After our extended hug that neither of us seemed to want to break came to it's unfortunate conclusion Willow lowered herself back into the chair next to me, gently sipping her herbal tea. I have to admit, for someone who doesn't go for any type of tea, herbal or otherwise, I was thoroughly enjoying her concoction. Maybe it was just that I knew Willow made it for me and that added a little something extra to it that made it taste sweeter somehow. Or maybe I'm just turning into an incredible sap! After taking a healthy gulp of the steamy liquid I glanced over at Willow again, saddened to see the morose expression crossing her features. "What's the matter Will?"

She jumped as if I had startled her, which worried me even more. "Oh, nothing's wrong Buffy, don't worry, I'm completely fine." She smiled one of those fake smiles that she always uses when she doesn't want me to worry. And inevitably there is always something I should be worried about. I'm guessing this time is no different.

"Well if this is fine, I'd hate to see you on a bad day. Come on, you know you can tell me. It might help you to get it off your chest."

Willow sucked in a lung full of air, then let it out slowly, sighing resignedly. "It's Tara. Or more precisely, me and Tara."

I'm beginning to think I shouldn't have asked. The last thing I really want to hear about is their relationship, especially given the thoughts I've been having the last few days about my best friend. But I would do anything to make her feel better, even if it does make me feel uncomfortable. "What about you and Tara? Is it still about that girl you saw her with the other day?" Ah yes, lets bring up that conversation Buffy, way to get yourself in trouble. When I told her that once you fall for her you stay fallen, I honestly said it to make her feel better. I believed it whole heartedly, I know Tara still loves her. But now that I've had the time to think about it, and now that I've LET myself think about it, I was saying it from experience as well. Once you fall for her, you never get back up. I never have, and I never want to. Of course it takes a case of the crazies to put everything into a crystal clarity.

"Sort of. I mean seeing Tara with that other girl hurt, you saw how mopey I was after it. But I wasn't raging with jealousy or anything, and I find that so strange. I was hurt, but I wasn't jealous, does that make any sense?" Willow looked at me, her eyebrows knitting into a confused expression. Of course I found it incredibly adorable. I never realized how cute she constantly is. How could I have gone 6 years without seeing that? Or maybe I did and I suppressed it, I actually wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.

"Sure it makes sense Willow. I mean it hurt you to think that maybe Tara was moving on, that's totally natural."

"But why wasn't I jealous of the other girl then? That's what doesn't make sense."

She's actually kind of right, I can't figure out why she would be hurt and not jealous. Unless maybe she doesn't want Tara back as much as I thought? "Well maybe, maybe you're hurt because you realize that you and Tara aren't, well, aren't gonna get back together?"

Willow looks at me sadly for a moment, but then a small smile forms at the corners of her mouth. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Yeah, I'm a tad bit confused now.

Willow shakes her head a bit at my bewildered expression and then turns back around, smile still firmly in place. "How do you know what I'm thinking before I even know what it is I'm thinking about?" She sighs a bit and the smile disappears as she leans back into the chair again. "You're right though, Tara and I are over. I've accepted that, and I think it's probably the best thing for both of us. I know a part of me will always love her, but somewhere in the middle of everything that has been happening lately, I realized I had fallen out of love with her. In fact, I'm not even completely sure I was IN love to begin with."

That surprises me, because for almost a year Willow and Tara were the epitome of the couple in love. Always holding hands, smiling away at each other, it used to make me really jealous sometimes. Of course I always chalked it up to jealousy over what they had together, not over what Tara had instead of me. I know better now. "Will, what do you mean you aren't sure you were in love with her. I saw you guys, I was there, it sure looked like love to me." Yeah Buff, way to give yourself a chance with her, by convincing her that she really is in love with the other woman. Nice.

"Sure, we held hands and everything. But Buffy, you and I used to hold hands all the time in high school, and we, well, you know." She blushes as I try and hold back the hurt expression from crossing my face. I held Willow's hand in high school because it felt like the most natural thing in the world to me. I held her hand because with her I felt safe. When she would offer up her arm for me to link through I always felt like I was home. She mustn't have felt the same way, because she's passing off our intimacies as nothing more than………friendship. Who am I kidding, that's all they ever were, at least at the time. Looking back it means so much more, but back then it was like second nature that I didn't even question it. Before I can chase that thought anymore Willow continues. "And yes we were lovers. But now that I think about it, there was always something just a tad bit off about it. I do love her, dearly, but I still wonder if I was actually in love with her or not. I mean how can you be in love with two…………." She looks up horrified as she trails off. She's in love with someone else, or at least was? I won't even begin to let myself even start to have a shred of hope, because I know I would never be that lucky. So who would the other person be then? Oh, right, Oz. That still doesn't explain why she looked so freaked a second ago……

"You think you couldn't have been in love with Tara when you're still in love with Oz?"

She looks a bit relieved with my question, which is kinda odd, cause I still can't figure out why she was upset to begin with. A slow, almost sensuous smile starts creeping over her lips, one that sends a small shiver of desire running through my limbs. "Buffy, can I ask you something?"

"Ask away." Why do I feel like I'm suddenly sitting in front of the firing squad?

"Do you remember that conversation we had the other day, when you asked me about Tara?"

Gulp.

"Sure I do, but what does that have to do…….." She cuts me off before I have the chance to get the sentence out. Not that it really matters, I was stalling anyway.

"Do you remember what you said to me?"

Ok, calm Buffy, just play it as natural as possible. I can't lie to her. "Yeah, I told you that I was sure that the girl Tara was with was just a friend, and that once you fall for Willow, you stay fallen. And I'm sure that's true, I know Tara loves you."

"That was probably the sweetest thing you've ever said to me, do you know that?" Willow thought it was sweet? Well that's a check in the plus column for me. Now my curiosity is really piqued though, because now I know that she's centering on my little heartfelt comment. This can either turn out really good, or extremely depressingly bad. And the way my luck has been going….. "Of course you've managed to flatter me on numerous occasions. I mean first there was that whole thing when you were worried about Malcolm. Sure you had a reason to be suspicious, but you didn't know that at the time. Do you remember what you said?"

How could I forget that, I remember I was really worried about her. And if I want to admit it now, jealous. It's funny, now that I look back on things from our past together it amazes me how much I overlooked. It's so clear to me now, I must have been blind back then not to see what was happening to me. How I was falling in love with her. "Besides being all bitchy at you because you skipped classes to talk to him?"

She rolls her eyes a bit at me in mock exasperation. "Yes, besides the lecture I got, do you remember what else you said. It was right after I told you about him, we were sitting in the computer lab."

"And you started to think that you weren't his ideal girl. And I hated seeing you doubt yourself. I told you that I just wanted to make sure he was good enough for you. And I think it's safe to say that my doubts were warranted!"

"I never told you how much that meant to me, how much I appreciated you looking out for me like that. It meant the world to me Buffy, thank you." Willow reached over and took my hand in her own. I love the feeling of her hand in mine, it's like two perfect interlocking puzzle pieces. Like they were made to fit together.

"No need to thank me Will, protecting you is like second nature to me." I actually said that didn't I? While it's the pure and utter truth, she really didn't need to know that. But since we seem to be in such a share mood with each other I guess it can't hurt that much.

"And why do you think I stayed here with you in Sunnydale. Helping you, being by your side, it's just as natural to me. Of course you can make it rather difficult when you get too protective." She's got me there, I can be a really stubborn ass sometimes, especially when it comes to her.

"Hey! I am not THAT stubborn!"

She ignores that, but still has the bit of a smug smile on her face. I know she knows better, and she knows I know she knows better, so I'll let that one slide. "Do you know what else you said to me that I still cherish to this day?"

Over the years I can remember saying a lot of things to Willow to try and boost her self confidence. I always hated seeing her doubt herself, it always amazed me how she couldn't see herself for the gorgeous young woman that she is. But I can't exactly tell her that. So it's dodge city I guess. "When I assured you that you still wore the smarty pants in the family? Cause trust me, there are no worries there."

"Buffy! You know I don't mean that. Of course it is nice to feel secure in my brainyness thank you very much. But I didn't mean that. I meant what you said when I first started dating Oz." Oh, that something. I can't believe she still remembers that, it was back in our Junior year, and it was just one small little remark I made because she was worried that Oz wasn't that interested. "You asked me what guy could resist, and I quote, 'my wily Willow charms'. And of course my insecurity made itself known again and told you that all of them could. And then you tried again to make me feel better, you said that all of them get an F in Willow. Do you remember that?"

"Of course I do. Like I said, I always hated when you would get so insecure like that. It always amazed me that you couldn't see yourself like I see you….." Whoo boy, I'm letting more and more slip, she's bound to figure it out sooner or later at the rate I'm going.

"And that brings me back to the conversation this week. How do you know that once you fall for me you stay fallen? Did you mean Tara, Buffy?" She gazes into my eyes, love and sincerity etched into their emerald depths. I can't lie to her, I won't. If I ever had my chance, I think this is it.

"No, I didn't mean Tara, Willow"

"Then what made you say that?"

Deep breath, and exhale, one, two, three. I can do this. It's just a couple of words, I can say it.

"I said it from personal experience. I know that once you fall for you, you stay there."

She looks so cute, her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, but I can see the beginnings of a smile forming on her lips. "Personal experience?" She gulps a bit. And amazingly I'm not afraid anymore, the words aren't caught in the back of my throat.

"Once you fall, you stay fallen. And I never want to get up, Will."