Hate
by Immo
immop@hamena.org
Rating: PG-13
This story is about how Haruka feels about Michiru.
Eh, this is not my best piece of work. I was feeling
spiteful and bitter because I've been having problems
with people in my life... Ah well, then I got all mushy
and shit, so damn... enjoy.
I hate you, you know that.
I've hated you as soon as I set my eyes on you.
I hated the way you were so calm, collected, and
beautiful. I hated how you seem to look right through me
with those soulful eyes, smiling slightly at me.
The way you say, "Ara, Haruka," pisses me off so much
I want to punch you in the face.
The way you toss your head arrogantly, the way you
walk, the things you have, the songs you play on that
god-awful violin, I hate it. HATE IT!
I hate how you came into my life, and ruined everything!
I had EVERYTHING! I had wealth, power, fame... love, you
say? I had already forsaken love for the material things
in life. I DON'T NEED YOU! Damnit!
I'm by no means a heartless bastard though. When you called
me for duty, I was just putting it off, running away from
you and your bullshit. You gave me this speech about how
your dreams are unobtainable because of your duty. You said
I was selfish to want to be left alone. Bullshit. You're
the selfish one, YOU dragged me into this destiny I didn't
want, YOU tried to guilt me to going with you!
And why? You told me, that time in the garage, that you
"always wanted to ride beside me in my car, just once",
and I saw through your little ploy. You were just trying
to guilt me into coming with you! I know the saying, 'misery
loves company'. You hate your duty, but you do it anyways.
But you're bitter that you're the only one, the only one
saddled with the fate of the world on your god-damned
delicate shoulders, and you're bitter that you have to
soil those lovely violinist's hands with the blood of
duty. You're bitter you're the only one who had to stain
her soul every day, so you seek me out.
Damn you! I hate you! While the man who was fixing my
car, my friend, was getting attacked by a daimon, you
held me back, you made me see my duty, you almost killed
my friend!
I was cold and distant, even before you came, but whenever
I feel that surge of power running through my veins,
whenever I yelled "URANUS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!", I
became a soldier. A heartless, wretched, merciless killing
machine.
Oh yes. You held me when I cried, I never cry, damn it! You
made me cry! You held me as I cried, when I killed for the
first time. I could almost hear your happiness behind the
sympathetic voice. Now I was soiled. Now I was just like you.
Now we were the same. I was a cold-blooded murderer, just
like you. No matter the cause, no matter the reason, the whole
experience will stay in my mind until the day I died.
I had killed someone.
And I blame EVERYTHING, on you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I HATE YOU!
...
And yet...
...
And yet I love you.
I loved you as I... as I became WE. WE went to defeat
the daimon, WE were the best in class, WE were always
together, WE were snobbish. I loved WE. If someone said
Haruka, Michiru would be the first to pop into their
minds, and vice-versa.
As I spent time in the company of the one I loathed, I
began to like it. I liked being near you, I liked it
when you said, "Ara, Haruka", and how you didn't use any
honorifics with me.
I loved to accompany you, when you played the violin,
loved how you seem to lose yourself in the music, and I
loved how the tired, battle-worn look faded from your
features when you sank into your music.
I loved watching you sleep, on one of our night missions.
Do you know you sleep like an angel? Barely making a sound,
you looked so innocent, not the killer I had always thought
you were.
You pried my cover open, little by little, and little by
little, I bared my soul to you. And you? You were already
an open book for me, letting me delve into your being, and
trace my fingertip along the words that told your life.
When I saw you I was afraid to talk to you.
I didn't really hate you. I was afraid of the change that
you brought. I hated the change you brought, not you. And
even if you were miserable, and you brought me in it to
share in your misery, I don't blame you. I think, if I was
put into that situation, I would've done the same thing.
When I talked to you, I was afraid to hold you.
As we grew closer and closer, both in our senshi form, and
in our civilian form, I was so afraid. Afraid to touch you,
afraid of embracing the company of people again, as I had
lived mostly all my life in solitude.
When I held you, I was afraid to love you.
The first time I held you. We were in senshi form, and
you had been knocked unconscious by a flying piece of
cement. I don't know what came over me, but this surge of
raw power bubbled over, and I knocked that daimon to
kingdom come. Then I held you in my arms, trying to wake
you, and when that didn't work, I de-transformed, and made
you de-transform too, and I ran to the hospital, with you
held tightly in my arms. I was so afraid to lose you, so
afraid, so afraid...
And as the doctors looked you over, I sat there, rocking
myself back and forth, asking myself how I would ever live
without you, how I could ever go back to the life I used
to live, how I couldn't fight the daimons without you, how
I would be so alone without you...
How I would die for you, because I loved you.
And it hit me then. I was falling in love. I've never
fallen in love before. Slight crushes maybe, but they
were all hopeless crushes with girls who scorned me. After
many hurts, I shut myself out to everything, everyone.
Until you came along.
You were still unconscious, and I sat by your bedside,
all night, whispering fervently to you, calling you,
and since I thought you might die, after a while, all
I could do was say I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouI
loveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. Over and over, like
a prayer, I chanted this mantra. I had never loved before
you came along.
And you woke up.
And you heard me.
And you smiled.
And you touched me.
And....
and....
oh by the gods, no-one's lips tasted as good as yours...
Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.
One night, we were together, just happy in each other's
company, in my condominium, holding each other in
front of the fireplace. Suddenly, the soft music we had
been listening to on the radio was cut off abruptly by
a weather report. Big blizzard on the way. Cars should
try to get home soon or find lodging quickly or they'll
be stranded in mountains of snow.
"I better go," You said, frowning, and I hated the very
thought of you leaving me.
"Stay," I pleaded.
You looked at me, an eyebrow raised.
"Stay," I pleaded again.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Would you stay?
You came back, and you sat down, straddling my legs. Your
face lowered towards mine, and your hair, a cascade of
sweet perfume, was like a screen that blocked out
everything but the shapes and cotours of her face, the
blue in your eyes, and your lips, softly, touching mine.
And that night was ecstacy. We didn't have sex. We
made love. That was the only way to describe it. We
made love. On my king-sized, royal blue bed, we
made love. I was above her, savouring every look,
groaning with pleasure as she screamed for more, screamed
my name like the world revolved around me at the moment
and the look of love in her eyes reflected my own. I
showered her with kisses, there was not one spot
on that smooth bare skin that I had not left hot with
kisses. And there was not one spot on my body not
burning with her touch.
We made love until the sun came up, and then we fell,
entwined in each other, sweat and other bodily fluids
making us sticky, but we were content to be holding
each other, content to be just there, hopelessly
tangled in the linen sheets. Content to hear each other
breath the scent of our love, content to whisper I love
yous to each other, kissing, soft butterfly kisses,
content to sleep, smiling.
She fell asleep first, and I looked at the perfection that
was her. Michiru. My Michiru. I ran my hand up and down
that body, and she giggled in her sleep. We slept.
When we woke up, she wanted to go take a bath, but I
held her closer, wrapped my arms around her tightly,
panicking that she would leave me. She would go somewhere,
and something terrible will happen to her, I would
be without her again. I would be alone.
She kissed me, telling me it was alright, and yanked
me out of bed with her, with a mischevious smile, and
told me she'd help me take a bath.
I smiled at her then, and I always will smile when I
see her. And she let me touch her, in the hot steaming
waters, she lay against me, eyes closed as the warm water
soaked into our bones, and we just lay there.
The mission didn't matter anymore.
The fate of the world could wait.
I don't care if the world ended now.
As long as I had Michiru, I didn't care.
The whole world could go to Hell for all I care!
As long as I had Michiru, it didn't matter. Nothing
mattered.
Except for...
Michiru.
Author's Notes: Well, wasn't that nice? Well, send me
your comments, your critism, please, no flames, I'm a
delicate person . Hope you liked
it. I don't know if I'll write anymore. Tell me if I
should or shouldn't. And I'm sorry for any short-comings
in this fic, my grasp of the English literary skills
are not as perfect as I wish them to be.
by Immo
immop@hamena.org
Rating: PG-13
This story is about how Haruka feels about Michiru.
Eh, this is not my best piece of work. I was feeling
spiteful and bitter because I've been having problems
with people in my life... Ah well, then I got all mushy
and shit, so damn... enjoy.
I hate you, you know that.
I've hated you as soon as I set my eyes on you.
I hated the way you were so calm, collected, and
beautiful. I hated how you seem to look right through me
with those soulful eyes, smiling slightly at me.
The way you say, "Ara, Haruka," pisses me off so much
I want to punch you in the face.
The way you toss your head arrogantly, the way you
walk, the things you have, the songs you play on that
god-awful violin, I hate it. HATE IT!
I hate how you came into my life, and ruined everything!
I had EVERYTHING! I had wealth, power, fame... love, you
say? I had already forsaken love for the material things
in life. I DON'T NEED YOU! Damnit!
I'm by no means a heartless bastard though. When you called
me for duty, I was just putting it off, running away from
you and your bullshit. You gave me this speech about how
your dreams are unobtainable because of your duty. You said
I was selfish to want to be left alone. Bullshit. You're
the selfish one, YOU dragged me into this destiny I didn't
want, YOU tried to guilt me to going with you!
And why? You told me, that time in the garage, that you
"always wanted to ride beside me in my car, just once",
and I saw through your little ploy. You were just trying
to guilt me into coming with you! I know the saying, 'misery
loves company'. You hate your duty, but you do it anyways.
But you're bitter that you're the only one, the only one
saddled with the fate of the world on your god-damned
delicate shoulders, and you're bitter that you have to
soil those lovely violinist's hands with the blood of
duty. You're bitter you're the only one who had to stain
her soul every day, so you seek me out.
Damn you! I hate you! While the man who was fixing my
car, my friend, was getting attacked by a daimon, you
held me back, you made me see my duty, you almost killed
my friend!
I was cold and distant, even before you came, but whenever
I feel that surge of power running through my veins,
whenever I yelled "URANUS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!", I
became a soldier. A heartless, wretched, merciless killing
machine.
Oh yes. You held me when I cried, I never cry, damn it! You
made me cry! You held me as I cried, when I killed for the
first time. I could almost hear your happiness behind the
sympathetic voice. Now I was soiled. Now I was just like you.
Now we were the same. I was a cold-blooded murderer, just
like you. No matter the cause, no matter the reason, the whole
experience will stay in my mind until the day I died.
I had killed someone.
And I blame EVERYTHING, on you.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I HATE YOU!
...
And yet...
...
And yet I love you.
I loved you as I... as I became WE. WE went to defeat
the daimon, WE were the best in class, WE were always
together, WE were snobbish. I loved WE. If someone said
Haruka, Michiru would be the first to pop into their
minds, and vice-versa.
As I spent time in the company of the one I loathed, I
began to like it. I liked being near you, I liked it
when you said, "Ara, Haruka", and how you didn't use any
honorifics with me.
I loved to accompany you, when you played the violin,
loved how you seem to lose yourself in the music, and I
loved how the tired, battle-worn look faded from your
features when you sank into your music.
I loved watching you sleep, on one of our night missions.
Do you know you sleep like an angel? Barely making a sound,
you looked so innocent, not the killer I had always thought
you were.
You pried my cover open, little by little, and little by
little, I bared my soul to you. And you? You were already
an open book for me, letting me delve into your being, and
trace my fingertip along the words that told your life.
When I saw you I was afraid to talk to you.
I didn't really hate you. I was afraid of the change that
you brought. I hated the change you brought, not you. And
even if you were miserable, and you brought me in it to
share in your misery, I don't blame you. I think, if I was
put into that situation, I would've done the same thing.
When I talked to you, I was afraid to hold you.
As we grew closer and closer, both in our senshi form, and
in our civilian form, I was so afraid. Afraid to touch you,
afraid of embracing the company of people again, as I had
lived mostly all my life in solitude.
When I held you, I was afraid to love you.
The first time I held you. We were in senshi form, and
you had been knocked unconscious by a flying piece of
cement. I don't know what came over me, but this surge of
raw power bubbled over, and I knocked that daimon to
kingdom come. Then I held you in my arms, trying to wake
you, and when that didn't work, I de-transformed, and made
you de-transform too, and I ran to the hospital, with you
held tightly in my arms. I was so afraid to lose you, so
afraid, so afraid...
And as the doctors looked you over, I sat there, rocking
myself back and forth, asking myself how I would ever live
without you, how I could ever go back to the life I used
to live, how I couldn't fight the daimons without you, how
I would be so alone without you...
How I would die for you, because I loved you.
And it hit me then. I was falling in love. I've never
fallen in love before. Slight crushes maybe, but they
were all hopeless crushes with girls who scorned me. After
many hurts, I shut myself out to everything, everyone.
Until you came along.
You were still unconscious, and I sat by your bedside,
all night, whispering fervently to you, calling you,
and since I thought you might die, after a while, all
I could do was say I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouI
loveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. Over and over, like
a prayer, I chanted this mantra. I had never loved before
you came along.
And you woke up.
And you heard me.
And you smiled.
And you touched me.
And....
and....
oh by the gods, no-one's lips tasted as good as yours...
Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.
One night, we were together, just happy in each other's
company, in my condominium, holding each other in
front of the fireplace. Suddenly, the soft music we had
been listening to on the radio was cut off abruptly by
a weather report. Big blizzard on the way. Cars should
try to get home soon or find lodging quickly or they'll
be stranded in mountains of snow.
"I better go," You said, frowning, and I hated the very
thought of you leaving me.
"Stay," I pleaded.
You looked at me, an eyebrow raised.
"Stay," I pleaded again.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Would you stay?
You came back, and you sat down, straddling my legs. Your
face lowered towards mine, and your hair, a cascade of
sweet perfume, was like a screen that blocked out
everything but the shapes and cotours of her face, the
blue in your eyes, and your lips, softly, touching mine.
And that night was ecstacy. We didn't have sex. We
made love. That was the only way to describe it. We
made love. On my king-sized, royal blue bed, we
made love. I was above her, savouring every look,
groaning with pleasure as she screamed for more, screamed
my name like the world revolved around me at the moment
and the look of love in her eyes reflected my own. I
showered her with kisses, there was not one spot
on that smooth bare skin that I had not left hot with
kisses. And there was not one spot on my body not
burning with her touch.
We made love until the sun came up, and then we fell,
entwined in each other, sweat and other bodily fluids
making us sticky, but we were content to be holding
each other, content to be just there, hopelessly
tangled in the linen sheets. Content to hear each other
breath the scent of our love, content to whisper I love
yous to each other, kissing, soft butterfly kisses,
content to sleep, smiling.
She fell asleep first, and I looked at the perfection that
was her. Michiru. My Michiru. I ran my hand up and down
that body, and she giggled in her sleep. We slept.
When we woke up, she wanted to go take a bath, but I
held her closer, wrapped my arms around her tightly,
panicking that she would leave me. She would go somewhere,
and something terrible will happen to her, I would
be without her again. I would be alone.
She kissed me, telling me it was alright, and yanked
me out of bed with her, with a mischevious smile, and
told me she'd help me take a bath.
I smiled at her then, and I always will smile when I
see her. And she let me touch her, in the hot steaming
waters, she lay against me, eyes closed as the warm water
soaked into our bones, and we just lay there.
The mission didn't matter anymore.
The fate of the world could wait.
I don't care if the world ended now.
As long as I had Michiru, I didn't care.
The whole world could go to Hell for all I care!
As long as I had Michiru, it didn't matter. Nothing
mattered.
Except for...
Michiru.
Author's Notes: Well, wasn't that nice? Well, send me
your comments, your critism, please, no flames, I'm a
delicate person . Hope you liked
it. I don't know if I'll write anymore. Tell me if I
should or shouldn't. And I'm sorry for any short-comings
in this fic, my grasp of the English literary skills
are not as perfect as I wish them to be.