Harry Potter With Weird Stuff, Part 2-After the Show
A\N: Hola, and yes, I know that title's way too long…*singing* But I do-on't care, care, care! Oh, I do-on't care, care, care! 'Cause it's rea-lly nooot too relevant! Okay, I'm going to stop now…
So, enjoy the after-the-show features!
Disclaimer: All the Harry Potter characters are JK's, and I am owned by myself, obviously. I also own the Announcer Guy and the Referee. Jackie Chan owns himself.
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Harry Potter With Weird Stuff, Part2-After the Show
Me: Announcer Guy! Get over here!
Announcer Guy: So, here we are, starting the after-the-show features that Hermione2, the great author, has so kindly organized for us!
Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Me: Excuse me?!?!?!?!?
Audience: Um….YAY!!!!!!!
Me: That's better. Announcer, go on…
Announcer: Yes, great author. Our first act will be…*reads his first tiny little slip of paper* Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, singing with Voldemort, who they have managed to rope in, about Harry Potter's scar.
Ronnie-boy: Erm…*nervously shuffling off the stage*
Me: STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!!!!! *holding a drill*
Ronnie-boy: AAAAAH!!!!!! Um…okay…
Harry: *singing* Oooooooh…..i-it……hurts, hurts, hurts! My scar does hurt, hurt, hurt!
Ronnie-boy: *singing* But that's rea-lly nooooot too relevant!
Voldie: *laughing in a rythmic way* BWAHA-HA-HA!
Harry, Ronnie-boy, and Voldie: O-oh it hurts, hurts, hurts! Ye-es it hurts, hurts, hurts, but that's rea-lly nooooot too relevant!
Voldie: *laughing in a tuneful way* BWA-HAHA-HA-HA-HAA-HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Me: You copied the whole tune from other people! In fact, you copied the whole tune besides the "BWA-HAHA-HAHA-HAA-HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" from me, which you copied from someone, can't remember who, and you copied a whole sentence of the lyrics from me too! EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!
Voldie: Very great author…*bowing*…we loved your song so much that we felt we had to sing the closest thing possible to it.
Me: Thank you, Voldie. Explanation accepted. *pats him on the head and gives him a bag of sugar* I know you're flattering me, but hey, the flatterer makes you happier than a person who tells the truth!
*Ronnie-boy and Voldie bow so low their heads touch the ground, then walk off the stage*
Announcer: And now Harry Potter will do fifty push-ups!
Harry: *does five push-ups, then drops on the floor dead from exhaustion*
Me: *examining him* Wow! He's dead already? Even I would have gotten past five!
Announcer: And…our next act! Now Lavender Brown and Pavarti Patil will give each other the ugliest makeovers possible!
Lavie and Pavie (don't you love my messed-up nicknames?): *walk on stage, quaking at the thought of what they're going to look like*
Lavie: Okay, let's get started then…*conjures mirrors* So that we can tell that the makeovers are hideous enough, oh great author. *suddenly faints*
Pavie: *drags Lavie by her hair to the mirror and starts shaving Lavie's head mercilessly*
Lavie: *wakes up* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Windows: CRACK!!!!!!
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30 minutes later
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Announcer: Lavender Brown is dressed in puke-yellow robes that stink of fish, has puke-brown contacts (yucky!), and she is bald. Pavarti Patil is dressed in puke-green robes that stink of skunks, has puke-orange burnt orange contacts, and her hair is brown and orange.
Audience: *throwing up at the sight of them*
Me: GET THEM OUT OF HERE!!! *cough, cough, throws up*
Audience: EEEW!!!! *throws up*
Me: SHUT UP!! MY BAND OF POLICE OFFICERS, GET OVER HERE!!!!!!
MBoPO: Yes, great author! Here we are, great author!
Me: GET LAVIE AND PAVIE OUT OF HERE!!!
MBoPO: Yes, great author! Right away, great author! *drags them out*
Me: Ah, that's better! *waves her wand and all the throwup goes away* Where did I get a wand? Oh well…
Harry: Hey, that's my wand!
Me: Oh. Well, it's mine now. You're dead, remember?
Harry: Oh…*looks at his body sheepishly* Oh, yeah…*turns into a ghost and drops through the floor*
Me: Good boy, Harry!
Announcer: And now…a wizard duel between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy!
Dracie-boy: *comes on stage and pokes Harry's dead body with a VERY sharp stick, cruel boy* Does that mean I win by forfeit, since he's dead already?
Me: No. Ronnie-boy was his second, so now it's Ronnie-boy against you. Now Ronnie-boy gets a second, since he's starting out! Who da ya want, Ronnie?
Ronnie-boy: Er…Jackie Chan!
Me: Okay. Easy. *Jackie Chan appears on the stage*
Jackie Chan: *knocks over Dracie-boy with a kick that he was in the middle of* Hey! I was in the middle of making a movie! *notices his surroundings* Um…Who are you people?
Me: Hola, Channie-boy! You're going to be Ronnie-boy's second in the wizard duel!
Channie-boy: Huh?
Me: Grab a wand, Channie! *tosses him Harry's wand*
Channie-boy: Huh? *looks at his wand, which shoots rainbow sparks in his face* AAAAAAAAH!!!!! Magic!
Me: Good thinking, Channie-boy! Magic! That's it! Now, see, when Ronnie-boy, this kid with the red hair, dies, you take over for him against Dracie-boy, the kid with the silver-blond hair. Got that?
Channie-boy: Okay.
Me: Now, watch how it's done. *floats him up to the balcony, floats up, and conjures a referee* Ref, let's get started!
Ref: *shrill whistle blast*
Windows: CRACK!!!!!
Ron: Expelliarmus!
Dracie-boy: *at the same time* Crucio!
Ron: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Channie-boy: Whoa, he's creaming him. What does "crucio" mean?
Me: Torture spell.
Channie-boy: Ah, I see it now…
Dracie-boy: *takes off torture spell*
Ron: *gritting his teeth* Not-going-to break-laws…
Dracie-boy: Imperio!
Ron: *singing* I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck, so kiss my butt!
Dracie-boy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Ron: *spell wears off* Huh? Oh! Avada Kedavra! You made me sing!
Dracie-boy: *drops over dead*
Ron: Woo-hoo! I win!
Fluerie: *adopting Krum's Bulgarian accent, because it's easier for me to figure out, and running up on the stage* Oh, you darleeng boy! You haf saved uz all from Malfoy! *kisses Ronnie-boy*
Ron: *drops in a faint of happiness*
Announcer: And that's all, folks!
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A\N: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I'm extremely hyper from writing this pointless fic…Okay, bye-bye before I go completely crazy! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha……….
~Hermione2 ^_^