Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing, as much as I want to. I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making money.

AN: Another new idea. How's this one? Not beta-read yet, will be reposted when it's fixed...I hope it's understandable…ARGH!!! Thank you Reviewers!!
This Part is dedicated to Andrea, who sent me an email to tell me to start working. She gave me ideas, and I've incorporated it into this chapter. However, I like to keep my works at a certain length...so it will continue on to the next couple of chapters. Thank you for the push Andrea!!!! Very much Appreciated!

'blah blah' denotes thoughts


Unsure Feelings
Part 12: Self-Thoughts


Katryna cleared her tears and thoughts. She had to be able to get away from the mansion, but still able to receive missions to help out the other pilots. And then, there was Heero to take care of. Deciding she had done enough searching for the day and needed to let out some energy, she sent a quick message to Heero, letting him know that she would be in the recreation wing. Grabbing a towel and a pair of shorts, she headed across the mansion. Peeking in, she saw no one else in the room. With a sigh, she started her stretches and then sit-ups. Then, she lay on the mat, thinking about how she could do things.

'I should have done my research before talking to Heero. It would have decreased the pain and obstacles in my leaving. Damn you Katryna, you're so careless!' Katryna berated herself. She rolled over and started her pushups. 'Why do I have to be Kataryna McKnowan? Why do I have to be caught up in all of this?' She pumped her arms harder, moving quicker. 'Why can't I be a normal teenager?' She paused in her work, arms buckling. 'Heero…were you ever afraid that I would be Kataryna McKnowan?' Narrowing her own eyes, Katryna cursed herself for bringing Heero into her own rant. She fell, rolling swiftly to her feet and headed for the punching bags. Tugging on a pair of gloves to protect her knuckles, she punched the bag angrily.

"Damn you Kataryna McKnowan. You disappeared and had to reappear as me!" She threw a kick at the bag. It swung wildly back and forth, and Katryna decidedly moved to a heavier one. 'Does this mean that my Katryna personality for the past 4 years was just a phony? Have I been acting as I felt I should, or as Kataryna?'

Angered at the thought of being a fraud, she tore the gloves off, tossing them to the side and punched the bag with her bare hands. 'I've been a phony to all my friends, and Heero.' She paused again, studying her broken skin and the blood but punched the bag again. 'A phony to Heero…' Tears filled her eyes and she threw one past punch at the heavy bag, causing it to swing hard, and dropped to the ground, sobbing silently. The only sign of her distress was the shaking of her shoulders.

"Damn OZ." She choked out. "Damn you Milliardo Peacecraft!" 'You who can't even keep one identity, you who say you aren't worthy of being a Peacecraft, brought this up for what reason? You have all the money in the world; you have the power, why do you want me? What did I ever do to you? I hate you!'

It was another 10 minutes before she calmed down and sat up, wiping tears from her eyes. She looked at her hands to see blood from her broken skin, then the blood on the punching bag. With a sigh, she stood and went to the bathroom, soaking her towel and wiping the blood from her hands and then the bag. She dropped it into the sink so soak and returned to the gym office, grabbing a few bandages. She wrapped up her hands in silence, willing her mind to stop thinking about Kataryna McKnowan.

'I am Kataryna McKnowan. Must I accept that?'

Heading to the treadmill, she took a deep breath and started it, going on a steady run. This time, she made sure her mind was completely void of any thoughts. Only the rhythm of her running and breathing sounded in her head.



Heero, I'll be in the recreation wing when you are finished, if I'm not already in the hangar. If I'm not there, please, come get me? Katryna

Heero switched off his laptop after reading and deleting the message from Katryna as he stood and stretched. He had finally finished Wing Zero's system checks. Picking up his laptop, he exited the cockpit of his Gundam and closed the hatch, a hand resting on the door of the suit for a moment before he made his way to the ground. He made his way to leave the hangar, glancing at the clock above the doors as he put his laptop on the table near by and tugged on his jean jacket. It read 5:25pm, and he had received the message from Katryna at 2:47pm. That meant she had been working out for about 2 hours and 35 minutes. He shook his head with a smile. Katryna could stay working in the recreating rooms for over 7 hours if no one disturbed her. He had watched that happen once when Duo forgot to get her. She had been tired and sore the following day, but the day after that, she was back to her own self. He knew it was because she was special; different then a normal human. But he wasn't about to let any of the others, especially not Katryna, know that.

'Speaking of which, I better go delete all the data of Kataryna McKnowan in the world, or at least take it out and only keep a copy myself. She may be Kataryna McKnowan, but knowing anymore would make her vulnerable to Zechs Merquise's plans if he ever catches her. I'd better do that tonight after I fix up her Gundam.'

He looked up to see he had reached the recreation wing. Listening carefully from the main hall that leads to a few different workout rooms, he heard the quiet whir of a machine coming from two doors down the right. He could identify the treadmill running. Quietly, he nudged the door open and peeked in to see if Katryna was working. She had her back to him, and was running steadily. She had taken off her t-shirt, which hung on the left rail of the treadmill, and was now wearing blue shorts with a yellow tank top. Sweat gleamed off her skin as she ran, and her hair was tied up in a bun, though strands now hung loose from it. Heero frowned, spotting white bandages wrapped around both her hands. He walked to her, not noticing that his training had kicked in and that he made no sound.

"Katryna." He said, just a treadmill machine away. She jumped, spinning around to see who had spoken to her. In her process, she slipped, losing momentum. Heero easily reached out and steadied her.

"Heero, you startled me!" She gasped, quickly pulling herself up and out of his grip and returning to her treadmill.

"Sorry." Heero apologized. He stepped up to the machine, glancing at the numbers that were flashing by. His eyes narrowed when he saw she had been running for over one and a half hours.

"Aren't you tired Katy?"

"Hm? No, just letting off some steam." She answered between gasps. Having been knocked off her steady, near thoughtless run, her exhaustion hit her full force, and she tried to push it away once more. She was pale, having been in bed for a few days, and then suddenly overworking her body. Heero noticed and looked around.

"Where's your water bottle?"

"Forgot to bring one."

"That's good enough Katy." Heero said. "You've just gotten out of bed. You're not up to full energy yet. This isn't good for you. You're dehydrated."

"I'm fine Heero."

Heero's eyes narrowed. "Don't be stubborn Katryna." He said.

"Just let me reach two hours Heero."

"Katy…" Heero reached over, wrapping an arm around Katryna's waist to pull her off the treadmill, his other hand reaching to stop the machine. It clicked off with a quiet beep, the message '***Great Workout!***' flashing across the screen.

"Heero!" Katryna protested, twisting away from his grip. "What did you do that for?" She panted.

"You're getting dehydrated Katryna." Heero said softly. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "You'll never get into full strength if you don't take care of yourself."

"I do." Katryna pulled away. Heero knit his eyebrows together in confusion, which he quickly schooled back into his emotionless mask.

"Something wrong?"

"I'm all sweaty." She quickly explained. 'I don't want it to hurt anymore than it must.'

"Well, I came to tell you I was finished with Wing."

"Oh. Well, I need a shower now. I figured I'd work on Angelwing after dinner. Maybe I am just a bit tired."

"I'd think you'd be tired." Heero snorted. "Don't do that. It's bad for you."

"Don't worry Heero. I'm perfectly fine." Katryna said. She wrinkled her nose. "I smell. I'll see you later after I shower."

"Mind if I work in your room?"

"What for?"

"I'll just start on Angelwing's system codes. I'll hook up a network between our laptops."

"No!" Katryna spun around. "That's all right Heero."

"Why?" Heero's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong Katy?"

"Nothing." Katryna silently cursed at herself for reacting so badly. "Nothing's wrong." She repeated. "I just haven't fixed up some stuff yet." She picked up her towel to wipe the sweat from her face.

"Katy." Heero turned Katryna around, gripping her shoulders. "What's wrong?" He asked, looking her into the eyes.

"I just have some stuff that I have to fix up." She said, looking into his eyes. 'Don't let him see that I'm lying.' She pleaded in her mind.

"That's all right then." Heero dropped his hands. "I'll fix it up for you."

"Please Heero." Katryna interrupted. "Just give me some time to do it myself."

Heero nodded slowly. "All right." He glanced at her hands. "What's wrong with your hands? You were fine at lunch."

"Hands?" Katryna glanced down and quickly pulled her hands behind her back. She cursed herself again for her carelessness. "Nothing. I just wrapped them up when I was working."

Heero frowned. "Why are you hiding them?"

"Because I'm all sweaty." Katryna tilted her head to the side. "Why so many questions all of a sudden?"

"Just worried about you." Heero said in a low voice. 'What have sweaty hands got to do with bandages and hiding your hands?' He silently asked her. He extended a hand to her, but Katryna didn't take it.

"I'm all dirty and sweaty." She reminded him. "I'll fix up my stuff, then you can use it all right?"

Heero dropped his hand and nodded. "All right."

Together, they made their way back to Katryna's room. As Katryna entered her room, Heero crossed the hall to his own room, gathering up the discs and cords that he needed. Katryna quickly sat down and opened the data. She took everything she had found earlier in the day and saved it all to the disc Iria had given her, and then set a password to it. Noticing Heero wasn't finished gathering his supplies, she glanced around her room, and slipped the disc into her nightstand with the lock, along with her diary. She pulled out another disc from there, hesitating a moment before crossing her room back to her desk to insert it. It was a disc of everything she knew about herself. She left it in, so if Heero wanted to see something, it would be right there. It would be better for him to see what he knew, than to see what she had just found out. She closed all her programs and documents just as Heero walked in a stood.

"I'm off to shower then." She smiled. "Take your time." She gestured to her laptop as she turned to her bathroom and Heero nodded. Turning back momentarily, Katryna didn't miss the look Heero threw her and winced.

'He only opens up to me. And here I am, giving him the cold shoulder and I'm about to leave him…' With a final look at Heero, who had taken her seat at the desk and started connecting the two laptops, she silently sighed and stepped into her bathroom.



Heero let out a sigh as soon as he heard Katryna's bathroom door click close. He leaned back, stretching for a moment, wondering why Katryna was suddenly so uptight.

'What was she doing a search on earlier?' His eyes strayed to her laptop and he reached out to the side where the disc slot was. Running his hand over the slot, he felt a disc inside.

'I can't look. It isn't my business.' He firmly told himself. 'If she wants to tell me, she will.' Moving his hand back to his own keyboard, he started typing, loading system codes from Katryna's laptop to his own. 'I'll figure it out later. Right now, Angelwing comes first in case missions show up.' He told himself. He lost himself in his work within the next few moments.



In her shower, Katryna silently scolded herself again. 'You're making it too obvious! You know you can trust Heero not to go through your stuff and you still make a disc for back up! You dehydrated yourself, overworked your body and are tired as hell, but now you can't show that because you said you would work on Angelwing!' Katryna held her hands up, examining the bandages she had wrapped around her hands and quickly undid the one on her left hand. She stared at her uninjured hand, and quickly undid the bandage on her right hand. There were no scars or signs of injury whatsoever. Katryna bit her lower lip. 'What the hell am I? Am I even…human?' She bit her lip harder to draw that thought away. She slammed her fist into the tile wall of the shower. The skin on her knuckles broke for the second time that afternoon, but Katryna could not feel the pain. At the force of the impact on the wall, the close by shower gel bottles tumbled onto the ground with loud crashes. She swore under her breath, realizing the racket would draw Heero's attention.



Upon hearing the crashes, Heero leapt to his feet, habitually drawing his gun. He was at the bathroom door knocking in a split second. He made sure his body was to the side of the door, in case something happened.

"Katryna? Are you all right?" He called. He frowned at the concern in his voice. If there were an intruder in there, he would be heard and identified as a weakling. Shaking his head, he decided not to worry about that at the moment. "Katryna?"

He heard a muffled curse before Katryna replied. "I'm fine Heero, just knocked the bottles over. Nothing broke."

"All right." He answered. He didn't move from the door, listening for sounds of any other person in the bathroom apart from Katryna. All he heard was Katryna placing the bottles one by one onto the shelf again.

'How many bottles does she have?' He wondered. 'That was one loud crash.'



Katryna picked up all her two bottles of shampoo, conditioner, a bottle of 2-in-1 hair wash, the bathing gel, and the plastic case that held a bar of soap. Why she needed so many things was beyond her as well, but since Duo got it for her, she may as well use it all eventually, so she placed it all on the shelf. Then, she could choose whatever she felt like using that day. She examined the crack on the top of the case holding the bar of soap and frowned, also seeing her bleeding knuckles. With a grimace, she washed it off quickly, splashing water onto the pinkish wall as well. She closed her eyes and moved under the hot spray of water.

'Thank Quatre for his mansions and inexhaustible hot water.'

She sighed as she switched the water off and wiped the water from her eyes. Glancing at her hand, she dropped it.

Once again, the self-inflicted wound was gone. But in it's place came a plan of her escape.

She smiled darkly at the mirror, brushing her own wet hair back. 'I'll fix up my Gundam and leave. Find out who I really am, and do the hypnosis reliving of my memories. When I straighten things out, I'll either return here if I'm sure the others will be safe, or I'll go to Zechs. Whatever happens, I will leave tomorrow night and make sure they can't find me. ' She looked to the ground 'I hope you will forgive me for I'm planning to take your Zero system Heero, so I can fight Zechs if I need to.' She clutched the counter in a tight grip. 'I'm doing what I must.' She assured herself. 'This is for the good of the others and myself. I must do this.'




In front of the two laptops, Heero involuntarily shivered…
















Saori: Chapter 12 finally out! ^___^ Like or no like???? Hope it was a like!!! ^___^ Once again, thank you Andrea! All readers, please, do review and comment! I need help with this, and I'll try to take all ideas and incoperate them into this. Next chapter...yes..Katryna will run...that's all u get to know! As for who she'll meet, what she'll do, and her trouble.....u'll have to wait a see!! Please, keep reading!!!! ^.^