5 minutes later and she still hasn't said a word. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I've never known Willow to be so quiet. She's known for her babble, not her pointed silence. I'm beginning to lean towards the side of badness now. "Will? Are you ok? I think I broke you or something." Well my attempt at lightening up the mood didn't make me feel any better, so I'm assuming it didn't put her at any more ease either.

"Huh? Uh no, no breaking, I'm ok, not broken in the least bit. Surprised definitely, but not broken." Willow manages to babble out enough to assure me that she indeed is still capable of speech. But that still doesn't help me figure out how bad her reaction to my dirty little secret is going to be.

"Please don't hate me, I don't know what I can say or do to keep you from hating me, but I'll do whatever it takes. I don't know why I did it, I still can't explain it. And I never wanted to tell you, because I was afraid you'd hate me." I'm starting to cry now, tears slowly dripping from my eyes and finding their way down my cheeks, leaving solitary wet tracks in their wake.

Willow quickly turns her head around to look at me as I continue to gently sob. I've managed to curl myself up into a ball in the chair and have buried my head into the material of my sweat pants. "Buffy, I could never, NEVER, hate you. I don't want you ever thinking that. And not to bring up a bad subject, but you almost killed all of us, granted it wasn't your fault, but if I was going to hate you for something, that would be the more likely candidate." Willow gets up out of her chair and kneels down in front of me. I manage to look up at her through watery eyes and see that gentle, loving smile that she's always had. "I'm not gonna say it doesn't bother me that you slept with Spike, because it does. But I would never hate you because of it."

"I'm so sorry Willow, I don't know why I did it, I really don't. Can you ever forgive me?" I'm acting like I cheated on her or something. I hope she doesn't pick up on that, because then I'm definitely going to be blown out of the water.

"Buffy, it's your life, what you do with it has nothing to do with me. There's nothing that I have to forgive you for, you didn't do anything to me." She smiles again and takes my hand in her own warm palm and squeezes reassuringly. "But I will tell you what I told the Bot last spring.."

"The Bot?" Ok, I don't have a clue what she's talking about. I never knew that she and the Bot had an encounter. I can't help feeling a little bit hurt again. They apparently had a conversation and she still couldn't tell it wasn't me.

"Uh yeah, she showed up at Xander's apartment looking for Spike, and I answered the door. We went out on the terrace so we wouldn't wake everyone else up." Willow's blushing a little bit, so I imagine she's thinking about the same thing I am, how she couldn't have known it wasn't me. "I still can't believe I didn't know it wasn't you, I mean I knew there was something wrong with her, I mean besides the obvious, being Spike's sex slave and…….." I turned my head away when she said that. Yep, I managed to turn myself into a copy of Spike's disgusting sex bot. Oh how the mighty have fallen. She must have seen me flinch because she immediately looks apologetic. "Oh god Buffy I'm sorry, that came out completely wrong, I just meant, well I mean that, well uh…."

"Will, it's ok. I know what you meant. The thought that I would ever be Spike's sex toy was completely beyond the realm of comprehension. Trust me, I'm really well aware of that. It's one of the reasons I didn't tell you guys. I mean how could I ever sleep with him, he's an evil, self involved creature of the night, what the hell was I thinking!" I've always been really good at the self incrimination, and this time I actually deserve each and every accusation.

"Buffy…"

"No Willow, it's not your fault, so don't even think of apologizing. A year ago the idea that I would be sleeping with Spike was definitely a dead give away that I wasn't myself. So I can understand that would pique your suspicions. Just tell me what you told her, maybe it will make me feel better. You tend to have a calming effect on me." I said the last part barely above a whisper, hoping she heard me and still a bit afraid that she in fact had. She must have, because she reached up and gently wiped a errant tear off my cheek.

"Buffy, I told her that I would be her best friend, your best friend, no matter what you did. I told her that I would always be here, and I just wanted to help her, you. And then she proceeded to tell me I was recently gay which really raised my suspicions even more!" She snorted a bit, and I swear it was the cutest sound I've ever heard. And I couldn't help laughing along with her. If the Bot was anything it certainly was blunt. It kind of reminded me of Anya in that sense. "In any case Buffy, all that stands, I'll always be your best friend, no matter who you're dating, or who you're sleeping with. My friendship and loyalty is unconditional" If I was ever going to doubt anything she's ever said to me, it would never be that. She's proven time and time again that I can count on her for anything. She's the most loyal person I've ever known. Even though Xander has stood at my side with her all these years, it's never been quite the same. He always had a grudge against Angel, and didn't hesitate to voice his opinions. When we found the curse to restore Angel's soul he put up a huge argument against it. Not Willow, she went against her lifelong friend to back me up. She was willing to risk her life to give me back the man I loved. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay her for the years she's stood by me unquestionably.

"Will, I don't know how to thank you for that. You've always been so good to me. And what do I do? When you need me I'm off rolling around in crypt dust with our resident undead. God, why do you stay with me?" I honestly can't figure it out. Why would she stay here with me when I'm never there for her. She gives and gives and all I do is take from her, never giving anything back in return. How can she put up with me after all this?

"Buff, I think you're missing something about the unconditional part here. I love you, you're my best friend. And that means I'm willing to do anything I have to for you. I won't lie and say I didn't miss you when you weren't there. I miss you all the time when you aren't around. But you were going through things of your own. And you have to come first, not me." Willow is still stroking the tears away. And a part of me never wants to stop crying in the hopes that she'll chase every single drop away with her soft, gentle fingertips

"But it's not fair to you, Will. You needed me, for once I could help you, not the other way around, and I wasn't there. Some best friend I am."

"You are the best friend I could ever hope to have Buffy Summers, so stop that right now." She said it so forcefully I couldn't help but try and believe her, even though deep down I know better. "Now, end of that discussion. I don't want you ever thinking that you aren't worth it ok, because nothing could be farther from the truth."

"Ok" I replied meekly. I still thought otherwise, but I was beginning to see the 'Resolve Face' forming, so I decided to just give in. But a heavy conversation like this was in need of one more thing before it could be laid to rest. "Just one more thing Will?"

"What's that?"

"A hug?"

The smile that lit up her face was so warm that I could have basked in the glow all night long. But before I had the chance she wrapped her arms tightly around me and drew me in for the most loving hug I can ever remember sharing with her. And in that moment, for the first time in almost a year, I felt safe, I felt loved, I felt like I had come home.

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