Normal.dot – Norman Disney & Young – Version 1.2 - December 2002
"Sirs, as Holly mentioned before, we appear to have landed in another parallel universe," Kryten said. "This is in fact, not Earth. It's a close approximation of it, called Gandarah."

"What? You believe that smeg-for-RAM excuse for a computer?" Rimmer said in disbelief. By the looks on the faces of Lister and the Cat, is was clear they hadn't paid much mind to Holly's off-hand remark either.

"It's true, sir. This is a parallel universe, and Mr Monkey, Mr Pigsy, Mr Sandy and Mr Tripitaka are our parallel selves. With respect sir, any buffoon could work that out!" Kryten was too chuffed at the idea of revealing such an important piece of information to disengage the auto-insult chip Lister had soldered on to his motherboard last week when he was shut down for some routine maintenance. He was now programmed to attach a derogatory comment to every remark addressed to Rimmer, but so far had been successful at overriding it. Rimmer turned an interesting shade of hologramatic pink and began flaring his nostrils rhythmically.

"Gandarah!" Tripitika exclaimed. "That is where the scriptures are! It is a town, a place –"

"Hey, hey, hey!!" interrupted the Cat, "What do you mean, MR Tripitaka? That chick ain't no dude! She's a chick! I would have pulled some moves back on the road, but you know - " he nodded his head at the three disciples, "I wouldn't want to take her away from these three guys!" He grinned. "Jeez, Robo-dork, I would have thought you would have picked that one up!"

Kryten looked as embarrassed as his plasticised features allowed.

"Of course I realised, I er – just thought I wouldn't mention it, seeing as how we only just met," he said.

"Don't be such a fool! Of course Tripitaka isn't a woman!! How could he be a priest if he were a woman??" Monkey scoffed. Even Sandy cracked a smirk.

"And I thought I had a lot of wine!" Pigsy chuckled and helped himself to more. "Obviously not enough!"

"Well, let's find out for sure," said the Cat, and vaulted over the table.

"Cat!!" Lister yelled. "Don't you – "

"Oh relax, bud" said the Cat. "I'm not going to strip her – though that outfit – " he shuddered. "I'm just going to confirm what my nose is telling me . . ." Tripitaka shrank away as the Cat grinned lasciviously, "there will be plenty of time for getting clothes off later!" He sniffed delicately at the priest who was wearing an expression of pure terror as well as a pointy hat.

"Yup, definitely, DEFINITELY a female!" he concluded and nimbly returned to his seat. "And Squarehead backs me up on the technical stuff, right?"

"Yes," said Kryten softly, noticing the look of anguish on Tripitaka's face.

"Master? Is this true?" Sandy asked.

"Yes, Master? Is it true? Could you be . . . a woman?" Pigsy couldn't help it but he leered ever so slightly.

"I – I – Yu-Lung needs food. I must go to him," Tripitaka snatched up a bowl of food that Pigsy or Lister were yet to completely devour and ran out of the inn.

Kryten was agonising over an appropriate way to break the silence that ensued but before he could suggest charades or perform his tap-dancing routine to "Yankee Doodle Dandy", the Cat spoke.

"Well!" he said brightly. "That's something you don't see every day!"

"True," agreed Monkey. "Who would have thought? Tripitaka – a priest! Our master! A woman?" Pigsy again leered involuntarily at the reference to a woman.

"Oh, that? No, I was talking about those ugly dudes coming in through the window with swords and stuff,"  said the Cat. Monkey sprung around, whipping his wishing staff out to full size. Pigsy seized his muckrake. Lister and Sandy stood up slowly. Kryten switched to battle mode. Rimmer hid under the table.

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A/N: Wow, thanks for the reviews, guys! Now I will actually make an effort to keep the chapters coming.