Time Stands Still (3/3)
by: Brandy Leigh
~*~
It's been so long since I've held a woman like this and kissed
her with this much love. I've known for quite some time that I
was in love with Monica, but saying it or acting on it was
somehow out of the question. I guess I was just waiting for the
right moment to make my move, and I guess this moment seemed to
be the perfect one.
I don't know what made me so bold as to kiss her, but I did. I
know she was getting ready to tell me something, probably
something very important, but I couldn't help it. I'd been
watching her lips since the moment she began telling me her
story. I listened to her words which filled me with love as well
as saddened me. Once she was done I knew what I had to do.
Now that I'm kissing her I know I'll never be able to go back. No
matter what else happens tonight I know I won't be able to forget
the words she said or what she means to me. I don't plan on
rushing into anything tonight, but it the inevitable were to
happen, I wouldn't mind at all. I love this woman with all my
soul, and I plan on giving her my heart, body, and my mind.
I slowly deepen the kiss and slide my hands to her waist. She
responds my locking her arms around my neck and pulling me
closer. I can't help but wonder what force of God has kept me
from doing this for so long. I also can't help but wonder what in
God's name ever propelled me to leave this woman so many years
ago. I must have been crazy... but never again. I will never
again leave the arms of the one I love.
It takes a few moments for Monica to finally pull away and look
up at me. I study her face for a moment to try and figure out
exactly what she's thinking. I can tell she's happy about what
just happened, but I can also tell that she's not too sure that
all of this is real. I'm guessing that she's doing her best right
now to frame this moment in her mind, so that whenever she may
get the urge she can just call it up and remember it all exactly
as it happened. That's one of the things I love about her.
I smile at her lightly and brush a stray strand of hair from her
face. We're still very close and I can feel the heat radiating
off of her body. It takes all of my will power not to pull her to
me roughly and kiss her again. I know there's still something she
needs to say, and I don't want to keep her from saying it.
Whatever it is, I know it's important.
I place my hand back on her waist and look down at her beautiful
face. Softly, I speak.
"Now, what is it you wanted to say?"
She laughs lightly at my ability to jump so quickly back into
conversation after my physical outburst. It takes her a moment,
but she finally gives me the answer I was secretly hoping for.
"I just wanted to say... that I love you. I know I said it before
I went off on my tantrum, but I needed to say it again. I needed
to let you know for sure that I meant it and that I don't just
mean I 'care for you'. I'm in love with you John, and I have been
for a long time. Even back before Luke died... I guess I just
didn't want to admit it, or either it wasn't the right time. I
don't know, and frankly I don't care. All I know is that I can
accept it now, and I need to know, John. I need to know if you
love me too."
"God, Monica... How could you even doubt it? How could you think
for even a second that I'm not in love with you? I've tried so
many times to tell you but it's just never come out right. I
guess I just never had the balls. But hearing you say the words
to me makes all that time worth while. All the tears and fears and
angry words and loving glances... they were all worth this very
moment. Yes, I love you Monica. I knew from the moment you took
me into your arms in that field that I could never stop loving
you. Not even for a *second*."
And now I'm greeted with yet more tears... but this time it
doesn't hurt me to see them, because I know that she's not crying
out of pain or suffering or fear, but out of love. I know that
this is just the beginning of a very long and perfect
relationship. I can see it in her eyes, the love that will never
die, and I know that love is reflected in my own.
I'm doing my best to do what I know Monica is doing. I'm trying
my hardest to make time stand still, so this moment will never be
lost. I want to live in this point in time for the rest of my
life. I want to replay it over and over again so I can feel the
joy of finding out for the first time how much I mean to her
every day. I want to always be able to remember the way she felt
in my arms, and how it felt to kiss her. The way her lips moved
against mine... the way her tongue gently stroked mine...
For just this point in time, there is no world. There is no hate
or violence or fear, only us. Only this.
For once, I am free...
~*~
~*~Two weeks later~*~
There's nothing much more to do now... I've told John how I feel,
and he's told me how he feels. The only thing left to do, is
live. Live... and love. With John by my side, I know we can do
anything. We've been denied this for so long, but no more. I have
a feeling that our work on the X-Files will improve as a result
of this move. That is, as long as "mother superior" doesn't find
out. I know that if Kersh were to discover the way things are
going between us, he'd have the X-Files shut down so fast we'd
break our necks trying to pick up the pieces. But sometimes, life
is worth the risk.
These past two weeks have been the most incredible that I've ever
known. I hope that these next few months, even years, will be
just as fruitful. I enjoy every moment I spend with John... I
don't think I've ever been this happy. If he could do this much
to me within two weeks, I can't help but wonder where we'll be in
another five or six years. All I know is that the future looks
very bright, and I'm more than happy to step into the light.
I said once before than no one can prepare themselves for the
sting of love, which is very true... to an extent. Your heart
burns with the fear that something may happen to the one you
love, that the minutes you are spending with them might very well
be their last. The last time you made love may very well be the
last time. Then, you begin to realize that if you live your life
in that fear, it will start to eat you alive. It will tear at
your soul until it has worried it raw. The only way to escape
this is to realize that yes, your lover might die at any moment,
but so may you. You can't live your life wondering when that
moment may be. You have to relish in what you have, and enjoy it
while you can. Only then will you be able to truly understand the
love that you hold so dear... the love that burns you to the
core...
I hope that I can keep this in mind as John and I take the next
step in our relationship. We've come so far to let it all just
slip away. As I said, there's only one thing left to do...
I slowly close my eyes, and step into the light...
~*~
FIN!
~*~
Authors notes: As I said earlier, I hope everyone here at fanfiction.net enjoys this as much as everyone else seems to. I surely enjoyed writing it! If I get enough good feedback here, I'll continue working on the prequel for this story (which delves into the back history of John and Monica), and the sequel (which takes an exclusive look into the death of Luke Doggett). Hopefully I'll have both written soon and out to those of you who are anxiously waiting and constantly nagging! *grin* Happy fanfic reading!
by: Brandy Leigh
~*~
It's been so long since I've held a woman like this and kissed
her with this much love. I've known for quite some time that I
was in love with Monica, but saying it or acting on it was
somehow out of the question. I guess I was just waiting for the
right moment to make my move, and I guess this moment seemed to
be the perfect one.
I don't know what made me so bold as to kiss her, but I did. I
know she was getting ready to tell me something, probably
something very important, but I couldn't help it. I'd been
watching her lips since the moment she began telling me her
story. I listened to her words which filled me with love as well
as saddened me. Once she was done I knew what I had to do.
Now that I'm kissing her I know I'll never be able to go back. No
matter what else happens tonight I know I won't be able to forget
the words she said or what she means to me. I don't plan on
rushing into anything tonight, but it the inevitable were to
happen, I wouldn't mind at all. I love this woman with all my
soul, and I plan on giving her my heart, body, and my mind.
I slowly deepen the kiss and slide my hands to her waist. She
responds my locking her arms around my neck and pulling me
closer. I can't help but wonder what force of God has kept me
from doing this for so long. I also can't help but wonder what in
God's name ever propelled me to leave this woman so many years
ago. I must have been crazy... but never again. I will never
again leave the arms of the one I love.
It takes a few moments for Monica to finally pull away and look
up at me. I study her face for a moment to try and figure out
exactly what she's thinking. I can tell she's happy about what
just happened, but I can also tell that she's not too sure that
all of this is real. I'm guessing that she's doing her best right
now to frame this moment in her mind, so that whenever she may
get the urge she can just call it up and remember it all exactly
as it happened. That's one of the things I love about her.
I smile at her lightly and brush a stray strand of hair from her
face. We're still very close and I can feel the heat radiating
off of her body. It takes all of my will power not to pull her to
me roughly and kiss her again. I know there's still something she
needs to say, and I don't want to keep her from saying it.
Whatever it is, I know it's important.
I place my hand back on her waist and look down at her beautiful
face. Softly, I speak.
"Now, what is it you wanted to say?"
She laughs lightly at my ability to jump so quickly back into
conversation after my physical outburst. It takes her a moment,
but she finally gives me the answer I was secretly hoping for.
"I just wanted to say... that I love you. I know I said it before
I went off on my tantrum, but I needed to say it again. I needed
to let you know for sure that I meant it and that I don't just
mean I 'care for you'. I'm in love with you John, and I have been
for a long time. Even back before Luke died... I guess I just
didn't want to admit it, or either it wasn't the right time. I
don't know, and frankly I don't care. All I know is that I can
accept it now, and I need to know, John. I need to know if you
love me too."
"God, Monica... How could you even doubt it? How could you think
for even a second that I'm not in love with you? I've tried so
many times to tell you but it's just never come out right. I
guess I just never had the balls. But hearing you say the words
to me makes all that time worth while. All the tears and fears and
angry words and loving glances... they were all worth this very
moment. Yes, I love you Monica. I knew from the moment you took
me into your arms in that field that I could never stop loving
you. Not even for a *second*."
And now I'm greeted with yet more tears... but this time it
doesn't hurt me to see them, because I know that she's not crying
out of pain or suffering or fear, but out of love. I know that
this is just the beginning of a very long and perfect
relationship. I can see it in her eyes, the love that will never
die, and I know that love is reflected in my own.
I'm doing my best to do what I know Monica is doing. I'm trying
my hardest to make time stand still, so this moment will never be
lost. I want to live in this point in time for the rest of my
life. I want to replay it over and over again so I can feel the
joy of finding out for the first time how much I mean to her
every day. I want to always be able to remember the way she felt
in my arms, and how it felt to kiss her. The way her lips moved
against mine... the way her tongue gently stroked mine...
For just this point in time, there is no world. There is no hate
or violence or fear, only us. Only this.
For once, I am free...
~*~
~*~Two weeks later~*~
There's nothing much more to do now... I've told John how I feel,
and he's told me how he feels. The only thing left to do, is
live. Live... and love. With John by my side, I know we can do
anything. We've been denied this for so long, but no more. I have
a feeling that our work on the X-Files will improve as a result
of this move. That is, as long as "mother superior" doesn't find
out. I know that if Kersh were to discover the way things are
going between us, he'd have the X-Files shut down so fast we'd
break our necks trying to pick up the pieces. But sometimes, life
is worth the risk.
These past two weeks have been the most incredible that I've ever
known. I hope that these next few months, even years, will be
just as fruitful. I enjoy every moment I spend with John... I
don't think I've ever been this happy. If he could do this much
to me within two weeks, I can't help but wonder where we'll be in
another five or six years. All I know is that the future looks
very bright, and I'm more than happy to step into the light.
I said once before than no one can prepare themselves for the
sting of love, which is very true... to an extent. Your heart
burns with the fear that something may happen to the one you
love, that the minutes you are spending with them might very well
be their last. The last time you made love may very well be the
last time. Then, you begin to realize that if you live your life
in that fear, it will start to eat you alive. It will tear at
your soul until it has worried it raw. The only way to escape
this is to realize that yes, your lover might die at any moment,
but so may you. You can't live your life wondering when that
moment may be. You have to relish in what you have, and enjoy it
while you can. Only then will you be able to truly understand the
love that you hold so dear... the love that burns you to the
core...
I hope that I can keep this in mind as John and I take the next
step in our relationship. We've come so far to let it all just
slip away. As I said, there's only one thing left to do...
I slowly close my eyes, and step into the light...
~*~
FIN!
~*~
Authors notes: As I said earlier, I hope everyone here at fanfiction.net enjoys this as much as everyone else seems to. I surely enjoyed writing it! If I get enough good feedback here, I'll continue working on the prequel for this story (which delves into the back history of John and Monica), and the sequel (which takes an exclusive look into the death of Luke Doggett). Hopefully I'll have both written soon and out to those of you who are anxiously waiting and constantly nagging! *grin* Happy fanfic reading!