I'm sooo tired of work. Thank god I've reached spring break and the freedom offered therein! Yay! Okay…um, my left eye feels like I got punched, but there's no marks or anything and it's not like a sinus headache, it's just really tender. It's freaking me out. Yeah, hey, this introduction is totally pointless but…hmm…oh! I got a birthday present from my mom yesterday! After today I won't be able to check my mail until next Sunday, so I won't be getting any more presents until then. I'll be cooped up in here since I can't go home (too far) so I'll be spending a lot of time in front of good old Goad, as my best friend has dubbed my computer. Anyway, here's part 10! Hey, has anyone else noticed that my lyrical intros keep getting longer…and longer…I really need to deal with that. Okay…I'm limiting myself on this one.
*****
All I Needed Was You
Part 10
*****
This morning I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself
And never talk about it
And did not go and shout it
When you walked into the room
I think I love you
-Partridge Family I Think I Love You (personally, I prefer the cover by Less Than Jake but that's my problem)
"Shippo, are you okay?" Asako stood over the kitsune, leaning down so that her face was only inches from his.
Kiss her his mind urged. Kiss her now. You're in love with her and you know it, so just do it. Just…
"Hello? Shippo?" Asako waved a hand in front of his face looking for some sort of response. "Hel—looo?"
"A…Asako…" he answered, still unsure of what he should do.
"Um…yeah, that's me." She tilted her head in confusion, standing up straight. "I just came out…because I was wondering if you were okay. Everyone else is in there already, you know." She explained.
"Oh…I guess so." He answered, not moving from where he sat.
"Hey, are you sure you're okay?" Asako moved to sit in front of him, leaning forward and examining him with big purple eyes. "Cause you look like you've got a problem or something."
"Maybe." He answered, knowing he couldn't really discuss this with her easily.
"Is that what you talked to Inuyasha about? Your problem?" Asako wanted to know.
"Yeah." Shippo nodded.
"Did it help then?" Asako prompted.
"Well…sort of." Shippo shrugged. "Somehow it feels like everything's worse, though. More complicated."
"You…you could tell me if you wanted." Asako spoke up, obviously unsure of how Shippo would react to this.
"I don't know…its kind of…it has to do with you." He told her, blushing at even admitting that much.
"Oh." Asako looked injured by this, and Shippo could tell she was trying to see what a problem involving her could possibly be. "Am I…am I too much of a bother to train?" she asked, biting her lip in worry.
"No, it's not that at all." Shippo assured her. "I…you just…I don't really understand it."
"So you have a problem and it has to do with me, but you don't really understand what the problem is?" Asako asked him. He nodded sheepishly in response.
"That about sums it up." Shippo told her. "Pretty stupid, huh?"
"I don't think I understand you at all." Asako sighed in exasperation. "Well, what did Inuyasha have to say? Does he understand your problem?"
"Well…I think he does, but I don't know." Shippo replied. "I don't know if he's right about all of this. All I really know is that…when I'm with you I…" there was a long pause as Shippo stared at Asako. Finally she spoke up.
"You what?" she prompted, breaking the spell.
"I…don't know." Shippo shook his head as if to clear it. "Let's go in, okay?"
"Whatever." Asako rolled her eyes in irritation as he avoided her once more.
As Shippo and Asako entered the house to join the rest of the group, Inuyasha looked up at them expectantly, but from the look on Shippo's face, the boy was obviously still in conflict about his emotions and hadn't done anything. Shaking his head in disgust, the hanyou returned his attention to the conversation that was currently taking place at the dinner table. Kagome had just asked Miroku and Sango if they were keeping busy.
"Demon exterminators are rare, you know." Sango replied. "So of course I'm always getting offers for work."
"Not that I ever let her go off by herself." Miroku added. "She's perfectly capable of watching out for herself, but I'm sure you know that accidents can happen."
"He gets so concerned." Sango smiled at her husband, letting him hold her hand. "In fact, we have a job tomorrow and he's been fidgety all day."
"Tomorrow? Oh, but we just got here." Kagome pouted. "We'll barely get to see you."
"I know, Kagome, I'm sorry." Sango sighed heavily. "If I'd only known you were coming…I'm afraid we won't be back for at least a week, either. You see, the village is a far way off and they're having no end of trouble with a big family of bird youkai."
"Maybe you should send someone else." Inuyasha suggested. "I bet Shippo and Asako could handle the job."
"I…oh, I don't know." Sango bit her lip. She had taught Asako to use her Hiraikotsu, but had never actually been brave enough to send her only child off to fight youkai. It was funny, she wasn't all that afraid of fighting them herself, but the idea of Asako fighting them had her terrified. "Asako's never fought against youkai."
"Oh, can I mom!" Asako was ecstatic at the idea. "I've never been able to try out all my training with you and Shippo!"
"She seems eager enough to try it." Kagome spoke up.
"And…well, Shippo's perfectly capable." Miroku added, a bit doubtful himself about how well he liked this idea. "He'd never let anything hurt her."
"No I wouldn't, but I don't think—" Shippo began.
"Then it's settled!" Inuyasha cut him off.
"But I don't really—" Shippo tried again, but Inuyasha clapped him on the back so hard he got the wind knocked out of him.
"It'll be great for you to get out and use some of your skills, eh Shippo?" Inuyasha asked, not waiting for an answer. "And I bet you're more than ready to try out some techniques for real, huh Asako?"
"Yeah, I think it'll be lots of fun!" Asako squealed happily. Sango looked at her excited daughter and shrugged.
"Well, there's no way I can say no to that." She conceded. Asako clapped her hands in excitement.
"Thanks mom!" she beamed at her mother, wolfing down the rest of her dinner in almost no time. "I'm going to get to bed early then. I want to be fresh for tomorrow!" and with that she practically skipped out of the room. Sango shook her head slowly.
"I don't remember ever being that excited to go kill youkai." Sango sighed. "Perhaps I've just protected her for too long…"
"Don't worry about it, Sango." Kagome smiled warmly at the other woman. "You're a mother, and it's perfectly natural for you to want to protect your baby." Kagome patted Aiko's head softly, and the white-haired girl pulled a face that even made the preoccupied Shippo grin.
"I'm not a baby, mom!" Aiko protested, her golden eyes flashing and making her look very much like her father. "I'm twelve years old."
"Oh, but Aiko, you'll always be my baby." Kagome smiled warmly at the resistant child. Shippo shook his head at the display when he noticed Inuyasha was rising and trying to catch his eye.
"What?" he asked softly.
"I need to talk to you." Inuyasha led him outside, leaving the others to finish their meal. Shippo was suddenly reminded of Inuyasha's earlier suggestion and felt panic well up in him as the two of them returned to their tree from earlier that evening.
"Inuyasha…" Shippo began, unsure of what exactly to ask the hanyou staring back at him calmly. This Inuyasha was so different from the one that he first knew, years ago. What was he up to, exactly? "What did you mean by that?"
"By what?" Inuyasha arched a dark eyebrow as though he had no idea what Shippo could mean.
"By what? You know what!" Shippo bared his fangs impatiently. "You're sending me off with Asako like this and I…and I…"
"And you love her." Inuyasha offered helpfully.
"Yes I…I mean I don't know if…argh!" Shippo shook his head in confusion. "I don't know what to think anymore, my feelings are all so messed up and it's hard to concentrate sometimes…and now you're sending me off with her? Alone? It's hard enough for me sleeping in the same room as her when I know Sango and Miroku are right in the next room! What am I supposed to do now?"
"Shippo, it took danger and fear to make Kagome confess to me and for me to return that." Inuyasha explained. "I'm doing you a favor here. Trust me, Shippo. You aren't doing anything now cause you feel like you have plenty of time to say what you need to. When someone you love…when they're in danger…it opens your eyes, Shippo. I'm helping that happen. Everyone else can see it, but you're still fucking blind to it."
"You're putting Asako in danger just for that? That's the stupidest damn thing I've ever heard of!" Shippo snarled. "If…if I really do love her, I don't need to risk her neck to help me find out about that."
"Feh." Inuyasha snorted, "When you were younger, you used to tell me how stupid I was, not being able to choose Kagome finally. Not being able to see how I felt about her. But now you're the stupid one. Damn. Some people say that when you fall in love, you know it the second it happens. You feel it so strong it could knock you over, but I say that's a load of shit. When you fall in love, you don't know it at all. It sneaks up on you; starts to grow inside of you and still you don't see it. You don't notice it. The thing you feel, that big boom everyone talks about, that's when you finally realize you're in love. You realize at some random moment that you love this person and that you've loved them for a long time now. When you finally realize that and accept that it's true, it knocks you flat on your ass. It turns your whole damn world upside down and you don't know what the hell to do anymore. But you know what Shippo?"
"What?" Shippo asked, somewhat sullen.
"If I had to choose between never realizing that I love Kagome or having to rearrange my whole life for her, I'd still do it the same." Inuyasha told him. "I hate to admit this type of thing still, but there's nothing that's better than being with the woman you love, knowing that you both love each other. It sounds so sappy and weak, I know, but it's the truth. I'm sure you know what I would have sacrificed to be with Kagome, even though she spared me from that." Inuyasha gave Shippo a level look that made the kitsune wonder suddenly if his eavesdropping on their conversation in the moonlight so many years ago had been entirely unnoticed. "I would have given more than that, much more, if I could be with her, but I've never had to do that. I just think you should know that Shippo."
"Why though?" Shippo wanted to know.
"Isn't it obvious?" Inuyasha made a face. "I'm trying to say that once you really realize how you feel…once you learn to stop fighting it…you'll thank me. Because it's miserable to go so long not knowing. But when you know…and she loves you too…" Inuyasha rose to his feet, and it was obvious he was eager to get back to Kagome. "Hey, Shippo."
"Yeah?" Shippo had risen as well. Inuyasha put a clawed hand on his shoulder, his lips pursed as though he needed to tell Shippo something else but wasn't quite sure how to say it.
"You should…you know that we're stronger than them, right?" Inuyasha finally managed, a hopeful look in his eyes showing that he wanted Shippo to understand everything from those words.
"You mean humans?" Shippo asked, almost incredulous. "Of course I knew that."
"Yeah…yeah." Inuyasha nodded, still distracted but trying to get this point across. "Well, it's…sometimes you forget."
"Why would I forget? What are you getting at?" Shippo was utterly confused by Inuyasha's words.
"Sometimes…youkai blood you know…it's hard to control." Inuyasha seemed to think that was a good explanation.
"What?" Shippo was utterly dumbfounded.
"What…what I mean to say is that sometimes, cause you're a youkai…you get these kinda…instincts." Inuyasha was obviously having a hard time getting out whatever it was that he felt he needed Shippo to know.
"Like when I fight?" Shippo asked.
"Exactly!" Inuyasha sounded a bit relieved. "Yeah, sometimes when you're fighting and there's a lot of…um, anger, then you sometimes have these feelings like you should just rip that guy to shreds and it's hard to keep in control. You know what I mean?"
"I guess." Shippo nodded. "One time I was out in the woods with Asako and some weak little youkai tried to have a go at her…I didn't even think about it, you know? I just ripped him in half."
"Yeah, exactly like that." Inuyasha nodded, licking his lips. "Well, sometimes…I mean…there's other instincts you can have…sometimes…whenever…you know…you feel something…strongly." Inuyasha was back to stumbling over his words awkwardly.
"Inuyasha…I'm sorry, but I don't really know what you're getting at here." Shippo told him impatiently.
"I know, I know…it's just…dammit, sometimes I wish I didn't feel like I'm still responsible for you!" Inuyasha pouted helplessly. "I hate this kind of thing…it's so uncomfortable, but dammit, you need to know! I mean, I really wish someone would've warned me, but I was lucky, and it all turned out okay. But who knows what could happen with Asako and you…"
"Asako? You think I'm going to hurt her or something? But why would I do that?" Shippo was still confused.
"It's like this, Shippo." Inuyasha steeled himself. "I…when I was first alone with Kagome after everything had happened, I had all these feelings inside cause…well she kissed me and now…things were different. And all I could think was how she was mine and no one could have her, if they tried I'd kill them. We were…we were in her room and she was laying back against me on her bed cause I was kinda petting her hair and she had fallen asleep. And then I…I didn't even think, Shippo. Just all the sudden, I was biting her neck, making my mark on her, you know? It…I suppose it could've been okay, but damn…I bit so hard that she was bleeding and then I…she woke up and made a noise since it hurt, you know. And I should've stopped, I know it…but for some reason…the taste of her blood and her skin, knowing that she was mine and thinking that everyone should know that. I got this urge and…I didn't really know what was going on until she started to cry. I'd thrown her down and tried to…to just…I was going to…but I didn't. I stopped myself. I was so pissed at myself for losing control that all I could do for days was apologize to her. But Kagome said…she said she understood what she was getting into, being with a hanyou like me, that it was okay. Do you see what I'm trying to say here, Shippo?"
"You think…I'm going to rape Asako?" Shippo was completely aghast.
"No! I'm trying to tell you that you just…you have to be really careful because sometimes you get carried away…instincts, you know." Inuyasha answered, obviously a bit embarrassed about all this. "I'm just warning you that you know…you know how I taught you to concentrate and control your emotions during battles? Just…sometimes that trick is useful for other things. Just be careful with her, okay? She's a human, and she can't stand up to what youkai are used to."
"Um…yeah, I'll keep that in mind." Shippo was blushing when he went back to his room for some sleep. Somehow, he hadn't gained a lot of confidence from Inuyasha's little "talk." In fact, it felt as though he'd lost what little confidence he had.
****
The End (Of Part 10, That Is)