Chapter Twenty Two
Rukawa reclined on the bed, watching Sendoh intently as the older man bustled about the kitchen whistling softly. It had been a day since his lover had been discharged from the hospital, and he was unhappy with the fact that Sendoh was not resting, but was instead in the kitchen, making dinner. Unknown to many, the renowned dancer did have a creditable history in cooking, and a rich one at that. In fact, the aroma wafting from the various pots and pans on the stove was almost as tempting as the sight of the cook. Almost.
He got up from his seat and walked towards the other man, slipping noiselessly in between the intersecting corridors and into the kitchen, before moving forward and giving Sendoh a peck on the cheek.
"Why do you want to do this?"
The small smile never left the glossed lips, even as he turned and set the pot down carefully on the table and looking sideways at the stony expression. Sendoh laughed. "It's just a dinner, Kaede. He did save my life, you know."
"I know." It wasn't something he would be forgetting in a hurry. "But I still don't see why you have to—"
He was silenced with a light kiss, an intimacy that tasted of cinnamon and gingerbread, and the spicy, fruity scent of the other's cologne. "Do you think I'm blind, Kaede?" he whispered.
Relaxed just moments before, Rukawa stiffened and inched back, even as Sendoh snaked an arm about his waist and pulled him closer in an embrace. "What—"
Do you think I never saw how you two would look at each other across the room? Do you think I don't know that this was the one you spoke to me about just such a short time ago? Did you think I would sit back, and do nothing?
He looked deeply into almost identical blue eyes, and his gaze softened. I want you to be happy…Kaede…
This last he said aloud, and Rukawa's eyes widened slightly, before they flared with anger and narrowed.
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Sendoh pulled away and returned his attention to the sauces and dishes that were cooking with such tangible taste. But he didn't go very far, before an arm wrapped itself roughly against his waist and he was crushed against a wall, the plastic pepper bottle dropping noiselessly from his hand and knocking with a soft 'thud' onto the parquet floor even as blazing blue eyes pierced him motionless.
"What are you thinking?"
The demand, flashed in the low voice he had become accustomed to through the time they had been together, was inescapable.
"Answer me."
He swallowed and tried to look away, but a surprisingly gentle wrist held his chin in place. "Don't do this to me, Akira. Please don't do this to me."
What…?
The younger man leaned close, so that his breath was warm on the base of the other's neck and his body fitted smoothly to his lover's. "Don't presume to know what I'm thinking all the time, will you?"
"You want him."
This last he finally managed, even as the hurt pinned him down more effectively than Rukawa's strong arms, but he struggled to continue. "If he makes you happy, Kaede, then all I can do is—"
"-You- make me happy."
"He might make you happier if you gave yourself a chance to—"
Before he could make a vain attempt to argue, a pale hand muffled him, and a deep, searching gaze arrested him, making the words die from his lips before they were spoken.
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Saying "I love you" is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you not to say but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Because I'd already know…
"Do you love me?" he whispered tentatively, removing his hand slowly, quietly, waiting for a response.
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Sendoh looked at the face before him, memorizing the beloved features, reveling in the nuances of the voice that had captured him from the beginning, as memories of the past flashed before his mind. How they had met. Everything they had done together. Why they had stayed together.
"Do you love me?"
In that single question he could hear doubt, insecurity, hope and fear. And regret and apology filled him immediately, if only for the fact that he knew that it was what he was doing, pushing the other away, that was making Rukawa question his feelings so. It was no use hiding, no use running, then.