Unrequited Love¡ªMisao¡¯s Thoughts
(A full, top to toe translation of my Chinese fic/vignette)
By Celste Yi Jin(my Chinese name)
The characters in this story are Mr. Nobuhiro Watsuki¡¯s. Sorry everyone, although I¡¯m from a SAP school in Singapore[which is something like a traditional Chinese school), my Chinese is¡rotten! Please forgive me
Love, what is it? Why hasn¡¯t Aoshi-niichan (This is a nearly direct translation, therefore I¡¯m not using ¡®sama¡¯) forgiven himself already? Hannya, Beshimi¡although they died trying to protect Aoshi-niichan, I forgave him long ago, because if they had not done so, I wouldn¡¯t have him in my life now.
The only thing I¡¯m not happy about is that he still doesn¡¯t notice I¡¯m around!
Every morning, I take tea and snacks to the Zen temple where he meditates, and furthermore tell jokes, trying to make him smile. In the end, nothing works. That makes me so angry!
Two years ago, when Himura brought him home, I had already made up my mind¡ªto win Aoshi¡¯s love, I can¡¯t just sit there and wait, but instead, do my best to move that icy heart of his. I want to make him fall gradually in love with me. And his love must neither be the love between siblings or friends that we had ten years ago nor the respect and understanding between a head and his subordinate.
The love I want him to have is forever, never ending.
Ever since I was little, I knew that Aoshi-niichan and I are a couple born in heaven and made by earth[equivalent to ¡®a match made in heaven¡¯). Yes, he is ten years older than me, but love knows no boundaries. No matter how old he is, no matter how many years our ages differ¡ªdon¡¯t talk about ten years, even if it¡¯s fifteen years or, more than that, twenty years, as long as he¡¯s my Aoshi-niichan, I¡¯ll love him unconditionally.
Everyone advises me to stop pursuing him. But is it easy to give up one¡¯s love and dreams? Those who think so probably have not felt true love before.
Omasu and Okon used to tell me many times that what I felt was not true love but only a childish infatuation that would slowly fade as I grew up; only Jiya believed that the feelings I had for Aoshi-niichan was true love. Now, I¡¯m no longer the Makimachi Misao who was immature with a childish way of thinking. I¡¯m a mature eighteen year old young woman, and not the tomboy I was two years ago, all these have amazed everyone. Even Aoshi-niichan feels strange about this sudden change.
What surprises them most is that even now, I still love Aoshi as deeply as I used to. Those long dreary years when he left me did not vanquish my feelings for him but instead, strengthened my love. Right now, Omasu and the rest will never dare to deny that I love Aoshi from the bottom of my heart.
Only¡Aoshi is still cold toward me. I think he probably still hasn¡¯t completely forgiven himself for letting Hannya and the rest be shot dead by Kanryuu. About this, I intend to help him to forgive himself and let my ¡®sunshine¡¯ move and melt his cold heart again, just like I used to.
I believe I¡¯m slowly beginning to succeed. That rare smile of Aoshi¡¯s is gradually returning to his usually emotionless face. Sometimes, he looks at me with deep, profound eyes, and then, even I, who understands him most, have no way of knowing what he¡¯s thinking.
What I¡¯m dreaming of day and night is that someday, he¡¯ll profess his love for me, and that certainly isn¡¯t impossible! If that happens someday, then I¡¯ll know that the gods in heaven have heard my prayers.
I don¡¯t care what setbacks I face, I certainly won¡¯t be disheartened and give up, or be discouraged. No matter what, I¡¯ll never give up my love for Aoshi, but will always be at his side as his sunshine, shining on the love that is starting to bud in his heart and will always be waiting for him.
As they say, ¡°On the seventh of the seventh month in the Palace of Longevity, undisturbed by anyone/ In heavens may we be like birds that fly wing to wing/On earth, like aged trees whose sturdy branches intertwine/ The vaulting sky and ancient earth will someday reach an end/ But such sorrow will never fade away.¡± This can be used to describe what I¡¯m feeling now.
Owari
Hi everyone, I¡¯m ¡®Yi Jin¡¯(which means illustrious jade, my parents say) from Singapore, asking for advice! I know my Chinese isn¡¯t exactly ¡®outstanding¡¯, this is my first Chinese fanfic. Nothing else, bye and thanks!
The poem in the last paragraph is an excerpt from the famous ¡°Chang2 Hen4 Ge1¡±(Song of Enduring Sorrow) by Tang poet Bai Juyi. I learnt it in Chinese Literature class and it¡¯s got something to do with the Tang emperor Xuanzong and his beloved concubine, the famous beauty Yang Guifei.