TOW The Past Isn't At Rest
"I'm Not Supposed To Love You"

Oh, yeah, I don't own these characters, except for maybe Emma, but legally, I probably couldn't claim her either.


Monica walked into Apartment 20, already dreading the lonely silence the weekend was sure to bring. She glanced around the meticulous living room, wishing she had at least left some of Emma's things scattered around. But her compulsive nature wouldn't let her leave the apartment without having it spotless. She sighed and made her way to the room that had years ago been Rachel's. Now it was Emma's. She stood in the doorway and smiled sadly to herself when she remembered the day she and Chandler had argued over how to use the room. She had always planned for it to be a nursery…someday. She wondered fleetingly if Chandler had planned for that too, but shook her head, refusing to believe it. He might be a doting father now, but she was sure that he'd never thought about such things. Not before Emma.

Monica exhaled sharply and turned around. This always happened. Every time. Well, she wouldn't let herself. She grabbed her keys and cell phone and walked across the hall, pulling her door closed behind her. She knocked briefly on the door before she opened it, and was relieved to find Rachel sitting on the counter, eating ice cream and reading a book. Rachel looked up and grinned when she saw Monica.

"Hey Mon. Where's Emma?"

"With Chandler…"

Rachel nodded in understanding and jumped off the counter, offering Monica a spoon and the ice cream carton. Monica took it sullenly and ate a spoonful before speaking again.

"Do you want to go shopping or something? I don't want to stay home all by myself."

Rachel nodded again, not one to turn down shopping under any circumstances. Besides, this was per usual when Chandler had Emma. But Rachel had her own suspicions that these bouts of minor depression had as much to do with seeing Chandler as it did with being away from Emma.

"Sure. You have your credit card?"

Monica smiled slightly. "I have Richard's."

"Even better! Bloomie's?"

"Sounds good. But I have to be back by six. Richard's picking me up for dinner with his daughter and son-in-law."

Rachel giggled. "Well, Mon, pretty soon you'll have a "daughter" that's been married longer than you have!"

"Not funny, Rach."

Rachel watched Monica's face closely, trying to figure out what she was thinking. She had been good at it at one time…but not anymore. With a sigh, she grabbed a light jacket and pulled Monica out the door. Maybe she could get Monica to open up a little while they were trying on dresses and - it was inevitable - both spending all of their money on cute outfits for Emma and buying nothing at all for themselves.



Monica glanced at her watch again as she entered the apartment with several bags. She only had half an hour to get ready for dinner, but she was unconcerned. She didn't spend as much time getting ready anymore. She chalked it up to being an "engaged" woman, but truthfully, she just hadn't felt like it in awhile. Besides, Richard wouldn't mind if she didn't look perfect.

She glanced through the dresses in her closet, wondering why she hadn't bought something while she and Rachel were shopping. Nothing appealed to her, though she could again fit into almost everything she had worn before Emma. She finally pulled out a simple black dress that fit almost any occasion, and slipped into some heels. With a dab of lipstick and a clip for her hair, she was ready - with almost twenty minutes to spare.

Monica wandered over to the window seat and sat down, staring out the window as she waited for her fiancé to arrive. As usual, her thoughts immediately jumped to a day she had sat in this same spot, staring out at the same scene. She couldn't help remembering, no matter how much she tried not to think about it. That was the day everything changed forever…



Ten months earlier…



Monica stared at the window, trying to make sense of the news she had heard only a few hours ago. Chandler was going to go absolutely frantic. Or maybe he wouldn't… Well, it didn't matter, because it wasn't like she could keep from telling him.

Honey, we're having a baby!

And she thought he wasn't going to go all "Chandler" on her? Was SHE crazy?

Monica closed her eyes and tried to imagine what Chandler's response was going to be. Convincing herself that no matter how many stages it took, he was going to be happy about it in the end, she decided that he would probably run out the door, disappear for a few hours, but reappear before they really had time to worry. He would walk back in the door with a smile on his face, and pull her into his arms. He'd whisper that he loved her, and that everything was going to be okay, and then he would pull away and repeat the words with the biggest grin she had ever seen.

Honey, we're having a baby!

She jumped when Chandler walked through the door, interrupting her daydream. Chandler smiled when he saw her sitting in the shadows, and her heart leapt at the contented look on his face. He came over and kissed her hello, then sat down with her and wrapped his arms around her.

"Hey beautiful," he whispered in her ear, sending chills down her spine. She turned her head for another kiss and gazed into his eyes.

"Hi. How was your day?"

Chandler smiled again and kissed her forehead.

"It was fine. But I hope tonight will make it even better."

Monica gazed at him for another long moment, trying to decide if she should break her news to him now. She decided to wait and see if the opportunity arose over dinner. For some reason, he was awfully excited about their date tonight, and that made her excited too. Which reminded her… A quick glance at her watch told her they would have to leave in less than an hour.

"Sweetie, I'd better go get ready."

Chandler nodded and released her, following her into the bedroom. He was already changed and in the living room before Monica even decided which dress to wear. She left her hair flowing around her shoulders and cast a quick glance in the mirror. Yes, Chandler should approve. She smoothed the dress with one hand, letting it rest momentarily over her stomach and wondering - if anyone even knew about the baby - if they would be able to tell. She pushed the thoughts aside and walked out of the bedroom, a little surprised to find all of their friends in the living room with Chandler.

"Hi guys," she greeted them, as she walked over. They all just looked back at her, looking rather…silly. She raised her eyebrows and looked at Chandler as he turned around and gave her that heart-stopping smile that made her heart pound every time.

"You look beautiful."

She looked up at him with a smile, placing a hand on the shoulder of his coat.

"Oh… thank you."

She glanced at the other four, wondering why they all looked so…sappy. It was almost as if they knew…

"What's going on?"

Rachel sounded awfully close to tears as she said something about the charity event, but Monica wasn't paying that much attention. She was looking at Chandler, mesmerized by the look of nervous happiness on his face. And she knew it was reflected on hers…



The Present…



A sharp knock on the door brought her back from her thoughts, and Monica rose reluctantly to open the door for Richard. She was not looking forward to dinner, and all she could think about was the fact that Chandler was probably rocking Emma to sleep at that very moment. Monica only wished she could be there.



"I'm Not Supposed To Love You"

Bryan White

We agreed that it was over

Now the lines have all been drawn

The vows we made began to fade

But now they're gone

Put your pictures in a shoebox

And my gold ring in a drawer

I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Now Sherry say she's jealous

Of this freedom that I've found

If she were me, she would be out on the town

And she says she can't imagine

What on earth I'm waiting for.
I'm not supposed to love you anymore.

Oh, I shouldn't care or wonder where and how you are.

And I can't hide this hurt inside my broken heart

I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before

'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Now I'm writing you this letter and it's killing me tonight

That I agreed when you believed it wasn't right

And I couldn't sleep up on the bed, so I'm down here on the floor

Where I'm not supposed to love you anymore

Oh, I shouldn't care or wonder where and how you are

And I can't hide this hurt inside my broken heart

I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before

'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore

I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before

'Cause I'm not supposed to love you anymore.


Well, I decided that it would be much less confusing to do only one "flashback" per chapter, so I'm going to end this one here. Next chapter coming soon! And yes, I'm still going to continue "TOW Chandler Knows the Future" but right now I'm more inspired for this one. =)