This is kindof a bleh fic, from my point of view... a bit OOC, Subaru seems too verbose. Whatever the case may be... this fic was done more to shut up my muses after reading Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett than to be 'realistic.' I view this as a character study more than anything. To clarify, Waiting for Godot is where most of this dialogue is directly quoted from, and is fantasticly surreal.
To clarify, since there has been some misunderstanding in what I'm trying to do with this fic... I'm not trying to recreate the mood of Godot. The only thing I did was take pieces of dialogue directly from the play and make a S/S story out of it, because when I was reading it for one of my classes, the passages I used inspired me and reminded me of CLAMP. (well, everything does that, really.) Actually, it's what I did to duck the fact that I promised to write my friend ribbon-bondage, and chickened out. So, this isn't intended to be taken on a deeper literary level than it seems, and I'm not trying to make them into a statement in surrealism or existentialism. Promise.
Warnings: implied yaoi, some m/m kissing. dream-induced strangeness.
Subaru's eyes snapped open as from a familiar nightmare. Shaking, he wrapped his arms around himself. It felt like someone had been watching him...
"Subaru-kun..." the familiar voice from the darkness around him made him shudder. "What do you dream of?"
He went utterly still; tense, teeth clenched, eyes searching the darkness next to his bed. Nothing.
Minutes stretched by
"I... I hear..." He whispered uncertainly, as if still unsure whether he was dreaming or awake.
"Hear what Subaru-kun?" His voice was nearer now, and Subaru could faintly see a shadow-shape.
"Your tree... the dead... They make a noise like feathers. ...Like sand." Seishirou reached out to brush a finger down his cheek softly. Subaru flinched violently away. "Don't touch me!"
"Do you want me to go away...?" The other man scrutinized him. Subaru couldn't see his intense gaze so much as feel it. He hissed, turning to the side.
"Don't touch me! Don't question me! Don't speak to me!" he growled, eyes closed tightly. Seishirou chuckled slightly.
The sound of quiet footsteps sounded like a heartbeat, and Subaru opened his eyes again, cautiously. Light flooded the room suddenly as the older man drew the muffling curtains open and leaned against the windowsill, turning his to gaze out into the night. Seishirou was outlined in silver, his silhouette now clearly visible.
"...Stay with me." Subaru whispered, and Seishirou turned slowly to look at him. "All the dead voices... they make a noise like wings."
Seishirou stood up gracefully, moving back towards him. "Like leaves." He corrected, sitting down on the bed, letting his hand rest lightly on Subaru's stomach.
Subaru let out a muffled whimper, shaking his head. "Like... ashes."
His hand moved up to slide around Subaru's slim neck. "Like leaves."
Subaru smiled sadly, and his eyes grew distant. "To have lived is not enough for them. They have to talk about it. To be dead is not enough for them. They speak all at once. Each one to itself."
Seishirou closed his lips on Subaru's mouth, desperate to silence his babble, one hand stroking through and clenching the boy's silky hair firmly, the other sliding back to pull him closer.
Subaru sighed, turning his head to the side to break the kiss. "The best thing would be to kill me, like the other."
"What other?" Silence... "What other?" Seishirou persisted, almost urgently, feeling as if the answer might be very important.
"Like billions of others."
Neither of them spoke for a while after that. Seishirou still lay on top of him, and Subaru closed his eyes, listening to the breath that echoed harshly in the silence of the room.
"Say something." Seishirou commanded quietly.
"I'm trying..." Subaru sighed, and then reached out to trail fingers down Seishirou's cheek softly. "...We always find something to give us the impression we exist. Where were you? I thought you were gone forever."
"Did I ever leave you?"
"You let me go." His eyes closed tightly.
Seishirou frowned. He needed to see those eyes. To see... to read Subaru's soul. "Look at me," he whispered between clenched teeth. Roughly he grabbed his chin, jerking it up. "Will you look at me!?" Their eyes locked again as Subaru opened them slowly.
Subaru chuckled, "You see... you feel worse when I'm with you. I feel better alone too."
"Then why do you always come crawling back?"
"I don't know. I felt lonely. I had a dream-"
"Don't tell me." Seishirou snapped irritably.
Subaru persisted, however, breathing deeply, needing to share his story with one who might be able to understand it. "I dreamt that-"
"Don't tell me!" Seishirou's voice was harsh now, mean, with a hint of desperation backing it, as his grip on Subaru began to bruise.
Subaru sighed, turning his face away. "You're merciless."