wrong."
The smooth hand caressed his chin and then lifted it so those clear blue eyes could look into clouded ones.
"I know you too well for you to lie to me, Kaede."
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His head was beginning to throb even as he glanced up at the face he loved so well. Akira… Unconsciously, his hand reached up to thumb a pale cheek, and his lover's face softened at the touch.
"I know something's bothering you, Kaede. And…seeing you this way…it affects me too, you know."
He did know. He knew all too well. And he knew what he had to get off his chest. He just didn't know how to say it.
It's not that I love you any less, he thought silently, looking away from the deep blue eyes that were looking intently at him, trying to read his emotions. On the contrary, it might be because I love you more and more, want you more and more, need you more and more. And yet that other face keeps invading my mind, reminding me of you, even as you remind me of him…
"I don't know myself, Akira."
And that was the start of the confession.
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He sat alone on the bed, unmoving even after the door had closed and the sound of light footsteps had faded away, the warmth of the loose embrace still wrapping about him, the silence growing louder. The wind that slipped in through the slightly open windows brushed past him, lightly, before moving on swiftly.
Bowing his head, he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, refusing to let the tears come even as the breeze pulled back soft tendrils of hair from his hot cheeks. Don't leave me…please…Akira…
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As the elevator doors slid open, the man within stepped out, walking away. The hem of the long coat brushed the floor as he turned and pushed open the door, letting himself out to the large garden.
Breathing in deeply the mixed scent of the blooming flowers, he moved further into the heart of the greenery and then sat down on the edge of the marble fountain, his hand dipping into the cool water as it sent ripples to the far end of the clear surface.
*Flashback
"I met someone else."
He felt his heart constrict at the words as he moved away, only to be grasped with a slim hand and pulled back onto the sheets, and held tightly.
"He makes me think of you."
The pain that he felt was almost eclipsed by the raw confusion in the voice that sought desperately to make his feelings understood. Almost, but not quite.
"I can't get him out of my mind."
He turned his head away, refusing to look at the other, while his arms tightened about the slimmer man. I understand now, Kaede.
He would comfort the one he loved, even if it shattered him to do so.
"It's not that I love you any less. On the contrary, it might be because I love you more and more, want you more and more, need you more and more. And yet that other face keeps invading my mind, reminding me of you, even as you remind me of him." The words were choked, but not stopping.
He bowed his head. Do you want him?
When the hurt had subsided enough for him to think, the tremulous words had shaken him right back to where he had started.
"Don't leave me, Akira."
I need to think…I'm sorry, Kaede…
He disengaged the other's hands carefully, rose, and left.
*End of Flashback
Now, alone, his thoughts were calmer and he was composed outwardly, if not mentally.
What can I do now, Kaede? What do you want me to do?