~Loria~
I sat there in the cathedral, barely able to stand the situation. The thing I had been fearing all my life had happened. Standing by, I had been forced to watch it. Now the final deed was sealed. My life seemed to be falling to shambles. Through my misery, the words of the priest droned through. "We are gathered here today to join Prince Coren of Fiore and Lady Ella Denseta in holy matrimony..."
I wanted to cry. I knew that I wouldn't be the only one. Many of the other 'eligible maidens' were crying at the loss of the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom. They were crying for a dream, though. I wanted to weep for a memory. That was all that remained to me now. A memory of days gone by, days of wonderful bliss. Those days were long gone, crushed under the new bride's glass slippers.
The ball had gone off without a hitch. Coren had, of course, wanted me to come. "You are always my strength, Loria," he had pleaded. I, in turn, had said no. I wasn't about to watch him fall in love with anyone else. Separation was best, I told myself. If I didn't see him with someone else, my heart wouldn't ache as much. I could keep the memories rather than the picture of him dancing with some noble or another. He had begged me, though. "I won't be able to go through with it without you to help me."
"Then maybe I shouldn't go," I joked darkly. It wasn't funny, but it was an attempt.
"Please? Just one more night Loria. One dance?"
"I hate dancing. Besides, I'm a just a 'lowly commoner,' remember? I've haven't got a dress to wear, no training, nothing."
"The dress issue can be remedied," he had protested. "I really do need you, Loria. I just want as much time as we have left." In the end, I had given in to his pleading gaze. He was just the opposite of me, the silly fool. Coren wanted to be together right up until the end. I wondered if he would ever be able to sever our ties. In my heart, I told myself that he couldn't. Then I watched as he fulfilled his duty to King and country. He had chosen a bride from amongst the powdered, painted, perfect ladies that lined up before him. I watched him those last few moments before he went up to a young blonde woman and asked her to dance.
Just before that, we had our last dance together. He had been able to sneak off and meet me to the side of the crowd where few would see us. I curtsied, trying hard not to trip over the skirt of the green dress he found for me to wear. As much as I hated wearing the court fashion, a promise was a promise. My strength was needed tonight. It was necessary to be here for my best friend, and my love.
His fingers intertwined with mine, and I could feel him guide me across the dance floor. All I could do was follow and hope I did not step on his feet. He was better than me, having taken dancing lessons since he could walk. We danced on as long as we could. Every moment seemed to be stolen away, passing too quickly and yet so slowly at the same time. I had given into the temptation at last, and rested my head against his shoulder. Just as our last dance ended, he whispered something in my ear. "We will remain always, Loria." Then, just before he turned to go. "I will always love you and you alone."
With that, he was gone from my arms, off to attend to his guests that were waiting. As he stepped away, I could only watch him go. He was gone from me and all our love was suddenly floating away. Never again, I told myself. Never again could we love each other as we did before this moment. At the moment, I faced the life ahead of me, being forced to watch as it all unfolded.
The line filed past him, and Coren showed little interest. He didn't care is Baroness So-and-So was this person's daughter or how much land each duchess's father owned. All he cared about was picking one and getting on with his own life trying to live with himself. The line continued on past him, filled with nobles. Every once in a while, when a particularly rich young lady passed him, his parents would give him a reproving glance. He would sigh, and all I could do was watch as he bowed formally and gave the obligatory smile. Each one broke my heart, in the strange way that every action seemed to do at the time.
It was a bit after the ball began that she came in. Regally, a lovely blonde woman wearing a blue gown descended the stairs. Her gown was fairly simple, but looked as if it was made for a Faery princess. Her bearing was more royal than that of the princesses of many visiting countries. There was no announcement for her, but rather than spoken words announcing her entrance, there was silence. I looked up at her and realized the kind of person she was.
This was one of those beauties that seem to have it all. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant knot in the back of her head, a curly tendril of gold hanging on each side of her face. There were pearls hanging about her neck, giving her the look of a River Faery. She was pale and lovely, her composure quiet and humble. Demure and perfect, this girl stood in the middle of the dance floor. She must have been confused, but with the aura she seemed to have, it appeared natural.
I must confess, I greatly disliked her at first. There are very few people in this world that were blessed with beauty. It was a rare gift of the gods, and she had received this gift. From the start, I could tell that she was the quiet, kind type. It angered me badly, especially when Coren moved politely forward to greet her.
Then, the orchestra struck up and before I knew it, she was gliding across the dance floor with him. I had to watch the one I loved in another's arms. It didn't help that the other was this lovely girl. For a moment, I truly feared that he might fall in love with her. Still, when I looked at him, I could tell immediately that this was not love he felt.
The king and queen were glaring at him to do or say something. I could tell that it was bothering him as he grew paler and paler. I was frowning, but I tried to smile when he looked my way. His parents spotted me as well, unfortunately. They obviously did not enjoy my presence. Their fears went unproved. I did not speak to him again that night. I merely sat back and watched with painful restraint as he danced with the blonde beauty.
Her blue eyes, the same color as her dress, seemed to scan the crowd and her surroundings. At almost twelve, she suddenly took off in the middle of a dance. With a knowing look on my face, I glanced over at Fiero's king and queen. They looked frantic, absolutely aghast at the hasty exit. No one seemed to know quite what was going on.
As Coren went out the door, following her with a puzzled look on his face, I turned to leave. He didn't need my help any longer. Besides that, I could not stand to watch the parade of people any longer. The commoners still bustled about in their own corner, enjoying the ball quite thoroughly. It was the nobles who were all a flutter over this odd occurrence. I just fled the entire thing. I didn't belong here. I belonged with Coren, but even that wasn't meant to be.
Now, I was sitting in a cathedral watching a wedding I did not care to witness. All I could do was sit there and listen as the priest asked my love if he would take Lady Ella to be his wife. "I do." Those two words seemed to curse me to a world of eternal misery. As in the ball, I quietly slipped out of the cathedral before he could kiss the bride, as was tradition. I couldn't watch that. It was too much.
Why was she a commoner? The one thing that kept us apart was our class and rank. It was my lack of training and breeding that kept me from being in that cathedral with the one I loved right now. In the end, it was another commoner that married him. That was not the way it was supposed to be.
Right after the ball, the King ordered that the girl who left so quickly was to be found and made the next princess. Coren had gone along with them reluctantly, seeing it as the lesser of evils. They had searched everywhere for the girl. Only one thing could help them- she had lost a slipper while running. Whoever could produce the shoe's mate would marry the prince.
In the end, it was a quiet servant girl of the Denseta house, one who was immediately recognized as the girl from the ball. It was hidden that she was a commoner and she was endowed with honorary titles to cover it up. After all, finding out that the belle of the ball was a servant would be disastrously embarrassing. So the arrangements were made and my Coren was married off to the dainty thing. I hated her without even knowing her.
I hated her for being so much like me. She was a servant. And yet, because of beauty and charm, she had won her way into the hearts that mattered- those of the King and Queen and of the Court. I hated her beauty, for I had very little. However, it was society (and the King and Queen in particular) that I hated most. Hatred was safer than love anyway. Hatred will not hurt you like love will.
Outside the cathedral, the wedding carriage was waiting to take the prince and princess back to the castle. The carriage drivers were not there; they must have been in at the wedding. Before I could think better of it, I found myself walking up to the carriage and opening the door. I climbed into it, careful not to trip over my skirts. It was so beautiful, with velvet seats and elegant curtains over the windows. Every where was the royal red, lined with gold that hinted at power and wealth. I envied her. This is where I should have been.
That was gone, I told myself. It was all gone. I climbed out of the carriage and wandered over to the other side of the cathedral grounds. The cemetery stood there, stretching out in a forest of marble that marked the graves of many of Fiore's citizens. On a bench by this cemetery was a young man. He had long dark hair that had the slightest bit of curl. As I approached, he looked up at me.
His brown eyes were the saddest I had ever seen. He looked absolutely crushed, and I wondered why he was out here. "Is something wrong?" I asked him. He nodded slowly. It is true when they say that misery loves company. "What happened to you?" I asked. He only looked over at me with a sad look in his eyes.
"I lost the only woman I've ever loved." From the depths of my heart, I understood.
~Lucian~
I hadn't been able to sit through the ceremony. I left before she even said 'I do.' My heart was so fractured that I didn't think I could stand to hear those two words that were so damning. In that moment in time, I hated the prince of Fiore. He had Ella, my perfect Ella, forever. She would make such a lovely queen, that much I knew. I should have known that the prince would have chosen her right away.
As I sat in the back of the church thinking, I heard a noise. There was someone coming. Before I looked up, the thought ran through my mind. Perhaps it was Ella, coming to say that she hadn't been able to go through with it, that she couldn't bear to spend her entire life with him, but loving me. As I looked up, I realized that it wasn't her.
The woman walking up to me was not a noble lady. Her clothes were that of a commoners. They were neat, clean, but made of a more common fabric rather than the noble silks, satins, and brocades. She was so unlike Ella, her gait being a little bit more awkward. There were freckles on her face and her eyes were hazel colored. A braid of brown hair hung down her back. Her face looked so determined, yet sad at the same time. Perhaps she was here to say prayers for a loved one in the graveyard. I couldn't help worrying about what she would think of me.
Then, she came over and spoke to me. She asked me if there was something wrong, and what happened to me to make me so sad. There was nothing I could do but tell her honestly. Perhaps sharing this sadness would make it a little less painful. I began from the very beginning, how I became great friends with a servant girl. Then, I began to speak of the ball. I can still picture everything in my mind.
I had picked her up from her house in our carriage. My mother and father declined to come with me to fetch her, saying that they would come along later. That way, they could go home early when they tired and we young people could stay on a while longer. So I had the carriage stop at her house, bringing with me her dress.
She greeted me at the door, a smile on her face. Ella was sparkling clean, and had already applied her makeup, which looked lovely. She didn't need it to be beautiful, but now her beauty was heightened. I couldn't believe how much she would look like an angel when she wore her dress. I handed the garments to her as I walked in the door, and she thanked me profusely.
I waited near the foyer while she was upstairs changing. I could just imagine the two of us, dressed in the costumes of a lord and lady, gliding across the ballroom at the palace. It was like a dream come true for me. I had loved her always, and to be with her all night at the ball would be heaven. I was thinking of this when I looked up and saw her.
To my surprise, she looked a bit nervous. Her white gloved hands swirled the skirt about. "Do I look all right?" she asked me. There was only one possible answer to that question.
"You look beautiful." The dress mother had chosen for her was simple, but elegant and perfect for her. It was a color of blue that seemed to match her eyes. The silk seemed to flow like water over her thin frame. It was a bit big for her, so she cinched the waist with a sash of deeper blue. Her hair was tied in its elegant knot with a blue ribbon. A pearl necklace hung around her neck. She had elegant white elbow length satin gloves that were the fashion now.
She descended the stairs, appearing to be a fairy princess. I loved her in that moment for all her grace and beauty and wonder. I loved her for her kindness, and for everything else that she was. As she took my arm and smiled at me, my heart melted. It would belong to her forever. My lady and I went out of the house and climbed into the carriage to go to the ball.
On the way there, we had chatted casually about what the ball would be like. I had been to more than she had, but remembered little. I listened as her imagination spun a picture of the royal ball. "The way I picture it," she began, "it will be as if the entire room is in the realm of heaven. The music will come from the harps and lutes and a choir of angels. As we dance, it will be as if we are really floating in the air. Time will slow, so that each moment can be captured and remembered forever."
"You always do think of the most fanciful things," I told her. "I'm sure that it will be as you said it will be."
"It will be, because of you." That caught me off guard. Her smiling face turned to me, the look in her eyes different than I had ever seen them before. "You have done more for me than anyone else ever has. You are the son of a lord, yet you would be friends with a servant girl. You do all this for me. I can do nothing in return for you, and I feel so badly. Lucian, when the night is over, there is something I have to talk to you about." I only nodded, not sure what it was that she wanted to say.
We arrived at the ball itself soon afterwards. As I had worried, we were frightfully late. I had wanted to make sure that I wouldn't run into her stepmother and stepsisters, because if they knew Ella was going to the ball, they would be outrages. They had enough reasons to abuse her without that, and I didn't want to give them any further cause to hurt her. I knew that she had used powder to cover up the bruises for tonight.
As it turned out, the servants who took the carriages away and the horses to the stable were gone. I sighed, getting out. My coachman could take the carriage away, but I would have to take the horses. I agreed readily, not wanting to spend too much time at the ball anyway. Seeing Ella's impatient face, I told her to go on in without me. I would meet her inside in a little while.
She agreed, letting go of the arm I had offered her to escort her in. "I'll be waiting for you inside, then. I'll save the first dance for you." With that, she stepped away, still smiling that incredible smile at me. I just watched her walk away, never knowing that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
"Is it Lady Ella Denseta that you're talking about?" the brown haired women asked me, interrupting the story.
"Yes, it is. You must think me to be a terrible fool, now. Yes, I am speaking of the woman who is marrying the prince today. I am sorry if my words are treason, but I can not help it. This marriage is a nightmare for me. I couldn't stay there." As I looked over at her, I noticed a sad look in her eyes as well.
"I know exactly how you feel. My name is Loria. For so many years now, I... I have loved Coren."
"Prince Coren?" I demanded. "And has he loved you?"
"Always," the woman said quietly. "Always have, and I hope that this will change, but he said that he always will." At these words, the outrage was growing within me.
"That's idiotic. Why didn't you marry him? What happened that he had to choose another girl? What made him take Ella away from me?" I was so angry, thinking that there was the possibility that I could have kept Ella from marrying the stranger, that I could have avoided the whole situation.
"I am a servant, my lord, not a fine lady. I don't have manners or beauty of any of the qualities of a princess. When it came to a marriage with the prince, I didn't have a chance." Her determined face was slowly losing its strength, and I could tell she wanted to weep. Not a single tear leaked out so far, even though she seemed just barely on the brink. I offered her a handkerchief.
"Please, call me Lucian."
"I will not cry, Lucian. I made him a promise not long ago, and a promise to myself as well. I will not cry, ever again. I have to be strong, for him and for myself." I greatly admired the young woman beside me. She was stronger than I could ever be. Still, it was the same pain we faced. There was silence a while before she asked me a question. "Do you know why she ran out?" I nodded and continued my story.
I had put the horses in their stable and went into the ballroom. It was indeed as grand as I had imagined it to be. The entire place was decorated festively for the occasion. Everywhere there were people dancing. I was not worried about finding Ella. Even in a crowd, I knew she would stand out among all others, or at least to me she would. She has a radiance like that.
Then I saw her. The prince himself was speaking to her, and she looked so worried, her eyes daring around. Before she could see me, I saw the prince take her onto the dance floor. My heart was sinking so fast. What am I compared to a prince? This Coren of yours is charming, I suppose, and I thought for sure that she was lost. I know that you can imagine what I felt in those helpless moments.
The young woman nodded. "I understand completely." I went on to tell what happened next.
I watched them for some time. She looked so lovely there, dancing with the prince as best she could. Some of the steps caught her off guard, I knew, but she never showed it. There were whispers around me that she was a foreign princess who did not wish anyone to know her true identity. Others thought that she was a river faery. Indeed, it was as if she had wings that carried her across the dance floor.
It got to be so much that I couldn't stay and watch it. She seemed to be enjoying herself without me. I thought that perhaps she had forgotten me and the promise she made to dance with me. In the arms of a prince, who could remember the plain son of a minor lord? So I decided to leave her alone. I thought that since she had forgotten me, she wouldn't miss me. I just decided to walk home by myself. It was a long way, but I was ready to do anything to get away from the sight of the two of them together.
I left, going back up the staircase with its burgundy carpet. At the top, I paused, looking back behind me. I looked at Ella, who was still dancing with his highness. During the waltz, she turned and saw me. Our eyes met, and I knew that I must have looked so sad and distressed. Still, I whispered good-bye under my breath and looked at her in all her splendor one last time. As I walked out, the clock chimed the first toll that signaled midnight had approached.
As I was walking out, I heard someone behind me. Then, all of a sudden, her voice stopped me. "Wait!" Ella called. "Lucian, wait for me!" She wouldn't let me leave. Catching up to me, she walked alongside me. "If you're leaving, then I'll leave, too."
I shook my head. "No. You were having a good time at the ball. Don't force yourself to leave because of me. I will leave the carriage here for you."
"It's not that," she admitted. As I looked at her, I saw the frustration in her face. A wisp of hair was escaping the knot that was tied by the ribbon. I brushed it back, and she gave me a sad smile. "I would like to leave now. I can't go back in there." I almost understood her, and was strangely thankful for her words. Calling the coachman, she and I got the horses and we readied the carriage.
We left the royal palace together, the situation between us awkward. I said nothing. My heart was still broken. Then, she said something I wasn't expecting. "I really was waiting for you, Lucian. I was going to save the first dance for you. You can't imagine how nervous I was, being in the middle of such a sea of fine people."
"You shone above them all," I whispered. "You didn't look nervous at all.:
"Well, I was," she argued. "Then, as I waited for you, His highness, Prince Coren himself walked up to me. I didn't know quite what to do or say, Lucian. I curtsied, as was polite, and then he asked me to dance. How was I to refuse a prince?" My hopes sank. Of course she wouldn't refuse a prince. "That was when I tried to say that I couldn't."
"What?" Her statement caught me completely off guard. I hadn't expected it in the least.
"I said that I couldn't dance, that I was waiting. He insisted, Lucian. He said that as my prince, he requested the pleasure of this dance. What could I do? Directly disobey the prince of Fiore. I had no other choice but to dance with him. All the while, I was looking for you. Then I saw you leaving. You looked so sad, and I knew that it was all my fault. I am so sorry, Lucian. I didn't mean for things to turn out like they did." She sat there, and looked as if she was in despair.
"I wanted so badly to go find you, Lucian. Once I started dancing with His Highness, we danced again and again. I don't know why we danced so much. There was something about the prince that seemed... artificial, almost. I can't quite describe it."
Once more, the woman named Loria cut in. "His heart wasn't in it. All Coren wanted to do was find the first pretty girl in the room that his parents approved of so he could get on with life. He knew that he had no choice. He just wanted to get the thing over with."
"Why did he have to pick Ella?" I demanded. In my heart, I knew the reason. The prince was probably looking for the first pretty girl he saw. Ella had stood out to me as the most lovely girl at the ball. I should have known that I wouldn't be the only one to notice. She didn't answer my question, so I continued my narrative of what had happened.
We reached her house, and she stopped, not getting out of the carriage. She apologized to me again. "I'm sorry, Lucian. I'm so sorry. Please, come inside with me for a minute." I obliged, and followed her. We went inside and she sat me down in the foyer, saying she would go upstairs and change and I could get the dress back. I agreed, a little disappointed that getting the dress and things back was the only reason for coming in with her. I don't know what gave me such high expectations.
Then, she came through a side door to the hall of the manor. Leading me inside, I realized that she had lit candles in the room, which was used by her stepmother for parties. The candlelight sparkled in the crystal holders, and moonlight poured in from the window. I didn't dare to tell her, but to me, the whole setting was better even than the palace had been.
"I promised you a dance," she whispered, still dressed in her ball gown and pearls. "I don't intend on going back on my promises." That is how we came to dance. In the candle lit hall of her manor, we waltzed. There was no music, and I hummed a simple tune in her ear. It was perhaps the happiest time of my life. I almost let myself believe that things might turn out happily ever after.
After a while, we stopped, knowing that her step family would soon be home. As we slowed to a stop, I couldn't help what I said. "You are so beautiful tonight," I found myself saying. "It's no wonder everyone wanted to dance with you."
"You always say that, Lucian," she said. "Do you really think so?"
"Of course I do. I love you, Ella." The words seemed to come from some hidden part of me that I never knew before. I feared that she would pull away, a horrified look on her face.
"I love you, too, Lucian. I could never love anyone more than I love you." Those five words were so amazing. I don't think any other words could be as sweet. They revolutionized the world for me. All those years that were full of uncertainty were answered. I knew in my heart that this was the moment.
"Marry me, Ella," I had asked her. "Marry me, and I will take you away from this place. You won't ever have to worry about them ever again. I will take care of you for the rest of your life. I will love you for the rest of my life and beyond. With a ring on your finger, we can go to the balls together. We can dance until dawn. I would love you for the rest of my life as I've loved you for years.:
"I will, Lucian," she told me, throwing her arms around my neck. I lifted her up before realizing that she was missing her shoes. I pointed it out to her, and we began to look for it everywhere. At last, we found one on the carriage. She had left the other at the ball. I was a bit upset, because her slippers were very delicate, made of glass. I went back to look at the other, but never found it. The prince had it, of course. Still, I had Ella, and that was what mattered.
I think it was the next morning that the prince came for her. She had the matching slipper of course, and didn't know the nature of the inquiry until the ordeal was over. So in the end, I lost her. I heard from her stepsisters that she was mumbling herself about being promised to another, but was told that it wouldn't be possible. The royal family had made too big a deal of finding the girl with the glass shoes, and they couldn't just let her go.
"So she was taken to the palace," I finished. "The prince married her, just as I knew he would. Now, they'll go off and live happily ever after. Do you ever worry that they will forget us? I loved Ella with all my heart and soul, but will time erase what we had? I wonder if she will forget all about me after she bears his children, becomes his queen."
"I hope they do," Loria said, clasping her hands and resting her elbows on her knees. "I wouldn't wish Coren the pain that I feel right now. I know that I will never love again. I will be an old maid for the rest of my life. Even so, I do not wish that on him. I want him to be happy. If he cannot love her, at least he can be happy."
I thought about that. Without Ella, my life would be life a winter day without sun. Why should she sufferer what I suffered through when she could be happy and just forget me. That was always what I wanted. Since I had met her, I had been angered when she was hurt or upset. I wanted to make things right for her and see her smile. Deep in my heart, I still wanted that. Now, she would have to be happy without me.
"Yes. I understand. This burden is not for them to bear. We will be the keepers of memories, bittersweet though they may be. Even with all the love I have for her, I want her to be happy. It would be better if she just forgot me. Even so, that won't stop me from loving her forever, with all my heart."
"Nothing can stop love," Loria said. "Nothing can keep me from loving Coren. I will keep my promises to him. Just as you should keep your promises to her. Love lasts forever. It can not be changed. Love is an anchor in a sea of discord. This love will last, no matter how much it hurts."
I watched around the corner as people began to come out of the church. Ella was standing there in her magnificent white silk wedding dress. She was so lovely, a sparkling diamond tiara upon her head and royal necklaces draped about her neck. I knew that she saw me as well, and our eyes locked for that fleeting moment in time. Those sparkling pools of azure were so sad. The sight of her broke my heart, but I still looked on her, memorizing everything.
I will always see her in my dreams and in my mind, every second of every day. I will always remember the way she used to smile at me. I cherish every one of them even more now. I will always remember the first time we met. I will always remember the sound of her voice and the way she sang so beautifully. I will always remember the way she looked so lovely, coming down the staircase. I will always remember her looking as if she were ready to grow wings fly away at any moment, just like a river faery out of legend. Most of all, I will always remember the way we danced. For the rest of my life, I will hear her voice saying, "I love you, too, Lucian."
"Forget me," I said, hoping that she would understand. I turned away, a single tear rolling down my cheek as I walked away. "Forget me."
I sat there in the cathedral, barely able to stand the situation. The thing I had been fearing all my life had happened. Standing by, I had been forced to watch it. Now the final deed was sealed. My life seemed to be falling to shambles. Through my misery, the words of the priest droned through. "We are gathered here today to join Prince Coren of Fiore and Lady Ella Denseta in holy matrimony..."
I wanted to cry. I knew that I wouldn't be the only one. Many of the other 'eligible maidens' were crying at the loss of the most eligible bachelor in the kingdom. They were crying for a dream, though. I wanted to weep for a memory. That was all that remained to me now. A memory of days gone by, days of wonderful bliss. Those days were long gone, crushed under the new bride's glass slippers.
The ball had gone off without a hitch. Coren had, of course, wanted me to come. "You are always my strength, Loria," he had pleaded. I, in turn, had said no. I wasn't about to watch him fall in love with anyone else. Separation was best, I told myself. If I didn't see him with someone else, my heart wouldn't ache as much. I could keep the memories rather than the picture of him dancing with some noble or another. He had begged me, though. "I won't be able to go through with it without you to help me."
"Then maybe I shouldn't go," I joked darkly. It wasn't funny, but it was an attempt.
"Please? Just one more night Loria. One dance?"
"I hate dancing. Besides, I'm a just a 'lowly commoner,' remember? I've haven't got a dress to wear, no training, nothing."
"The dress issue can be remedied," he had protested. "I really do need you, Loria. I just want as much time as we have left." In the end, I had given in to his pleading gaze. He was just the opposite of me, the silly fool. Coren wanted to be together right up until the end. I wondered if he would ever be able to sever our ties. In my heart, I told myself that he couldn't. Then I watched as he fulfilled his duty to King and country. He had chosen a bride from amongst the powdered, painted, perfect ladies that lined up before him. I watched him those last few moments before he went up to a young blonde woman and asked her to dance.
Just before that, we had our last dance together. He had been able to sneak off and meet me to the side of the crowd where few would see us. I curtsied, trying hard not to trip over the skirt of the green dress he found for me to wear. As much as I hated wearing the court fashion, a promise was a promise. My strength was needed tonight. It was necessary to be here for my best friend, and my love.
His fingers intertwined with mine, and I could feel him guide me across the dance floor. All I could do was follow and hope I did not step on his feet. He was better than me, having taken dancing lessons since he could walk. We danced on as long as we could. Every moment seemed to be stolen away, passing too quickly and yet so slowly at the same time. I had given into the temptation at last, and rested my head against his shoulder. Just as our last dance ended, he whispered something in my ear. "We will remain always, Loria." Then, just before he turned to go. "I will always love you and you alone."
With that, he was gone from my arms, off to attend to his guests that were waiting. As he stepped away, I could only watch him go. He was gone from me and all our love was suddenly floating away. Never again, I told myself. Never again could we love each other as we did before this moment. At the moment, I faced the life ahead of me, being forced to watch as it all unfolded.
The line filed past him, and Coren showed little interest. He didn't care is Baroness So-and-So was this person's daughter or how much land each duchess's father owned. All he cared about was picking one and getting on with his own life trying to live with himself. The line continued on past him, filled with nobles. Every once in a while, when a particularly rich young lady passed him, his parents would give him a reproving glance. He would sigh, and all I could do was watch as he bowed formally and gave the obligatory smile. Each one broke my heart, in the strange way that every action seemed to do at the time.
It was a bit after the ball began that she came in. Regally, a lovely blonde woman wearing a blue gown descended the stairs. Her gown was fairly simple, but looked as if it was made for a Faery princess. Her bearing was more royal than that of the princesses of many visiting countries. There was no announcement for her, but rather than spoken words announcing her entrance, there was silence. I looked up at her and realized the kind of person she was.
This was one of those beauties that seem to have it all. Her hair was pulled back into an elegant knot in the back of her head, a curly tendril of gold hanging on each side of her face. There were pearls hanging about her neck, giving her the look of a River Faery. She was pale and lovely, her composure quiet and humble. Demure and perfect, this girl stood in the middle of the dance floor. She must have been confused, but with the aura she seemed to have, it appeared natural.
I must confess, I greatly disliked her at first. There are very few people in this world that were blessed with beauty. It was a rare gift of the gods, and she had received this gift. From the start, I could tell that she was the quiet, kind type. It angered me badly, especially when Coren moved politely forward to greet her.
Then, the orchestra struck up and before I knew it, she was gliding across the dance floor with him. I had to watch the one I loved in another's arms. It didn't help that the other was this lovely girl. For a moment, I truly feared that he might fall in love with her. Still, when I looked at him, I could tell immediately that this was not love he felt.
The king and queen were glaring at him to do or say something. I could tell that it was bothering him as he grew paler and paler. I was frowning, but I tried to smile when he looked my way. His parents spotted me as well, unfortunately. They obviously did not enjoy my presence. Their fears went unproved. I did not speak to him again that night. I merely sat back and watched with painful restraint as he danced with the blonde beauty.
Her blue eyes, the same color as her dress, seemed to scan the crowd and her surroundings. At almost twelve, she suddenly took off in the middle of a dance. With a knowing look on my face, I glanced over at Fiero's king and queen. They looked frantic, absolutely aghast at the hasty exit. No one seemed to know quite what was going on.
As Coren went out the door, following her with a puzzled look on his face, I turned to leave. He didn't need my help any longer. Besides that, I could not stand to watch the parade of people any longer. The commoners still bustled about in their own corner, enjoying the ball quite thoroughly. It was the nobles who were all a flutter over this odd occurrence. I just fled the entire thing. I didn't belong here. I belonged with Coren, but even that wasn't meant to be.
Now, I was sitting in a cathedral watching a wedding I did not care to witness. All I could do was sit there and listen as the priest asked my love if he would take Lady Ella to be his wife. "I do." Those two words seemed to curse me to a world of eternal misery. As in the ball, I quietly slipped out of the cathedral before he could kiss the bride, as was tradition. I couldn't watch that. It was too much.
Why was she a commoner? The one thing that kept us apart was our class and rank. It was my lack of training and breeding that kept me from being in that cathedral with the one I loved right now. In the end, it was another commoner that married him. That was not the way it was supposed to be.
Right after the ball, the King ordered that the girl who left so quickly was to be found and made the next princess. Coren had gone along with them reluctantly, seeing it as the lesser of evils. They had searched everywhere for the girl. Only one thing could help them- she had lost a slipper while running. Whoever could produce the shoe's mate would marry the prince.
In the end, it was a quiet servant girl of the Denseta house, one who was immediately recognized as the girl from the ball. It was hidden that she was a commoner and she was endowed with honorary titles to cover it up. After all, finding out that the belle of the ball was a servant would be disastrously embarrassing. So the arrangements were made and my Coren was married off to the dainty thing. I hated her without even knowing her.
I hated her for being so much like me. She was a servant. And yet, because of beauty and charm, she had won her way into the hearts that mattered- those of the King and Queen and of the Court. I hated her beauty, for I had very little. However, it was society (and the King and Queen in particular) that I hated most. Hatred was safer than love anyway. Hatred will not hurt you like love will.
Outside the cathedral, the wedding carriage was waiting to take the prince and princess back to the castle. The carriage drivers were not there; they must have been in at the wedding. Before I could think better of it, I found myself walking up to the carriage and opening the door. I climbed into it, careful not to trip over my skirts. It was so beautiful, with velvet seats and elegant curtains over the windows. Every where was the royal red, lined with gold that hinted at power and wealth. I envied her. This is where I should have been.
That was gone, I told myself. It was all gone. I climbed out of the carriage and wandered over to the other side of the cathedral grounds. The cemetery stood there, stretching out in a forest of marble that marked the graves of many of Fiore's citizens. On a bench by this cemetery was a young man. He had long dark hair that had the slightest bit of curl. As I approached, he looked up at me.
His brown eyes were the saddest I had ever seen. He looked absolutely crushed, and I wondered why he was out here. "Is something wrong?" I asked him. He nodded slowly. It is true when they say that misery loves company. "What happened to you?" I asked. He only looked over at me with a sad look in his eyes.
"I lost the only woman I've ever loved." From the depths of my heart, I understood.
~Lucian~
I hadn't been able to sit through the ceremony. I left before she even said 'I do.' My heart was so fractured that I didn't think I could stand to hear those two words that were so damning. In that moment in time, I hated the prince of Fiore. He had Ella, my perfect Ella, forever. She would make such a lovely queen, that much I knew. I should have known that the prince would have chosen her right away.
As I sat in the back of the church thinking, I heard a noise. There was someone coming. Before I looked up, the thought ran through my mind. Perhaps it was Ella, coming to say that she hadn't been able to go through with it, that she couldn't bear to spend her entire life with him, but loving me. As I looked up, I realized that it wasn't her.
The woman walking up to me was not a noble lady. Her clothes were that of a commoners. They were neat, clean, but made of a more common fabric rather than the noble silks, satins, and brocades. She was so unlike Ella, her gait being a little bit more awkward. There were freckles on her face and her eyes were hazel colored. A braid of brown hair hung down her back. Her face looked so determined, yet sad at the same time. Perhaps she was here to say prayers for a loved one in the graveyard. I couldn't help worrying about what she would think of me.
Then, she came over and spoke to me. She asked me if there was something wrong, and what happened to me to make me so sad. There was nothing I could do but tell her honestly. Perhaps sharing this sadness would make it a little less painful. I began from the very beginning, how I became great friends with a servant girl. Then, I began to speak of the ball. I can still picture everything in my mind.
I had picked her up from her house in our carriage. My mother and father declined to come with me to fetch her, saying that they would come along later. That way, they could go home early when they tired and we young people could stay on a while longer. So I had the carriage stop at her house, bringing with me her dress.
She greeted me at the door, a smile on her face. Ella was sparkling clean, and had already applied her makeup, which looked lovely. She didn't need it to be beautiful, but now her beauty was heightened. I couldn't believe how much she would look like an angel when she wore her dress. I handed the garments to her as I walked in the door, and she thanked me profusely.
I waited near the foyer while she was upstairs changing. I could just imagine the two of us, dressed in the costumes of a lord and lady, gliding across the ballroom at the palace. It was like a dream come true for me. I had loved her always, and to be with her all night at the ball would be heaven. I was thinking of this when I looked up and saw her.
To my surprise, she looked a bit nervous. Her white gloved hands swirled the skirt about. "Do I look all right?" she asked me. There was only one possible answer to that question.
"You look beautiful." The dress mother had chosen for her was simple, but elegant and perfect for her. It was a color of blue that seemed to match her eyes. The silk seemed to flow like water over her thin frame. It was a bit big for her, so she cinched the waist with a sash of deeper blue. Her hair was tied in its elegant knot with a blue ribbon. A pearl necklace hung around her neck. She had elegant white elbow length satin gloves that were the fashion now.
She descended the stairs, appearing to be a fairy princess. I loved her in that moment for all her grace and beauty and wonder. I loved her for her kindness, and for everything else that she was. As she took my arm and smiled at me, my heart melted. It would belong to her forever. My lady and I went out of the house and climbed into the carriage to go to the ball.
On the way there, we had chatted casually about what the ball would be like. I had been to more than she had, but remembered little. I listened as her imagination spun a picture of the royal ball. "The way I picture it," she began, "it will be as if the entire room is in the realm of heaven. The music will come from the harps and lutes and a choir of angels. As we dance, it will be as if we are really floating in the air. Time will slow, so that each moment can be captured and remembered forever."
"You always do think of the most fanciful things," I told her. "I'm sure that it will be as you said it will be."
"It will be, because of you." That caught me off guard. Her smiling face turned to me, the look in her eyes different than I had ever seen them before. "You have done more for me than anyone else ever has. You are the son of a lord, yet you would be friends with a servant girl. You do all this for me. I can do nothing in return for you, and I feel so badly. Lucian, when the night is over, there is something I have to talk to you about." I only nodded, not sure what it was that she wanted to say.
We arrived at the ball itself soon afterwards. As I had worried, we were frightfully late. I had wanted to make sure that I wouldn't run into her stepmother and stepsisters, because if they knew Ella was going to the ball, they would be outrages. They had enough reasons to abuse her without that, and I didn't want to give them any further cause to hurt her. I knew that she had used powder to cover up the bruises for tonight.
As it turned out, the servants who took the carriages away and the horses to the stable were gone. I sighed, getting out. My coachman could take the carriage away, but I would have to take the horses. I agreed readily, not wanting to spend too much time at the ball anyway. Seeing Ella's impatient face, I told her to go on in without me. I would meet her inside in a little while.
She agreed, letting go of the arm I had offered her to escort her in. "I'll be waiting for you inside, then. I'll save the first dance for you." With that, she stepped away, still smiling that incredible smile at me. I just watched her walk away, never knowing that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.
"Is it Lady Ella Denseta that you're talking about?" the brown haired women asked me, interrupting the story.
"Yes, it is. You must think me to be a terrible fool, now. Yes, I am speaking of the woman who is marrying the prince today. I am sorry if my words are treason, but I can not help it. This marriage is a nightmare for me. I couldn't stay there." As I looked over at her, I noticed a sad look in her eyes as well.
"I know exactly how you feel. My name is Loria. For so many years now, I... I have loved Coren."
"Prince Coren?" I demanded. "And has he loved you?"
"Always," the woman said quietly. "Always have, and I hope that this will change, but he said that he always will." At these words, the outrage was growing within me.
"That's idiotic. Why didn't you marry him? What happened that he had to choose another girl? What made him take Ella away from me?" I was so angry, thinking that there was the possibility that I could have kept Ella from marrying the stranger, that I could have avoided the whole situation.
"I am a servant, my lord, not a fine lady. I don't have manners or beauty of any of the qualities of a princess. When it came to a marriage with the prince, I didn't have a chance." Her determined face was slowly losing its strength, and I could tell she wanted to weep. Not a single tear leaked out so far, even though she seemed just barely on the brink. I offered her a handkerchief.
"Please, call me Lucian."
"I will not cry, Lucian. I made him a promise not long ago, and a promise to myself as well. I will not cry, ever again. I have to be strong, for him and for myself." I greatly admired the young woman beside me. She was stronger than I could ever be. Still, it was the same pain we faced. There was silence a while before she asked me a question. "Do you know why she ran out?" I nodded and continued my story.
I had put the horses in their stable and went into the ballroom. It was indeed as grand as I had imagined it to be. The entire place was decorated festively for the occasion. Everywhere there were people dancing. I was not worried about finding Ella. Even in a crowd, I knew she would stand out among all others, or at least to me she would. She has a radiance like that.
Then I saw her. The prince himself was speaking to her, and she looked so worried, her eyes daring around. Before she could see me, I saw the prince take her onto the dance floor. My heart was sinking so fast. What am I compared to a prince? This Coren of yours is charming, I suppose, and I thought for sure that she was lost. I know that you can imagine what I felt in those helpless moments.
The young woman nodded. "I understand completely." I went on to tell what happened next.
I watched them for some time. She looked so lovely there, dancing with the prince as best she could. Some of the steps caught her off guard, I knew, but she never showed it. There were whispers around me that she was a foreign princess who did not wish anyone to know her true identity. Others thought that she was a river faery. Indeed, it was as if she had wings that carried her across the dance floor.
It got to be so much that I couldn't stay and watch it. She seemed to be enjoying herself without me. I thought that perhaps she had forgotten me and the promise she made to dance with me. In the arms of a prince, who could remember the plain son of a minor lord? So I decided to leave her alone. I thought that since she had forgotten me, she wouldn't miss me. I just decided to walk home by myself. It was a long way, but I was ready to do anything to get away from the sight of the two of them together.
I left, going back up the staircase with its burgundy carpet. At the top, I paused, looking back behind me. I looked at Ella, who was still dancing with his highness. During the waltz, she turned and saw me. Our eyes met, and I knew that I must have looked so sad and distressed. Still, I whispered good-bye under my breath and looked at her in all her splendor one last time. As I walked out, the clock chimed the first toll that signaled midnight had approached.
As I was walking out, I heard someone behind me. Then, all of a sudden, her voice stopped me. "Wait!" Ella called. "Lucian, wait for me!" She wouldn't let me leave. Catching up to me, she walked alongside me. "If you're leaving, then I'll leave, too."
I shook my head. "No. You were having a good time at the ball. Don't force yourself to leave because of me. I will leave the carriage here for you."
"It's not that," she admitted. As I looked at her, I saw the frustration in her face. A wisp of hair was escaping the knot that was tied by the ribbon. I brushed it back, and she gave me a sad smile. "I would like to leave now. I can't go back in there." I almost understood her, and was strangely thankful for her words. Calling the coachman, she and I got the horses and we readied the carriage.
We left the royal palace together, the situation between us awkward. I said nothing. My heart was still broken. Then, she said something I wasn't expecting. "I really was waiting for you, Lucian. I was going to save the first dance for you. You can't imagine how nervous I was, being in the middle of such a sea of fine people."
"You shone above them all," I whispered. "You didn't look nervous at all.:
"Well, I was," she argued. "Then, as I waited for you, His highness, Prince Coren himself walked up to me. I didn't know quite what to do or say, Lucian. I curtsied, as was polite, and then he asked me to dance. How was I to refuse a prince?" My hopes sank. Of course she wouldn't refuse a prince. "That was when I tried to say that I couldn't."
"What?" Her statement caught me completely off guard. I hadn't expected it in the least.
"I said that I couldn't dance, that I was waiting. He insisted, Lucian. He said that as my prince, he requested the pleasure of this dance. What could I do? Directly disobey the prince of Fiore. I had no other choice but to dance with him. All the while, I was looking for you. Then I saw you leaving. You looked so sad, and I knew that it was all my fault. I am so sorry, Lucian. I didn't mean for things to turn out like they did." She sat there, and looked as if she was in despair.
"I wanted so badly to go find you, Lucian. Once I started dancing with His Highness, we danced again and again. I don't know why we danced so much. There was something about the prince that seemed... artificial, almost. I can't quite describe it."
Once more, the woman named Loria cut in. "His heart wasn't in it. All Coren wanted to do was find the first pretty girl in the room that his parents approved of so he could get on with life. He knew that he had no choice. He just wanted to get the thing over with."
"Why did he have to pick Ella?" I demanded. In my heart, I knew the reason. The prince was probably looking for the first pretty girl he saw. Ella had stood out to me as the most lovely girl at the ball. I should have known that I wouldn't be the only one to notice. She didn't answer my question, so I continued my narrative of what had happened.
We reached her house, and she stopped, not getting out of the carriage. She apologized to me again. "I'm sorry, Lucian. I'm so sorry. Please, come inside with me for a minute." I obliged, and followed her. We went inside and she sat me down in the foyer, saying she would go upstairs and change and I could get the dress back. I agreed, a little disappointed that getting the dress and things back was the only reason for coming in with her. I don't know what gave me such high expectations.
Then, she came through a side door to the hall of the manor. Leading me inside, I realized that she had lit candles in the room, which was used by her stepmother for parties. The candlelight sparkled in the crystal holders, and moonlight poured in from the window. I didn't dare to tell her, but to me, the whole setting was better even than the palace had been.
"I promised you a dance," she whispered, still dressed in her ball gown and pearls. "I don't intend on going back on my promises." That is how we came to dance. In the candle lit hall of her manor, we waltzed. There was no music, and I hummed a simple tune in her ear. It was perhaps the happiest time of my life. I almost let myself believe that things might turn out happily ever after.
After a while, we stopped, knowing that her step family would soon be home. As we slowed to a stop, I couldn't help what I said. "You are so beautiful tonight," I found myself saying. "It's no wonder everyone wanted to dance with you."
"You always say that, Lucian," she said. "Do you really think so?"
"Of course I do. I love you, Ella." The words seemed to come from some hidden part of me that I never knew before. I feared that she would pull away, a horrified look on her face.
"I love you, too, Lucian. I could never love anyone more than I love you." Those five words were so amazing. I don't think any other words could be as sweet. They revolutionized the world for me. All those years that were full of uncertainty were answered. I knew in my heart that this was the moment.
"Marry me, Ella," I had asked her. "Marry me, and I will take you away from this place. You won't ever have to worry about them ever again. I will take care of you for the rest of your life. I will love you for the rest of my life and beyond. With a ring on your finger, we can go to the balls together. We can dance until dawn. I would love you for the rest of my life as I've loved you for years.:
"I will, Lucian," she told me, throwing her arms around my neck. I lifted her up before realizing that she was missing her shoes. I pointed it out to her, and we began to look for it everywhere. At last, we found one on the carriage. She had left the other at the ball. I was a bit upset, because her slippers were very delicate, made of glass. I went back to look at the other, but never found it. The prince had it, of course. Still, I had Ella, and that was what mattered.
I think it was the next morning that the prince came for her. She had the matching slipper of course, and didn't know the nature of the inquiry until the ordeal was over. So in the end, I lost her. I heard from her stepsisters that she was mumbling herself about being promised to another, but was told that it wouldn't be possible. The royal family had made too big a deal of finding the girl with the glass shoes, and they couldn't just let her go.
"So she was taken to the palace," I finished. "The prince married her, just as I knew he would. Now, they'll go off and live happily ever after. Do you ever worry that they will forget us? I loved Ella with all my heart and soul, but will time erase what we had? I wonder if she will forget all about me after she bears his children, becomes his queen."
"I hope they do," Loria said, clasping her hands and resting her elbows on her knees. "I wouldn't wish Coren the pain that I feel right now. I know that I will never love again. I will be an old maid for the rest of my life. Even so, I do not wish that on him. I want him to be happy. If he cannot love her, at least he can be happy."
I thought about that. Without Ella, my life would be life a winter day without sun. Why should she sufferer what I suffered through when she could be happy and just forget me. That was always what I wanted. Since I had met her, I had been angered when she was hurt or upset. I wanted to make things right for her and see her smile. Deep in my heart, I still wanted that. Now, she would have to be happy without me.
"Yes. I understand. This burden is not for them to bear. We will be the keepers of memories, bittersweet though they may be. Even with all the love I have for her, I want her to be happy. It would be better if she just forgot me. Even so, that won't stop me from loving her forever, with all my heart."
"Nothing can stop love," Loria said. "Nothing can keep me from loving Coren. I will keep my promises to him. Just as you should keep your promises to her. Love lasts forever. It can not be changed. Love is an anchor in a sea of discord. This love will last, no matter how much it hurts."
I watched around the corner as people began to come out of the church. Ella was standing there in her magnificent white silk wedding dress. She was so lovely, a sparkling diamond tiara upon her head and royal necklaces draped about her neck. I knew that she saw me as well, and our eyes locked for that fleeting moment in time. Those sparkling pools of azure were so sad. The sight of her broke my heart, but I still looked on her, memorizing everything.
I will always see her in my dreams and in my mind, every second of every day. I will always remember the way she used to smile at me. I cherish every one of them even more now. I will always remember the first time we met. I will always remember the sound of her voice and the way she sang so beautifully. I will always remember the way she looked so lovely, coming down the staircase. I will always remember her looking as if she were ready to grow wings fly away at any moment, just like a river faery out of legend. Most of all, I will always remember the way we danced. For the rest of my life, I will hear her voice saying, "I love you, too, Lucian."
"Forget me," I said, hoping that she would understand. I turned away, a single tear rolling down my cheek as I walked away. "Forget me."