The Vegemite Chronicles (4/?)
***
THE EPISODE: Teacher's Pet
The quotes:
BUFFY: You're drooling.
XANDER: Are we talking today, or the whole week?
MISS FRENCH: My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory.
WILLOW: Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?
GILES: Did you see someone with a fork?
CORDELIA: Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday.
MISS FRENCH: I was just grabbing a snack.
GILES: We can't just kick the door down.
XANDER: Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day?
ANGEL: It looks better on you.
***
CHAPTER 4 - Teacher's Vegemite
***
The Sunnydale High library. Close-up on Xander's face. Xander is staring intently at something we can't see, and his expression is a picture of unadulterated desire.
BUFFY: (offscreen) You're drooling.
We pan out a little to see a hand holding a jar of Vegemite right in front of Xander's face.
XANDER: Well, what do you expect, Buff, if you keep taunting me like this?
Wider shot. Giles comes out of his office, and sees Buffy standing in front of Xander, holding the jar in front of him. He shakes his head, and crosses to the table. Before Buffy can react, Xander snatches the jar from her hand, takes a seat at the table, opens the jar, and starts digging into it with one hand. Giles watches him, concerned.
GILES: Exactly how much Vegemite have you eaten, Xander?
Xander looks up, Vegemite all across his top lip.
XANDER: Are we talking today, or the whole week?
GILES: Well, let's start with just today.
Buffy takes a seat at the table, next to Giles.
XANDER: Well, Willow and I were talking, and we decided the best way to hide the Vegemite would be to eat it. Willow's at home working her way through a few jars as we speak.
BUFFY: That flu getting any better?
XANDER: Nah, she's still pretty sick. The flu's kinda going around lately. I talked to Willow on the phone this morning. She said if she didn't have the Vegemite, she wouldn't know what to do with herself sitting at home in bed all day.
GILES: So how much Vegemite have the two of you eaten since our confrontation with Amy Madison?
Xander does a quick count on his Vegemite-coated fingers.
XANDER: Five jars.
BUFFY: (to Giles) Which leaves us with, what, twenty-six?
GILES: Yes. And I'm keeping those twenty-six jars safely locked away until Angel comes by tonight to collect them.
Xander puts up a hand.
XANDER: Question. Do we want to just hand all our Vegemite over to a scary guy?
Buffy gives Xander an angry glance for a moment, then gradually realizes he has a point.
BUFFY: Yeah, I'm still not sure about this. I mean, how can we be sure Angel knows best about where the safest place for the Vegemite is when he won't even tell us where he's hiding it?
GILES: Well, I don't think we have anything to be concerned about as far as Angel's sincerity goes. He has demonstrated that he can be trusted with Vegemite. The business with the vampires the other week is a perfect indication.
BUFFY: Yeah, I guess you're right. I just wish we knew for sure what Angel had in mind for the Vegemite. I wanna be able to breathe easy on this one.
Xander raises a hand.
XANDER: (talking around a mouthful of Vegemite) Second that.
***
Willow's house. Willow is sitting up in her bed, eating out of a jar of Vegemite with her fingers. She looks up as the door opens, and Angel walks into the room. He is also eating from a jar, his fingers coated in Vegemite.
ANGEL: I just can't get enough of this stuff. It's like a drug.
WILLOW: Well, just remember, we have to make these jars last until tonight.
Angel sits down on the edge of Willow's bed.
ANGEL: Nobody knows I'm here, right?
WILLOW: Oh, no. They think I'm still sick with the flu. I coughed a few times when I talked to Xander on the phone this morning, and he couldn't tell the difference.
ANGEL: Good.
WILLOW: But remember, you have to be at the library tonight to pick up the rest of the Vegemite from Giles. I talked to him, and he trusts you with the Vegemite. So make sure nobody figures out what we're up to.
ANGEL: I'll take care of it.
Angel pauses for a moment, thinking.
ANGEL: You know, I can't help but wonder why you're going behind your friends' backs like this. This isn't like you.
WILLOW: (a little sad) I know. But I'm just not comfortable with them knowing where my Vegemite is. I mean, look at the problems we've had already since I told the rest of the group I had Vegemite. Vampires, Cordelia, Amy ... it's just too risky. I wouldn't even be letting you in on this, but I can't protect the Vegemite all on my own. It's better this way.
ANGEL: You're sure?
WILLOW: I am.
ANGEL: OK. You know I'll support you.
WILLOW: I know.
ANGEL: As long as you agree to share the Vegemite 50/50, of course.
Willow grins.
***
The science room. Buffy and Xander walk in with the rest of the class. They take seats beside one another, then they notice that Dr. Gregory isn't at the front of the room. Instead, it's an attractive woman they've never seen before. She turns from the blackboard to face the class.
MISS FRENCH: My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory.
BUFFY: Where's Dr. Gregory?
MISS FRENCH: I'm not sure.
At the back of the room, Cordelia and Amy are seated beside each other, staring at Buffy and Xander angrily. Suddenly, Amy raises her hand, and speaks.
AMY: I heard someone say Dr. Gregory was missing.
Cordelia glares at Amy. Buffy and Xander turn to face her. Amy returns Cordy's glare with a 'What?' expression.
BUFFY: He's missing?
AMY: That's what I heard.
Cordy continues to glare at Amy, who stares blankly back at her. Cordy turns to Buffy, and gives her a nervous smile, and a little laugh. Buffy and Xander look at each other for a moment.
***
Willow's room. Willow is still in bed, but Angel has gone. Willow is on the phone with Buffy.
WILLOW: Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?
***
The library. Buffy is standing at the counter, the phone up to her ear.
BUFFY: I don't know.
Giles comes over, and takes the phone from Buffy's hand. Buffy raises her eyebrows disbelievingly, while Giles talks to Willow.
GILES: I've, uh, been asking around the teacher's lounge, and apparently, Dr. Gregory was quite partial to Vegemite. Now, I suspect that somebody knew about this, predicted that Dr. Gregory had Vegemite in his possession, and decided to do something about it. Obvious suspects to choose from would be Cordelia, Amy, and the Order of Aurelius. But we can't rule anybody out.
As Giles listens to something Willow is saying on the other end of the phone, Buffy turns around when she hears the library doors opening behind her. She sees Angel walking in, a thick blanket in one hand.
BUFFY: Angel? What are you doing here?
ANGEL: I came early. Figured it wasn't safe leaving the Vegemite in here any longer.
GILES: (into the phone) OK, you do that. Let me know if you find anything. Bye then.
Giles hangs up the phone, and starts walking into his office.
BUFFY: What did Willow say?
GILES: Uh, well, she's going to search on her computer to look for a missing persons report on Dr. Gregory, if there is one. Hopefully, we can discover something that will help us to determine what happened to the man.
BUFFY: Or possibly who happened to the man.
GILES: Yes.
Giles comes back out of his office, and notices Angel standing beside Buffy.
GILES: Oh! Angel, you're here early.
ANGEL: Couldn't wait.
GILES: I see. Well, the Vegemite's in here.
As Giles directs Angel into his office, Xander comes in.
XANDER: OK, this one's really gonna interest you. Guess who I saw lurking around Dr. Gregory's room earlier?
BUFFY: (impatiently) Who?
XANDER: You're not gonna believe it.
GILES: Did you see someone with a fork?
BUFFY: Giles, nobody eats Vegemite with a fork.
XANDER: Yeah, we all pretty much just use our fingers.
BUFFY: (to Xander) So? Who was it?
XANDER: Amy and Cordelia.
BUFFY: What?!
***
Outside the building. Cordelia and Amy are walking through the main outdoor area of the school. Cordelia is visibly upset.
AMY: (nervously) How are you?
CORDELIA: What kind of question is that?! I was so close to getting that Vegemite, and then Buffy and her little sidekick had to come along and ruin it. (lets out an angry sigh) Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday.
***
Inside the building. Buffy is storming up to Dr. Gregory's room. Once there, she throws the door open, and storms in. Expecting to see Amy and Cordelia, she is very surprised to see Miss French, the substitute, making herself a sandwich. A Vegemite sandwich, no less.
BUFFY: What the hell are you doing?
Miss French sees Buffy standing in front of her, and panics.
MISS FRENCH: I was just grabbing a snack.
BUFFY: Where did you get that Vegemite?
MISS FRENCH: I didn't ...
BUFFY: Was it Dr. Gregory's Vegemite?
MISS FRENCH: Dr. Gregory? I ... I don't ...
Buffy's eyes widen as a new idea hits her.
BUFFY: Was it Willow's Vegemite?
MISS FRENCH: I, uh ... Willow who?
Buffy lashes out with a vicious right punch, and Miss French falls to the floor, unconscious. Buffy picks up the Vegemite jar from the desk (noting with relief that it's still almost full) and tucks it into her pocket. Then she picks up Miss French's Vegemite sandwich, and strolls out of the room, munching happily.
***
The library. Buffy walks in, finishing off the last of the Vegemite sandwich. Giles and Xander are seated at the table, facing away from the doors. They haven't noticed Buffy yet. Buffy becomes aware they are speaking quietly to each other, and starts to creep closer to eavesdrop on their conversation. Still unaware that Buffy is there in the room with them, Giles and Xander continue to speak in hushed tones.
GILES: We can't just kick the door down.
XANDER: We don't have to. Angel won't have any reason not to trust us. We just tell him we came over to check the Vegemite is still with him and safe, you distract him, I'll grab the Vegemite, then we'll split.
GILES: I don't think that's a very solid plan.
XANDER: Why not?
GILES: Well, what do you think is the first thing Angel will do once he discovers what we're up to? He'll come after us.
XANDER: (thinking quickly) If he comes after us, we'll offer a compromise. We split the Vegemite three ways, Buffy and Willow are none the wiser, the three of us get all the Vegemite, everybody's happy.
Buffy can't believe what she's hearing. She realizes she has to get to Willow and let her know what Xander and Giles are planning behind their backs. She starts to creep back out of the library before the two of them can notice she's there, but she bumps up against the counter, and a pile of books falls off and hits the floor. Giles and Xander spin around at the sound, and their eyes meet Buffy's. Buffy is the first one to react, and she turns and runs out of the library. Giles and Xander are left to reflect in horror on this alarming new development.
GILES: (quietly panicking) This isn't good. She probably heard every word we just said.
XANDER: Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day?
GILES: I think we should probably go after her.
XANDER: Second that.
Giles and Xander quickly get up, and run after Buffy.
***
Willow's room. Willow and Angel are sitting on the bed, the box full of Vegemite jars between them. They each have a jar, and are happily eating. With their fingers, of course.
WILLOW: I still can't believe it worked.
ANGEL: Ah, it was easy. All the Vegemite is ours. And nobody even knows I'm here. It's perfect.
Willow grins at him.
ANGEL: What?
Willow starts giggling.
ANGEL: What is it?
WILLOW: (still giggling) There's Vegemite on your top lip.
ANGEL: Oh.
Angel wipes his lip, clearly embarrassed. This only makes Willow giggle harder. Angel gets an idea.
ANGEL: It looks better on you.
Angel reaches out, and wipes his Vegemite-coated fingers across Willow's mouth, leaving a thick trail of Vegemite. As Willow starts to wipe her mouth, the door opens. Angel and Willow look up, and their hearts sink when they see an all-too-familiar figure standing in the doorway.
BUFFY: What the hell is going on here?
T.B.C.
***
THE EPISODE: Teacher's Pet
The quotes:
BUFFY: You're drooling.
XANDER: Are we talking today, or the whole week?
MISS FRENCH: My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory.
WILLOW: Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?
GILES: Did you see someone with a fork?
CORDELIA: Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday.
MISS FRENCH: I was just grabbing a snack.
GILES: We can't just kick the door down.
XANDER: Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day?
ANGEL: It looks better on you.
***
CHAPTER 4 - Teacher's Vegemite
***
The Sunnydale High library. Close-up on Xander's face. Xander is staring intently at something we can't see, and his expression is a picture of unadulterated desire.
BUFFY: (offscreen) You're drooling.
We pan out a little to see a hand holding a jar of Vegemite right in front of Xander's face.
XANDER: Well, what do you expect, Buff, if you keep taunting me like this?
Wider shot. Giles comes out of his office, and sees Buffy standing in front of Xander, holding the jar in front of him. He shakes his head, and crosses to the table. Before Buffy can react, Xander snatches the jar from her hand, takes a seat at the table, opens the jar, and starts digging into it with one hand. Giles watches him, concerned.
GILES: Exactly how much Vegemite have you eaten, Xander?
Xander looks up, Vegemite all across his top lip.
XANDER: Are we talking today, or the whole week?
GILES: Well, let's start with just today.
Buffy takes a seat at the table, next to Giles.
XANDER: Well, Willow and I were talking, and we decided the best way to hide the Vegemite would be to eat it. Willow's at home working her way through a few jars as we speak.
BUFFY: That flu getting any better?
XANDER: Nah, she's still pretty sick. The flu's kinda going around lately. I talked to Willow on the phone this morning. She said if she didn't have the Vegemite, she wouldn't know what to do with herself sitting at home in bed all day.
GILES: So how much Vegemite have the two of you eaten since our confrontation with Amy Madison?
Xander does a quick count on his Vegemite-coated fingers.
XANDER: Five jars.
BUFFY: (to Giles) Which leaves us with, what, twenty-six?
GILES: Yes. And I'm keeping those twenty-six jars safely locked away until Angel comes by tonight to collect them.
Xander puts up a hand.
XANDER: Question. Do we want to just hand all our Vegemite over to a scary guy?
Buffy gives Xander an angry glance for a moment, then gradually realizes he has a point.
BUFFY: Yeah, I'm still not sure about this. I mean, how can we be sure Angel knows best about where the safest place for the Vegemite is when he won't even tell us where he's hiding it?
GILES: Well, I don't think we have anything to be concerned about as far as Angel's sincerity goes. He has demonstrated that he can be trusted with Vegemite. The business with the vampires the other week is a perfect indication.
BUFFY: Yeah, I guess you're right. I just wish we knew for sure what Angel had in mind for the Vegemite. I wanna be able to breathe easy on this one.
Xander raises a hand.
XANDER: (talking around a mouthful of Vegemite) Second that.
***
Willow's house. Willow is sitting up in her bed, eating out of a jar of Vegemite with her fingers. She looks up as the door opens, and Angel walks into the room. He is also eating from a jar, his fingers coated in Vegemite.
ANGEL: I just can't get enough of this stuff. It's like a drug.
WILLOW: Well, just remember, we have to make these jars last until tonight.
Angel sits down on the edge of Willow's bed.
ANGEL: Nobody knows I'm here, right?
WILLOW: Oh, no. They think I'm still sick with the flu. I coughed a few times when I talked to Xander on the phone this morning, and he couldn't tell the difference.
ANGEL: Good.
WILLOW: But remember, you have to be at the library tonight to pick up the rest of the Vegemite from Giles. I talked to him, and he trusts you with the Vegemite. So make sure nobody figures out what we're up to.
ANGEL: I'll take care of it.
Angel pauses for a moment, thinking.
ANGEL: You know, I can't help but wonder why you're going behind your friends' backs like this. This isn't like you.
WILLOW: (a little sad) I know. But I'm just not comfortable with them knowing where my Vegemite is. I mean, look at the problems we've had already since I told the rest of the group I had Vegemite. Vampires, Cordelia, Amy ... it's just too risky. I wouldn't even be letting you in on this, but I can't protect the Vegemite all on my own. It's better this way.
ANGEL: You're sure?
WILLOW: I am.
ANGEL: OK. You know I'll support you.
WILLOW: I know.
ANGEL: As long as you agree to share the Vegemite 50/50, of course.
Willow grins.
***
The science room. Buffy and Xander walk in with the rest of the class. They take seats beside one another, then they notice that Dr. Gregory isn't at the front of the room. Instead, it's an attractive woman they've never seen before. She turns from the blackboard to face the class.
MISS FRENCH: My name is Natalie French, and I will be substituting for Dr. Gregory.
BUFFY: Where's Dr. Gregory?
MISS FRENCH: I'm not sure.
At the back of the room, Cordelia and Amy are seated beside each other, staring at Buffy and Xander angrily. Suddenly, Amy raises her hand, and speaks.
AMY: I heard someone say Dr. Gregory was missing.
Cordelia glares at Amy. Buffy and Xander turn to face her. Amy returns Cordy's glare with a 'What?' expression.
BUFFY: He's missing?
AMY: That's what I heard.
Cordy continues to glare at Amy, who stares blankly back at her. Cordy turns to Buffy, and gives her a nervous smile, and a little laugh. Buffy and Xander look at each other for a moment.
***
Willow's room. Willow is still in bed, but Angel has gone. Willow is on the phone with Buffy.
WILLOW: Who would wanna hurt Dr. Gregory?
***
The library. Buffy is standing at the counter, the phone up to her ear.
BUFFY: I don't know.
Giles comes over, and takes the phone from Buffy's hand. Buffy raises her eyebrows disbelievingly, while Giles talks to Willow.
GILES: I've, uh, been asking around the teacher's lounge, and apparently, Dr. Gregory was quite partial to Vegemite. Now, I suspect that somebody knew about this, predicted that Dr. Gregory had Vegemite in his possession, and decided to do something about it. Obvious suspects to choose from would be Cordelia, Amy, and the Order of Aurelius. But we can't rule anybody out.
As Giles listens to something Willow is saying on the other end of the phone, Buffy turns around when she hears the library doors opening behind her. She sees Angel walking in, a thick blanket in one hand.
BUFFY: Angel? What are you doing here?
ANGEL: I came early. Figured it wasn't safe leaving the Vegemite in here any longer.
GILES: (into the phone) OK, you do that. Let me know if you find anything. Bye then.
Giles hangs up the phone, and starts walking into his office.
BUFFY: What did Willow say?
GILES: Uh, well, she's going to search on her computer to look for a missing persons report on Dr. Gregory, if there is one. Hopefully, we can discover something that will help us to determine what happened to the man.
BUFFY: Or possibly who happened to the man.
GILES: Yes.
Giles comes back out of his office, and notices Angel standing beside Buffy.
GILES: Oh! Angel, you're here early.
ANGEL: Couldn't wait.
GILES: I see. Well, the Vegemite's in here.
As Giles directs Angel into his office, Xander comes in.
XANDER: OK, this one's really gonna interest you. Guess who I saw lurking around Dr. Gregory's room earlier?
BUFFY: (impatiently) Who?
XANDER: You're not gonna believe it.
GILES: Did you see someone with a fork?
BUFFY: Giles, nobody eats Vegemite with a fork.
XANDER: Yeah, we all pretty much just use our fingers.
BUFFY: (to Xander) So? Who was it?
XANDER: Amy and Cordelia.
BUFFY: What?!
***
Outside the building. Cordelia and Amy are walking through the main outdoor area of the school. Cordelia is visibly upset.
AMY: (nervously) How are you?
CORDELIA: What kind of question is that?! I was so close to getting that Vegemite, and then Buffy and her little sidekick had to come along and ruin it. (lets out an angry sigh) Let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday.
***
Inside the building. Buffy is storming up to Dr. Gregory's room. Once there, she throws the door open, and storms in. Expecting to see Amy and Cordelia, she is very surprised to see Miss French, the substitute, making herself a sandwich. A Vegemite sandwich, no less.
BUFFY: What the hell are you doing?
Miss French sees Buffy standing in front of her, and panics.
MISS FRENCH: I was just grabbing a snack.
BUFFY: Where did you get that Vegemite?
MISS FRENCH: I didn't ...
BUFFY: Was it Dr. Gregory's Vegemite?
MISS FRENCH: Dr. Gregory? I ... I don't ...
Buffy's eyes widen as a new idea hits her.
BUFFY: Was it Willow's Vegemite?
MISS FRENCH: I, uh ... Willow who?
Buffy lashes out with a vicious right punch, and Miss French falls to the floor, unconscious. Buffy picks up the Vegemite jar from the desk (noting with relief that it's still almost full) and tucks it into her pocket. Then she picks up Miss French's Vegemite sandwich, and strolls out of the room, munching happily.
***
The library. Buffy walks in, finishing off the last of the Vegemite sandwich. Giles and Xander are seated at the table, facing away from the doors. They haven't noticed Buffy yet. Buffy becomes aware they are speaking quietly to each other, and starts to creep closer to eavesdrop on their conversation. Still unaware that Buffy is there in the room with them, Giles and Xander continue to speak in hushed tones.
GILES: We can't just kick the door down.
XANDER: We don't have to. Angel won't have any reason not to trust us. We just tell him we came over to check the Vegemite is still with him and safe, you distract him, I'll grab the Vegemite, then we'll split.
GILES: I don't think that's a very solid plan.
XANDER: Why not?
GILES: Well, what do you think is the first thing Angel will do once he discovers what we're up to? He'll come after us.
XANDER: (thinking quickly) If he comes after us, we'll offer a compromise. We split the Vegemite three ways, Buffy and Willow are none the wiser, the three of us get all the Vegemite, everybody's happy.
Buffy can't believe what she's hearing. She realizes she has to get to Willow and let her know what Xander and Giles are planning behind their backs. She starts to creep back out of the library before the two of them can notice she's there, but she bumps up against the counter, and a pile of books falls off and hits the floor. Giles and Xander spin around at the sound, and their eyes meet Buffy's. Buffy is the first one to react, and she turns and runs out of the library. Giles and Xander are left to reflect in horror on this alarming new development.
GILES: (quietly panicking) This isn't good. She probably heard every word we just said.
XANDER: Well, isn't this a perfect ending to a wonderful day?
GILES: I think we should probably go after her.
XANDER: Second that.
Giles and Xander quickly get up, and run after Buffy.
***
Willow's room. Willow and Angel are sitting on the bed, the box full of Vegemite jars between them. They each have a jar, and are happily eating. With their fingers, of course.
WILLOW: I still can't believe it worked.
ANGEL: Ah, it was easy. All the Vegemite is ours. And nobody even knows I'm here. It's perfect.
Willow grins at him.
ANGEL: What?
Willow starts giggling.
ANGEL: What is it?
WILLOW: (still giggling) There's Vegemite on your top lip.
ANGEL: Oh.
Angel wipes his lip, clearly embarrassed. This only makes Willow giggle harder. Angel gets an idea.
ANGEL: It looks better on you.
Angel reaches out, and wipes his Vegemite-coated fingers across Willow's mouth, leaving a thick trail of Vegemite. As Willow starts to wipe her mouth, the door opens. Angel and Willow look up, and their hearts sink when they see an all-too-familiar figure standing in the doorway.
BUFFY: What the hell is going on here?
T.B.C.