Hello! I hope this is V.V.V. funny, no… HILARIOUS! Yes, and in reply to
my stories being too short, there are two answers.
I can't be bothered to write much.
I'm a hobbit and prefer to write nothing taller than myself.
READ ON MAN, THIS FIC IS LIKE TOTALLY GROOVY!
And oh yeah, I'll eat your treasured family pets Karyn if you eat mine!!!
* The sun streamed through the elegant trees as cute and furry things nibbled at tufts of juicy emerald grass, the melodic tweeting of colourful, little birds cheerily permeated the air. A strain of crickets "shick-schicked" in a thicket not far away and I breathed in the cool and sweet air, the crickets continuing in the background with a sharp, staccato tempo. But wait, the crickets began to sound different, their song became suddenly loud and spluttered like it was coming through someone's nostrils…*
"MINSC!" I cried grumpily.
"Yes? Is there evil nearby?"
"Just please stop snoring!"
"But Emma, it was not me!"
"Jaheira then?"
"No!" Minsc answered me with great excitement, "Guess again!!!"
"Shona, maybe?"
"Nope!!!"
"WHO?"
"BOO!," He beamed and proudly held the small creature up to my face and I momentarily considered grabbing the brown and white ball of fur and throwing him away to see if hamsters could bounce, "Boo sounds like a swarm of angry hornets when he snores, does he not?"
"Wha..?" Jaheira blinked and slowly sat up, "I cannot imagine angry hornets living in such a horrible place as this."
"No, but a whole colony currently reside in Boo's nose, " I yawned, coughing when the stale, musty air hit my throat, "Or at least if it was Boo who was snoring…"
"Are you attempting to blight this rangers reputation?"
"Of course not, you don't snore do you?"
"NO! Rangers from Rasheman do not snore! Oh, I wish I had a FLAGON of sweet ale!"
"What, dragon? Where? I must kill it!" Shona jumped to her feet from resting and looked about herself, astonished at her surroundings, "Oh yeah, I remember this place now," she slowly lowered herself back to the ground and absent-mindedly began to drum her fingers on a nearby skull.
"I think we should move," I suggested.
"What about breakfast? Boo will be grumpy if he is not fed."
"And Jaheira will be too," The Druid searched around nearby for something to eat, "There are apples on that table over there," She pointed towards a low wooden ledge in the far corner of the dimly lit stone room we were sitting in.
"Boo gets drunk if he eats too much apples."
"He could eat a skeleton." Shona lifted her hand and blew the dust from the tips of her fingers.
"No."
"Apples it is then, "I threw one to each of the disheartened party and beckoned for them to follow me.
The corridors were dark and dusty as we scraped along them slowly, dragging our feet behind us and taking it in turns to attempt to start a conversation in a bored, monotonous voice. Jaheira strode in front like she was the leader and acted like she was as wise as Elminster.
"Who does she think she is, "I thought, "Acting like she's the leader of a druid grove or something…"
"WAHHH! Ah! No, what… ow…" Jaheira had made an amazing fall to the ground and lay in a dusty heap with a chain entangled in her feet.
Laughter squeezed its way out from the sides of my mouth as a concerned Minsc promptly helped her to her feet.
"I do not know what you laugh at, child. I was diving strategically." Her unsure voice quavered.
"Uh-hu."
"Yes, you should learn to hold your mouth."
"Daughter of an ettin, " I whispered.
Soon we came to a junction were the corridor led in two different directions. One path was well lit and silent, the other was filled with eerie cries and shrouds of inky darkness.
"Lets split up?" Shona suggested cheerily.
"NO WAY." I said, "That's what you do if you want to end up dead!"
"What about the darker path?" Jaheira remarked importantly.
"Well, okay!"
"Sort of like my life, really."
"Stop." I held up my hands, "Are we just going to run out of here?"
"Yup."
"Yes."
"But we don't even know who captured us!"
"It was Irenicus, the Witch Slayer!!!" And Boo let out a dreadful squeak as Minsc sniffed.
"Yes, but what did he want with me?"
"We will find out in good time, child." Jaheira added knowingly.
"Don't call me child!"
"But mine is the voice of wisdom, child."
"Just don't call me child, or you'll see how tough Bhaal-Spawn really are!"
"Is that a threat, child?"
"Please don't call me that!"
"As you wish, young one." And she strode off into the dark corridor with everyone else taking off after her.
And so we wandered off into the blackness, it was a typical dungeon- come-secret-lair with dark corners, long corridors and atmospheric creaks and groans everywhere. I hurried to a stride as we passed locked doors and no signs of life, hoping that imps and other spiky minions would not appear. But of course, there would be no such luck. We rounded a large corner and immediately a gang of goblins attacked us.
"Aurghhh!"
Shona grimaced, "They look pretty bad," and the yellow-skinned monsters began to aim blows at my small party with frightening cries, we knocked them back though! In fact, they weren't nearly quarter as bad as Sarevok! Of course, I was slightly injured… but Jaheira cleaned up the wound and we entered a very curious room. It was dull and dark and filled with horrible jars, each containing a disgusting creature.
"WHAT AN AFFRONT TO NATURE!" Jaheira cried, "What are these things?"
"Glass Jars?" Shona questioned with a frightened gaze.
"Bottles?" I shrieked.
And Minsc added somewhat calmly, "Snow Domes."
We moved around the room, disgusted but compelled to explore the lab.
The creatures in the jars simply floated in their liquid and made not a movement or sound and we found nothing else but a few imps to be dispatched and a staff for me to use.
"Where they once people?" One of my friends gasped.
"I do not know," Answered Minsc sombrely," But they were too big to shake and they didn't have any snow in them. Definitely not like the ones in Rasheman."
"They weren't snow domes, Minsc!"
"Then what were they?"
"I don't know…"
"Exactly, they could very well have been snow domes."
Whatever they had been, we continued to wander around until we reached a group of Dryads in a strange area of the dungeon, which was filled with trees.
"Please!"
"Help us."
"We are his servants."
"His concubines."
"Free us!"
Minsc stepped forward, "What is your trouble?"
"Irenicus is keeping us here," The three of them cried.
"And how do we free you?"
"Take our acorns to the fairy queen in the Windspear Hills! Yes, please!"
"Very well."
And, after that brief encounter, we continued on along the corridors…
This bit is getting boring because the dungeon is so BIG! Do you mind if I switch to after the portal, to the Yoshimo bit?
"Of Course Not Emma." My cat replies.
"Whoaaa! Way too much chocolate now! Slow down. Cats can't read, so how did you know what I'd written?"
"My psychic powers, of course."
"Oh? Well, okay then."
"But not just now."
"Why?"
"You need sleep."
"Why?"
"Because cats can't speak."
"Oh."
Next Instalment: Yoshimo and the Irenicus Encounter (Cue scary music!!!)
I can't be bothered to write much.
I'm a hobbit and prefer to write nothing taller than myself.
READ ON MAN, THIS FIC IS LIKE TOTALLY GROOVY!
And oh yeah, I'll eat your treasured family pets Karyn if you eat mine!!!
* The sun streamed through the elegant trees as cute and furry things nibbled at tufts of juicy emerald grass, the melodic tweeting of colourful, little birds cheerily permeated the air. A strain of crickets "shick-schicked" in a thicket not far away and I breathed in the cool and sweet air, the crickets continuing in the background with a sharp, staccato tempo. But wait, the crickets began to sound different, their song became suddenly loud and spluttered like it was coming through someone's nostrils…*
"MINSC!" I cried grumpily.
"Yes? Is there evil nearby?"
"Just please stop snoring!"
"But Emma, it was not me!"
"Jaheira then?"
"No!" Minsc answered me with great excitement, "Guess again!!!"
"Shona, maybe?"
"Nope!!!"
"WHO?"
"BOO!," He beamed and proudly held the small creature up to my face and I momentarily considered grabbing the brown and white ball of fur and throwing him away to see if hamsters could bounce, "Boo sounds like a swarm of angry hornets when he snores, does he not?"
"Wha..?" Jaheira blinked and slowly sat up, "I cannot imagine angry hornets living in such a horrible place as this."
"No, but a whole colony currently reside in Boo's nose, " I yawned, coughing when the stale, musty air hit my throat, "Or at least if it was Boo who was snoring…"
"Are you attempting to blight this rangers reputation?"
"Of course not, you don't snore do you?"
"NO! Rangers from Rasheman do not snore! Oh, I wish I had a FLAGON of sweet ale!"
"What, dragon? Where? I must kill it!" Shona jumped to her feet from resting and looked about herself, astonished at her surroundings, "Oh yeah, I remember this place now," she slowly lowered herself back to the ground and absent-mindedly began to drum her fingers on a nearby skull.
"I think we should move," I suggested.
"What about breakfast? Boo will be grumpy if he is not fed."
"And Jaheira will be too," The Druid searched around nearby for something to eat, "There are apples on that table over there," She pointed towards a low wooden ledge in the far corner of the dimly lit stone room we were sitting in.
"Boo gets drunk if he eats too much apples."
"He could eat a skeleton." Shona lifted her hand and blew the dust from the tips of her fingers.
"No."
"Apples it is then, "I threw one to each of the disheartened party and beckoned for them to follow me.
The corridors were dark and dusty as we scraped along them slowly, dragging our feet behind us and taking it in turns to attempt to start a conversation in a bored, monotonous voice. Jaheira strode in front like she was the leader and acted like she was as wise as Elminster.
"Who does she think she is, "I thought, "Acting like she's the leader of a druid grove or something…"
"WAHHH! Ah! No, what… ow…" Jaheira had made an amazing fall to the ground and lay in a dusty heap with a chain entangled in her feet.
Laughter squeezed its way out from the sides of my mouth as a concerned Minsc promptly helped her to her feet.
"I do not know what you laugh at, child. I was diving strategically." Her unsure voice quavered.
"Uh-hu."
"Yes, you should learn to hold your mouth."
"Daughter of an ettin, " I whispered.
Soon we came to a junction were the corridor led in two different directions. One path was well lit and silent, the other was filled with eerie cries and shrouds of inky darkness.
"Lets split up?" Shona suggested cheerily.
"NO WAY." I said, "That's what you do if you want to end up dead!"
"What about the darker path?" Jaheira remarked importantly.
"Well, okay!"
"Sort of like my life, really."
"Stop." I held up my hands, "Are we just going to run out of here?"
"Yup."
"Yes."
"But we don't even know who captured us!"
"It was Irenicus, the Witch Slayer!!!" And Boo let out a dreadful squeak as Minsc sniffed.
"Yes, but what did he want with me?"
"We will find out in good time, child." Jaheira added knowingly.
"Don't call me child!"
"But mine is the voice of wisdom, child."
"Just don't call me child, or you'll see how tough Bhaal-Spawn really are!"
"Is that a threat, child?"
"Please don't call me that!"
"As you wish, young one." And she strode off into the dark corridor with everyone else taking off after her.
And so we wandered off into the blackness, it was a typical dungeon- come-secret-lair with dark corners, long corridors and atmospheric creaks and groans everywhere. I hurried to a stride as we passed locked doors and no signs of life, hoping that imps and other spiky minions would not appear. But of course, there would be no such luck. We rounded a large corner and immediately a gang of goblins attacked us.
"Aurghhh!"
Shona grimaced, "They look pretty bad," and the yellow-skinned monsters began to aim blows at my small party with frightening cries, we knocked them back though! In fact, they weren't nearly quarter as bad as Sarevok! Of course, I was slightly injured… but Jaheira cleaned up the wound and we entered a very curious room. It was dull and dark and filled with horrible jars, each containing a disgusting creature.
"WHAT AN AFFRONT TO NATURE!" Jaheira cried, "What are these things?"
"Glass Jars?" Shona questioned with a frightened gaze.
"Bottles?" I shrieked.
And Minsc added somewhat calmly, "Snow Domes."
We moved around the room, disgusted but compelled to explore the lab.
The creatures in the jars simply floated in their liquid and made not a movement or sound and we found nothing else but a few imps to be dispatched and a staff for me to use.
"Where they once people?" One of my friends gasped.
"I do not know," Answered Minsc sombrely," But they were too big to shake and they didn't have any snow in them. Definitely not like the ones in Rasheman."
"They weren't snow domes, Minsc!"
"Then what were they?"
"I don't know…"
"Exactly, they could very well have been snow domes."
Whatever they had been, we continued to wander around until we reached a group of Dryads in a strange area of the dungeon, which was filled with trees.
"Please!"
"Help us."
"We are his servants."
"His concubines."
"Free us!"
Minsc stepped forward, "What is your trouble?"
"Irenicus is keeping us here," The three of them cried.
"And how do we free you?"
"Take our acorns to the fairy queen in the Windspear Hills! Yes, please!"
"Very well."
And, after that brief encounter, we continued on along the corridors…
This bit is getting boring because the dungeon is so BIG! Do you mind if I switch to after the portal, to the Yoshimo bit?
"Of Course Not Emma." My cat replies.
"Whoaaa! Way too much chocolate now! Slow down. Cats can't read, so how did you know what I'd written?"
"My psychic powers, of course."
"Oh? Well, okay then."
"But not just now."
"Why?"
"You need sleep."
"Why?"
"Because cats can't speak."
"Oh."
Next Instalment: Yoshimo and the Irenicus Encounter (Cue scary music!!!)