***To be told from Charlotte's point of View***
(I don't think it was mentioned this, but Frank, the step father supposedly died after he killed Charlottes mother, Kay? Just wanted to clear that up, also: Charlotte is about eight in this story.)
Part 7
It was the first time Mark had taken me somewhere, just him and I. Usually Elizabeth would come, making the outing more like an adventure, crazy and wildly fun. However, the silence between us was strangely comforting and I enjoyed looking out at the water of the lake as the sun's light rippled and sparkled upon the dense liquid with a calming motion before disappearing as a breeze passed through, only to return moments later.
"Charlotte, what happened today?"
I knew it was too good to last and before I knew it, Mark had spoken again, accompanied by a concerned expression, the skin on his forehead creased with the strain of his eyebrows.
"I need to know what's going on in here," he said, tapping lightly on my head covered in straight red hair that had been pulled back in a high pony tail by Elizabeth that morning.
I sighed, looked once more out into the water and then decided that now was as good a time as any.
"I'm afraid of many things," I started off, not wanting to look at Marks face I turned away. I didn't like to watch his emotions, sometimes I could see what a person was feeling through their expressions and I didn't like it. I felt as thought I was intruding on their private feelings. I hated it when some one saw me crying. It made me afraid that they might yell at me to stop like Frank would do. That of course made it worse then ever and light tears would turn into sobs in a second.
"I think Frank will come back, looking for me."
"Charlotte, Frank is-"
"I know, dead. His ghost might come to haunt me, though and I know that there is no such thing as ghosts, but I see him."
"Where do you see him?"
"Sometimes I close my eyes at night and I will see him, his face large and ugly hovering over me, his horrible toothless smile grinning down at me as though he wants to get back at me for every single thing I've done wrong."
I took a deep breath. I needed to slow down.
"I see my mother, I hear her screams as she tells him to stop- stop whatever it is he is doing. Sometimes I heard him hitting her and then watch her faint onto the cold floor..."
I closed my eyes and dug round my mind for a bit. Nope I couldn't see it anymore. It was gone. For good or just a little while I wouldn't know. Only time could tell.
"I worry about Elizabeth, about the baby and what will happen once she's born-"
"Nothing will happen, Charlotte," Mark said, wondering what she thought would happen.
"Yes! Something will happen and I know it!"
"What would that be?"
"Nothing that you would understand," I whispered back bitterly, closing myself off again.
"Try me."
I contemplated not saying a thing, or just simply lying and saying that I wasn't worried at all but I had dug down far too deep now to undo what I had said. A lonely tear dropped across my cheek. His fingers reached across my face to wipe it away but I turned my head in the direction of the sea once more, the crashing of the waves now pounding in my head like a headache that wouldn't get away.
"You'll send me away, once she's born. I'll be put into home after home because you and Elizabeth will have what you want... your own child... you won't want me anymore."
"Hey! Who said anything about sending you away?" asked Mark, leaning forward in concentration. He seemed to be deeply considering my words.
"I just know."
"Charlotte, I know that I shouldn't be telling you this, but Elizabeth and I were thinking of adopting you, permanently."
"You were?" I say, not really believing what he was saying. I gently willed myself not to get my hopes up too high, I never knew when they might come crashing down again.
"Only if you wanted it. I mean, its fine if you wanted to leave-"
I didn't for him to finish and instead reached out with a hug of forgiveness and a light headed state of happiness. There was, however, a dull throbbing ache at the deepest corner of my heart tearing at the happy thoughts and shredding them into pieces almost unrecognisable. I pushed the feeling away. 'They want me' I told me myself, 'They aren't going to send me away.' The feeling of cold-heartedness almost fading like the black bruise I had received while on the slide at the park a few days ago, the ache still there, but now into something small, something I could fix.
"Want to go get some ice cream?" asked Mark, chuckling as he hugged me back.
"Yup!"
~*~*~*~
The afternoon had been great. We walked along to pier and talked about things that weren't really important, ate ice cream then we went back home… I mean Elizabeth and Mark's house. I didn't want to pretend that what Mark had told me would be a lie, but if for some reason, the whole adoption didn't go through, I wasn't going to set myself up for disappointment.
Arriving back at the house, the sun had started to go down. It was almost dinner time yet the house was dark, none of the lights were on and all the blinds were drawn, as though no body was inside.
As soon as Mark had unlocked the door I raced inside and then glanced back at Mark.
"Where is Elizabeth?"
"Probably sleeping. Don't wake her if she is, okay? I'm going to start dinner,"
I nodded. I watched as Mark left the room, wondering if I should go and help but deciding that I could help later. At the moment curiosity was getting the better of me and I wanted to talk to Elizabeth, not if she was sleeping, of course.
I looked into Mark and Elizabeth's room and saw Elizabeth lying down on the bed. Her back was facing away from the door. It looked as though she was sleeping, but the mirror on the dressing table told me otherwise.
"Charlotte, you can come in," Elizabeth called softly, still facing the wall on her left side. Quietly I padded across the thick carpeted floor and carefully sat down at the foot of the bed as though it might break.
"Come closer," she whispered sleepily. Silently, I moved forward until I was right beside her.
"Elizabeth, are you sick?"
"Not yet sweetie, but if I don't rest I will be."
"Is the baby okay?"
"I think so Charlotte, I think so," and with that, our simple conversation had ended. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek, silently sealing my promise to return later. I crept back quietly out of the room, this time closing the door behind me to leave the room of semi-darkness.
~*~*~*~
Dinner that night had been quiet. Elizabeth had convinced Mark that she could eat downstairs and so she had. Then Mark made her go back to bed as soon as she had finished eating. I would have hated to rest all day long if I really didn't feel sick, but Elizabeth trudged back up the stairs, Mark's eyes watching her closely.
"When did you meet Elizabeth?" I asked. I didn't remember if I'd ever had asked. It was important and besides, I liked to know stories of when they had just gotten together.
"Oh… it must be about four, five years ago," said Mark dreamily, remembering the first time he had seen her and all the other memorable moments in between.
"And it took you five years to get married?!?" I yelled, almost dropping the plate she had been scrubbing while standing on a plastic stool.
"No, no nothing like that. We didn't actually become a … couple until about a year or two ago,"
Well, at least I knew things were going to be okay, "That's good." I replied, relieved.
"And why is that good?" asked Mark, he seemed amused and I wondered why. Relationships weren't that hard to figure out… were they? Mark and Elizabeth seemed to have everything fixed.
"Because Ted said that if it took forever for two people to get married, then it won't last," I prophesized, practically one hundred percent sure of my answer.
"Just because Ted said it doesn't mean it's true,"
"But Ted said that his mother never lies…" I protested earnestly.
"I'm sure Ted's mother never lies sweetie but the way one person sees things is not the same way another would," said Mark, trying his best to explain it to me in simple terms.
I wasn't convinced.
"Like… you told me that Ted doesn't like bananas, right?"
Well, I that's true. I nodded.
"And you do like them, don't you?"
I nodded again, not quite sure where he was going with this.
"Well, you think bananas taste good, Ted doesn't. Ted's mother thinks that couples that take too long to get married won't last long and I think that waiting a long time is an okay thing. You get me now?"
"Uh huh, totally. Ok!" I understood now and thinking back, what he said did make sense.
"My parents went out for four years before they got married," said Mark fondly as he remembered what his mother was like every time his father had come home from an assignment.
"Really?"
"Yes, and they were still married until they died,"
"Your Mummy and Daddy are dead too?" I asked wanting to make sure I had the right information. This was another thing I had just found out about and boy was I learning a lot tonight.
"Uh huh, they died just last year," Mark paused for a moment, "Hey! When did you started on 'Ted said this' or Ted said that'?"
"I don't know…?" It looked like I was going to have to watch what I said from now on I thought to myself, I can never be too careful.
"It's okay. You just seem very friendly with this boy *Ted*. When do I get to meet him?" asked Mark, lifting me down from my stool and draining the sink with a quick pull of a plug.
"You want to meet him!?!" My Mummy had never wanted any of my friends hanging round, not that I had that many. I guess times had changed; Mark and Elizabeth were different, very different.
"Of course, every guy in my girl's life is important!" he said as though I must have been kidding. I wasn't kidding, mind you.
"Can he come over tomorrow afternoon- for dinner maybe?" I suggested slowly, once again not wanting to expect too much.
"Well… I'll have to talk to his Mother first, and I don't think I have that afternoon off…" said Mark, seriously considering my proposal.
"Please? I promise we'll be quiet and won't make a mess. I have his number!" I exclaimed, remembering the piece of paper we had exchanged one afternoon not too long ago, hoping that our parents would let us play after school hours.
"I have to talk to Elizabeth first," Mark reminded me gently, "What about Saturday-"
"YEAH!" I exclaimed! Alright! I couldn't wait to ask Ted.
"But I have to ask Elizabeth first," Mark reminded me again.
I nodded a big grin on my face. "Okay."
"Now up to bed!" Mark ordered, finger pointed up the stairs to end all of my stalling techniques.
"Yes Mark," I grumbled grudgingly. At the foot of the first step, I turned. "Will you tuck me in?" I requested, not want to ask for too much.
"Yes pumpkin, I will be up in a minuet," he said with a smile. I began to climb the stairs. Having a story at bed time was one my most favourite things to do.
~*~*~*~
I watched as Elizabeth sighed from her position on the bed, she kept looking downwards and pulled gently at the buttons that weren't nearly as loose as they once were.
"Look at this!"
"What's wrong?" asked Mark, looking up from where he stood, looking through the dresser for a particular item he seemed to have misplaced.
"Your shirt isn't even going to fit in a month's time!" she said with a sad smile on her face.
"And your going to miss wearing *my* clothes," teased Mark playfully, "What's so bad about your clothes?" he sat down on his side of the bed, gently tugging at the material as though he was trying to make it larger.
"Nothing, I just like you things better. They remind me of you," she whispered, a soft smile gracing her tired face.
"I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere."
"I know I just miss you during the days. Charlotte's at school... your at work... there isn't anything for me to do around here except sleep, read and fold clothes," she said, rolling her eyes at the mention of the only chore that Mark had allowed her to do.
"You know, Charlotte's been really friendly with this boy, Ted," said Mark as he pulled on an old worn shirt.
"That's great. I was getting worried that she wasn't making friends as fast I thought she would. I've never seen any of them around,"
"Well, Charlotte has been begging me to let this *Ted* come over on Saturday. What do you think?" asked Mark.
"I think it's great!"
Yeah! I knew she'd say yes.
"At least we're going to meet this guy…"
"Mark-"
"I know I know it's just that sometimes having Charlotte around reminds me of when Rachel was younger."
I didn't understand how the topic of conversation could have changed without notice and how Elizabeth had been able to understand what Mark had been saying. I guess that was another thing that made them so special. Before I could contemplate that thought any longer, the conversation had taken another twist.
"I said something today, something I shouldn't have… to Charlotte," Mark said, almost guiltily. I held my breath. He lied to me?!?
"What did you tell her?" Elizabeth asked her eye brows furrowed.
"Just that we were thinking of making this… arrangement permanent," answered Mark, sitting down beside her, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.
"Don't worry about- we were thinking about it anyway. I guess we'd better stop stalling, we really don't know how long we can keep her here in foster care."
"You forgive me?"
"Of course I do silly," said Elizabeth giving Mark a peck on the nose. I let out the breath I had been holding. I don't know what I would have done if he had lied. I should know better than to think Mark would lie I told myself harshly, he never has before and he won't start now.
"I seem to remember you promising a certain someone a bed time story and a tuck I," reminded Elizabeth, gently prodding Mark towards the door.
"Yeah…I'll be back soon," Mark said as he moved off the bed and gave her one last kiss.
It was then I realized how hard all of this was for the two of them to manage. There was work which Mark couldn't miss, there was Elizabeth and the baby and then there was me, who still needed looking after. I tried to do my best around the house, picking up things that were lying around and listening to whatever Mark told me, but I still wasn't sure if that was enough. Did they think of me as some annoying brat? I didn't think so. I wouldn't be here if they thought I was like that.
I crept slowly away from the room and back into the confines of my room. I liked the pale yellow walls and light blue curtains. It reminded me of the long blue and yellow sundress my mother would wear when times had been better. Waiting for Mark to come up and tuck me in like he'd promised me he would, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my sleepy self and went into a state of semi-conscience as I waited.
(I don't think it was mentioned this, but Frank, the step father supposedly died after he killed Charlottes mother, Kay? Just wanted to clear that up, also: Charlotte is about eight in this story.)
Part 7
It was the first time Mark had taken me somewhere, just him and I. Usually Elizabeth would come, making the outing more like an adventure, crazy and wildly fun. However, the silence between us was strangely comforting and I enjoyed looking out at the water of the lake as the sun's light rippled and sparkled upon the dense liquid with a calming motion before disappearing as a breeze passed through, only to return moments later.
"Charlotte, what happened today?"
I knew it was too good to last and before I knew it, Mark had spoken again, accompanied by a concerned expression, the skin on his forehead creased with the strain of his eyebrows.
"I need to know what's going on in here," he said, tapping lightly on my head covered in straight red hair that had been pulled back in a high pony tail by Elizabeth that morning.
I sighed, looked once more out into the water and then decided that now was as good a time as any.
"I'm afraid of many things," I started off, not wanting to look at Marks face I turned away. I didn't like to watch his emotions, sometimes I could see what a person was feeling through their expressions and I didn't like it. I felt as thought I was intruding on their private feelings. I hated it when some one saw me crying. It made me afraid that they might yell at me to stop like Frank would do. That of course made it worse then ever and light tears would turn into sobs in a second.
"I think Frank will come back, looking for me."
"Charlotte, Frank is-"
"I know, dead. His ghost might come to haunt me, though and I know that there is no such thing as ghosts, but I see him."
"Where do you see him?"
"Sometimes I close my eyes at night and I will see him, his face large and ugly hovering over me, his horrible toothless smile grinning down at me as though he wants to get back at me for every single thing I've done wrong."
I took a deep breath. I needed to slow down.
"I see my mother, I hear her screams as she tells him to stop- stop whatever it is he is doing. Sometimes I heard him hitting her and then watch her faint onto the cold floor..."
I closed my eyes and dug round my mind for a bit. Nope I couldn't see it anymore. It was gone. For good or just a little while I wouldn't know. Only time could tell.
"I worry about Elizabeth, about the baby and what will happen once she's born-"
"Nothing will happen, Charlotte," Mark said, wondering what she thought would happen.
"Yes! Something will happen and I know it!"
"What would that be?"
"Nothing that you would understand," I whispered back bitterly, closing myself off again.
"Try me."
I contemplated not saying a thing, or just simply lying and saying that I wasn't worried at all but I had dug down far too deep now to undo what I had said. A lonely tear dropped across my cheek. His fingers reached across my face to wipe it away but I turned my head in the direction of the sea once more, the crashing of the waves now pounding in my head like a headache that wouldn't get away.
"You'll send me away, once she's born. I'll be put into home after home because you and Elizabeth will have what you want... your own child... you won't want me anymore."
"Hey! Who said anything about sending you away?" asked Mark, leaning forward in concentration. He seemed to be deeply considering my words.
"I just know."
"Charlotte, I know that I shouldn't be telling you this, but Elizabeth and I were thinking of adopting you, permanently."
"You were?" I say, not really believing what he was saying. I gently willed myself not to get my hopes up too high, I never knew when they might come crashing down again.
"Only if you wanted it. I mean, its fine if you wanted to leave-"
I didn't for him to finish and instead reached out with a hug of forgiveness and a light headed state of happiness. There was, however, a dull throbbing ache at the deepest corner of my heart tearing at the happy thoughts and shredding them into pieces almost unrecognisable. I pushed the feeling away. 'They want me' I told me myself, 'They aren't going to send me away.' The feeling of cold-heartedness almost fading like the black bruise I had received while on the slide at the park a few days ago, the ache still there, but now into something small, something I could fix.
"Want to go get some ice cream?" asked Mark, chuckling as he hugged me back.
"Yup!"
~*~*~*~
The afternoon had been great. We walked along to pier and talked about things that weren't really important, ate ice cream then we went back home… I mean Elizabeth and Mark's house. I didn't want to pretend that what Mark had told me would be a lie, but if for some reason, the whole adoption didn't go through, I wasn't going to set myself up for disappointment.
Arriving back at the house, the sun had started to go down. It was almost dinner time yet the house was dark, none of the lights were on and all the blinds were drawn, as though no body was inside.
As soon as Mark had unlocked the door I raced inside and then glanced back at Mark.
"Where is Elizabeth?"
"Probably sleeping. Don't wake her if she is, okay? I'm going to start dinner,"
I nodded. I watched as Mark left the room, wondering if I should go and help but deciding that I could help later. At the moment curiosity was getting the better of me and I wanted to talk to Elizabeth, not if she was sleeping, of course.
I looked into Mark and Elizabeth's room and saw Elizabeth lying down on the bed. Her back was facing away from the door. It looked as though she was sleeping, but the mirror on the dressing table told me otherwise.
"Charlotte, you can come in," Elizabeth called softly, still facing the wall on her left side. Quietly I padded across the thick carpeted floor and carefully sat down at the foot of the bed as though it might break.
"Come closer," she whispered sleepily. Silently, I moved forward until I was right beside her.
"Elizabeth, are you sick?"
"Not yet sweetie, but if I don't rest I will be."
"Is the baby okay?"
"I think so Charlotte, I think so," and with that, our simple conversation had ended. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek, silently sealing my promise to return later. I crept back quietly out of the room, this time closing the door behind me to leave the room of semi-darkness.
~*~*~*~
Dinner that night had been quiet. Elizabeth had convinced Mark that she could eat downstairs and so she had. Then Mark made her go back to bed as soon as she had finished eating. I would have hated to rest all day long if I really didn't feel sick, but Elizabeth trudged back up the stairs, Mark's eyes watching her closely.
"When did you meet Elizabeth?" I asked. I didn't remember if I'd ever had asked. It was important and besides, I liked to know stories of when they had just gotten together.
"Oh… it must be about four, five years ago," said Mark dreamily, remembering the first time he had seen her and all the other memorable moments in between.
"And it took you five years to get married?!?" I yelled, almost dropping the plate she had been scrubbing while standing on a plastic stool.
"No, no nothing like that. We didn't actually become a … couple until about a year or two ago,"
Well, at least I knew things were going to be okay, "That's good." I replied, relieved.
"And why is that good?" asked Mark, he seemed amused and I wondered why. Relationships weren't that hard to figure out… were they? Mark and Elizabeth seemed to have everything fixed.
"Because Ted said that if it took forever for two people to get married, then it won't last," I prophesized, practically one hundred percent sure of my answer.
"Just because Ted said it doesn't mean it's true,"
"But Ted said that his mother never lies…" I protested earnestly.
"I'm sure Ted's mother never lies sweetie but the way one person sees things is not the same way another would," said Mark, trying his best to explain it to me in simple terms.
I wasn't convinced.
"Like… you told me that Ted doesn't like bananas, right?"
Well, I that's true. I nodded.
"And you do like them, don't you?"
I nodded again, not quite sure where he was going with this.
"Well, you think bananas taste good, Ted doesn't. Ted's mother thinks that couples that take too long to get married won't last long and I think that waiting a long time is an okay thing. You get me now?"
"Uh huh, totally. Ok!" I understood now and thinking back, what he said did make sense.
"My parents went out for four years before they got married," said Mark fondly as he remembered what his mother was like every time his father had come home from an assignment.
"Really?"
"Yes, and they were still married until they died,"
"Your Mummy and Daddy are dead too?" I asked wanting to make sure I had the right information. This was another thing I had just found out about and boy was I learning a lot tonight.
"Uh huh, they died just last year," Mark paused for a moment, "Hey! When did you started on 'Ted said this' or Ted said that'?"
"I don't know…?" It looked like I was going to have to watch what I said from now on I thought to myself, I can never be too careful.
"It's okay. You just seem very friendly with this boy *Ted*. When do I get to meet him?" asked Mark, lifting me down from my stool and draining the sink with a quick pull of a plug.
"You want to meet him!?!" My Mummy had never wanted any of my friends hanging round, not that I had that many. I guess times had changed; Mark and Elizabeth were different, very different.
"Of course, every guy in my girl's life is important!" he said as though I must have been kidding. I wasn't kidding, mind you.
"Can he come over tomorrow afternoon- for dinner maybe?" I suggested slowly, once again not wanting to expect too much.
"Well… I'll have to talk to his Mother first, and I don't think I have that afternoon off…" said Mark, seriously considering my proposal.
"Please? I promise we'll be quiet and won't make a mess. I have his number!" I exclaimed, remembering the piece of paper we had exchanged one afternoon not too long ago, hoping that our parents would let us play after school hours.
"I have to talk to Elizabeth first," Mark reminded me gently, "What about Saturday-"
"YEAH!" I exclaimed! Alright! I couldn't wait to ask Ted.
"But I have to ask Elizabeth first," Mark reminded me again.
I nodded a big grin on my face. "Okay."
"Now up to bed!" Mark ordered, finger pointed up the stairs to end all of my stalling techniques.
"Yes Mark," I grumbled grudgingly. At the foot of the first step, I turned. "Will you tuck me in?" I requested, not want to ask for too much.
"Yes pumpkin, I will be up in a minuet," he said with a smile. I began to climb the stairs. Having a story at bed time was one my most favourite things to do.
~*~*~*~
I watched as Elizabeth sighed from her position on the bed, she kept looking downwards and pulled gently at the buttons that weren't nearly as loose as they once were.
"Look at this!"
"What's wrong?" asked Mark, looking up from where he stood, looking through the dresser for a particular item he seemed to have misplaced.
"Your shirt isn't even going to fit in a month's time!" she said with a sad smile on her face.
"And your going to miss wearing *my* clothes," teased Mark playfully, "What's so bad about your clothes?" he sat down on his side of the bed, gently tugging at the material as though he was trying to make it larger.
"Nothing, I just like you things better. They remind me of you," she whispered, a soft smile gracing her tired face.
"I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere."
"I know I just miss you during the days. Charlotte's at school... your at work... there isn't anything for me to do around here except sleep, read and fold clothes," she said, rolling her eyes at the mention of the only chore that Mark had allowed her to do.
"You know, Charlotte's been really friendly with this boy, Ted," said Mark as he pulled on an old worn shirt.
"That's great. I was getting worried that she wasn't making friends as fast I thought she would. I've never seen any of them around,"
"Well, Charlotte has been begging me to let this *Ted* come over on Saturday. What do you think?" asked Mark.
"I think it's great!"
Yeah! I knew she'd say yes.
"At least we're going to meet this guy…"
"Mark-"
"I know I know it's just that sometimes having Charlotte around reminds me of when Rachel was younger."
I didn't understand how the topic of conversation could have changed without notice and how Elizabeth had been able to understand what Mark had been saying. I guess that was another thing that made them so special. Before I could contemplate that thought any longer, the conversation had taken another twist.
"I said something today, something I shouldn't have… to Charlotte," Mark said, almost guiltily. I held my breath. He lied to me?!?
"What did you tell her?" Elizabeth asked her eye brows furrowed.
"Just that we were thinking of making this… arrangement permanent," answered Mark, sitting down beside her, his eyes pleading for forgiveness.
"Don't worry about- we were thinking about it anyway. I guess we'd better stop stalling, we really don't know how long we can keep her here in foster care."
"You forgive me?"
"Of course I do silly," said Elizabeth giving Mark a peck on the nose. I let out the breath I had been holding. I don't know what I would have done if he had lied. I should know better than to think Mark would lie I told myself harshly, he never has before and he won't start now.
"I seem to remember you promising a certain someone a bed time story and a tuck I," reminded Elizabeth, gently prodding Mark towards the door.
"Yeah…I'll be back soon," Mark said as he moved off the bed and gave her one last kiss.
It was then I realized how hard all of this was for the two of them to manage. There was work which Mark couldn't miss, there was Elizabeth and the baby and then there was me, who still needed looking after. I tried to do my best around the house, picking up things that were lying around and listening to whatever Mark told me, but I still wasn't sure if that was enough. Did they think of me as some annoying brat? I didn't think so. I wouldn't be here if they thought I was like that.
I crept slowly away from the room and back into the confines of my room. I liked the pale yellow walls and light blue curtains. It reminded me of the long blue and yellow sundress my mother would wear when times had been better. Waiting for Mark to come up and tuck me in like he'd promised me he would, I climbed into bed and pulled the covers over my sleepy self and went into a state of semi-conscience as I waited.