author's note; death of origninal character...
THE PROMISE,
written by Whipper
"There's no hope?"
I guess the silence should be answer enough but I whisper the question again, not wanting the others to overhear;
"No hope?"
"No."
I know that he's telling me the truth. I guess, in a way, I knew what his answer would be even before I asked him the question. One of my men is going to die. Of course I knew it would happen. It was bound to. I just never figurered it would be him.
From the first day I have been afraid that the first to die would be JD. He is so young. His death would hurt us all so much. God only knows how it would affect Buck. He loves that boy as a brother.
My first guess would have been Josiah though. He's an old man after all. He's a little bit slower, a little bit more tired than the rest of us. His death would cause us pain as well. Not the same as with JD, it always hurt more when they die young, but still. He's a good companion and he would be missed.
What I fear most have always been that Vin or Buck will die. Losing Vin would be like losing the remains of my soul. Not having him by my side would most probably kill me. It's the same with Buck. He's my... connection to Sarah and Adam. His prescens reminds me of a time that I was able to love. Without him I would lose whatever is left of Chris Larabee, the friend and husband. Left would only be Chris Larabee, the gunslinger and killer.
For some reason I have never feared for Nathan and Ezra. They are both surviors, much more alike than they will ever understand. Nathan escaped slavery, he ran from his owner even though he knew that capture would mean death. But he did more than just escape, he also managed to become a free man. Which, I think, is more difficult than one can ever imagine. He knew very little about the free man's world, yet he managed to become a part of it. Ezra has also escaped. I don't know what it was that chased him this far west or what it was that made him decide to stay here. Perhaps it was memories from his past, perhaps something else entierly... But what I do know is that he's changed. Just as Nathan. He, too, has become a part of a world he knew almost nothing about. A world filled with friendship and trust.
I was wrong not to worry about them. I realize that. They are both in great pain right now. Ezra because every breath he takes hurts beyond imaginening. Nathan because he cannot help him.
"Leave."
"What?"
"I said, leave. Me and Ezra needs to have a little talk."
Vin is the first to understand. He walks up to Ezra and even though I can see his lips moving I cannot hear the words. Maybe it's just as well. It's between the two of them. Just like what I am about to say to Ezra is just between the two of us.
"Buck, take JD with you to the jail. You gotta keep an eye on Smith. Josiah, you go with them."
JD doesn't understand but I know Buck will explain it to him later. Josiah, standing close to the door, smiles a little at me. His eyes are filled with sadness and pain.
" Just give me a minute to say a little something to brother Ezra before I go."
"Hurry."
As Josiah sits down beside Ezra I turn around to face Nathan. His eyes, too, are filled with sadness and pain. He's looking really tired and I wish there was something I could do to help him. Really help him. I will talk to him of course and so will Josiah. But it wont really help him. But yet I will try;
"It's not your fault, Nathan. You did everything you could."
"Yes."
His voice is quiet and unconvinced. Once again I wish I had shoot that bastard Smith as soon as I saw his sorry ass. The damage he has done to us will never be repaired.
"Ezra wouldn't want you to feel guilty..."
"I know. He's a... a fine man. A good friend."
"Yes, he is."
We stand there quietly until Josiah is finished talking to Ezra. He's looking so much older than his age when he walks past me.
"You stay with him, Chris. I told him we wouldn't leave him here all alone," he says silently. I don't bother to answer since he already knows I will. I watch Nathing tucking the blankets closer around Ezra. His hands lingers a little longer than nescesary on the gambler's arm, as if to say good bye. Then Nathan leaves the room as well, leaving me and Ezra all alone.
I stand there, close to the door for a couple of seconds before I go to sit down on the chair beside my friend's bed. I don't know if he can hear me, he's been pretty much unconscious the last couple of hours. Nathan said that he couldn't understand why Ezra was still alive. He said he should have been dead hours ago.
I know though. I know what's keeping him alive. What it is that's keeping him in a world of suffering. I reach out to hold his hand in mine and when I speak I try to make my voice as strong as possible, hoping that he will hear me through all the pain.
"It's okay, Ezra. I release you from your promise. I know you're not running out on us. We all know that. You're a good friend and we trust you. We all do. You can rest now. You don't have to fight anymore. We'll take care of everything for you. We'll tell your mother about what's happened. And we'll take care of Chaucer. JD's really fond of that beast of yours. He'll take good care of him. Spoil him real bad and give him carrots every day. You don't have to worry about anything. Just you rest. Close your eyes, friend, and just sleep. I'll stay here with you until morning comes..."
I keep talking for a long time, pretending that his heart hadn't stopped beating as soon as I told him that he was released from his promise. When morning came I finally let go of his hands.
"Tell Sarah hello from me, Ezra. Tell her I still love her. And show Adam some of them card tricks of yours. Make him laugh."
Then I leave. I don't want to say good bye. Figure it wont be long until I see him again anyway.
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