Chapter Two
FBI Headquarters
Washington DC
7:31 am
I had
gotten to work early like usual to look over some old case files and figure out
the best way to approach Scully. Last
night I had come to the conclusion that straight forward would be the best
way. But now that the confrontation
would take place in less then an hour I was starting to doubt myself. My cowardice was starting to kick in and
force my mouth to stay closed, ignoring this as it had other things so many
times in the past.
I was saved
from dwelling further on the subject and thus making a complete donkey of myself
by my office phone ringing.
"Mulder." I
answered hoping that it wasn't some call from Kersh wanting to let into me for
my recent actions.
"Agent
Mulder, Assistant Director Skinner would like to see you in his office as soon
as possible." Skinner's secretary
informed me.
"Do you
know what this is about?" I asked curiously.
Skinner wasn't my direct superior anymore or should I say yet. Scully and I had just gotten reassigned to
the X-files but Kersh didn't seem ready for us to go back to work as it used to
be. We were still on probation in some
sense having to report to Kersh for the next month or so while he made sure
that the work Scully and I were doing was as he put it, "a legitimate use of FBI manpower and not
some all expense paid UFO-watching vacation time…the FBI is not a place for the
grinding of personal axes…" he'd continued for a good thirty minutes making
sure to remind us that we weren't the only department and that the expense
reports from our small department were more then three times that of any other
department. He'd mentioned something
about our careless disregard for protocol and then generally let into us on our
flagrant disregard of direct orders.
All in all it wasn't the greatest hour of my life.
Now I
wondered if maybe Kersh was sick of listening to our reports and was finally
willing to cut us loose. If that was
what Skinner wanted to talk to me about I was more then willing to become
religious and pray to every different version of God on the planet thanking
him, her, them, for the favor.
Not wanting
to waste anymore time I made my way up to Skinner's office finding him waiting
at his desk for me.
"What's
this about sir?" I questioned hoping that this would be quick, I still didn't
have a great approach to the Scully issue yet and I wanted one before she
arrived.
"It's about
Agent Scully." He supplied, concern in his voice.
"Sir?" I
questioned, wondering if he had noticed anything, knowing that if he had this
problem was bigger than I thought.
"I was
hoping you could tell me what is going on." He continued.
"Sir?" I
questioned again knowing full well what he meant but hoping I was wrong. He'd only seen her in passing a handful of
times in the past few weeks. If he'd
noticed her acting strange…
"With Agent
Scully." He prodded. He didn't want to
play this game and his tone made it clear that I had better start answering his
questions.
"You've
noticed too." I fielded hoping he'd say no and that he was asking for some
other reason.
"Noticed
what? I called you in here because she called to schedule an appointment with
me this morning." I let out a mental sigh of relief before I continued.
"With you
sir?" she should have been scheduling with Kersh.
"I thought
you knew. In the meeting you missed
yesterday…" he said that pointedly trying to make me feel guilty for skipping
out on another meeting with Kersh and leaving Scully to handle it. "…as of this
morning you two are to report to me from now on." I tuned in to hear. "So again
I ask if you know what this is all about."
I didn't
get to answer him thankfully because there was a knock on the door and his
secretary's face appeared.
"Agent
Scully's here to see you sir." She interrupted. I caught Scully's eye questioning her as she peeked around the
secretary. I don't think she could have
broken eye contact any faster if wild hyenas were chasing her. She was keeping something important from me,
and her quick avoidance only proved her guilt.
I felt physically ill.
Excusing
myself I shot a questioning look at Skinner and he nodded back. Scully brushed by me as I exited the
office. I caught her hand trying to get
her to at least look at me but she didn't move her head an inch and so I let
her hand slip through mine. Tucked
under her arm I noticed a file folder and I was hit with the overwhelming
feeling that its contents were not friendly.
The door closed behind her and I sat to wait.
Skinner's office
7:46 am
Swallowing
the awful lump Mulder put in my throat when he looked at me I made my way over
to Skinner's desk contemplating once more the papers I had tucked into the file
folder I now carried.
These
papers affected more then just me and I knew it. Had I not known it, had I pretended that they didn't, this
transaction of papers would have been so much easier. I've handed people papers of various sorts
millions of times, why this time when all I had to do was pull them out and put
them in his hand I found my feet glued to the floor and my arm stiffly guarding
the fate of my career, I could only guess at.
"Agent
Scully?" Skinner questioned when he noticed my hesitancy. Well I could always have that, my hesitancy,
that would say that I at least contemplated turning back.
His
question seemed to restore all faith in my decision and I found my feet freed
from their invisible bonds and my arm loosely hanging by my side. I even found my mouth forming words I didn't
think they ever could form. I hadn't planned on saying anything until he
questioned me but this new bold me went right on ahead trashing any carefully
laid plans I had conceived for the layout of this meeting.
"Sir, I plan to resign." That organ
formally known as my mouth said firmly.
Well at least this new mouth of mind felt certain of this. And as my new hand handed him the folder I
wanted to congratulate it for doing such a hard thing.
"Agent
Scully. Are you certain? You've been through a lot lately and I can
understand your feelings but I wouldn't advise you to do this. Stop and think about it." He tried to
persuade me and inside I agreed with him all the way, at least I think I
did. I'm not all to certain how much of
me was siding with my mouth and hand.
"With all
due respect sir, I have thought about it for quite some time and I have come to
the conclusion that the FBI is no longer in need of my services nor do I wish
to stay here and render them." He stood
staring from me to the papers, me to the papers, as if he couldn't quite
register what had just happened. That's
perfectly normal though because I couldn't register what had just happened and
I had known it was going to happen a lot longer. Finally he broke the silence and utter stupidity we were both
playing into.
"Is that
all Agent Scully?" What else was he expecting?
"Yes sir."
"You're
dismissed." He finally acknowledged.
"Thank you
for understanding."
Collecting
myself I exited his office and leaned into the closed door sighing relief. It was over and I felt awful about it but at
least it was over. I felt tears
starting to well up again and bit my tongue until I was sure it started to
bleed. I wasn't going to allow myself
to be an emotional train wreak over this because simply put, it wasn't worth
it.
"Well?"
Mulder's deep voice startled me and I jumped.
Swallowing the lump in my throat and avoiding eye contact I walked away
from the door and pretended something down the hall captivated all my
attention. I should have known he'd
wait for me outside the office. I wouldn't have been surprised if he even
listened at the door. I certainly
wouldn't put it past him.
"Not now."
I said coolly brushing past him. I
didn't really think that that excuse would work and Mulder confirmed my
thoughts when he grabbed my sleeve stopping me. His force however surprised me.
"No Scully,
now." He almost growled. "You've been acting…" he was struggling over this and
I wasn't making it any easier on him. I could tell he was searching for a word
that would fit. I could tell he was trying to keep this topic on safe
ground. But I could also tell there was
way too much emotion riding in the background of our voices for keeping this
subject on safe ground.
"…different…" he softened, his face, his grip, his voice, his
whole manner seemed to change into that of a vulnerable little boy. "I want…no I need to know why." He was
pleading with me.
It was official I felt like a sack
of potatoes thrown around, kicked. If
you notice no one cares too much what happens to the sack of potatoes. You don't treat them with care like you do
your eggs or your tomatoes.
Not only did I feel like a sack of
potatoes I felt like I should just stick a cigarette in my mouth and ask people
to call me Smoky. I wondered why I
didn't just rip his heart out and dance on it.
I'd betrayed him. I'd lied to him,
broken promises, turned on him. I was
now supposed to tell him this. I waited
for the background music from those movies, the music they always play when
something important is about to happen.
The music didn't come. And the
woman who stood in Skinner's office moments ago seemed to run off without a
backwards glance leaving me here to do the dirty work. Figured.
It also figured that this me couldn't tell Mulder what I had done.
I made the biggest mistake of my
life then, I looked him in the eyes.
Then of course a few stray tears
did slip out. I willed him not to touch
me. It would be too easy to throw
myself in his arms.
He must have seen this in my eyes
and he let go of my sleeve breaking eye contact.
"I'm sorry." I squeaked out and
left him standing there alone, looking very much like a broken man.
As I watched Scully go I knew what
she had done. It became all to clear,
all to incredibly painfully clear.
When she disappeared in the
elevator I slammed my fist into the wall sending spasms of pain through my
wrist and arm. It was a stupid move and
it didn't make me feel any better, worse in fact, but it was a different pain,
one more easily handled.
"Are you quite finished Agent
Mulder?" Skinner asked from behind me.
I nodded then turned around.
"She resigned didn't she?" I
questioned.
"Agent Mulder this isn't the time
or the place…" Skinner started but I cut him off.
"Just tell me…" I broke off with an
explicative. Skinner only nodded. We stood in silence for a moment.
"I'm holding her papers Agent
Mulder." I could only nod and vow
silently to find out why she acted the way she did.
FBI Headquarters
8:20am
I waited
for him in his office. Looking around
at the walls that had become so familiar to me I tried not to remember other
significant events, events that changed our lives, events that occurred in this
room. I tried not to remember every time I had picked up the phone on his desk
and answered it with "Scully".
Mulder was kind;
he didn't come after me right away. He
allowed me some time to collect myself.
What he and I hadn't realized though was that this time spent in his
office was killing me. I needed him
here now so that I couldn't have time to talk myself out of it. I was about to go and hunt him down when he
walked in.
"I got this
memo on a case in Massachusetts about a…" Mulder started but I cut him off.
"Cut the
crap Mulder."
"I'm
sorry?" he questioned.
I really
didn't want to play this game with him.
"I said cut
the crap. We both know that I know that you know I am resigning."
"Your
resigning?" he questioned innocently yet full of sarcasm. I could almost feel the fierce raw power the
emotion he was holding back. He was
playing this game because he didn't want to loose it. I wanted him to loose it.
I needed him to blow up in my face if only to know that he was handling it.
"Mulder." I
said warning him. I knew I'd hit the
mark when he let out the breath he had been unconsciously holding.
"What did
you want me to do Scully? I do not plan
to sit back and watch you leave. I can't let you do this. I need a reason." He said emphasizing the
last 'I.' "You didn't believe that I would freaking sit back and watch you
throw everything down the g—forsaken drain.
D----- Scully. I won't let you do this." I felt strangely calm seeing him loose it. As long as it was he and not I I could
remain calm, rational, clearheaded. If he became calm and understanding
however…
"Mulder
it's my decision. My choice. And I have
made up my mind."
"Have you?
Have you really thought about this?" he said rushed and pointed, clinging to
some hope that maybe I hadn't thought long and hard about this, clinging to the
hope that he could talk me out of it.
I only
nodded to answer his question. It was
enough. It did its job.
"Why?" he
said much quieter, begging me. I gave
him a faint smile then trying to reassure him that things were going to be ok,
better even.
"Because
I'm tired Mulder. Because I need to
have a life outside of this. Because
its time."
"I can't do
this without you." Things were starting
to get uncomfortable fast.
"Yes
Mulder. Yes you can. You have before. You will continue to."
"Scully…you
make me…more. I…" I felt a certain
scene in Mulder's hallway coming on and I knew we couldn't try to reenact it so
I tried to change the playing field.
"Mulder I'd
like your support in this. I agree that it will be difficult at first but we'll
get through it."
"What do
you want me to do?" he almost whispered.
So like that I'd won. It wasn't
quite as sweet a victory as I had thought and it happened far too easily.
"Support
me. Let me go. Don't fight with me over
this." I was still suspicious.
"I'm sorry
Scully I can't do that. I can't support you in something I don't believe in.
And I can't let you go. You told me
once that you needed to stay. Scully you're
good at what you do. You have saved so
many people but more still need you-"
"At what
price! Mulder I'm not quitting because I want too. I'm doing it because I have
to." I cut off his passionate speech.
"Who says
you have to?" he demanded harshly. This was getting out of my hands and I felt
my heart beating out of control.
"Mulder. I
really don't feel like arguing right now…I…" Suddenly I felt breathless and
dark spots started to cloud my eyes.
"Mulder I…" then darkness engulfed me.
