Chapter Five
Back in her room, Chloe sits down on her bed with Sugar in her lap and the incriminating tape in her hands. She got up and stuck it in her VCR. "I just need to see this so I can stop thinking about it. Besides, if it's only what Philip told me it was then I don't need to worry about it ruining our chances together." Sugar looked up at Chloe and barked, seeming to be in agreement.
The tape started to play and after a few minutes Chloe began to get a little uneasy about where things were going. It didn't take too much longer for her to realize the night wasn't quite as innocent as Philip lead her to believe. There on the screen was a Cynthia doing a strip tease and lap dance for Philip. What made Chloe furious was that Philip wasn't making a very strong attempt to get her to stop.
Chloe watched a few minutes longer, each second feeling her future with Philip slip further and further away. Tears welled up in her eyes. "How could you say you loved me and do anything like this with her!" she yelled at the cheating Philip on the tape. Angrily she turned it off and threw the tape in the trash can.
Angrily she picked up the phone to call Philip. He barely said hello before she yelled, "If you wanted Cynthia so much you are free to go as far as you want with her. It's over between us - for good this time!" She hung up before Philip could say anything.
Philip just stared at the phone.
"What's wrong?" asked Belle. She hadn't wanted to go home yet so they had gone through the drive through for milkshakes and were now sitting in Philip's car at the park.
"I think Chloe's seen the tape. I begged her not to. What am I going to do now, Belle?"
"Oh Philip, I'm so sorry." Belle leaned over to hug Philip.
"It's really over this time. I know it. I can never get Chloe to trust me again. Not after this. I was so stupid! Why did I even go over to Cynthia's house that night. It wasn't what I wanted. Chloe was who I wanted to be with now I've ruined everything for us." Philip look at Belle and saw tears in her eyes. "Oh, Belle. I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this right now."
"No that's O.K. Philip. I want to help you just like you've been helping me. It's not been a good week for love, huh?" she said trying to smile but not succeeding.
"No, I guess not. Well, at least we have each other." Philip reached for Belle's hand.
"True. And I wouldn't trade you for anyone." Belle squeezed his hand. "Well, we can go through this together. My mom has a saying for that. A hurt shared is a hurt lessened. I know it sounds corny but it's true. I feel a little better knowing that you know what I'm going through. I don't know how I would get through this without you."
"Me too Belle." The two held each other close for a few minutes.
"Well, by now I'm sure Brady has filled in my parents on everything. I wonder how my dad's taking it. If Brady's reaction is anything to go by, Dad's going to be furious with Shawn. I almost feel sorry Shawn - almost. The rest of me feels he deserves everything he gets."
"With your dad and Brady around it sounds like you don't really need me."
"Don't be silly Philip. I need everyone's support I can get. This is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. Dad and Brady beating Shawn up won't make it go away. I'm afraid I'll never feel like I did before. I was so naive about everything. How could I have been so stupid to think that nothing was going on between Shawn and Jan."
"You weren't stupid Belle. You trusted Shawn - you had no reason not to. I didn't think Shawn would do something like this either. I still can't believe it happened. I would never have expected Shawn to cheat on anyone, especially you. I still wish I knew what really happened."
"Well, I don't. Shawn told me that he's the father and he doesn't lie. Philip I think I need to go home now."
"Sure Belle, anything you want." Philip started the car.
Chapter Six
(The Brady home. One week later.)
The Bradys were all sitting down to breakfast. As they ate the were talking about their plans or the day, what to have for dinner that night and other mundane family matters. Jan looked around the table. "I can't believe there are actually families who do this - sit down to a meal around a table and actually talk to each other," Jan thought to herself. She could almost count on one hand the times she and her family had sit down dinners, all before her parents divorced. She couldn't remember one time when dinner conversation didn't end in a fight between her parents. Since she had been staying with the Bradys they had breakfast together like this every day. "I wish I had grown up in a family like this," she said to herself.
"Did you say something, Jan?" Hope asked.
"Just talking to myself. Nothing important."
"So you two have any plans today?"
"Jan's got a doctor's appointment this morning but I'm sure we'll be back right afterwards," Shawn replied.
"Don't you want to stop at .Com or someplace before coming home?"
"Why? Are you trying to get rid of us or something?"
"No honey, nothing like that. It's just you have barely stepped outside since Jan move in here and with Spring Break almost over I thought you'd want to get out a little more before starting school up again."
"Well, we've sort of had other things going on, Mom." Shawn answered. "Besides, the couple times I have been out I've had threats made against my life. I don't think it's safe for me out in the open right now." Shawn was trying to make light of both Brady and then Jason coming after him for what they thought he had done. Even Philip had some choice words for him about hurting Belle so badly. He had disappointed and upset everyone who was important to him and he knew he deserved everything everyone said or did to him. Still he hated having everyone think that he would cheat on any girl he was dating, let alone the one he had loved basically all his life.
"Well, son, that's the price you have to pay for your actions," Bo said.
"I know, dad. I know."
Hope didn't want to get into all this again this morning and changed the subject. "I need to take J.T. in for his check-up this morning and then I was thinking I'd head over to Gran's so she can visit with her great-grandson. And speaking of the appointment I need to get going."
"Don't worry about the dishes Mrs. Brady," said Jan. "I'll take care of them."
"Thank-you, Jan. Well, if you all will excuse us, J.T. and I need to finish getting ready."
"Yeah, and I need to get to work." Bo said getting up from the table. " I told Roman I'd cover his shifts while he was in Vagas for Sami and Austin's wedding. I'll see you all late tonight." Bo kissed J.T. and Hope and head out the door as Hope disappeared up the stairs with the baby.
"Well, let's get started on these dishes," Shawn said gathering up some plates from the table and headed into the kitchen.
Jan stood up and copies Shawn's actions. She thought again about what it would have been like to grow up in a family where you knew you were loved no matter what you did. Jan could tell easily that Shawn's parents were really disappointed with him but she could also see the love they had for him. She felt it from them every time they looked at their son.
Just then she had a flash of a little girl sitting in her father's lap and her mother sitting on the couch next to them. She was reading a book to her father called Stand Back Said The Elephant, I'm Going to Sneeze. She had just finished the book and was looking up at him anxious for his response. "That was great, Jan," her father replied. "I'm so proud of you. honey," her mother chimed in. "How many other four years olds could read that book." Jan looked from one of her parents to the other. As Jan remembered the look on their faces she realized it was the same way Shawn's parents look at him. What happened to them?
"Earth to Jan!" Shawn called over to her while he was filling the sink with soapy water.
"Huh?"
"You looked a million miles away."
"No, only a few years ago," she mumbled.
"What did you say?"
"Oh, nothing. What did you want?"
"Did you want to wash or dry?"
"Oh, what ever one you want. It really doesn't matter to me."
Shawn gave wondered about the tone in her voice but didn't comment on it.
"I'll guess I'll wash then." He grabbed the wash rag and started on the dishes.
Chapter Seven
An hour later they were sitting in the waiting room at University Hospital waiting for Dr. Colin Murphy who had done the ultra sound on Jan a few weeks before.
"Jan Spears," the nurse called from the open door.
Jan and Shawn got up and headed through the door. The nurse took Jan vitals and then gave Jan instructions to take everything off and handed her a gown to put on.
"I'll wait outside while you change." Shawn said and followed the nurse out of the room.
"Thanks, Shawn."
A few minutes later Jan opened the door. "You can come back in now."
After about 30 minutes Dr. Murphy knocked and came in the exam room. "Sorry, I got caught up in a trauma that came into the ER."
"That's O.K. We understand." Jan said.
Looking at her chart Dr. Murphy said, "Well your blood pressure and everything looks good. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to come back to see me."
"Well, I am only getting through this because of Shawn. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been a great friend."
"I'm glad you have someone to help you through this. It's not easy to have a baby on your own. I know women can do it but, especially at your age, I'm glad you have help."
"I promised I'd be here for her and I don't go back on my promises, " Shawn said.
"You a good friend, Shawn," said Dr. Murphy before beginning the exam. "I wouldn't expect anything less from a Brady." Smiling at his newly found cousin. Shawn scoffed at the remark and there was an expression on his face that Colin didn't quite understand. He let it go and began to examine Jan.
Shawn stood off to the side thinking he sure was bringing glory to the name Brady. "I guess Grandpa Shawn hasn't filled you in on everything yet, Colin," he thought to himself. His parents had filled in his grandparents about what he had done for which he was extremely grateful. It had taken everything in him just to be able to tell his parents ... and Belle. He didn't think he could handle telling anyone else and see the look of disappointment on their faces - especially Shawn Brady and Doug Williams, the two grandfathers he was named after.
And then there was Gran. He hadn't been by to see her since she had been told. He knew out of everyone she would be the most understanding but that didn't help make it any easier to look in her eyes and see the same disappointment he saw in his parents eyes. He couldn't wait until this was all over so he could finally tell everyone the truth. Especially Belle.
"O.K. Jan. You can get dressed right now and I'll meet you in my office to discuss follow up appointments." Dr. Murphy said as he walked out the door.
"I'll wait outside for you." Shawn said and followed his cousin out the door.
"Shawn, can I talk to you before Jan gets here?" Dr. Murphy asked.
"Yeah, sure. What about?"
Mr. Murphy opened the door to his office. He motioned at the two chairs in front of his desk while closing the door. Shawn sat down while Colin began speaking. "I heard from Uncle Shawn that you are the father of Jan's baby," he said as he sat down in his chair behind the desk
"So he did tell you. I knew my parents talk to Grandma and Grandpa, I just didn't know who else in the family knew yet."
"Yes, well my question is why are you lying about this?"
"What?!"
"Shawn, remember when you first brought Jan in and I examined her? I could tell from the bruises she had and other evidence that she had been raped. I know she denied it but it was pretty obvious that she was really scared and upset. The way she was clinging to you I know you weren't the one who did that to her. Why are you claiming responsibility for this child?"
"Because I am responsible for this child! If it wasn't for me the guy who did this to her wouldn't have been on that island and everything would have been fine for everyone! Jan wouldn't be pregnant now and Belle and I would still be together!"
Shawn couldn't believe he had told the truth and broken his promise to Jan after having kept it for so long. He should have protested more and insisted he was the father like he had with everyone else but it just came out. With Colin already knowing the truth about the rape he couldn't keep the act up any longer.
"Shawn, it is commendable that you are willing to help your friend out like this but Jan needs more help than you can give. She needs to see a professional counselor and work through her feelings about this trauma she endured. She will never be able to heal from the emotional scars until she faces the truth. Telling people that you are the father and allowing Jan to pretend the rape didn't happen will not be good for anyone, most of all Jan."
"I know that. I tried to get her to see a counselor after we got back form Puerto Rico. She went once but didn't want to go back. She was going to get an abortion and I couldn't let her do that. Not after seeing her baby during the ultrasound. How that baby was conceived was horrible but should that child be punished because of it's father? Anyway, Jan agreed not to have the abortion if I agreed to be the father. It seems like such a great idea at the time. I'm still glad she didn't have the abortion, but I've made a promise to her. I can't go back on it now."
There came a knock at the door.
"Come in," called Colin.
"Am I interrupting anything?" Jan asked as she entered the office and sat down in the chair next to Shawn.
"No, of course not. We were just discussing family things." Colin answered.
"You are related to Shawn. Well, that's not much of a surprise since nearly everyone in this town is somehow related to nearly everyone else. Well, it seems like that at times. Do you mind if I ask how you are related?"
"Colin is my Grandpa Shawn's nephew." Shawn replied.
"So that makes you cousins once removed or something like that?"
"Something like that," Colin said. "I never really understood all that 'once removed' stuff. Let's just say we're cousins and leave it at that. Anyway, I wanted to discuss the results of the exam with you. The baby looks fine and appears to be about 25 weeks along. Now I'm not an obstetrician so I think it's time for you to begin to see one on a regular basis - monthly for now and weekly towards the end of the pregnancy. If you don't have a regular OB-GYN then I can recommend that you see an OB on staff here at the hospital."
"THere isn't anyway I could keep coming to you. I hate to have to start all over with another doctor." Jan said.
"Like I said I'm not an OB - I can handle emergencies and I agreed to examine you again because I had treated you earlier and knew a little of your history. However, if you want to do what is best for this child then you should really see a doctor who is more qualified than I am."
"O.K. I want to do whatever I need to keep this baby healthy."
"That's a great attitude, Jan. Wait here and I'll see about getting you an appointment with an OB here. I'll be right back."
When Dr. Murphy had left Jan looked at Shawn. "All you all right? You haven't said much since I came in."
"Sure I'm fine. I was just thinking that's all."
"Oh? What about?"
"Just everything that's been going on with the baby. Have you thought about what you're going to do after it's born?"
"Well, no not really. I've just really been trying to get through this part right now. Besides we have plenty of time to plan for our baby."
"But Jan it's not OUR baby. It's your baby, yours and P-"
"DON'T say that name to me. I just want to forget he ever existed. He is not the father of this baby!"
"But Jan you can't just pretend this didn't happen to you. If you want to keep the baby after it's born I'll help you in anyway I can, but if you are going to raise this child you need to deal with how it was conceived, now, before it's born. Just pretending it didn't happen is not the way to get through it. I know that you want to be a good mother to this baby but if you haven't completely healed from this attack then you won't be able to completely love your baby or anyone else in the future."
"You want to tell everyone you aren't the father don't you! That's why your pushing me to talk about it! You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone and now you want me to tell everyone. You want me to shout to the whole world 'Jan Spears was so stupid. She thought she could be a movie star so she listened to a creep old enough to be her father and let him grab her and tear her clothes and then get her pregnant. And of course she deserved everything she got. She dresses like a slut and talks like a slut so she must be a slut!' No one would ever believe me if I told them I was a virgin before Paul raped me and got me pregnant. It's all my own fault. Even my mother wouldn't think I was stupid and naive enough to believe what that bastard said to me to get me alone in his hut so he could do that to me!"
"Jan, honey, no one would ever blame you or say it was fault," came a soft voice from the open door.
Jan and Shawn turned to see Dr. Marlena Evans standing in the doorway.
Back in her room, Chloe sits down on her bed with Sugar in her lap and the incriminating tape in her hands. She got up and stuck it in her VCR. "I just need to see this so I can stop thinking about it. Besides, if it's only what Philip told me it was then I don't need to worry about it ruining our chances together." Sugar looked up at Chloe and barked, seeming to be in agreement.
The tape started to play and after a few minutes Chloe began to get a little uneasy about where things were going. It didn't take too much longer for her to realize the night wasn't quite as innocent as Philip lead her to believe. There on the screen was a Cynthia doing a strip tease and lap dance for Philip. What made Chloe furious was that Philip wasn't making a very strong attempt to get her to stop.
Chloe watched a few minutes longer, each second feeling her future with Philip slip further and further away. Tears welled up in her eyes. "How could you say you loved me and do anything like this with her!" she yelled at the cheating Philip on the tape. Angrily she turned it off and threw the tape in the trash can.
Angrily she picked up the phone to call Philip. He barely said hello before she yelled, "If you wanted Cynthia so much you are free to go as far as you want with her. It's over between us - for good this time!" She hung up before Philip could say anything.
Philip just stared at the phone.
"What's wrong?" asked Belle. She hadn't wanted to go home yet so they had gone through the drive through for milkshakes and were now sitting in Philip's car at the park.
"I think Chloe's seen the tape. I begged her not to. What am I going to do now, Belle?"
"Oh Philip, I'm so sorry." Belle leaned over to hug Philip.
"It's really over this time. I know it. I can never get Chloe to trust me again. Not after this. I was so stupid! Why did I even go over to Cynthia's house that night. It wasn't what I wanted. Chloe was who I wanted to be with now I've ruined everything for us." Philip look at Belle and saw tears in her eyes. "Oh, Belle. I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this right now."
"No that's O.K. Philip. I want to help you just like you've been helping me. It's not been a good week for love, huh?" she said trying to smile but not succeeding.
"No, I guess not. Well, at least we have each other." Philip reached for Belle's hand.
"True. And I wouldn't trade you for anyone." Belle squeezed his hand. "Well, we can go through this together. My mom has a saying for that. A hurt shared is a hurt lessened. I know it sounds corny but it's true. I feel a little better knowing that you know what I'm going through. I don't know how I would get through this without you."
"Me too Belle." The two held each other close for a few minutes.
"Well, by now I'm sure Brady has filled in my parents on everything. I wonder how my dad's taking it. If Brady's reaction is anything to go by, Dad's going to be furious with Shawn. I almost feel sorry Shawn - almost. The rest of me feels he deserves everything he gets."
"With your dad and Brady around it sounds like you don't really need me."
"Don't be silly Philip. I need everyone's support I can get. This is the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. Dad and Brady beating Shawn up won't make it go away. I'm afraid I'll never feel like I did before. I was so naive about everything. How could I have been so stupid to think that nothing was going on between Shawn and Jan."
"You weren't stupid Belle. You trusted Shawn - you had no reason not to. I didn't think Shawn would do something like this either. I still can't believe it happened. I would never have expected Shawn to cheat on anyone, especially you. I still wish I knew what really happened."
"Well, I don't. Shawn told me that he's the father and he doesn't lie. Philip I think I need to go home now."
"Sure Belle, anything you want." Philip started the car.
Chapter Six
(The Brady home. One week later.)
The Bradys were all sitting down to breakfast. As they ate the were talking about their plans or the day, what to have for dinner that night and other mundane family matters. Jan looked around the table. "I can't believe there are actually families who do this - sit down to a meal around a table and actually talk to each other," Jan thought to herself. She could almost count on one hand the times she and her family had sit down dinners, all before her parents divorced. She couldn't remember one time when dinner conversation didn't end in a fight between her parents. Since she had been staying with the Bradys they had breakfast together like this every day. "I wish I had grown up in a family like this," she said to herself.
"Did you say something, Jan?" Hope asked.
"Just talking to myself. Nothing important."
"So you two have any plans today?"
"Jan's got a doctor's appointment this morning but I'm sure we'll be back right afterwards," Shawn replied.
"Don't you want to stop at .Com or someplace before coming home?"
"Why? Are you trying to get rid of us or something?"
"No honey, nothing like that. It's just you have barely stepped outside since Jan move in here and with Spring Break almost over I thought you'd want to get out a little more before starting school up again."
"Well, we've sort of had other things going on, Mom." Shawn answered. "Besides, the couple times I have been out I've had threats made against my life. I don't think it's safe for me out in the open right now." Shawn was trying to make light of both Brady and then Jason coming after him for what they thought he had done. Even Philip had some choice words for him about hurting Belle so badly. He had disappointed and upset everyone who was important to him and he knew he deserved everything everyone said or did to him. Still he hated having everyone think that he would cheat on any girl he was dating, let alone the one he had loved basically all his life.
"Well, son, that's the price you have to pay for your actions," Bo said.
"I know, dad. I know."
Hope didn't want to get into all this again this morning and changed the subject. "I need to take J.T. in for his check-up this morning and then I was thinking I'd head over to Gran's so she can visit with her great-grandson. And speaking of the appointment I need to get going."
"Don't worry about the dishes Mrs. Brady," said Jan. "I'll take care of them."
"Thank-you, Jan. Well, if you all will excuse us, J.T. and I need to finish getting ready."
"Yeah, and I need to get to work." Bo said getting up from the table. " I told Roman I'd cover his shifts while he was in Vagas for Sami and Austin's wedding. I'll see you all late tonight." Bo kissed J.T. and Hope and head out the door as Hope disappeared up the stairs with the baby.
"Well, let's get started on these dishes," Shawn said gathering up some plates from the table and headed into the kitchen.
Jan stood up and copies Shawn's actions. She thought again about what it would have been like to grow up in a family where you knew you were loved no matter what you did. Jan could tell easily that Shawn's parents were really disappointed with him but she could also see the love they had for him. She felt it from them every time they looked at their son.
Just then she had a flash of a little girl sitting in her father's lap and her mother sitting on the couch next to them. She was reading a book to her father called Stand Back Said The Elephant, I'm Going to Sneeze. She had just finished the book and was looking up at him anxious for his response. "That was great, Jan," her father replied. "I'm so proud of you. honey," her mother chimed in. "How many other four years olds could read that book." Jan looked from one of her parents to the other. As Jan remembered the look on their faces she realized it was the same way Shawn's parents look at him. What happened to them?
"Earth to Jan!" Shawn called over to her while he was filling the sink with soapy water.
"Huh?"
"You looked a million miles away."
"No, only a few years ago," she mumbled.
"What did you say?"
"Oh, nothing. What did you want?"
"Did you want to wash or dry?"
"Oh, what ever one you want. It really doesn't matter to me."
Shawn gave wondered about the tone in her voice but didn't comment on it.
"I'll guess I'll wash then." He grabbed the wash rag and started on the dishes.
Chapter Seven
An hour later they were sitting in the waiting room at University Hospital waiting for Dr. Colin Murphy who had done the ultra sound on Jan a few weeks before.
"Jan Spears," the nurse called from the open door.
Jan and Shawn got up and headed through the door. The nurse took Jan vitals and then gave Jan instructions to take everything off and handed her a gown to put on.
"I'll wait outside while you change." Shawn said and followed the nurse out of the room.
"Thanks, Shawn."
A few minutes later Jan opened the door. "You can come back in now."
After about 30 minutes Dr. Murphy knocked and came in the exam room. "Sorry, I got caught up in a trauma that came into the ER."
"That's O.K. We understand." Jan said.
Looking at her chart Dr. Murphy said, "Well your blood pressure and everything looks good. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to come back to see me."
"Well, I am only getting through this because of Shawn. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been a great friend."
"I'm glad you have someone to help you through this. It's not easy to have a baby on your own. I know women can do it but, especially at your age, I'm glad you have help."
"I promised I'd be here for her and I don't go back on my promises, " Shawn said.
"You a good friend, Shawn," said Dr. Murphy before beginning the exam. "I wouldn't expect anything less from a Brady." Smiling at his newly found cousin. Shawn scoffed at the remark and there was an expression on his face that Colin didn't quite understand. He let it go and began to examine Jan.
Shawn stood off to the side thinking he sure was bringing glory to the name Brady. "I guess Grandpa Shawn hasn't filled you in on everything yet, Colin," he thought to himself. His parents had filled in his grandparents about what he had done for which he was extremely grateful. It had taken everything in him just to be able to tell his parents ... and Belle. He didn't think he could handle telling anyone else and see the look of disappointment on their faces - especially Shawn Brady and Doug Williams, the two grandfathers he was named after.
And then there was Gran. He hadn't been by to see her since she had been told. He knew out of everyone she would be the most understanding but that didn't help make it any easier to look in her eyes and see the same disappointment he saw in his parents eyes. He couldn't wait until this was all over so he could finally tell everyone the truth. Especially Belle.
"O.K. Jan. You can get dressed right now and I'll meet you in my office to discuss follow up appointments." Dr. Murphy said as he walked out the door.
"I'll wait outside for you." Shawn said and followed his cousin out the door.
"Shawn, can I talk to you before Jan gets here?" Dr. Murphy asked.
"Yeah, sure. What about?"
Mr. Murphy opened the door to his office. He motioned at the two chairs in front of his desk while closing the door. Shawn sat down while Colin began speaking. "I heard from Uncle Shawn that you are the father of Jan's baby," he said as he sat down in his chair behind the desk
"So he did tell you. I knew my parents talk to Grandma and Grandpa, I just didn't know who else in the family knew yet."
"Yes, well my question is why are you lying about this?"
"What?!"
"Shawn, remember when you first brought Jan in and I examined her? I could tell from the bruises she had and other evidence that she had been raped. I know she denied it but it was pretty obvious that she was really scared and upset. The way she was clinging to you I know you weren't the one who did that to her. Why are you claiming responsibility for this child?"
"Because I am responsible for this child! If it wasn't for me the guy who did this to her wouldn't have been on that island and everything would have been fine for everyone! Jan wouldn't be pregnant now and Belle and I would still be together!"
Shawn couldn't believe he had told the truth and broken his promise to Jan after having kept it for so long. He should have protested more and insisted he was the father like he had with everyone else but it just came out. With Colin already knowing the truth about the rape he couldn't keep the act up any longer.
"Shawn, it is commendable that you are willing to help your friend out like this but Jan needs more help than you can give. She needs to see a professional counselor and work through her feelings about this trauma she endured. She will never be able to heal from the emotional scars until she faces the truth. Telling people that you are the father and allowing Jan to pretend the rape didn't happen will not be good for anyone, most of all Jan."
"I know that. I tried to get her to see a counselor after we got back form Puerto Rico. She went once but didn't want to go back. She was going to get an abortion and I couldn't let her do that. Not after seeing her baby during the ultrasound. How that baby was conceived was horrible but should that child be punished because of it's father? Anyway, Jan agreed not to have the abortion if I agreed to be the father. It seems like such a great idea at the time. I'm still glad she didn't have the abortion, but I've made a promise to her. I can't go back on it now."
There came a knock at the door.
"Come in," called Colin.
"Am I interrupting anything?" Jan asked as she entered the office and sat down in the chair next to Shawn.
"No, of course not. We were just discussing family things." Colin answered.
"You are related to Shawn. Well, that's not much of a surprise since nearly everyone in this town is somehow related to nearly everyone else. Well, it seems like that at times. Do you mind if I ask how you are related?"
"Colin is my Grandpa Shawn's nephew." Shawn replied.
"So that makes you cousins once removed or something like that?"
"Something like that," Colin said. "I never really understood all that 'once removed' stuff. Let's just say we're cousins and leave it at that. Anyway, I wanted to discuss the results of the exam with you. The baby looks fine and appears to be about 25 weeks along. Now I'm not an obstetrician so I think it's time for you to begin to see one on a regular basis - monthly for now and weekly towards the end of the pregnancy. If you don't have a regular OB-GYN then I can recommend that you see an OB on staff here at the hospital."
"THere isn't anyway I could keep coming to you. I hate to have to start all over with another doctor." Jan said.
"Like I said I'm not an OB - I can handle emergencies and I agreed to examine you again because I had treated you earlier and knew a little of your history. However, if you want to do what is best for this child then you should really see a doctor who is more qualified than I am."
"O.K. I want to do whatever I need to keep this baby healthy."
"That's a great attitude, Jan. Wait here and I'll see about getting you an appointment with an OB here. I'll be right back."
When Dr. Murphy had left Jan looked at Shawn. "All you all right? You haven't said much since I came in."
"Sure I'm fine. I was just thinking that's all."
"Oh? What about?"
"Just everything that's been going on with the baby. Have you thought about what you're going to do after it's born?"
"Well, no not really. I've just really been trying to get through this part right now. Besides we have plenty of time to plan for our baby."
"But Jan it's not OUR baby. It's your baby, yours and P-"
"DON'T say that name to me. I just want to forget he ever existed. He is not the father of this baby!"
"But Jan you can't just pretend this didn't happen to you. If you want to keep the baby after it's born I'll help you in anyway I can, but if you are going to raise this child you need to deal with how it was conceived, now, before it's born. Just pretending it didn't happen is not the way to get through it. I know that you want to be a good mother to this baby but if you haven't completely healed from this attack then you won't be able to completely love your baby or anyone else in the future."
"You want to tell everyone you aren't the father don't you! That's why your pushing me to talk about it! You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone and now you want me to tell everyone. You want me to shout to the whole world 'Jan Spears was so stupid. She thought she could be a movie star so she listened to a creep old enough to be her father and let him grab her and tear her clothes and then get her pregnant. And of course she deserved everything she got. She dresses like a slut and talks like a slut so she must be a slut!' No one would ever believe me if I told them I was a virgin before Paul raped me and got me pregnant. It's all my own fault. Even my mother wouldn't think I was stupid and naive enough to believe what that bastard said to me to get me alone in his hut so he could do that to me!"
"Jan, honey, no one would ever blame you or say it was fault," came a soft voice from the open door.
Jan and Shawn turned to see Dr. Marlena Evans standing in the doorway.