"TOW The Past Isn't At Rest" – Chapter Thirteen
"I'm Not Gonna Do Anything Without You"
Well, this is really just a filler, but it takes us from one point to the next…So, I'm sorry if not much happens, but in a way, a WHOLE LOT happens!
A week or two later…
Chandler stared at the door, then raised his hand to knock – again. Before he could make contact, his arm fell of its own accord, leaving him staring at the door again. Disgusted with himself, he hesitated only briefly before willing himself to knock, twice. He heard nothing at first, so he tentatively leaned his head toward the door to listen. Just as his head was about to rest on the door, it swung open. He jumped back immediately, a little disoriented by the suddenness, and looked into Monica's eyes, which were sparkling with amusement.
"What are you doing?"
Chandler blushed deeply and stuffed his hands in his pockets, shrugging his shoulders nervously. "I was just…um, trying to see if you were home."
"Oh." Monica smiled at him, unable to keep herself from thinking how adorable he looked when he was embarrassed. "Well, I'm here. You can come in if you want…"
Chandler detected the warning note in her voice and started to panic.
"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, just…Well, come on in. We might as well get this over with."
Chandler followed her reluctantly, positive that Richard was waiting on the couch for them. But…surely Monica wouldn't be so casual about breaking his heart – again…would she?
He was so busy scanning the room for Monica's ex-fiancé that his eyes passed over Jack and Judy twice before he realized they were there. His sigh of relief was audible when he realized that the guests in question were Monica's parents rather than the "old tree", and he could feel Monica looking at him curiously.
Jack and Judy Geller were completely occupied with fussing over Emma and did not even look up until Monica cleared her throat. Chandler just stood there awkwardly as surprise registered on both of their faces. He had no idea what their reaction would be – he'd always had the feeling that they viewed him as the guy that got Monica pregnant and then took off. He really had no idea if Monica had told them the circumstances behind his departure and her engagement.
"Chandler…" Judy stood up slowly with Emma in her arms, looking confused. Chandler gave her a brief smile before his eyes met Emma's and matching grins spread across their faces. Emma reached one arm out to him with a mild but demanding shriek, and Chandler willingly obliged, quickly crossing the kitchen and taking Emma from Judy.
"Hi sweetie!" Chandler kissed his daughter and flashed a look of apprehension at Monica as he turned to her parents with a subdued smile. "Mr. Geller. Mrs. Geller."
Jack stood up then and reached out to shake Chandler's free hand. "Nonsense, son. You needn't be so formal. Call us Jack and Judy like you always have."
"Or Grandma and Grandpa," Judy added with a slight smile, still wondering what Chandler was doing in the apartment. A glance at Monica told Judy that her daughter wasn't upset by his presence, and that made the whole thing much more intriguing.
"Are you here to pick up Emma, Chandler? Jack and I were hoping to spend a little more time with her." Chandler could hear a tinge of disappointment in Judy's voice, and hurried to reassure her.
"No, no. I just stopped by to visit, that's all. I can leave…"
He ignored Jack and Judy's welcoming comments and looked at Monica, who was still standing silently in the kitchen. She shook her head slightly, and finally joined the rest of them in the living room, speaking in a quiet voice as she passed him.
"You don't need to leave." She held his gaze for an extra second, returning the smile he gave her, then sat down on the couch. Chandler sat down next to her with Emma on his lap, momentarily forgetting about the other two people in the room.
"You okay? You're kind of quiet."
Monica glanced pointedly at her mother – a look only Chandler saw – and gave him a weary smile.
"Fine. Promise."
She turned to her parents, deciding to answer their questions before her mother embarrassed everyone by asking an inappropriate one.
"Mom, Dad…you're probably wondering what Chandler is doing here – especially showing up unannounced – when the two of us have made it pretty obvious that we were not on the best of terms."
Judy nodded emphatically, her expression urging Monica to hurry on before she started asking questions on her own.
"Well…about a week ago – and this was after I'd already called off the wedding, by the way – "
"Thank God…" Jack interrupted in a low voice. Chandler looked at him quizzically, trying to interpret that comment. Jack, seeing his questioning look, just shrugged.
"Just imagine how you would feel if Emma was going to marry that actor that lives with Rachel."
Chandler glanced absentmindedly at Emma and then turned to Monica in horror as his mind processed that thought. Monica flushed deeply and shrugged.
"Dad never really got on board with the whole me and Richard thing."
"He's not the only one," Chandler responded bitterly, immediately regretting it when he saw the look – half pained and half pleading - that crossed her face. "Sorry. I'm sorry."
Monica shook her head, assuring him that it was fine, then paused and took a deep breath before she continued. "Well, to make a long story short, when Emma was sick last week and Chandler and I were talking care of her, we started talking about some things – things we'd never discussed – and it turned out that we both assumed…" Monica paused, trying to find the words to explain the situation to her parents. Jack decided to utilize the pause and nodded knowingly.
"You know what happens when you assume. It makes an -"
Monica rolled her eyes and cut in quickly. "Yes, Dad, we know. And it did. We were both wrong, and we know that were wrong. Everything that happened between us was a big, twisted mistake and now we've decided…"
"Are you getting married?"
Monica looked desperately to Chandler for help, and he jumped in quickly. He was glad that he had showed up in time to help Monica with this little session. His parents were certainly easier to deal with…which reminded him that he should probably call his mother and fill her in on recent events.
"No, no, we're not getting married."
Neither Jack nor Judy seemed to know whether to look relieved or disappointed. After a brief moment of silence, Judy looked at them expectantly.
"But you're back together?"
Chandler and Monica shared an uncomfortable glance and Monica spoke up.
"Noo…no exactly."
"Not exactly? What does that mean?"
"It means…No, we're not. We're just…friends."
Chandler looked at the floor, wondering why that sounded so insignificant. "Friends" was supposed to be a good thing, but somehow it just sounded trite.
"Friends? What does that mean?"
Chandler smiled slightly, amused by the irony. Judy thought they could answer that. Well, she was wrong.
Emma squirmed slightly before starting to wail, interrupting the tense moment and letting everyone know that though she was content on her father's lap, she wouldn't stand being bored – or hungry – for long.
Chandler glanced at Monica, relieved by the interruption. "Bottles?"
"No, I was going breastfeed her today since she's been on the bottle a lot lately."
Chandler nodded, knowing she was right. Now that he had been spending more time at the apartment, Emma had been taking more bottles – even when Monica was around – so that Chandler could help out. He loved the quiet time with her, and Monica welcomed a break from the frequent feedings.
Monica stood up with the baby in her arms and walked into Emma's bedroom, not so much embarrassed about breastfeeding in front of Chandler as she was about doing it in front of her father. Chandler was left alone – and uncomfortable – in the living room with Monica's parents. Silence reigned, but only momentarily.
"So, Chandler, why don't you want to marry our little Harmonica?"
"Still afraid of commitment, are you, Chandler?"
Chandler sighed and hoped Monica wouldn't take too long…
"Hey Joey."
Joey looked up from his plate of spaghetti and smiled at his friend.
"Hey. What's up?"
Chandler sank into one of the loungers and sighed deeply.
"I still knock on her door."
"What?" Joey asked, lost.
"Monica's door. I used to walk right in. But now…I knock."
"So?" Joey swallowed and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "I knock too."
That got Chandler's attention and he sat up a little straighter.
"You do? Why?"
Joey shrugged.
"I don't know…I just do."
"Does Rachel?"
Joey thought about that for a moment and shrugged again.
"Don't think so."
Chandler let that rest for a minute, wondering whether Joey would follow his thought process to the question he was about to ask.
"Joey… after I left… why didn't any of you tell Monica that I wanted to marry her?"
Joey looked at the floor. It was a question he had been expecting – in some shape or form – since Chandler and Monica had "made up". And though he had apologized to Monica, he still felt guilty about all the pain he had probably put her through, even if it had been out of loyalty to Chandler.
"Well – for starters, none of us knew if you wanted us to. We talked about it, actually – me and Rach and Phoebe – but we decided that it was best to just leave it alone. You have to remember that we didn't know Emma was yours back then either and…well, there didn't seem to be much reason to tell her."
"Okay, fair enough. But…why didn't you speak to her for months, when she was right across the hall, all alone?"
"Chandler, please don't be mad-"
"I'm not mad," Chandler cut in, shaking his head. "Trust me, Joey, I'm not. I know it was awkward for all of you, even if I wasn't here, and I appreciate your loyalty. I just want to know, is all."
"I felt horrible, Chandler. Especially when I passed her in the hallway and didn't know what to say. I mean…it was Monica. But…I thought the baby was Richard's, and every time I looked at her, I just saw the look on your face when you told us she was going to marry him. I couldn't help it. I told her I was sorry…"
"I know you did. And I appreciate that… Somehow, Monica's managing not to have hard feelings, but I…I just wanted to talk to you about it. To get it out in the open. The thought of her sitting across the hall - pregnant with no idea where the father is and without any friends on top of that - it just breaks my heart. And I feel so guilty, because it's all my fault."
"It's not your fault, Chandler. Like you said, you told us not to avoid her."
"But I left. I left her, and she was pregnant with my child and thinking that I didn't love her enough. She probably wondered if I would even want the baby…I was off feeling sorry for myself when she needed me."
Joey decided not to point out the obvious – that Monica hadn't been alone, she'd had Richard – and looked closely at his friend's face. He couldn't help but smile as he realized what this was really all about.
"It's killing you, isn't it?"
"Chandler looked up, startled by the question.
"What?"
"Monica…and you…and the whole "friends" thing. You can barely stand it."
Chandler looked up at Joey and nodded his head slowly.
"You're right. It's killing me. I keep wondering if I'm doing the same thing again – leaving her alone when she needs me the most. "
"Then why don't you just forget about being friends and just tell her you love her and want to be with her!" Joey grinned at the very thought of such a romantic moment between his friends. "Chandler, you two were made for each other. Why make yourself miserable by denying that?"
Chandler just shook his head.
"It's not that easy, Joey. We're just not the same. I mean, we get along fine – better than I would have expected given our recent history – but it's still… I don't know. It's hard to explain."
"You still knock on her door," Joey concluded for him, finally understanding the statement that had started the whole conversation.
"Yeah, exactly. We're not ready for more right now."
"Well…just give it some time. You'll get it back, Chandler. I know you will."
Chandler nodded and looked down at his hands. "I hope so. I don't want to lose her again…"
"You won't. You and Monica belong together."
Chandler nodded silently, desperately wanting to believe that. But he couldn't help thinking that if they were really meant to be…they wouldn't be in the situation they were in.
A few months later…
"Mr. Bing, your table is ready."
Chandler nodded his thanks and turned to follow the hostess, ushering Monica in front of him. It had become a weekly ritual over the months – Saturday night dinner with Monica and Emma. Monica usually cooked and they ate at her apartment, since it was difficult (to say the least) to go out with a six-month-old child, who could throw a tantrum at the drop of a hat. But Emma was usually very good, so they braved the restaurant scene from time to time, still avoiding the fancy places.
Chandler pulled out Monica's chair for her, then took Emma out of her arms and strapped her into the highchair that had been placed at their table. Emma pouted for just a moment, her eyes going first to Chandler and then to Monica in a silent plea for them to hold her. But when Chandler took his seat, she calmed down and busied herself with the little toys that Monica – always prepared – had brought along for her to play with. Monica smiled at her daughter, relieved that she seemed to be in the mood to behave.
"She must get her easy-going nature from her father. Mom says that Ross and I were both nightmares whenever they tried to take us out in public."
Chandler grinned. "Ross, a nightmare? I can't believe your mother actually said that."
Monica rolled her eyes. "Well, she also made sure to add that she was positive it was because I was always antagonizing him."
Chandler nodded and took a sip of his water. "That sounds more like your mother."
"So were you? An easy baby?"
Chandler looked at Emma, who was chewing on a set of rings and shifting her gaze between her parents as they spoke.
"I don't know, really. I guess I was – I've never been told otherwise."
"I'd think you would be…until you were old enough to start being sarcastic."
Chandler's eyes met hers over the table, and he smiled back.
"Well, just wait until Emma starts talking. Then you'll have two smart-aleck Bings to deal with."
Monica rolled her eyes. "Can't wait."
Chandler winked at her and picked up his menu. Monica followed his lead and began studying the entrees, her practiced eye already picking them apart. Chandler watched her eyes move down the page and laughed.
"You're looking for ideas for the restaurant, aren't you?"
Monica blushed and gave him a sheepish smile.
"You know me too well."
"Hey, don't stop on my account. I'm the one you practice on, so I'm certainly not going to try to discourage you from trying fantastic new dishes."
"I don't think Joey will complain if I make him the only 'tester', so if you want to keep eating, I'd just stop this conversation now."
"Oh, but I know you wouldn't-"
"Monica? Monica Geller?"
An all-too-masculine voice interrupted Chandler's retort. He turned around in his chair and spotted a blonde guy standing behind him just as Monica stood up to greet him.
"Oh my God, Will? What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in years!"
To Chandler's dismay, Monica hugged "Will" and allowed him to kiss her on the cheek.
"Wow, Will, you look great. You've really lost some weight!"
"You look great too. This isn't your daughter, is it?"
Monica beamed and led Will around the table to introduce him to Emma. (AN: This, of course, is Brad Pitt's character from TOW The Rumor. Let's just pretend she ran into him earlier than that Thanksgiving, 'kay? Okay.)
"Yes, this is my daughter Emma."
"Aw…she's adorable.
How old?"
"Almost seven months."
At this point, Chandler felt it necessary to make his presence known. He stood up, clearing his throat as he did, and held out his hand.
"I'm Chandler Bing."
"Nice to meet you, Chandler. I'm Will Culver."
"I'm the cute kid's father," Chandler said with a grin, hoping that would be enough to keep this guy at bay, without offering any complicated explanations. He saw Will glance quickly at Monica's left hand, and he had to stop himself from stepping forward and putting his arm around Monica's waist to stake his claim. Instead, he sat back down slowly and smiled reassuringly at Monica when she looked his way.
"So, how's Ross doing?" Will asked
Monica launched into a short version of Ross's life story and Chandler listened with one ear, sulking inside the whole time. He jumped to attention when he heard the conversation drawing to a close, and watched Will walk away after he and Monica exchanged phone numbers.
Monica sat back down just as the waiter came to take their orders. They were both silent for a few minutes after the waiter walked away, until Monica pushed her water glass to the side and rested her hands on the table.
"Will's a friend from high school. He graduated with Ross."
"Yeah?" Chandler tried his best to look interested, but he just didn't want to hear any more about "Will".
"Yeah. He actually used to be even bigger than I was, if you can believe it. He looks great now though, doesn't he?"
Chandler raised his eyes to hers, wondering if she was trying to get a reaction out of him.
"Just great."
"Maybe I should introduce him to Rachel."
Chandler blinked, startled by the change of direction.
"Ummm…you think he's her type?"
"I don't know. But it's a shame for him to be single."
Chandler watched her for a moment, as she took a sip of water then reached over to push Emma – who was leaning over in her seat looking at the floor – into a sitting up position.
"You're single, too."
Monica immediately shifted her gaze from Emma to Chandler, obviously surprised by the statement. He held her gaze, wondering how she was going to respond. They had never pushed this issue. Both had simply assumed by an unspoken agreement that they weren't going to date anyone else, but it had never been stated. It hadn't mattered before. But now, Chandler felt like he needed to see what her reaction was to the thought of it.
"I…I guess I am." Chandler was shocked to see Monica's eyes begin to fill with tears.
"What? Why are you crying?"
"I…I don't…" Monica paused and took a deep breath as she wiped her eyes. "I guess I don't think of myself as single. I…I'm just…waiting until I can be with you."
Chandler literally felt the whole world stop as Monica lifted her eyes and looked at him. The sadness lingering in her eyes made his heart ache. He just stared at her, feeling his heart pounding in his chest and thinking distractedly that he had been stupid to feel jealous for even a second. Joey was right. They belonged together.
"Oh, Monica…"
Monica averted her gaze and looked down at the table, dropping her hands into lap so she could play with the hem of the tablecloth, trying to decide if she should ask him if his statement had been a way of trying to tell her that he'd decided they shouldn't be together. Before she could gather the nerve, Chandler had moved his chair over so he was sitting next to her, and pulled her into his arms, pressing a kiss against her hair.
"If you want to think of it that way…then I'm not single either. I'm just waiting until I can be with you."
"Hey guys."
Chandler and Joey looked up as Rachel walked into the apartment with an armload of shopping bags.
"Hey Rach. Buy the store, did we?"
Rachel rolled her eyes.
"For your information, Chandler Bing, about half of this stuff is for your daughter."
"Oh…well, thanks Rachel! I love it when you go shopping." He turned to Joey and lowered his voice. "Hey, it saves me money."
"Not when I take Monica and she has your credit card," Rachel responded with an evil grin.
Chandler looked at her nervously. "But you didn't take Monica today, did you?"
Rachel just laughed as she took off her sweater.
"No. Hey, speaking of Monica, do you guys want to go out to eat or something tonight? It's been a long time since we've all gone out together."
Chandler shrugged. "I'm free. And I'm sure Monica can get her parents to watch Emma."
"Joey?"
"Sure. I don't have a date, so I won't pass up a
chance to go out with three gorgeous women."
"Great, I'll call Ross. Why don't you guys go over and ask Monica?"
Chandler and Joey both groaned as they lifted themselves out of their chairs. Chandler had been spending more and more time at Joey's now that he could look forward to running into Monica rather than being afraid of it, and the two friends had fallen into their old routine of doing absolutely nothing. Removing themselves from the chairs was sometimes almost a surgical procedure.
Chandler rolled his head around to loosen up his neck, and walked across the hall with Joey right behind him. He entered the apartment and looked around, seeing no sign of Monica.
"Mon? You here?"
"In Emma's room!"
Chandler ignored the odd look Joey was giving him and went into his daughter's room. Monica was cleaning while Emma played happily on the floor.
"Hey Chandler, Joey. What's up?"
Chandler got down on his knees and tickled Emma, grinning when she laughed and grabbed for him. He lifted her into his arms as he stood up and turned to Monica.
"Rachel wants to know if you want to go out to dinner – all six of us. Think your parents can watch Emma?"
Monica looked at her daughter and nodded.
"I'm sure they would love to. It's been a long time since we all went out together. Sounds like fun."
"Okay." Chandler smiled at her, happy that she was coming along. "Seven okay?"
"Perfect."
"Okay. I'll come over and get you."
Monica nodded with a smile, and watched Chandler blow Emma another kiss before he left with Joey in tow.
Out in the hallway, Chandler finally turned to Joey, slightly irritated.
"What are you smiling about?"
"Dude…you didn't knock."
Chandler stared at him, then turned around and looked at the door he had just closed behind him.
Joey was right. He hadn't knocked.
To Be Continued…
I'm Not Gonna Do Anything Without You
Mark Wills & Jamie O'Neal
I'm gonna make you a promise
Starting tonight
If I never do anything else
For the rest of my life
I'm gonna hold somebody
I'm gonna look in someone's eyes
'Til I'm so overcome that I cry
I'm gonna love somebody
More than anybody
Baby, there's so much I wanna do
But I'm not gonna do anything without you
There's no way I'll ever give up
There's no way I'll lose
If I have to sacrifice everything
Then that's what I'll do
I'm gonna hold somebody
I'm gonna look in someone's eyes
'Til I'm so overcome that I cry
I'm gonna love somebody
More than anybody
Baby, there's so much I wanna do
But I'm not gonna do anything without you
This is my dream I live and breathe
All I think about
This is the fire that burns in me
That will never go out
I'm gonna hold somebody
I'm gonna look in someone's eyes
'Til I'm so oversome that I cry
I'm gonna love somebody
More than anybody
Baby, there's so much I wanna do
But I'm not gonna do anything without you
Baby, there's so much I wanna do
But I'm not gonna do anything without you
I'm not gonna do anything without you
Anything without you