Fred's Analysis

by Race Baj

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men Evolution or any of the characters



"Ok, lets get this over with." Lance angrily said as he took his turn in the waiting room with Mystique. The wait was longer then ever before Mrs. Smith told Lance to come in. He walked in the room and an empty bottle of scotch sat on the table. "Any left?" He asked.

"Huh? No!" The psychiatrist said shoving the bottle in her desk.

"Is it ok to be drinking if you're a Psychiatrist?"

"Yes."

"So downing a bottle of Scotch is ok?"

"No!"

"But you do it."

"But- I-"

"You think because you're a Psychiatrist it gives you some sort of immunity?"

"Well no."

"So you think that your special? That drinking heavily is ok for you?"

"Uh, no."

"I mean, you're a Doctor, your supposed to make people healthy."

"I'm not that kind of Doctor!"

"So you were to lazy to put effort into it?"

"No."

"That's what you said."

"No I didn't."

"Then why didn't you become that kind of doctor?"

"Because I am intrigued by the mind!"

"Did it come from some Psychological problem as a child?"

"No! I will ask the questions."

"Then why didn't you say anything."

"Alright Mr. Alvers, I will show you some pictures, and you tell me what you see." The psychiatrist grabbed some cards with ink blotches on them and showed them to Lance.

"Kitty, Kitty sitting on a bench, Kitty laying under a tree, Kitty waving. Kitty taking a shower! Whoa do you think its right to show pictures like that to people?"

"What?" The psychiatrist turned the card and looked it over, finding it looked nothing like what Lance had said.

"You should be ashamed, is this a Psychiatrist or a pornography photo store."

"But-"

"Teenagers have impressionable minds you know!"

"I am aware but-"

"Would you like me to go around showing people things like that? Nudity?"

"No but-"

"Can't you keep your mind off that for one second?"

"But I didn't mean-"

"Stop it!"

"But-"

"Enough!"

"But-"

"You have a sick mind!"

"Mr. Alvers sit down!"

"Now your yelling at me."

"I am not yelling."

"You were yelling."

"I was not yelling!"

"You're yelling now."

"You are right." She replied trying to sound professional again, "however you need to co-operate."

"I don't like the idea of co-operating with a drunk."

"I am not a drunk."

"Oh so you keep empty bottles of scotch in your office as vases?"

"No but-"

"There you go, bringing up the pornography again."

"Please, I just want to ask you a few questions."

"Are they decent?"

"Yes."

"Alright then."

"Now, do you have problem at home."

"Oh yeah, like when I'm in the shower, and someone runs the water, and I get the blast of hot or cold water."

"I mean serious problems."

"It is serious! It may have deep insight to my mental anguish and you're going to toss it aside?"

"Mr. Alvers I deeply doubt your mental anguish has anything to do with the shower."

"Doctor Smith, you are being very unprofessional, thinking you know it all."

"I do not know everything."

"Then write what I say down."

"But its pointless."

"There you go with that butt stuff again, I though you said it was decent."

"It was, however I- then you- then I- oh just get out!" The Psychiatrist groaned. As Lance closed the door she removed a bottle of scotch from behind a book in her bookcase.

"Ah ha!" Lance shouted as he burst the door open.

"Out!"