DISCLAIMER: Not mine, not the characters or the game or the plot, but Fudgie is mine…



"It's not fair." She yeowled.

"I know, but I've calmed down now after the chocolate incident and it's my turn to play the computer. Anyway, I still don't believe you."

"But I didn't write any fics, Elberess."

"Really?"

"I promise." And Fudgie blinked once amiably.

"Mother told me never to trust what cats say."

"But I'm Fudgie, your only pet."

"So? You lied about the scratches on my Cd."

"Err… Meow?"

"Look, you can play the computer when I'm finished writing this."

"Oh! I'll uninstall Throne of Bhaal then!"

"Fine, you can write the intro but that's it!"

"Thanks! You're the best."

"Stop the flattery."

Well, here's the intro. Jaheira, Minsc, Shona and Emma have been battling through Irenicus' terrible dungeon for two days! (Pssst… what is it I am supposed to be writing – oh yeah.) They have released the prisoner Rielev, have recovered Saverok's Sword and have finally managed to find the key to a portal that could take them to the surface. Read on and remember, when the cat revolution fin… "Shut up Fudgie!"

Okay, read on.

I hate travelling through portals, but not nearly as much as I hate being stuck in the dungeons of mad psychopaths. It's the way that they (both) ripple and distort, plus the fact that I have little idea as to how they work.

"Does anyone now how portals… function?"

"Boo tells me that they scramble matter up into tiny pieces and put it back together again at the other end. What Boo? Oh, it's like the tiny apples scrambled up in Boo's stomach! But they never get put back together again…"

"Ew…"

"Are you…" Jaheira drew in a breath and added patronisingly, "Afraid, child – I mean young one."

"N-no, not necessarily. I just hope that Irenicus isn't waiting for us."

Shona, who had been in a rare, silent and contemplative state, slowly spoke, "I will smite him with my righteous fury."

"And Boo will bite him in the…" Minsc let the words trail of satisfyingly.

"Once I have had a chance to smite him." Shona scowled.

"Once you have had a chance to smite him." The ranger reassured.

"I suspect he will be a little harder to beat than that."

"Oh, just hurry up and use the key Emma!"

Shona grabbed the key and turned it, a field of shimmering air fell down and across the portal like a waterfall.

"Ooh! Shiny."

"You first Emma."

"No, you."

Then all three (well, four if you count Boo) pushed me in the back.

"Arghhhhhhhh!" I fell screaming through the portal, it enveloped me like icy-cold water and a second later I felt myself break through and into normal air again. I regained my composure and promptly fell into a heap on the cool flagstones.

"Spectacular Entrance!" A new voice cheered and I pulled myself up just as my guffawing party appeared around me.

"Pushed… you into… it!"

"Hahahahaha!"

"Oh. Be quiet."

"Hello?" The new figure waved, "I am Yoshimo."

There was a tsunami of indifference.

"THE Yoshimo, feared and revered. Come on, you have surely heard tales of my legendary skills?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Even Boo hasn't."

Yoshimo pushed back his tan coloured thief's hood to reveal a similarly coloured rough face that looked like it had more scars than the Gloomfrost*. He pulled out a katana and attempted to strike a pose.

"Well?"

"Sorry. Nothing"

Jaheira smirked, "Don't pout, we are not from around here."

"Where is here anyway?" I added.

"Athkatla, city of coin."

"Oh, I've heard of it."

"I've been once with… Khalid."

"A loved one?"

Jaheira ignored Yoshimo.

"Well anyway, I need to join your party."

"Why?"

"Because…"

Shona laughed and stated sarcastically," Because Irenicus has put a geas on your heart and you must join with us to lead us into a trap or you will shrivel up into a walnut and die?"

"No…" He muttered something about the Copper Coronet and vanished.

"Thanks, Shona! He might have helped us!"

"Nah, I don't think so."

I sighed and looked for the first time at the room we were standing in, "Typical dungeon décor." I remarked.

"Hmm."

I stooped down and picked a scroll out of a nearby pot, I already had that spell but it could have been useful later.

"Are you coming Emma?"

"Wha…?"

"There's a door."

Someone opened the door and we ended up in a room with four cage-like portals in it and a few bookcases, there was a table at the far end but a cauldron obscured whatever it held.

"Schracht!" A mephit tapped me on the shoulder.

"Crap."

Four mephits flew from the portals and furiously began to attack, "Attack the portals!" Someone cried.

I turned and watched a mephit push some colourful motes from its hands, "Pretty." I whispered as I fell to the floor and into a deep slumber.

"emma." Shona spoke very quietly, "EMMA!"

"What? Are they dead?"

"Yes, Minsc smiled as the sweat trickled down his forehead, "It was fun!"

"Well I guess I missed it then."

"Jaheira?"

I heard a choking cry that was cut off suddenly, "Kha…" The weeping figure bent over the table at the far end of the room, "He's dead."

"Can you not resurrect him?" I ventured.

"Defiled… too late. Silvanus, guide – guide him, the love of my life."

"It's okay."

"NO IT IS NOT!!!! I WILL KILL IRENICUS!" She spun round madly and approached me with her scimitar raised above her head, "But… I cannot blame my companions, " She calmed down, "The sooner we're out of here the better."

And she turned towards another door with a stifled sob.

"That was very brief, "Minsc whispered in my ear.

"Well?" Fudgie jumps onto the keyboard

"Well what?" I question.

"You promised."

"But I let you write the Intro."

"Not that."

"What then Fudgie?"

"You said Next Episode: Yoshimo and the Irenicus Encounter."

"So I did."

"But where's Irenicus?"

"In the Next Episode."

"Oh god…"

*The Gloomfrost: Where, according to barbarian legend, the sun first left Abeir-Toril's Womb - scarring and scorching her. It is a foreboding cavern of shaped and warped ice.