Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun; I do not own any of the characters from the Trigun universe. Yasuhiro Nightow and Young King Ours own the copyright to Trigun and all the various characters therein. If you want to give money to someone for these wonderful characters, give money to them.

Please do not steal this fan fiction. That would make me more than a little aggravated. If you wish to archive this fic, please email me first at deleria@fanfiction.net Comments and criticisms are welcome and appreciated.

Into the Clear

chapter two
~ i can't catch you ~

I guess you could say I'm a little afraid, I'm a little afraid.

What if you go away? I've seen it before, I've been here before.

If I have to love myself, tell me how to love myself. What's there to love about myself?

I just want to see that as a person you want me, as a person you want me.

But I'm feeling the pain of all these bags in the way, and I'm thinking you're just gonna run away, and I can't catch you.

I can't catch you… I can't catch you.

…Oh, I want to catch you…

—Sixpence None the Richer (lyrics by: Matt Slocum; album: Sixpence None the Richer;
© Sixpence None the Richer, 1997)

"I need a book of stamps."

"Is that all for you today, ma'am?"

"Yes."

"Okay, that will be an even seven double dollars."

Meryl fished out the correct amount from her pocket and smiled at the cashier as she handed her the stamps.

"Thank you, and have a good day."

"You too," Meryl answered as she made her way toward the exit. Once out on the street she pulled out a large white envelope with her weekly report enclosed and double-checked the contents, making sure she hadn't left anything out before sealing it and dropping it into the mail.

With her one small errand done, Meryl had no other legitimate excuse to stay away from the house and the thought of wandering aimlessly around town didn't appeal to her. She didn't want to go back and face him so soon. She wanted more time to clear her head and get control over her feelings. The last thing she wanted to do was look like a blubbering idiot in front of Vash, of all people. Especially after the way he reacted to her declaration of love.

With a heavy sigh and determination stiffening her resolve, she started to walk toward the edge of town back the way she came.

She couldn't stand around fretting all day, she had a job to do. Besides, Milly, Wolfwood and Vash planned on going to the pub later that evening. She would have plenty time to berate herself once they left to get sloshed.

So what if she'd just embarrassed herself by telling the most wanted outlaw on the planet that she was in love with him. So what if the sudden display of his abilities made her nervous and a little bit… scared. So what if he made her feel like a fool. Rejection was the essence of what made love exciting and frightening at the same time. She'd been rejected, she would get over it… eventually. Until then, her work would keep her occupied.

Work would be her foundation and her salvation. It always was.

The paved street leading out of town suddenly dissolved into a dirt road beneath her feet. The feel of gravel under her feet served as a cold reminder of the situation she would soon be returning to. Tears started to gather in her eyes and she chastised herself for being emotional as she tried to will the tears away. She hated to cry, especially in front of people. At least she was able to keep herself together in front of Vash, even if it wasn't as "together" as she would have liked.

The only thing she was proud of herself for was being able to get out of the room before she really lost it. If she had completely broken down in front of him, she didn't think she would be able to face him again. Her dignity was already hanging by a tattered thread.

She felt the first few drops of moisture drip down her cheeks and she silently cursed them for existing. She was losing control of her emotions far too easily. The more she fought against them, the more they insisted on coming and soon she wore streaks of salt water on either side of her cheeks.

At least no one is around, she thought to herself as she began to wander off the main road. She found an outcropping of rock a few yarz away and sat down in the most secluded spot she could find and let herself go.

Sobs racked her body as her heart bled within. It had been a mistake to tell him. She should have known he would act that way… but like a fool, she let herself become too optimistic and now she was bawling her eyes out like some lovesick teenager.

Intellect told her in it's cold way that if she could purge herself of the sadness, she would feel better and be able to do her job. If she could purge herself of her disappointment, perhaps her heart wouldn't ache so much. Perhaps once her tears dried the thought of facing him again wouldn't be quite so unnerving.

Her heart laughed in its masochist way at the flawed logic of her intellect. She'd never feel better.

"Stupid," she muttered to herself with her face still buried in her hands.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

How do I feel about her? Vash asked himself as he made his way toward town. Every time he tried to think of what to say to Meryl once he saw her, that question kept popping into his mind demanding an answer.

The truth was, he didn't know what the answer to that question was. He cared about her… but could he let himself love her?

She was human, but that fact didn't seem to bother her. Of course, compared to him she was terribly naïve. She said she knew what he was and had already thought about the fact that he would outlive her, but he doubted she really understood what that entailed. She would grow old and feeble while he remained young and healthy. She would die.

What if he did love her, what then? Would that be fair to her, to him? She deserves a man who can give her a family, a man who will grow old with her. And what about him? Could he lose another woman he loved through death? Could he go through that again?

Rem's death made him want to die, too. Rem was like a mother to him, she was his center. In many ways, she was still his center. Vash craved that type of closeness with another person, but he was afraid of it.

Part of the benefit of traveling from town to town meant that he didn't have enough time to develop close ties to anyone. Even when he lived on the SEEDs ship that refused to crash, he kept his distance from them. He loved everyone on that ship and his heart ached when someone died, but it didn't ache like when Rem died.

He didn't want to be hurt like that again and he didn't want Meryl to become a target for his brother. He knew if she did…

If Knives hurt her…

If Meryl…

Vash shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts. He didn't want to think about something bad happening to Meryl. It made his chest hurt to even consider what Knives would do if he knew…

If he knew what?

Vash frowned, not yet ready to explore that question. He was out here because he had to talk to her, that was all. He had to smooth things over, apologize and hopefully, mend their friendship. He couldn't just let her run off feeling hurt. He couldn't stand the thought of her crying because of something he did.

He had to make things right again… somehow.

A soft, muffled echo caught his attention and he looked over to the side of the road toward some large boulders and rocks. He strained his ears to listen and heard the sound again, recognizing it at once as a sound he'd made more times than he could remember.

Vash bit his lip as hesitated for a second. He didn't want to miss running into Meryl, but he absolutely could not ignore the sound. The person sobbing could be injured and need help. With long strides, he quickly made his way toward the sound.

"Stupid."

Vash paused as he took in the pitiful sight before him. In a narrow crevasse between two large rocks sat Meryl, her face buried in her hands and her shoulders shaking as she cried. He stood there immobile as he watched her.

An urge to go to her and comfort her filled his mind only to be killed by his own feelings of guilt and inadequacy. He'd been the one to hurt her after all, and he still did not know what he was going to do in order to make things right. This scope of human interaction was foreign to him; he had always been the observer, not the participant. He felt like he was navigating a cliff blindfolded, one false step and he'd push her over the edge or fall over himself.

Her sobs began to quiet and Vash knew it was now or never. He'd come here for a reason, his heart drove him to go after her… he would just have to trust in that.

With silent steps, he moved toward her until his shadow fell over her form. He heard her breath catch as she realized that someone was there and watched as her muscles suddenly tensed. "Meryl," Vash said quietly as he crouched down in front of her.

Bright violet eyes slowly turned up to peek at him from under a veil of mussed black hair. Vash immediately recognized the look and knew she was surprised, not only by his sudden intrusion but more so by the use of her given name. It felt strange to him to use her name so easily, but he ignored the sensation as he smiled. She stared at him for a long moment and both became quite aware of the sudden awkwardness. The unease plainly illustrated their differing temperaments as Vash's grin grew wider and Meryl began to scowl. Vash cleared his throat nervously as he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to her. She took it from him without a word and began to dry her eyes as he made himself more comfortable next to her.

"We didn't get a chance to finish our conversation," Vash said lamely, only to regret his choice of words as Meryl glared at him, stuck the soggy handkerchief back in his hand and began to rise.

Vash reached out and grabbed her wrist, preventing her from completing the act. "Please, Meryl."

"You made yourself pretty clear already, Mr. Vash. I don't see any reason to our conversation from earlier."

Vash sighed, but still held onto her. "Look, I'm sorry," he said quietly, the look in the eyes causing Meryl to pause in her resistance. "I reacted badly and I'm sorry." He tugged on her arm in a silent plea to get her to sit down again. "Can't we talk? Please?"

Against her better judgment, Meryl relented and painstakingly settled herself back down. She tried not to notice the look of relief that flashed across his face as she sat. To notice such things would bring hope and it was already quite clear that what she had once hoped for would never happen. Still, there he was sitting next to her and she couldn't help but notice that his hand seemed to hold onto her wrist far longer than was necessary. It made her heart flutter to think about and she chastised herself for her childishness. He was here because of guilt, not any sort of romantic love; of that, she was certain. As she prepared herself for the hurt she was certain would soon come, she forced a mental wall of protection around her already wounded heart and tried to ignore the small spark of hope that suddenly shined in the back of her mind.

AN: Curious about the song this chapter was named after? You can listen to the MP3 at: http://sugoiweb.com/MP3/Sixpence_CantCatchYou.mp3 - it's all good.