I'm Going To Eat You, Little Fishie

by bethamphetamine

The Boyz from the Dwarf crash to Earth and come across Monkey, Pigsy, Sandy and Tripitaka on their holy quest in my first attempt at on-line fan fiction. Have a read and let me know what you thought!

1. Boyz In The Bug

"Engaging reheat," said the Cat, flicking the appropriate toggle switches.

"And we are . . . go!" exclaimed Lister as Starbug moved out of Loading Bay 21, avoiding all doors, walls and other stationary objects to hurtle out of the bulbous monstrosity that was Red Dwarf and into deep space.

"Gentlemen, humour me. What exactly is this expedition in aid of?" Rimmer asked, still grumpy after Holly denied his request for a hologramatic version of Inflatable Ingrid.

"Hol says there's some kind of whirly spacy thing around the area," Lister replied. "And knowing our luck with whirly spacy things, it may be something interesting. I'm tired of Junior Angler."

"It could also be a smeggy great waste of time," Rimmer retorted. "Ask him to re-check the radar. It was probably another of Lister's congealed sneezes on the screen."

"Mr Rimmer sir, there is definitely something out there," Kryten interjected from the navi-comp, punching away at the keyboard, and occasionally buffing a key with a soft cloth. "From what I can see it appears to be - well, a whirly spacy thing, sir."

"There's definitely something there," the Car remarked. "My nostril hairs are quivering faster than a fat woman's ass on a Treadmill."

"Oh great," Rimmer sighed. "Whirly spacy thing, here we come."

"And there she is," remarked Lister. Sure enough, a mere few clicks away, was a soft shimmery type glitch in the smooth void of space, which could only be described as a whirly spacy thing.

"Well, now what?" asked Rimmer. "Just dive right in, I suppose."

"Orright, lads?" Holly's pixelised image appeared on the cockpit's vid-screen. "Ah, there's that whirly spacy thing I was talking about. Pretty, innit?"

"What do you suggest we do, Hol?" asked Lister.

"Just dive right in, I suppose," said Holly. "Can't be any worse that any of the other smeg we've come across."

"Sirs, I agree with Holly," said Kryten. "Statistics of our previous encounters with space phenomena show the odds to be remarkably in our favour of encountering something useful or at the very least, interesting."

"Quick census," said Rimmer, making counting gestures with his hands "Hmm, interesting results. Sane persons, 1. Complete smegging nutters, 3."

"Oh, come on Rimmer, we're going in, alright?" said Lister. "Let's go, Cat."

"Alriiiggghhht!" said the Cat, firing the thrusters and sending Starbug shooting in the direction of the whirly spacy thing.