Chapter Five – Against All Odds

Emma's soft whimpers pulled Chandler out of his light sleep.  He sat up carefully, stroking her back as he held her up on his shoulder so that she would feel him close by as soon as she woke up completely.  But that didn't stop her from nearly deafening him with full-blown wails as she snapped into full consciousness.  He held her close and rocked her gently back and forth, wanting to cry along with her. 

"Shhh, sweetie.  Daddy's here.  Don't cry, Emma, please.  Daddy hates it when you cry."  He stood up slowly, still bouncing her in his arms as he walked out of his bedroom and into Emma's.  Strange that he had a room all set up for her, but she never used it.  She slept with him, and he had never considered having it any other way.  He didn't think he could stand to let her fall asleep in the next room and be away from her for even a second when he finally had the chance to spend time with her.  But the changing table, dry diapers, and everything else that was important stayed in the nursery, so at least it served some purpose.

He changed her quickly, rather proud that he had already learned the process so well.  After heating up a bottle, he sat down with her in the rocking chair, smiling down at the precious little girl that had completely stolen his heart.  She looked back at him with Monica's clear blue eyes, enjoying the safety and comfort of her father's arms.

"You look like your mama, do you know that?  Almost exactly like her.  But that's okay, because Mama is the most beautiful woman in the world.  And I know you're going to be even more beautiful, and you'll drive all the boys crazy, just like Monica.  You're going to break hearts, sweetie.  It's inevitable.  I just hope none of those poor boys are truly in love with you when you do.  If so, they have my sympathy."

Emma gazed back at him as she sucked from the bottle, her eyes never straying from his face.  Chandler loved it.  He loved being the center of someone's universe, even if it was only for a day or two at a time, and it was even better because she was the center of his.  The only thing he seemed to have left.

"I love you, baby girl.  More than I guess you'll ever know…  And I'm going to spend my whole life loving you so much that it will make up for how I acted when Mommy told me about you."

Emma squirmed and pushed aside the bottle.  Chandler swallowed hard as he lifted her to his shoulder, hugging her tightly as memories of The Night swam through his head, and he couldn't help remembering everything he tried so hard to forget every time he looked at his daughter.

Once again, ten months ago…

"Monica?  Monica!"  Chandler shut the door behind him and looked around the empty apartment.  "Honey?  Are you here?"  He practically skipped to the bedroom, his excitement about his plans for the evening making him giddy.  "Monica?"

The bedroom was empty.  He checked Rachel's old bedroom to be sure, but it was empty too.  He had expected her to be here when he got home, especially since she had left before he even woke up that morning, without waking him to say goodbye or even leaving a note.  Hmmm.  It was possible that she was still mad at him about yesterday.  But that was okay, because as soon as she heard about the plan, she would forgive him for all that. 

            He sat down on the couch and pulled the ring box out of his pocket.  It was the perfect ring for Monica.  He could not wait to put it on her finger, and know that she was really going to be his forever.  If only she would come home so he could do it!

            He heard the door open behind him and turned around quickly, a huge smile lighting up his face as he quickly stuck the ring back in his pocket. 

"Hey!"

Monica stared at him for a moment, as if trying to figure out what he was doing there.  Yep, she was definitely still mad.

"Honey, please don't be mad at me.  I want to talk about what happened yesterday.  Come sit down," Chandler pleaded, trying to ignore all the warning bells going off in his head. Monica was still standing in the doorway.  She hadn't even moved to take off her coat.  Chandler finally stood up, and walked over to her slowly, trying to gauge the look on her face.  She didn't look really mad, just sort of…hopeless.

"Sweetie, what is it?  What's wrong?  Did something happen?"  Chandler forgot about everything else but his concern for her, as she finally sighed and started to slowly shrug out of her coat.  She glanced at him again, and he could tell that she was fighting tears. 

"Mon?"

"Chandler, I think you're right.  We need to talk.  About yesterday…about a lot of things."

Chandler nodded and followed her over to the couch, his anxiety being replaced by exhilaration as he imagined the look on her face when he explained the whole thing.  He sat down and reached for her hand, surprised when she flinched and pulled it away from him. 

"Monica -"

"No, Chandler.  Let me go first.  Please."

He nodded, trying not to look disappointed.  He thought he could make everything okay with just four words, but she looked so serious. 

"Okay.  Go ahead."

Monica gazed at him silently, closing her eyes briefly before she spoke.

"Chandler…I'm two months pregnant."

He was aware that he should probably say something, but he was just too shocked to speak.  He stared at her in amazement, his mind trying to comprehend the fact that he was going to be a father.  And then, just as his heart finally figured out that she meant they were going to have a baby, and that this was very, very good news, her next words made his blood run cold.

"And I'm going to marry Richard."

God, she hadn't meant to say it like that.  She had spent the whole day trying to figure out how to tell him.  She had been prepared for him to panic when she told him about the baby.  She had even wistfully told herself that she should be prepared for a possible spur of the moment proposal – after all, wasn't pregnancy his number one reason to get married?  Which was strange if he didn't believe in marriage…  But it hadn't occurred to her that he would sit there in absolute silence, shock written all across his face. She had expected…well, something.  For him to be Chandler, for goodness sake!  So, when he didn't panic, she did. 

She winced at the look on his face and for a moment, she wished she could take the words back.  This wasn't how she had wanted to tell him.  She had wanted to explain how she felt, and all of her reasons for accepting Richard's proposal, and at least try to make him understand why she had to.  But she had done none of those things, and now she sat watching him as his shocked, pain-filled eyes slowly turned angry and he jumped off the couch. 

"You're going to marry HIM?  How could you??  WHY would you?"

Monica stared at his red face.  He was positively seething.  But then his gaze shifted to her stomach, and his face went pale. 

"Oh my God."

"Chandler, sit down, please.  We need to talk about-"

"You cheated on me." 

"What?!"

 "For two months, Monica?  How long was it before that?  The whole time we've been together?  Huh?"

"Chandler, what are-"

"How could you do this to me?  How could…"  He stopped and glanced at her abdomen again.  "God, Monica, I loved you!  I was going to…"  He trailed off and closed his eyes in an effort to hide his tears.  He didn't want her to know how deeply hurt he really was.

"Chandler, please!  Let me explain."

"What is there to explain, Mon?  You got knocked up, and now you're going to marry the bastard.  I can't believe I actually thought…Ugh, I hope you and that…that old TREE are both perfectly miserable for the rest of your lives."

Monica stared at him, his words finally sinking in.  He thought the baby was Richard's.  Oh, god, of course he would.  Why would he think anything else, after the way she had announced it?  She had completely screwed up.  She tried to find her voice, hoping she could make him listen long enough to make him understand that he was the father – that she had never… but the words refused to cooperate.  Just as she managed to whisper his name, the door slammed behind him, and he was gone.

Chandler had no idea how long he'd been walking.  It felt like years, and all he knew was that he wanted to get as far away from Monica Geller as he could.  But when he finally looked up, he realized that he must have been walking in circles, because he was only a block or two from his apartment building.  He stood in the middle of the sidewalk, wondering what he should do next.  He certainly couldn't go back to his apartment – Monica was there, and nothing in the world could make him go anywhere near her at the moment.  He couldn't go to their friends…he just wasn't in the mood for questions, and there was always the tiny chance that Monica might be out looking for him…though he really couldn't think of a good reason why she would be. 

He saw the bright window of Central Perk, and ducked inside before he could convince himself not to.  He noted with relief that none of his friends were sitting on the couch.  He ordered coffee and sat down at a table in the back, suddenly realizing that he was so cold he was shaking.  He should have grabbed a jacket as he stormed out.  He sipped the warm liquid, shutting his eyes tightly as if he could block out the words and images that were flying through his mind.   

Monica…his Monica…and Richard.  It was the cruelest joke that had ever been played.  Three hours ago, his life was perfect.  He was in love with the most wonderful woman in the world, and he was going to put a ring on her finger that very night.  And now…now all of that was a memory.  How can reality turn into a memory without warning?  She changed his life and took away everything that had ever mattered…in less than a minute and with only five words.

I'm going to marry Richard.

            Chandler wasn't sure what hurt worse – knowing that she was no longer his, or knowing that she was going to have another man's child.  That baby…he had only thought it was his child for a moment, hardly more than a heartbeat, but his heart had still shattered when he realized that it must be…it HAD to be…Richard's.  Chandler had been planning the rest of their lives together, and she had been…

            Chandler buried his head in his arm, hoping that no curious onlookers would realize that he was crying.  It was a lie.  Everything he had believed in, everything that had been important to him, it was all a lie.  And he had bought into it, with all of his heart.  He should have known better.  He had spent his whole life trying to protect himself from this.  But with her, he had let his guard down, and he had let himself fall truly, completely in love.  Monica had been his best friend…forever, it seemed.  She knew him better than anyone else ever had.  So he had trusted her.  Completely.  He never dreamed she would be capable of breaking his heart like this.  Worst of all, she had done it knowingly. 

            He stood up abruptly and fumbled in his pocket for some change for the coffee.  Tears were streaming unchecked down his face, but he no longer cared who noticed, or what they would think.  He sprinted towards the door and opened it, running straight into Joey and Rachel.  Yes, he should have expected that.

            "Chandler!  Honey, what's wrong?"

            Chandler looked into Rachel's worried eyes and stumbled backwards.  Joey caught his arm, and shook him slightly.  Chandler snapped out of his daze and looked at his friends.  It was obvious they didn't have a clue.  He thought distractedly that he would at least have the "pleasure" of breaking Monica's news to their friends, but it didn't bring him much comfort.  He looked from one to another, and leaned against the back of the couch, realizing that his hands were still shaking.

            "Monica…she's pregnant."

            Strange that he would share that news first.  It was almost as if he was trying to inflict more pain on himself, because they immediately began to congratulate him, obviously thinking that he had simply flipped out when Monica told him the news.

            "No…no.  It's not…She's going to marry Richard."

            He watched Rachel take a step backwards, and Joey's hopeful face fall.  Well, it was obvious at least that neither of them knew about Monica's secret affair.  It had only just occurred to him that they might.   Chandler sank wearily onto the couch, feeling the very last of his strength fade away as his own words hit home and he broke down completely. 

Against All Odds

How can I just let you walk away

Just let you leave without a trace

When I stand here taking every breath with you.

You're the only one who really knew me at all.

How can you just walk away from me

When all I can do is watch you leave

'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain,

And even shared the tears.

You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now

'Cause there's just an empty space

There's nothing left here to remind me

Just the memory of your face

So take a look at me now

There's just an empty space

And you coming back to me is against the odds

And that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around

Turn around and see me cry

There's so much I need to say to you

So many reasons why

You're the only one who really knew me at all…

So take a look at me now

There's just an empty space

There's nothing left here to remind me,

Just the memory of your face

So take a look at me now

So there's just an empty space

But to wait for you is all I can do

And that's what I've got to face

So take a look at me now

Cause I'm just standing here

And you coming back to me

Is against all odds,

And that's a chance I've gotta take

Take a look at me now.

Take a look at me now.

AN:  You might notice that I've renamed all of the chapters to songs…If I get motivated enough, I'll put the lyrics on all of the chapters, but if I don't… "Of Course I'm Alright" is by Alabama, "I'm Not Supposed To Love You" is by Bryan White, "You Were Mine" is by the Dixie Chicks, "When She Wakes Up" is by Tim McGraw, although the chapter title is actually When HE Wakes Up, and "Against All Odds" is by Phil Collins. I own none of them.   Some fit better than others, but…It's the best I can do for now.  (This one was a bit of a stretch, btw.)

To Be Continued…