Normal.dot – Norman Disney & Young – Version 1.2 - December 2002
Leaving Holly to his crocheting, they set off to the inn Tripitaka had mentioned. Lister's own stomach had joined Cat and Pigsy's in growling and he was looking forward to a feed and maybe finding out more about how to get to India.

A young lady met them at the door of the inn.

"Ohhh, look! A woman!" giggled Pigsy, excitedly.

"Back off, Pig," growled the Cat and slunk up to the girl who shrank away slightly as Cat bared his gleaming white teeth in what he knew was a killer smile.

"Hey, baby," he said. "What can you do for a hungry Cat?"

"Soup of the day is shark fin," said the girl. "Fish of the day is . . . "

"Fish!" beamed Cat, forgetting his seduction attempt for a moment in favour of food. "Lead the way, lady! Table for eight! Actually, make it nine . . ." he smiled at her, slyly. "I feel lucky!"

"That's enough, Cat," said Lister. "Table for eight, please." He marvelled that the girl didn't seem to think there was anything odd about the fact their party consisted of a monkey, a pig, a cat, a gloomy looking chap, a tall neurotic-looking guy wearing a shiny "H" on his forehead, a man made of metal . . . and his dashing, charming, human self.  

They were soon seated and food and wine was being served. Everyone ate hungrily after Tripitaka had performed grace. Rimmer looked on disgustedly as Pigsy and Lister gobbled ravenously. Sandy ate quite normally (avoiding fish products), Cat ate daintily as usual, after his usual sing-and-taunt routine and Kryten was wiping the table down.

The subject of the quest to India came up and Tripitaka explained.

"In the Worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned. Heaven sought order, but the Phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time, and the pure essences of Heaven, the moistures of the Earth, and the powers of the Sun and the Moon all worked upon a certain rock - old as Creation, and it magically became fertile. That first egg was named Thought. Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha, said, 'With our thoughts we make the world.' Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch, from it then came a stone Monkey. The nature of Monkey was irrepressible!"

"Then I became King Monkey!" Monkey interjected. "Don't forget that part."

"Monkey got on the wrong side of the Jade Emperor," Sandy supplied. "So they had to give him odd jobs in Heaven to keep him out of trouble!" Monkey frowned.

"He ate the sacred peaches when he was supposed to be looking after the garden!" chuckled Pigsy. "Even I, a pig spirit would not be that stupid!"

"Now, Pigsy," said Tripitaka, "You are not without reproach yourself. None of us are. Monkey was sent to escort me on my journey to India and the scriptures. It was the destiny of Pigsy and Sandy to join us."

Kryten had been puzzling over Holly's parallel universe comment. He looked around the table. Pigsy and the Cat were nudging each other, winking and blowing kisses to the various serving girls. Sandy and Rimmer were exchanging their mutually pessimistic views and nodding in agreement with each other. Monkey and Lister were having a good natured arm wrestle across the table, and he and Tripitaka sat quietly, studying the rest.

The answer dawned on Kryten like Jupiter's glow over Io on a clear morning. Should he let the others know, or let them figure out their own enlightenment?