Chapter Forty-Three
"So much has happened this week. The accident. Martin's return. The revelation he's Pilar's Martin. Regaining my memory. All good, and yet, my life this week has been touched by sadness as well. The same night of the accident--the night Luis got his father back--Josh passed. Nick didn't tell me until much later."
"I could tell he was upset that morning the moment I looked into his gray eyes. They were red and puffy, and he looked so tired. So sad as he asked Luis for a moment alone with me. I knew in my heart what was coming. I think I knew it the night it happened. Even in all my happiness I felt this emptiness. This emptiness that told me Josh was gone."
"I missed the memorial service. Didn't get to tell Christine how sorry I was. That was the day Martin revealed all to us. His family. Told us of my father's part in the whole tragedy. That's what it is and was. A tragedy. I'm so ashamed. Despite Martin's freeing words, shame filled me at the knowledge that my father was a murderer. I felt worse knowing he threatened Martin than I did knowing he used me as a scapegoat. Convinced me I was a killer. Me. Just a little girl. Guilty of murder."
"I worry what he will do now that Martin has broken his silence. He's done no wrong. But my father can make it seem differently. My father is a powerful man. Even from a hospital bed, Alistair Crane is a powerful man. He refuses to own up to the truth even though he is a shadow of the man he was, the stroke making him weak. And though I believe Martin wholeheartedly, there is no proof. No proof of a body. No proof of foul play. The murder of a man who got too close to the Crane secrets. The murder of a man too honest to keep them under wraps. A man who despite his fear, tried to come clean. An honorable act that caused his death."
"My father is guilty of so many things. But, as silly as it might seem, the thing I hold most against him is the fact that he withheld his love from me. Withheld the love of a father from a daughter. Cared so little for me that he was willing to sacrifice me to protect himself. Without another thought. Cared so little he let my husband think I was dead for three long years. My daughter grow three years without knowing me."
"But all that doesn't matter now. I have all the love I need. From Luis. And Ali. Pilar and Martin. Our friends. People I call my family. They are more my family than Alistair Crane ever was. And ever will be. He's dead to me. As sure as if we had lain him to rest. Luis wants payback. For all the unnecessary pain. But it is enough for me to know we have what my father will never have. Love. Security. Happiness. And Luis seems content enough with those things. He won't stop hoping for answers. He won't spend the rest of his life searching for proof either."
"Only one thing keeps me from the peace I want so badly. The way things ended with my brother. Julian and I came to an understanding in the weeks before the accident that took his life. And, in his own way, I know he loved me. He died trying to absolve me of my guilt. To take me to the truth. To Martin. And he did. Just not the way he'd planned."
"I remembered where I hid the key. The key to the rest of his secrets. And what I read shocked me. I went to Eve that same day. Yesterday. And learned the truth. Straight from her lips. And gave her an even more devastating truth. Her baby's death was a lie. Julian's son's death was one of the biggest lies of all. Orchestrated by none other than my father. Finding my nephew, trying the best way I know how to atone for the sins of my father, is something that won't let me go. Something I must do. For Julian. And I will, with Luis by my side."
She closed the book with a sigh. And looked to the man lying beside her. Sleeping peacefully. Unaware of her wakefulness. A smile on his face as he dreamed. His golden wedding band gleamed in the dim light. And a smile came over her lips as she looked down at its twin. Remembering his sweet words, the love in his voice, his eyes, his actions as he'd slipped the ring back on her finger earlier tonight. Back where it belonged. It was like getting married all over again as he vowed to always be there. Always with her. She tucked the journal under her pillow and turned off the lamp's light. Snuggling close. In his arms. Where her heart was.
"So much has happened this week. The accident. Martin's return. The revelation he's Pilar's Martin. Regaining my memory. All good, and yet, my life this week has been touched by sadness as well. The same night of the accident--the night Luis got his father back--Josh passed. Nick didn't tell me until much later."
"I could tell he was upset that morning the moment I looked into his gray eyes. They were red and puffy, and he looked so tired. So sad as he asked Luis for a moment alone with me. I knew in my heart what was coming. I think I knew it the night it happened. Even in all my happiness I felt this emptiness. This emptiness that told me Josh was gone."
"I missed the memorial service. Didn't get to tell Christine how sorry I was. That was the day Martin revealed all to us. His family. Told us of my father's part in the whole tragedy. That's what it is and was. A tragedy. I'm so ashamed. Despite Martin's freeing words, shame filled me at the knowledge that my father was a murderer. I felt worse knowing he threatened Martin than I did knowing he used me as a scapegoat. Convinced me I was a killer. Me. Just a little girl. Guilty of murder."
"I worry what he will do now that Martin has broken his silence. He's done no wrong. But my father can make it seem differently. My father is a powerful man. Even from a hospital bed, Alistair Crane is a powerful man. He refuses to own up to the truth even though he is a shadow of the man he was, the stroke making him weak. And though I believe Martin wholeheartedly, there is no proof. No proof of a body. No proof of foul play. The murder of a man who got too close to the Crane secrets. The murder of a man too honest to keep them under wraps. A man who despite his fear, tried to come clean. An honorable act that caused his death."
"My father is guilty of so many things. But, as silly as it might seem, the thing I hold most against him is the fact that he withheld his love from me. Withheld the love of a father from a daughter. Cared so little for me that he was willing to sacrifice me to protect himself. Without another thought. Cared so little he let my husband think I was dead for three long years. My daughter grow three years without knowing me."
"But all that doesn't matter now. I have all the love I need. From Luis. And Ali. Pilar and Martin. Our friends. People I call my family. They are more my family than Alistair Crane ever was. And ever will be. He's dead to me. As sure as if we had lain him to rest. Luis wants payback. For all the unnecessary pain. But it is enough for me to know we have what my father will never have. Love. Security. Happiness. And Luis seems content enough with those things. He won't stop hoping for answers. He won't spend the rest of his life searching for proof either."
"Only one thing keeps me from the peace I want so badly. The way things ended with my brother. Julian and I came to an understanding in the weeks before the accident that took his life. And, in his own way, I know he loved me. He died trying to absolve me of my guilt. To take me to the truth. To Martin. And he did. Just not the way he'd planned."
"I remembered where I hid the key. The key to the rest of his secrets. And what I read shocked me. I went to Eve that same day. Yesterday. And learned the truth. Straight from her lips. And gave her an even more devastating truth. Her baby's death was a lie. Julian's son's death was one of the biggest lies of all. Orchestrated by none other than my father. Finding my nephew, trying the best way I know how to atone for the sins of my father, is something that won't let me go. Something I must do. For Julian. And I will, with Luis by my side."
She closed the book with a sigh. And looked to the man lying beside her. Sleeping peacefully. Unaware of her wakefulness. A smile on his face as he dreamed. His golden wedding band gleamed in the dim light. And a smile came over her lips as she looked down at its twin. Remembering his sweet words, the love in his voice, his eyes, his actions as he'd slipped the ring back on her finger earlier tonight. Back where it belonged. It was like getting married all over again as he vowed to always be there. Always with her. She tucked the journal under her pillow and turned off the lamp's light. Snuggling close. In his arms. Where her heart was.