Chapter Nine: A Talk With The Shepherd

A/N: It's not over yet...Oh, and I'm sorry that it took sooo long to write this next chapter. My brain has been kinda clogged up and I've been working on too many things for school.

FYI I'm keeping how she dies, what she does allllll a secret (In case any of you guys are wondering!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold or any character from the TV Show.

Dr. Michaels cleared his throat. "Glad you called back, Helga. We got the test results back," he said.

"Okay," said Helga slowly. "And...?"

"And, I'm sorry, but," he drew in a deep breath. "RCC Cancer."

"RCC?" asked Helga.

"Renal cell carcinoma. We were planning to take out the affected kidney, but your cancer has spread. It seems that you came to me too late."

Helga's voice was caught in her throat. What was she supposed to say now? What's to happen? She has a cancer she doesn't even know anything about! "Oh...I see."

"Tell your parents. And we'll discuss the treatment with your family. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Okay," said Helga. "That would be fine. Bye, Doctor."

"Good-Bye Helga." He hung up.

Helga put down the phone and frowned. "Why me?" she groaned.

"What did he say?" asked Jonathan.

"That I have some RCC or whatever cancer." Helga frowned. "Not like it's important or anything. The fact is that I have cancer. It's official. I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN!" She sobbed.

"Hey, hey! You don't say that, Helga. Remember our advances in medicine these days – who knows? Your cancer could become nothing in just a matter of time."

"But what if it doesn't, Jonathan?!," cried Helga. "What if I'm not going to get better? I'll never be an award-winning poet. I'll never get married....I'll never be able to vote...I'll never ever have the chance to tell Arnold that I love Ar-," she paused. Jonathan looked at her amazingly.

"Arnold?"

Helga sniffled and nodded solemnly. "Yes. Is it such a crime? I want to tell him that I love him, I always have ever since...well, ever since I can remember," said Helga softly.

"It's not a crime. But why didn't you tell him before?"

"Would you have to guts to tell someone you've been head over heels for them for their whole life?"

"Uh, I guess not." He bent down next to Helga. "Are you going to tell him about this?"

"About what? My cancer?"

"No, about your sister," he said sarcastically. "Yes, your cancer."

Helga shook her head. "Of course not. I mean, why make him worry? Like you said before, this cancer thing could be nothing. And, when it's nothing, then I'll tell him."

"Are you sure?" He stared deeply into her eyes. Not the lovey-dovey deeply, but the "You'd better tell me the truth, Young Lady," kind of stare.

Helga let out her breath. "I guess not. Well – yes – Maybe...well...ugh. I'm going to think about it," she got up from the carpet. "I don't want to think about the future right now. Is that okay?"

Jonathan got up. "Yeah. It's your decision if you want to tell him or not. I shouldn't be butting into these things."

"I guess I'll catch ya later, dude," said Helga. "I'm going to go upstairs and call Phoebe."

***

"So, Doc," grumbled Big Bob as he fidgeted in the chair. "What are the options again?"

Doctor Michaels put his elbows on the table and took out his pen from his white shirt pocket and pointed to a piece of paper on the table. "One of them is chemotherapy..."

"Chemo – what?" He asked frustratedly.

"Chemotherapy. It destroys the cancer cells in her body. Maybe even radiation. Those would be the best options."

Mariam held Helga's hand as they listened to the doctor.

"But, of course, it's Helga's decision..." Dr. Michaels said, looking at Helga.

Helga drew in a deep breath and nodded. "Okay, I'll go with Chemotherapy and radiation. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Actually, you could lose your hair, experience pain..."

Helga put out her hand. "No, please."

"Sorry."

"When can I start?"

Dr. Michaels sighed and looked through his appointment book. "Tomorrow night. We'll keep you in the hospital for a bit. Just to check on you and we'll start the chemotherapy and radiation."

Helga nodded slowly.

"Thank you Dr. Michaels," Mariam said, shaking his hand.

"Thanks," said Big Bob. "Helga, let's go."

"I'll catch up with you in a minute, Dad. I have to ask Dr. Michaels something."

"Don't be too long." Mariam and Big Bob walked out of his office.

"Dr. Michaels, how bad is it?"

"How bad is what?"

"My cancer. I would like to know."

Dr. Michaels sighed again and opened a manila folder full of papers. He flipped few a through of them and stopped at an X-Ray. "Well, as I said before, you've come to me too late."

Helga bit her lip. I knew it. I regret that I never came to him when I felt those pains last year. Wasn't I a bit conspicuous about those pains reoccurring continuously? No, I never thought this would happen to me. Something like THIS only happened to other people. Not to ME. I can't POSSIBLY be going through THIS. "And?" she asked. She could feel her temples pump.

"It's spread very far. Too far."

"But I can be saved, right?"

Again, he sighed. "Yes, there is a possibility you will be cured. You're young and healthy."

Healthy? How can you say I'm healthy? I'VE GOT CANCER FOR YOUR INFORMATION – HOW CAN THAT BE HEALTHY?

"Oh."

"Don't fear. With regular radiation check-ups and chemotherapy, you should be fine." He smiled.

"Okay. Thanks," she said slowly. "I'll see you tomorrow night then."

"Yup."

"Bye..." Helga walked out of the door.

***

"Hey Helga," said Arnold, standing by her locker.

Helga walked towards him. "Hello Arnold. What are you doing?"

"Just waiting for my favorite friend," he smiled.

"Oh so all of a sudden I'm your favorite friend?" Helga chuckled.

"Yes. You've always been my favorite friend." He winked. "So, I was wondering if you were busy tonight."

"Tonight?" Helga asked astonishingly.

"Yes. Tonight."

Helga was tempted to say no. Oh so tempted. Her lips were just about to part...how close she was to uttering the word "no". But inside, her conscience told her to remember she was busy. It's not right. She had plans. It's for her own good.

"I'm sorry Arnold, but I'm busy," she said softly.

Arnold's face suddenly looked depressed. "Oh, that's alright. What are your plans anyway?"

"Um...I have to...um....go with Olga to the baby store. Yeah. You know, she's already two months pregnant. That baby'll be here before you know it," said Helga.

"I see," said Arnold. "Maybe next time?"

"Yeah. That sounds great." Helga smiled. She gently punched his arm. "I'll save a spot for you in my planner." She winked. That was probably not the best thing to say, but she couldn't help it. It was better than nothing. Right?

"Alright." There was a silent moment. "I guess I'll catch you later, Helga."

"Okay. Bye Arnold."

Arnold walked away, looking at the ground.

Oh my sweet love, please do not despair. It's not your fault – it's me...not you...it's all me. Oh could love be any more cruel? Why have you put this burden on me, God? What have I done wrong to make you punish me so? I don't lie, I don't cheat...oh the wretched life I live! Why couldn't I have been someone else?

A tear rolled down Helga's cheek. And she sniffed. Be strong, Helga ol' girl. Crying in the school halls is the worst thing you could do. She wiped her tear and walked away.

Inside, she felt like crap. Her stomach was aching and her back was sore. She could feel her body cringe. But on the outside, she looked strong. No one would even guess that she was sick – nor the fact that she had one of the most dreaded disease there could be. Her mind was just blank. She wanted no one to know. No one will know, she vowed. Not until she dies. And she vowed she wouldn't tell Arnold. I don't want to put him through any pain, she thought, He's better off not knowing. Why let him worry? This may go away sooner than expected.

Helga walked mindlessly. She slammed into Harold. "Ugh, sorry Patty," she said blankly, walking away not even looking.

"Patty?" Harold whined. "Do I look like a girl? Mommy!" He cried, running into the bathroom with the picture of a girl on the front.

"Get out of my way," growled Helga. She was shoving everyone away from her path.

"Helga?!" Phoebe asked surprisingly. She hurriedly walked next to her. "Are you okay?"

Helga sniffed and shook her head.

Phoebe took Helga inside an empty classroom. "Oh Phebes," sobbed Helga. "I'm living such a miserable life."

"Now, now, Helga. It's not completely miserable. 'Life's neither a good nor an evil; it's a field for good and evil.' I quote from Seneca," said Phoebe.

"Yeah, but for me it's only evil," cried Helga. "For the first ten years of my life, I've been living under shadows. And now," she caught her breath. "I'm dying!"

"Don't say that, Helga. Please...you know that's not true," pleaded Phoebe.

"Oh, no," replied Helga. "It's true – you don't know how true it is. I think God is punishing me for something I did. And I don't know what for!"

"He's not punishing you, Helga," said Phoebe softly. "It's all in your head."

Helga nodded. Her face was buried in her hands. "Why does He have to put me through so much pain and suffering?" she cried more. "Why me? Why me?"

***

Helga stayed in the hospital for the night. She felt tired and weary. She started her first round of radiation. Right about now she was feeling really crummy. On top of it all, she also started chemotherapy. Every day she would have to wear a little square thing that she would hide under her clothes.

No matter how much she rolled around, how much she counted sheep, she just couldn't get to sleep. So she thought for a second and remembered this quote: If you can't sleep, don't count sheep, talk to the Shepherd.

"God," said Helga softly. "Why are you doing this to me? I haven't lived. I'm not even eighteen and I'm already diagnosed with a deadly disease. I could've done so much for this world, God. What have I done wrong, huh? What did I do to deserve this?" Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I've been working so hard. I could've been so good, God – Please help me get through this. I can't afford to die," slowly tears flowed down her face and she cried herself to sleep.

A/N: Don't forget to R/R! Thanks a bundle!