Chapter Fifteen

"You did WHAT?" the voice on the other end of the phone screeched so loudly that the redhead jumped away from the payphone, wincing, before noticing the glares the queue of people was giving him and jumping hurriedly back into the phone booth.

"I cancelled the wedding," he hissed, jiggling his foot irritably against the transparent pane where an old, white-haired man dressed in a weathered blue jacket looked impassively at him.

"Please don't play these tricks, Hanamichi. It's two hours till you have to be at the church—"

He closed his eyes and counted to ten, slowly, letting his best friend ramble on for a moment, before he straightened sharply.

"This. Is. Not. A. Joke!" He shouted forcefully, punctuating each word with a pause.

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Yohei stared incredulously at the phone in his hand before having mind enough to place it back to his ear.

"You have some explaining to do, buddy."

"Yes," the voice was desperate. Yohei could hear it in the nuances of the voice, the strained syllables. "I need your help."

He blinked. What did he have to do with any of this?

"I need the number of someone you called a few days ago."

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[A few hours later]

He walked back along the sandy ground to his car, kicking pebbles aimlessly. The sun was setting, and here at the beach, the sky was colored a brilliant shade of rose and deep orange. There were only a few people sitting on the ledge a way away from the tide, and one or two were already getting up to leave. The sea breeze blew salty memories into his eyes.

It had been here that he had proposed to Haruko.

Since morning he had switched his cell phone off, but not before calling his company to request a week's leave due to personal problems. A short explanation, and it was settled. He –was– one of the company's more talented and hardworking staff, so the request of a leave of absence had been met with sympathy and a green light. He knew they would all be calling him. He didn't want to think about his parents, the guests at the church, the looks on everybody's faces when he never showed up.

Yohei had given him the number. He wondered why he dared not call. The knot in his heart had begun to twist. Acting the way he did, canceling the wedding…it had all been done in the momentum of spontaneity, the phase of single-minded determination that had come straight from his heart. Sighing, he stopped walking and leaned against the railing. It was bad, but he was glad he had done it. And yet at the same time he was feeling more and more confused, and depressed.

What do I want?

It was a question he seemed to have trouble answering himself as the full implications of what he had set in motion that morning hit him. Stifling his frustration, he sat down abruptly on the ground as the palm leaves, dark green in the shadowy light, whispered and swished behind him.

Why did I call off the wedding? I can't figure it out. My life was planned, perfect. I had everything about to happen and just before it did I walked out on it all? I'm confused now, yes, afraid of commitment, maybe, but how could I have taken such a drastic step?

All right. He was obviously having no luck with logical thinking. Let's think off the record, then.

What do I want?

And then his thoughts took a revealing if traitorous turn, and he leaned back and sighed heavily at the realization, and the acceptance of what he had never bothered to look full in the face.

I can't stop thinking of him. And him.

He looked down, where on his palm, a local phone number had been scribbled hastily. And I knew. I only pretended I didn't. All I don't know is why. And all I don't know is if it's right to be thinking like that.

He closed his eyes as his hand reached down to his pocket to retrieve the cell phone.