TITLE: The Sacrifices We Make
AUTHOR: M. Edison
FEEDBACK: Oh yes please! Be gentle though. ;-)
CATEGORY: AU.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Spoilers for TSbyBS
SUMMARY: Jim and Annie take a risk.
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters or concepts of The Sentinel belong to me but Annie
& Jo do
---------------
The Sacrifices We Make
By M. Edison
---------------
Annie's POV:
We're sitting in the truck, neither one of us is saying a word but we're both thinking the same thing.
What the hell did we just do?
The practical side of me is saying you did what is, quite possibly, the dumbest thing you've ever
done. You walked into Chancellor Edward's office and you admitted to her that Sandburg's
dissertation was legit.
Oh God, we're insane.
We've just confessed - to a woman neither of us trust - our deepest secret. Gave her the whole
dog and pony show.
See why my practical side thinks Jim and I have lost our minds?
But that's my practical side. The cop side.
The Sentinel side of me has a *whole* other opinion. She's telling me we did the right thing.
We're protecting Blair. That's the most important thing. And that's why we did it. For Sandburg.
He gave up everything to protect Jim and me. Least we can do is try and get a little of it back
for him.
Of course, Jim and I aren't stupid. We did take precautions. Between his family and my
connections back in Toronto we can make a lot of trouble for Chancellor Edwards. Hell, I can't
even imagine how John will react if she does pull another one of those stupid 'let's use Blair
Sandburg's dissertation to further my career' stunts. He's FBI - and pretty well known FBI at
that. For sure he'd use that Special Agent John Doggett attitude of his, not to mention his
connections, to help out.
Jim's looking at me now. I hate it when he gets that look on his face. John used to give me the
same one. You know the look guys get when they think they've somehow managed to drag you kicking
and screaming into the worst mistake of your life. They're wrong of course. At least with me. If
I'm going to screw something up I do it myself. Rarely can anyone convince me to go along with
one of their stupid mistakes. I've got my own to make, thank you very much.
"We did the right thing," I assure him quietly. "We both know he doesn't completely fit into
our world. There's too much negativity...not enough of the other side of life."
He nods. He's thinking the same thing, I know that, but he just needs to hear it from someone
else. He needs the reassurance that comes with that. "I know," Jim agrees, his head dipping
slightly in a nod. "But he doesn't belong here entirely, either."
"No, he doesn't," I reply. "But a part of him does. And we're going to lose that part of him
unless we can fix this."
We both know that's true. Blair's a strong man. And no, he doesn't fit completely into the
world of academia anymore, but he doesn't fit completely into the world of police work either.
Jim and I've both noticed it and Jo...she's the one who convinced us to do this. Not that she
knows about it.
She made a remark a few months back, when Jim was having more zone outs than usual, that it was
good to have her absentminded professor back. I must have given her this blank look because she
gave me a frustrated glare then explained what she'd meant. That Blair acts differently when
he's trying to solve a puzzle related to the Sentinel stuff. He's more relaxed and gets
absorbed in his work which means all sorts of silly things start to happen. Like looking all over
the loft for the glasses he happens to be wearing. Things like that.
That's when I realized we were losing that side of Blair. Not entirely, but we weren't seeing it
as much as we used to.
You know what I mean, when Blair's so caught up in some problem that he starts doing the silliest
things. To some people it's comical...to us, it's a balm on our wounds. And make no mistake about
that one. Wounds are something we have plenty of. Jim and I, well we have a tendency to put on good
fronts, but the truth is we're damaged goods. Damaged for different reasons but damaged nonetheless.
That's why Blair and Jo are so important to us. We don't depend on them for every hint of
approval. Far from it. We enjoy our independence. But they do play a major part in our lives.
They keep our perspective in place. Keep us focused on what's important. Unless, that is,
something like Sandburg's dissertation happens and our world gets completely blown off track.
We don't talk about that y'know. The mess from the dissertation. Oh, we had a talk about his
relationship with Blair. How to keep from losing that. But we never talked about how it affected
us. Never *really* sat down and talked about it.
Hell, Jim barely acknowledges that we even argued about the dissertation debacle, he absolutely
refuses to acknowledge that it nearly split us up. Put us on opposite sides.
I love him. Don't get me wrong on that one. I love Jim Ellison with everything in me. That has
not changed one iota except to grow, and it will never fade away. That I am sure of. But we do
have differing views of the world.
We're damaged but differently; we have very diverse ways of looking at things. Jim pushes
everyone away and I tend to gather people close. I don't know...maybe it's a part of the
Sentinel thing. Y'know, the male and female thing? Maybe he's supposed to be the protector
while I'm supposed to be the nurturer.
Ironic actually...since most people who know me wouldn't exactly describe me as a nurturer.
According to most, my nickname isn't the Ice Empress because I'm little Miss Mary Sunshine. Most
people say that sometimes I look like I have ice water in my veins.
Who knows. Maybe I do.
But I do know this. Jim and I may have different views on some things but one thing we agree on
is how we deal with Blair and Jo. In the initial heat of things, our points of view differ but
when it all comes down to it...they come first.
We're taking a hell of a risk, we know that, but its one that's worthwhile.
I know some people would say we're overcompensating, trying to make up for the sacrifice. Well,
in some ways we are but it's not because of some guilt-ridden conscience on our part. Yes, we do
feel bad about everything that happened with Blair. Yes, I know Jim probably feels some guilt
for how he reacted during the whole mess, but there's more to this than some Evil Jim/Saint
Blair thing, like some of the cops down at the station think. This is about a friend taking a
risk for another friend.
The guys are human, they make mistakes. But, unlike some, these are guys that try their best to
fix it. Short on words but big on actions. Jim takes in another slow breath. His pulse is still
racing. "What the hell is taking her so long?" He grumbles, glaring at the cellphone between us
as if he can make it ring through sheer willpower. I wish he could. Knowing the chancellor, she's
probably just holding out a little to torture us.
Despite that thought, I smile supportively at him and reach out to take his hand, twining my
fingers with his. "Well, its not exactly an easy thing to figure out. We did drop the mother of
all bombshells into her lap and - to make things worse- we threw in a few conditions to boot. It's
*got* to be killing her not to be able to call the media and tell them."
"We don't know that she won't," Jim says seriously, his eyes locking with mine.
"You're taking one hell of a risk here, Annie."
"No more than you." I sigh and look down at our hands. "We're between a rock and a hard place
Jim. Damned if we do and damned if we don't." I can't help but grin at him. "If we're going to
go down, we might as well plant a nice right hook on the Chancellor's jaw before we do."
That brings a smile to his face. He doesn't like her any more than I do. I bite back a sigh. A
different one this time. I wonder, does Jim have *any* idea what those smiles of his do to me?
I sincerely hope not. Because the minute he does...I'm a goner.
"Tempting thought." He acknowledges and leans over to kiss me.
Oh man...
If his smiles are dangerous, his kisses should be declared a deadly weapon.
How's a woman supposed to worry about things when all her senses want her to do is give in to
those *damn* instincts of ours and jump Jim's bones? Yes we are in public, well sort of, but
with these instincts it's hard to care about that. I swear, sometimes I think my DNA is trying
to tell me there aren't enough Sentinels in the world and Jim and I needed to get in gear and
make a bunch of new ones.
As if we don't have enough trouble *now*!!! Imagine what the city would be like with a bunch of
little Ellisons running around? It'd be a miracle if any buildings were left standing.
Oh don't get me wrong, I *love* kids, and it would be great to have a few of my own. And Jim
Ellison is definitely excellent Daddy material but...well we're both quite happy with the
arrangements we have now. It's hard to define, but for us, that's good. We both know where the
other stands...one of these days we might decide to make things a bit more official but hey, it
works for Kurt & Goldie right? Y'know, those actors?
He pulls away and bumps noses with me. "I'm glad you're here though..."
"I'm glad I'm here too," I smile, just resting my forehead against his.
"Whatever happens, we'll come out of it all right. We always do."
"Sandburg's doing," Jim counters with a chuckle. "He's learned how to BS his way out of anything."
"And what he can't BS, you can usually intimidate." I grin wryly at him. "All in all, it's a
good arrangement."
"Good? The Jury's still out on that one. But it does seem to work for us." Jim gives me a mirror
of my own grin. "But when it doesn't, we've got you and Jo to smack some sense into us."
"Naw...that's Simon's job. We're just the muscle."
Jim laughs at that. "Hired muscle, huh? Not exactly a job I'd peg Jo for."
"Have you seen her at work?" I look at him with a mock-incredulous expression on my face,
grateful for the chance to distract him. "She's like the Dragon lady or something."
"Or something," He counters with a smirk.
Shaking my head at him, I lean back against the passenger side window. "Fine, next time you get
the flu, she can come nursemaid you. Then you'll see what I mean." Watching him, I suppress a
grin at the look of feigned, well, partially feigned, horror he gives me.
At least he's playing along.
Jim's POV:
I know what she's doing. Annie's a good actress sometimes, but she's not so good that she can
fool me. Not that she's really trying. We both know what's going on here.
We're each trying to keep the other from thinking about the 'what ifs'. What if the Chancellor
defies our warnings and goes public with our confessions. Sure it'd be her word against ours but
with Blair's dissertation...she'd have more ammo than we would to back up her story.
We did take a hell of a risk doing this. And I can't believe Annie went along with it. I
honestly didn't think she would. All right, maybe I had my suspicions. She is that type of
person. I've seen her do it before. Push limits, ignore orders, take crazy risks, all for
friends. She's done it a few times for Doggett, too. I've heard Jo's stories.
Sometimes I wonder why the hell she's here with me...We didn't exactly hit it off when she first
came to town. Yet she stuck it out here in Cascade. Didn't get on the phone and scream at Toronto
to move her to D.C.
Some people would say she probably did that back at the Brewery but I know better. Annie came
here to do a job, and hostile working environment or no, she was damn well going to do it - no
matter how hard a time I gave her. And make no mistake, I did give her a hard time. I don't know
if my instincts were still raw over the Alex thing or I was just going through the same reactions
I did with her because Annie was invading my turf. And unlike Alex, she was there legitimately.
There was no reason for her to go. No real one. She wasn't a logical threat.
I've got to give her credit for that. I gave her the usual Hostile Ellison - but to the tenth
degree - and she didn't back down. Just dug in her heels and kept on going. Bullheaded lady, my
Annie.
Course, she wasn't *mine* then. Well, maybe she was. In some ways. I'd never admit that to anyone,
mind you. But, if Blair's right, it maybe took a few days to stamp "Property of Jim Ellison" on
her forehead. Not literally, of course, but figuratively.
It sounds totally Alpha of me, or something, but it's true. Annie's not my *property* literally
but I do have a tendency to get territorial - much to Sandburg's amusement.
Sometimes I think he keeps us around for the sheer laugh factor. We can be pretty hilarious
sometimes. Hell, most of the time. Especially when we get into one of those head-butting
sessions of ours.
Like Jo says, 'stick two Alpha types in a room together and leave 'em alone long enough, the
results are usually either catastrophic or damn funny'. We've had both. Recently, too.
Catastrophic during the dissertation mess, and funny when we finally put everything behind us.
Well, most everything anyway.
We're still waiting to put the last bit behind us. Which is why I'm so damn fidgety! If that
woman doesn't call soon I'm gonna lose it.
"We can hardly expect her to make up her mind in an hour," Annie notes calmly, dropping the
'joking'.
"Yeah we can," I growl back. "She owes us for the hell we went through."
That tone would make some people more than a little nervous but Annie, as usual, is unperturbed.
She's survived me in worse moods than this. Hell, she's *put* me in worse moods than this. She
just looks back at me with those calm eyes of hers and nods. "Yes, she does. But we both know
she'll never let on about that."
"True," I acknowledge then give her a hopeful look. "Can we beat it out of her?"
"I think Simon might get a wee bit annoyed with us if we do that." Annie grins back. "Though
he'd probably be behind us, secretly of course."
"Of course," I agree. "And there'd probably be a ton of paperwork..."
"Not to mention IA poking their noses into it."
"And Sandburg and the Half Pint would probably be pissed," I add with a grin.
Laughing, Annie nods at me. "They would be. Can you imagine the lectures?"
I wince visibly and she laughs harder.
"I see you can imagine it..."
"Imagine it?" I give her a mock-glare. "More like remembering a few others they've given us."
Annie mock-shudders. "Oh God no, don't ask me to think about *that*. It's bad enough when Jo
makes me sit through one."
"Or when they double team us -when they decide they don't want to repeat the same lecture."
We're trying to distract each other again. We can't help ourselves...it's probably a Sentinel
thing. We need to protect each other as much as we need to protect everyone else. Which is good.
We're so damned cavalier when it comes to our own safety...we need somebody around to keep us
from getting ourselves killed.
Blair likes to joke that we either have a serious secret desire to be martyrs to some cause only
we know about, or we're serious adrenaline junkies. I usually just shrug at him with a grin on
my face while Annie says, 'A little adrenaline never hurt anybody.'
Naturally Blair always shoots back with, 'you two don't know the meaning of the word *little*.
You guys go for the big doses.' I don't know if we're really adrenaline junkies or not. I don't
think we are. We certainly don't go looking for trouble, well most of the time anyway, but it
does have a bad habit of finding us.
In fact, if our luck holds, we'll probably get hit with more of it soon. It's been too quiet
lately - our luck has to run out sooner or later. Maybe a nice hostage situation or something.
This University has been at the center of trouble for us before: shootings, a rogue CIA agent,
a crazy Sentinel, and a Chancellor with dreams of grandeur.
Speaking of whom, I wish she'd hurry up and call!!! What's there to decide? Yes, I'll see to it
that Mr. Sandburg receives his doctorate or no, go to hell, the kid's career is toast no matter
what you do.
I don't know what we'll do if she says no. We didn't tell anyone what we were going to do so it's
not like he'll be disappointed. In fact, the kid would freak if he knew what we've just done.
Even if she does go for it, he'll probably freak anyway. It's funny, sometimes, how Blair thinks.
He won't hesitate to put himself out there for one of his friends, me especially, but when we try
to do the same thing for him he has a coronary. I thought I was supposed to be the one with the
overactive protective thing going on.
I remember, after I saved his life during the Lash thing, he called me his Blessed Protector,
something out of Chinese Mythology. That I'm supposed to have responsibility for him. He's never
mentioned it since, though he's given me a few other good lectures along those lines a dozen
different times.
Well, if that's how I managed to become his Blessed Protector than by those standards he's mine
a dozen times over. He does things to help me and he doesn't even hesitate. Just does what he
has to do.
I think Annie knows the way I'm thinking now but, thankfully, she doesn't say anything. She knows
how I think and how I...well, I don't do well talking about emotional stuff. I don't really blame
my father for that. Not really. But I do know he's one reason. Men aren't supposed to be emotional.
We don't *share* our feelings. At least, that's what his generation learned, and what they passed
on to ours.
I understand that. And I'm glad Annie does, too. She only pushes me to talk when she thinks I
*really* need it. And, funny thing is, she's usually right. Sentinel thing I guess. We understand
each other.
"Maybe we should take a walk or something," Annie suggests. "Just sitting here is going to drive
us crazy."
"You mean we're not already?" I ask, with an expression of feigned shock, and she laughs.
"Well, not entirely." She tilts her head, which makes her hair fall around her face, and gives
me that *look*. Oh come on, you know the one I mean. The little girl 'oh please, please, please!'
expression. She knows full well I can't resist her when she gives me that look.
There are a few looks she has I can't resist, but if I start thinking about those, the only
thing I'm going to want to do is take her home, tell Sandburg that Jo's at the Brewery alone,
and retire to my bed for the evening. Hell, the next day, too, if we could con Simon into letting
us have the day off.
Smiling a little, I release her hand and put the cellphone into my jacket pocket. "A little
fresh air'd be good right about now," I agree. "Walk along the harbor front? Or around the
University?"
"Here's good." Annie smiles, looking out the window. "Love the landscaping they've done here."
She gives me a devilishly mischievous look. "Maybe we can stop and smell the flowers."
"Sandburg's recruited you to finagle me into tests hasn't he?" I grouse good-naturedly as I
open the truck door.
"Not lately," She counters with a chuckle. Moving around the truck she falls into step with me
and I can't help draping an arm around her shoulders.
God, she smells good. And I don't mean her perfume either, though that's nice. She always picks
scents that aren't too hard on a Sentinel's nose. Doesn't bathe in the stuff either. I swear, I
dread going down to Forensics these days.
Cassie's got some new perfume that smells like they dropped a skunk into it right before bottling.
No, Annie's different. Her own personal smell. Natural stuff. The scent of her skin intermingled
with that berry soap she likes. And the faint scent of her shampoo doesn't clash, either.
Sometimes I almost wish I could sit some of the women in the station down and explain how hard
it is on my sense of smell. They don't realize how many scents they wear. Deodorant, shampoo,
perfume, lotion, powder, hell even their mouthwash. And when all of that comes together...it
can get pretty overpowering.
She was right, though, sitting in the truck was starting to get a bit closed in. She must have
been feeling it, too. Either that or she reads me as well as I read her. Maybe better. Women
always seem to be good at that kind of thing.
Annie sighs and moves a bit closer. "I wish we could have this forever."
"What?" I prompt, wondering where her mind's gone this time.
"This..." She waves a hand to indicate our surroundings. "It's so quiet here, nice, it's perfect."
Her words get me to look at where we are. *Really* look.
She's right. It is quiet here. Calm. Most of the kids are in class, and the ones that aren't
are lazing around the campus, books in their laps or before them, and they're not talking. Some
are even asleep.
The birds even seem to be in more restful a mood than usual. Only the odd chirp punctuates the air.
"You're right," I agree with a smile. "This is perfect."
This is what we needed. A chance to get our minds off our big gamble and on to the world around
us. We get so caught up with the big picture, sometimes, that we forget the smaller things. With
these senses of ours, Annie and I have a unique view of the world and we don't take advantage of
that enough. How many times have we truly done this? Just taken a chance to put these senses of
ours to work on savouring our surroundings?
Not enough. Not nearly enough.
"We should have a picnic or something," Annie suggests. "Go get Blair and Jo, grab some food
and take off to one of the parks for the afternoon. Play a little football, hang out. Relax.
Heaven knows we could use it." We could, too. Between stressing out over whether or not to
speak to the Chancellor and our respective caseloads...It's gotten pretty chaotic lately.
"We should." I nod. "Whether or not this works, we should go. Just relax and forget about the
rest of the world for once. Sandburg's always saying we put way too much on ourselves. Maybe we
should listen to him for a change and just enjoy the time. It's been too long since we got away
for an afternoon, just the four of us."
"Definitely too long," She agrees with me. "Though we should plan something for the entire gang.
We haven't had a real Major Crime get together since Christmas."
"A barbecue or something." I grin at the thought and my stomach agrees with me heartily. "We
did say we'd hold one as soon as the weather got warm enough."
Annie looks around and then smiles at me. "I'd say its definitely warm enough."
"You promise to make the desserts?" I wheedle, my tastebuds reminding me how good Annie is at making
lemon pie. Hell, she's terrific at most desserts. Her chocolate mousse is enough to put a guy
into a serious zone out.
She laughs and nods. "Whatever you guys want."
The expression on my face brings another burst of laughter but I don't care. Well, yes I do, but
it's a good kind of caring. Her laughter always makes me want to laugh, too. Its always been
that way - well, since we figured out she was another Sentinel. "Thank you." I grin as I speak.
Blair'll probably have a fit at how much of it I'll put away. He always does when I'm eating
Annie's cooking. 'Good things in moderation,' he always argues. Me, I always say if you're
going to go, go happy. And eating dessert never fails to make a man happy.
"We'll have to see when the others are available," Annie muses. "Make sure everybody can get
there."
"Yeah, but we'll worry about that later." I shift the subject back to our earlier plans. "About
that picnic..."
She starts to smile back at me but the smile vanishes when a sound intrudes into our c
onversation.
My cellphone's ringing.
Feeling my own good humor starting to vanish, I pull it out and flick down the speaker. "Ellison..."
Annie doesn't need to overhear to know who it is. The expression on my face tells her that.
The Chancellor.
Sucking in a slow breath, I speak in a measured tone.
"We've been waiting on your call."
Then we have our answer.
Finis
AUTHOR: M. Edison
FEEDBACK: Oh yes please! Be gentle though. ;-)
CATEGORY: AU.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Spoilers for TSbyBS
SUMMARY: Jim and Annie take a risk.
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters or concepts of The Sentinel belong to me but Annie
& Jo do
---------------
The Sacrifices We Make
By M. Edison
---------------
Annie's POV:
We're sitting in the truck, neither one of us is saying a word but we're both thinking the same thing.
What the hell did we just do?
The practical side of me is saying you did what is, quite possibly, the dumbest thing you've ever
done. You walked into Chancellor Edward's office and you admitted to her that Sandburg's
dissertation was legit.
Oh God, we're insane.
We've just confessed - to a woman neither of us trust - our deepest secret. Gave her the whole
dog and pony show.
See why my practical side thinks Jim and I have lost our minds?
But that's my practical side. The cop side.
The Sentinel side of me has a *whole* other opinion. She's telling me we did the right thing.
We're protecting Blair. That's the most important thing. And that's why we did it. For Sandburg.
He gave up everything to protect Jim and me. Least we can do is try and get a little of it back
for him.
Of course, Jim and I aren't stupid. We did take precautions. Between his family and my
connections back in Toronto we can make a lot of trouble for Chancellor Edwards. Hell, I can't
even imagine how John will react if she does pull another one of those stupid 'let's use Blair
Sandburg's dissertation to further my career' stunts. He's FBI - and pretty well known FBI at
that. For sure he'd use that Special Agent John Doggett attitude of his, not to mention his
connections, to help out.
Jim's looking at me now. I hate it when he gets that look on his face. John used to give me the
same one. You know the look guys get when they think they've somehow managed to drag you kicking
and screaming into the worst mistake of your life. They're wrong of course. At least with me. If
I'm going to screw something up I do it myself. Rarely can anyone convince me to go along with
one of their stupid mistakes. I've got my own to make, thank you very much.
"We did the right thing," I assure him quietly. "We both know he doesn't completely fit into
our world. There's too much negativity...not enough of the other side of life."
He nods. He's thinking the same thing, I know that, but he just needs to hear it from someone
else. He needs the reassurance that comes with that. "I know," Jim agrees, his head dipping
slightly in a nod. "But he doesn't belong here entirely, either."
"No, he doesn't," I reply. "But a part of him does. And we're going to lose that part of him
unless we can fix this."
We both know that's true. Blair's a strong man. And no, he doesn't fit completely into the
world of academia anymore, but he doesn't fit completely into the world of police work either.
Jim and I've both noticed it and Jo...she's the one who convinced us to do this. Not that she
knows about it.
She made a remark a few months back, when Jim was having more zone outs than usual, that it was
good to have her absentminded professor back. I must have given her this blank look because she
gave me a frustrated glare then explained what she'd meant. That Blair acts differently when
he's trying to solve a puzzle related to the Sentinel stuff. He's more relaxed and gets
absorbed in his work which means all sorts of silly things start to happen. Like looking all over
the loft for the glasses he happens to be wearing. Things like that.
That's when I realized we were losing that side of Blair. Not entirely, but we weren't seeing it
as much as we used to.
You know what I mean, when Blair's so caught up in some problem that he starts doing the silliest
things. To some people it's comical...to us, it's a balm on our wounds. And make no mistake about
that one. Wounds are something we have plenty of. Jim and I, well we have a tendency to put on good
fronts, but the truth is we're damaged goods. Damaged for different reasons but damaged nonetheless.
That's why Blair and Jo are so important to us. We don't depend on them for every hint of
approval. Far from it. We enjoy our independence. But they do play a major part in our lives.
They keep our perspective in place. Keep us focused on what's important. Unless, that is,
something like Sandburg's dissertation happens and our world gets completely blown off track.
We don't talk about that y'know. The mess from the dissertation. Oh, we had a talk about his
relationship with Blair. How to keep from losing that. But we never talked about how it affected
us. Never *really* sat down and talked about it.
Hell, Jim barely acknowledges that we even argued about the dissertation debacle, he absolutely
refuses to acknowledge that it nearly split us up. Put us on opposite sides.
I love him. Don't get me wrong on that one. I love Jim Ellison with everything in me. That has
not changed one iota except to grow, and it will never fade away. That I am sure of. But we do
have differing views of the world.
We're damaged but differently; we have very diverse ways of looking at things. Jim pushes
everyone away and I tend to gather people close. I don't know...maybe it's a part of the
Sentinel thing. Y'know, the male and female thing? Maybe he's supposed to be the protector
while I'm supposed to be the nurturer.
Ironic actually...since most people who know me wouldn't exactly describe me as a nurturer.
According to most, my nickname isn't the Ice Empress because I'm little Miss Mary Sunshine. Most
people say that sometimes I look like I have ice water in my veins.
Who knows. Maybe I do.
But I do know this. Jim and I may have different views on some things but one thing we agree on
is how we deal with Blair and Jo. In the initial heat of things, our points of view differ but
when it all comes down to it...they come first.
We're taking a hell of a risk, we know that, but its one that's worthwhile.
I know some people would say we're overcompensating, trying to make up for the sacrifice. Well,
in some ways we are but it's not because of some guilt-ridden conscience on our part. Yes, we do
feel bad about everything that happened with Blair. Yes, I know Jim probably feels some guilt
for how he reacted during the whole mess, but there's more to this than some Evil Jim/Saint
Blair thing, like some of the cops down at the station think. This is about a friend taking a
risk for another friend.
The guys are human, they make mistakes. But, unlike some, these are guys that try their best to
fix it. Short on words but big on actions. Jim takes in another slow breath. His pulse is still
racing. "What the hell is taking her so long?" He grumbles, glaring at the cellphone between us
as if he can make it ring through sheer willpower. I wish he could. Knowing the chancellor, she's
probably just holding out a little to torture us.
Despite that thought, I smile supportively at him and reach out to take his hand, twining my
fingers with his. "Well, its not exactly an easy thing to figure out. We did drop the mother of
all bombshells into her lap and - to make things worse- we threw in a few conditions to boot. It's
*got* to be killing her not to be able to call the media and tell them."
"We don't know that she won't," Jim says seriously, his eyes locking with mine.
"You're taking one hell of a risk here, Annie."
"No more than you." I sigh and look down at our hands. "We're between a rock and a hard place
Jim. Damned if we do and damned if we don't." I can't help but grin at him. "If we're going to
go down, we might as well plant a nice right hook on the Chancellor's jaw before we do."
That brings a smile to his face. He doesn't like her any more than I do. I bite back a sigh. A
different one this time. I wonder, does Jim have *any* idea what those smiles of his do to me?
I sincerely hope not. Because the minute he does...I'm a goner.
"Tempting thought." He acknowledges and leans over to kiss me.
Oh man...
If his smiles are dangerous, his kisses should be declared a deadly weapon.
How's a woman supposed to worry about things when all her senses want her to do is give in to
those *damn* instincts of ours and jump Jim's bones? Yes we are in public, well sort of, but
with these instincts it's hard to care about that. I swear, sometimes I think my DNA is trying
to tell me there aren't enough Sentinels in the world and Jim and I needed to get in gear and
make a bunch of new ones.
As if we don't have enough trouble *now*!!! Imagine what the city would be like with a bunch of
little Ellisons running around? It'd be a miracle if any buildings were left standing.
Oh don't get me wrong, I *love* kids, and it would be great to have a few of my own. And Jim
Ellison is definitely excellent Daddy material but...well we're both quite happy with the
arrangements we have now. It's hard to define, but for us, that's good. We both know where the
other stands...one of these days we might decide to make things a bit more official but hey, it
works for Kurt & Goldie right? Y'know, those actors?
He pulls away and bumps noses with me. "I'm glad you're here though..."
"I'm glad I'm here too," I smile, just resting my forehead against his.
"Whatever happens, we'll come out of it all right. We always do."
"Sandburg's doing," Jim counters with a chuckle. "He's learned how to BS his way out of anything."
"And what he can't BS, you can usually intimidate." I grin wryly at him. "All in all, it's a
good arrangement."
"Good? The Jury's still out on that one. But it does seem to work for us." Jim gives me a mirror
of my own grin. "But when it doesn't, we've got you and Jo to smack some sense into us."
"Naw...that's Simon's job. We're just the muscle."
Jim laughs at that. "Hired muscle, huh? Not exactly a job I'd peg Jo for."
"Have you seen her at work?" I look at him with a mock-incredulous expression on my face,
grateful for the chance to distract him. "She's like the Dragon lady or something."
"Or something," He counters with a smirk.
Shaking my head at him, I lean back against the passenger side window. "Fine, next time you get
the flu, she can come nursemaid you. Then you'll see what I mean." Watching him, I suppress a
grin at the look of feigned, well, partially feigned, horror he gives me.
At least he's playing along.
Jim's POV:
I know what she's doing. Annie's a good actress sometimes, but she's not so good that she can
fool me. Not that she's really trying. We both know what's going on here.
We're each trying to keep the other from thinking about the 'what ifs'. What if the Chancellor
defies our warnings and goes public with our confessions. Sure it'd be her word against ours but
with Blair's dissertation...she'd have more ammo than we would to back up her story.
We did take a hell of a risk doing this. And I can't believe Annie went along with it. I
honestly didn't think she would. All right, maybe I had my suspicions. She is that type of
person. I've seen her do it before. Push limits, ignore orders, take crazy risks, all for
friends. She's done it a few times for Doggett, too. I've heard Jo's stories.
Sometimes I wonder why the hell she's here with me...We didn't exactly hit it off when she first
came to town. Yet she stuck it out here in Cascade. Didn't get on the phone and scream at Toronto
to move her to D.C.
Some people would say she probably did that back at the Brewery but I know better. Annie came
here to do a job, and hostile working environment or no, she was damn well going to do it - no
matter how hard a time I gave her. And make no mistake, I did give her a hard time. I don't know
if my instincts were still raw over the Alex thing or I was just going through the same reactions
I did with her because Annie was invading my turf. And unlike Alex, she was there legitimately.
There was no reason for her to go. No real one. She wasn't a logical threat.
I've got to give her credit for that. I gave her the usual Hostile Ellison - but to the tenth
degree - and she didn't back down. Just dug in her heels and kept on going. Bullheaded lady, my
Annie.
Course, she wasn't *mine* then. Well, maybe she was. In some ways. I'd never admit that to anyone,
mind you. But, if Blair's right, it maybe took a few days to stamp "Property of Jim Ellison" on
her forehead. Not literally, of course, but figuratively.
It sounds totally Alpha of me, or something, but it's true. Annie's not my *property* literally
but I do have a tendency to get territorial - much to Sandburg's amusement.
Sometimes I think he keeps us around for the sheer laugh factor. We can be pretty hilarious
sometimes. Hell, most of the time. Especially when we get into one of those head-butting
sessions of ours.
Like Jo says, 'stick two Alpha types in a room together and leave 'em alone long enough, the
results are usually either catastrophic or damn funny'. We've had both. Recently, too.
Catastrophic during the dissertation mess, and funny when we finally put everything behind us.
Well, most everything anyway.
We're still waiting to put the last bit behind us. Which is why I'm so damn fidgety! If that
woman doesn't call soon I'm gonna lose it.
"We can hardly expect her to make up her mind in an hour," Annie notes calmly, dropping the
'joking'.
"Yeah we can," I growl back. "She owes us for the hell we went through."
That tone would make some people more than a little nervous but Annie, as usual, is unperturbed.
She's survived me in worse moods than this. Hell, she's *put* me in worse moods than this. She
just looks back at me with those calm eyes of hers and nods. "Yes, she does. But we both know
she'll never let on about that."
"True," I acknowledge then give her a hopeful look. "Can we beat it out of her?"
"I think Simon might get a wee bit annoyed with us if we do that." Annie grins back. "Though
he'd probably be behind us, secretly of course."
"Of course," I agree. "And there'd probably be a ton of paperwork..."
"Not to mention IA poking their noses into it."
"And Sandburg and the Half Pint would probably be pissed," I add with a grin.
Laughing, Annie nods at me. "They would be. Can you imagine the lectures?"
I wince visibly and she laughs harder.
"I see you can imagine it..."
"Imagine it?" I give her a mock-glare. "More like remembering a few others they've given us."
Annie mock-shudders. "Oh God no, don't ask me to think about *that*. It's bad enough when Jo
makes me sit through one."
"Or when they double team us -when they decide they don't want to repeat the same lecture."
We're trying to distract each other again. We can't help ourselves...it's probably a Sentinel
thing. We need to protect each other as much as we need to protect everyone else. Which is good.
We're so damned cavalier when it comes to our own safety...we need somebody around to keep us
from getting ourselves killed.
Blair likes to joke that we either have a serious secret desire to be martyrs to some cause only
we know about, or we're serious adrenaline junkies. I usually just shrug at him with a grin on
my face while Annie says, 'A little adrenaline never hurt anybody.'
Naturally Blair always shoots back with, 'you two don't know the meaning of the word *little*.
You guys go for the big doses.' I don't know if we're really adrenaline junkies or not. I don't
think we are. We certainly don't go looking for trouble, well most of the time anyway, but it
does have a bad habit of finding us.
In fact, if our luck holds, we'll probably get hit with more of it soon. It's been too quiet
lately - our luck has to run out sooner or later. Maybe a nice hostage situation or something.
This University has been at the center of trouble for us before: shootings, a rogue CIA agent,
a crazy Sentinel, and a Chancellor with dreams of grandeur.
Speaking of whom, I wish she'd hurry up and call!!! What's there to decide? Yes, I'll see to it
that Mr. Sandburg receives his doctorate or no, go to hell, the kid's career is toast no matter
what you do.
I don't know what we'll do if she says no. We didn't tell anyone what we were going to do so it's
not like he'll be disappointed. In fact, the kid would freak if he knew what we've just done.
Even if she does go for it, he'll probably freak anyway. It's funny, sometimes, how Blair thinks.
He won't hesitate to put himself out there for one of his friends, me especially, but when we try
to do the same thing for him he has a coronary. I thought I was supposed to be the one with the
overactive protective thing going on.
I remember, after I saved his life during the Lash thing, he called me his Blessed Protector,
something out of Chinese Mythology. That I'm supposed to have responsibility for him. He's never
mentioned it since, though he's given me a few other good lectures along those lines a dozen
different times.
Well, if that's how I managed to become his Blessed Protector than by those standards he's mine
a dozen times over. He does things to help me and he doesn't even hesitate. Just does what he
has to do.
I think Annie knows the way I'm thinking now but, thankfully, she doesn't say anything. She knows
how I think and how I...well, I don't do well talking about emotional stuff. I don't really blame
my father for that. Not really. But I do know he's one reason. Men aren't supposed to be emotional.
We don't *share* our feelings. At least, that's what his generation learned, and what they passed
on to ours.
I understand that. And I'm glad Annie does, too. She only pushes me to talk when she thinks I
*really* need it. And, funny thing is, she's usually right. Sentinel thing I guess. We understand
each other.
"Maybe we should take a walk or something," Annie suggests. "Just sitting here is going to drive
us crazy."
"You mean we're not already?" I ask, with an expression of feigned shock, and she laughs.
"Well, not entirely." She tilts her head, which makes her hair fall around her face, and gives
me that *look*. Oh come on, you know the one I mean. The little girl 'oh please, please, please!'
expression. She knows full well I can't resist her when she gives me that look.
There are a few looks she has I can't resist, but if I start thinking about those, the only
thing I'm going to want to do is take her home, tell Sandburg that Jo's at the Brewery alone,
and retire to my bed for the evening. Hell, the next day, too, if we could con Simon into letting
us have the day off.
Smiling a little, I release her hand and put the cellphone into my jacket pocket. "A little
fresh air'd be good right about now," I agree. "Walk along the harbor front? Or around the
University?"
"Here's good." Annie smiles, looking out the window. "Love the landscaping they've done here."
She gives me a devilishly mischievous look. "Maybe we can stop and smell the flowers."
"Sandburg's recruited you to finagle me into tests hasn't he?" I grouse good-naturedly as I
open the truck door.
"Not lately," She counters with a chuckle. Moving around the truck she falls into step with me
and I can't help draping an arm around her shoulders.
God, she smells good. And I don't mean her perfume either, though that's nice. She always picks
scents that aren't too hard on a Sentinel's nose. Doesn't bathe in the stuff either. I swear, I
dread going down to Forensics these days.
Cassie's got some new perfume that smells like they dropped a skunk into it right before bottling.
No, Annie's different. Her own personal smell. Natural stuff. The scent of her skin intermingled
with that berry soap she likes. And the faint scent of her shampoo doesn't clash, either.
Sometimes I almost wish I could sit some of the women in the station down and explain how hard
it is on my sense of smell. They don't realize how many scents they wear. Deodorant, shampoo,
perfume, lotion, powder, hell even their mouthwash. And when all of that comes together...it
can get pretty overpowering.
She was right, though, sitting in the truck was starting to get a bit closed in. She must have
been feeling it, too. Either that or she reads me as well as I read her. Maybe better. Women
always seem to be good at that kind of thing.
Annie sighs and moves a bit closer. "I wish we could have this forever."
"What?" I prompt, wondering where her mind's gone this time.
"This..." She waves a hand to indicate our surroundings. "It's so quiet here, nice, it's perfect."
Her words get me to look at where we are. *Really* look.
She's right. It is quiet here. Calm. Most of the kids are in class, and the ones that aren't
are lazing around the campus, books in their laps or before them, and they're not talking. Some
are even asleep.
The birds even seem to be in more restful a mood than usual. Only the odd chirp punctuates the air.
"You're right," I agree with a smile. "This is perfect."
This is what we needed. A chance to get our minds off our big gamble and on to the world around
us. We get so caught up with the big picture, sometimes, that we forget the smaller things. With
these senses of ours, Annie and I have a unique view of the world and we don't take advantage of
that enough. How many times have we truly done this? Just taken a chance to put these senses of
ours to work on savouring our surroundings?
Not enough. Not nearly enough.
"We should have a picnic or something," Annie suggests. "Go get Blair and Jo, grab some food
and take off to one of the parks for the afternoon. Play a little football, hang out. Relax.
Heaven knows we could use it." We could, too. Between stressing out over whether or not to
speak to the Chancellor and our respective caseloads...It's gotten pretty chaotic lately.
"We should." I nod. "Whether or not this works, we should go. Just relax and forget about the
rest of the world for once. Sandburg's always saying we put way too much on ourselves. Maybe we
should listen to him for a change and just enjoy the time. It's been too long since we got away
for an afternoon, just the four of us."
"Definitely too long," She agrees with me. "Though we should plan something for the entire gang.
We haven't had a real Major Crime get together since Christmas."
"A barbecue or something." I grin at the thought and my stomach agrees with me heartily. "We
did say we'd hold one as soon as the weather got warm enough."
Annie looks around and then smiles at me. "I'd say its definitely warm enough."
"You promise to make the desserts?" I wheedle, my tastebuds reminding me how good Annie is at making
lemon pie. Hell, she's terrific at most desserts. Her chocolate mousse is enough to put a guy
into a serious zone out.
She laughs and nods. "Whatever you guys want."
The expression on my face brings another burst of laughter but I don't care. Well, yes I do, but
it's a good kind of caring. Her laughter always makes me want to laugh, too. Its always been
that way - well, since we figured out she was another Sentinel. "Thank you." I grin as I speak.
Blair'll probably have a fit at how much of it I'll put away. He always does when I'm eating
Annie's cooking. 'Good things in moderation,' he always argues. Me, I always say if you're
going to go, go happy. And eating dessert never fails to make a man happy.
"We'll have to see when the others are available," Annie muses. "Make sure everybody can get
there."
"Yeah, but we'll worry about that later." I shift the subject back to our earlier plans. "About
that picnic..."
She starts to smile back at me but the smile vanishes when a sound intrudes into our c
onversation.
My cellphone's ringing.
Feeling my own good humor starting to vanish, I pull it out and flick down the speaker. "Ellison..."
Annie doesn't need to overhear to know who it is. The expression on my face tells her that.
The Chancellor.
Sucking in a slow breath, I speak in a measured tone.
"We've been waiting on your call."
Then we have our answer.
Finis