Part VI

~Estella~

The next few days Legolas helped me in Healing House. I could feel his gentleness and love toward me grew. I knew he didn't see me as his best friend anymore. Its deeper than friendship.

I thought I also fell to him. I never felt in love before. I always guard my heart from love. Love would only bring me more trouble. But now I really couldn't resist his love. He loved me for who I am, even though I often being annoying and harsh.

I was worry about Glorfindel too. I feared he hadn't change his mind about his proposal. If he asked mother for my hand, how could I refuse? If we got married while I loved Legolas, would it not bring more pain to everyone? This was the first time of my life I felt so afraid.

I tried to keep distance with Legolas and I shun from Glorfindel as well. But I know this couldn't last forever.

One day Lord Elrond summoned me to the Hall. To my surprised, Glorfindel was there. My fear grew more and more intense, I could very well guess what this was all about.

"Sit there, Estella" Lord Elrond pointed at the chair.

I sat on the chair he pointed to. It was next to Glorfindel's and I was very nervous. I looked down, avoided his eyes. His hand tried to touch mine, but I pulled it away and put them on my lap.

"I heard that you already knew about Glorfindel's intention to wed you, Estella."

"Yes, my Lord." I bowed my head. I didn't dare to look at his eyes, or Glorfindel's.

"I also knew, Erundome died. He didn't sail away."

Oops.. but how did he find out?

"Lady Galadriel told me, Estella." Glorfindel answered my silence question.

" I am very sorry I lied to you, my Lord. Please forgive me."

"We forgive you. Don't worry. We wont hold it against you." Glorfindel's eyes still on me, making me nervous although his voice soft and assuring.

"I want to ask for your hand in marriage, Estella. I want to go to Lothlorien with you to talk about this with your parents."

"You know I don't love you, my Lord." I still fixed my eyes at the marble floor as if it's the best piece of art I ever saw my whole life.

"Love will grows, Estella. Am I such a hard man to love?" he seemed to be desperate.

I couldn't speak. I really wanted to cry, to run. I couldn't imagine wed with someone I hardly know, and surely didn't love. I was always a free person. I was so afraid being bound to someone in marriage, losing my freedom, losing myself. I imagined my dreams as a healer shattered as I must fullfilled my duty as a wife to her husband. I felt the warmth of tears in my eyes. I suppressed my feelings. My pride would never allow anyone see me cry, especially Glorfindel. I held my tears and raised my chin. My eyes filled with determination not to show my fear or sorrow to any of them.

"I will leave this matter to my mother."

"You can go whenever you like, Glorfindel. I will release Estella from her duty in Healing House."

"Do you mind if we departed next week, Estella?" Glorfindel looked at me.

'As if my opinion matters to you.' I thought in anger. "No, my Lord."

"You may go now Estella. Prepare yourself for the journey."

I was very relieved because the talk is over. I walked out slowly. Its getting harder to suppress my feeling. I went to the stable and fetch Eryn. In the middle of the wood I climbed to a beech tree and sat.

'This is the tree I sat on when I fell and met Legolas for the first time.' I smiled as I remember how embarrassed I was being caught falling from a tree. Tears streaming down my cheeks while thoughts kept roaming wildly in my mind. 'I wonder if our friendship, and maybe our love, has any future. Perhaps we can still be best friend. But he loves me, it will hurt him dearly. Dear Eru, why I have to be born a female? If I am a male, I surely doesn't have to go through this mess. No one could decide for me to whom I shall be bethroted to.'

I let down my guard, didn't pay attention to my surroundings. I didn't notice someone or something was coming behind me.